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The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: Udûn (2022)
It just gets worse, someone deus ex machina this show please!
Where on earth do i begin? WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE A FORTIFIED TOWER TO END UP IN A VILLAGE IN THE COMPLETE OPEN. There was so much defensive tactics that could be done, like blowing up the bridge and being behind stone damn walls!!! And if they did get in, there was a great killing floor. Oh no, instead they go to a completely unprotected village. Why? Because screw your intelligence, thats why.
So the first wave arrives, and they set off that trap, fine, not a bad tactic, but immediately it all falls to stupidity. The writers honestly cannot write. When discount legolas gets into a big old tumble with big orc man, we're meant to believe the orc didnt come with any weapons? Really? And i called it straight up, single mum commander florist deux ex machinas her way to save the day.
Now they realise its a ruse by the orcs, why? The orcs could have steamrolled that place but oh no, we need to be stupid so the story can happen. The florist commander takes an arrow (thank god) but dont worry, she'll be walking around later.
Now the real orc army turn up and oh my jebus, they try to fortify an inn....errrr you left a FORTIFIED TOWER FOR A BUILDING MADE OF WOOD. Adar gets in and threatens them. Great, this is good. But oh no, now comes the biggest deus ex machina of the century. We're meant to believe the numanorrries just happen to turn up at the exact time that Adar gets the sword off bowl cut kid? And them steam rolls the orcs? Someone buy me a new face because the face palms have permanently damaged it.
Now pint sized galadriel goes galloping after Adar and definitely not sauron watches them leave but somehow overtakes them all to trip up adar's horse...really??
But oh here comes the kicker, no one noticed the sword has been replaced with an obviously completely different shaped axe and the sweaty barkeep turns the key that, get this, pours water over some lava. There is so much stupid in there that science just got knocked back 200 years.
So mount doom blew off and a pyroclastic flow billows over them with galadriel standing there in the open. She, along with everyone else, are now dead. Shows over. A wall of 800 degrees+ of air and rock flowing from an erupting volcano = absolute 100% death. No arguement about it. They're dead. Anyway, see you next episode where the writers obviously keep them alive because they dont have even a hint of scientific understanding.
The Grand Tour: The Grand Tour: A Scandi Flick (2022)
Good to see it back, but...
There is nothing better than being surprised to see a new episode of the grand tour. I've watched probably every episode of top gear/ grand tour since 2008. The specials are by far the best, who doesn't love the middle aged lads on tour? The issue is in recent episodes of the Grand Tour, everything seems so obviously scripted. They've done the whole "we've camped here for the night and in the morning we realised we had camped on a X" enough times to outstay its welcome, and in this episode they did it twice. I think to keep this show fresh, they need to make it more organic. There are flashes of truth, like May's crash (that looked nasty) but the rest was "clarkson does X, and this happens, now laugh please". I think the most organic episodes were the mongolia, argentina (TG) & Bolivia (TG). More of those the better. Still good, but losing its magic with scripted overkill.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: Partings (2022)
Nothing happens AGAIN!
I have already written this show off as a hack job, but I can't help but want to see how bad it gets. The issue is it's so bad, so boring, that Im floundering even doing that.
Please, for the love of god, fire these writers before season 2, you can still save this show!!!!!!!
Galadrial is unbelievably insufferable, she has no struggles what so ever, shes the best at everything, she can defeat every obstacle with absolute ease - this is terrible writing. Only high school kids would write a character that 1 dimensional. That fight they had was unbelievably cringe.
Why are the definitely not hobits always mentioning their feet? They never went on about it in the actual LotR. When they had an opportunity to have some great action, again deux ex machina- any writer that relies on such a troupe is not a writer, they are amateurs.
The legolas rip off guy should have kept his mouth shut as the guy cant act to save his life.
We all know who Sauron is, your efforts at subversion has failed.
THE SEA IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
Midnight Mass (2021)
Very good, but has been netflixed a bit
Overall, this show is good, great even at parts. The dialogue is well written, and so is the level of religious research that has gone into the script. Storyline & direction, also great, it gives a different perspective on the age old vampire tale. Trying to use for good rather than evil because of the belief it is an angel is a good premise. The acting also was great, especially the sermons.
The bad, however, is the fact they limited themselves to 7 episodes, this show could have spanned further and expanded the story to the mainland. It's a shame it rather abruptly ends after just one night, and also are you telling me none of the vampires could find a sheet to sleep under? Not buying it. Although a little bit of a let down, it still concludes the story.
Now we come to the woke injection. Yes, we had the box tickers in this series. It was obvious what they were doing and it detracts from the story, for example the doctor being a lesso, what was the point in that other than to tick a box? It has absolutely zero effect on the story, it was just woke. But that's not all, the muslim sheriff is actually a good idea as it plays on the overall religious theme, but it got netflixed. Seemed to end up being a lecture on how -ist the US is blah blah blah, and the end part where he starts preying had me in stiches, which wasn't the angle of the scene.
Overal, it's worthy of it's current rating at 7.7.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: The Great Wave (2022)
This episode was objectively bad
What was even going on during this episode? I think the writers just think of really cool scenes they want to film and then work out the illigical events that lead towards it.
But, all the absolute boredom aside, the way you know the writers are awful is *drumroll please* deus ex machina!!!!! Generic chase scene, generic saviour, generic escape. Amazon need to replace the writers for season 2 if they want any chance of redemption from this mangled mess.
Still hate the Galadrial character too, there are no redeemable features to her.
The only interest I have is the dwarves but it is so badly written with knock off Elrond even those scenes are a snorefest.
The conversation between Galadrial and definitely not suspicious Halbrand was cringe too. You can tell the writers have no idea how to write dialogue and the attempts to imitate tolkien fail so hard.
House of the Dragon: King of the Narrow Sea (2022)
Good episode but...
This show is good, there is no doubt about it. In the world of box ticking and all that crap that comes along with it, HotD is on the quieter end of that spectrum thankfully. However, can we please just get past the whole soft core? Yes we all know Sparticus made it popular to do the sex, but it's overblown and boring. That whole orgy thing was not "hot", more why am i watching a guy about to go down on another guy? If i wanted to see that, i would have used incognito mode, but i dont, so stop shoving it in our faces all the time. It seems writers across the board now want multiple sex scenes to be edgy, it aint. We all have the internet, most of us have done the "hide the pork in the cavern" game now get back to the politicing and killing and all that. The Witcher, The Boys, Game of Thrones, Gangs of London, house of the dragon yadadadada, either show some vag or write better scenes.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: Adar (2022)
They just cannot stop making Galadrial insufferable
The writing is so bad. I don't care about what real world race anyone is or whatever, that is just a red herring to distract from just how awful they have written this. Game of Thrones season 8 sucked, but this is something entirely new. Every conversation is a non sequitur. Galadrial is insufferably written. She isn't elegant or strong, she's a try hard mary sue. I dont care about any of the characters. I dont care who dies. I don't care who they try and pretend isnt Sauron. This show stinks something terrible.
Here's one for you, how did they just guess what the orcs were up to? Surely they would have no idea, and to come up with the answer straight from the hat is stupid. Next up is the wild adventures of a stuck up elf. I dont get it, did she know her decision from the previous episode would lead to her death? Because if events didn't happen then she would have, instead we once again have that absolutely wonderful deux ex machina. Next is the (definitely not hobits) harfoots, i dont get it, do they leave people behind or not? Because there are two bits of dialogue that directly contradict one another. I could go on and on and on. The show writers have really screwed this up, then again maybe they shouldn't have given such a huge franchise to absolute nobodies. If amazon are up for hiring nobodies, chuck me a line and I'll send my CV.
Stranger Things: Chapter Eight: Papa (2022)
Stupid inconsistent writing
The biggest issue with this show is ill thought out script. Small things can shatter the suspension of disbelief. For example, a row of machine guns can't kill the monster even with its face exposed, but one bullet by Hopper can? It's like that episode in season 3 where a shotgun had no effect at all, but an axe totally did. Sure Jane, that's how it works.
It seems anyone can get a job as a writer with Netflix, so if they need that one person in the room who says "What? That's just plain stupid!" Just tell me where to send my CV.
Also, that Will speech made me sick. I love cheese, stilton, cheddar, edam, name it and ill eat it. But my good gravy jebus that was the worst cheese ive ever seen, utter cringe ball.
The Boys: Payback (2022)
Finally realised what this show was missing
Wow, never thought The Boys needed to have a guy with his knob out and then having some weird gay s$x. So cool, I absolutely love THE MESSAGE and it must be in every single show.
Stranger Things: Chapter Seven: The Massacre at Hawkins Lab (2022)
That ending is not a good thing
This really isn't a direction that fits with Stranger Things. The upside down is mysterious, haunting, and downright scary. But this season's big bad really isnt anymore, not after that reveal. Don"t know if anyone else feels the same, kinda just takes the mystery away and the creepy upside down is now controlled by a mortal being.
Stranger Things: Chapter Six: The Dive (2022)
Who are they marketing this to?
I really dont understand what their marketing staff are doing, one moment it is mature with gory horror, and the next it's a children's show. Am I the only one who gets engrossed in the story then immediately pulled from it when they have toddler hackers? You're either an adult show, or a childrens show, make up your minds. It's really annoying because this is a good show, but some of this writing is worse than trash, it's gutter trash.
Stranger Things: Chapter Two: Vecna's Curse (2022)
Pathetic
What the hell is wrong with these writers? That whole roller blading scene was utter gutter writing. This is literally what you'd expect off of fan fiction sites. Yeah, i get it, they're trying to recreate Carrie, but the issue with that is Carrie was an entire film devoted to Carrie, not this half baked "theyre so mean to me" trash with an entire massive storyline running alongside. Really disappointed with this writing, the first season was so tense and the second to a degree but adding this comic type nostalgia theme has ruined it just like the third season with Russian Terminator, and they honestly don't need to. I'm really into the main storyline, but these subplots seems to be written by the local twilight fan fiction winner. If it is that easy to become a writer for Netflix, where do i send my CV?
Stranger Things: Chapter One: The Hellfire Club (2022)
Interesting analysis on how to not do a season premiere
Stranger things is now predictable teen angst things because damn, how boring was that?!? The opening was awesome, everything inbetween was just so boring minus that girl's strange visions, that was the only strange thing about this. Reminds me a lot of ash vs the evil dead, nightmare on elm street, mixed with IT. And the ending was great too. Hopefully it gets better because i don't care about not going to someones basketball game or 2 dimensional characters.
Better Call Saul: Axe and Grind (2022)
Lalo the invincible terminator
My axe to grind is how poor the writing for Lalo has been this season. Turns up in Germany out of no where, tracks down Sarah Connor from what i presume to be a phonebook, can take an axe crack to the ribs and still win a fight. We have all turned up at peoples houses looking for information and immediately pulled a gun...right? I think the writers put that in there because they cant think smarter than a 14 year old twilight fan writing their blog post fan fic. The whole "im a merciless killer who just can't be stopped" has been killed to death over the years. No tension at all.
Here's a tell sign that the writing is poor, he puts a razor blade behind the card. Think about it logically, either he's just chilling with an open razor blade in his pocket that can easily cut him and his clothing for no reason, or the writers went "oh, and then, after getting hit by an axe, he puts a razor blade behind the card" and no one, not one person in the room asked "why is he carrying a razor blade? What is the logic? Did he know the axe man would beat him with an axe and would need it?" It's trash guys, anyone who thinks that was a good bit of writing probably rates twilight 10/10 big time.
Better Call Saul: Black and Blue (2022)
It's just a filler episode
Nothing really happens, they could have easily divided the events and placed them into episodes where something does actually happen.
The last few minutes of the episodes is such an overused trope, it's actually really bad on behalf of the writers who so far have been incredible with the script. I literally eye rolled knowing exactly what was coming next, and i was not disappointed in being disappointed.
Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
A kind of butchered mess but still good
The storyline has no real build up to events, it seems to go black smith -> lord's son -> lord -> military commander. There could have been so much development in the characters but to be honest, it's all just 2 dimensional. I did enjoy the film but i had to gloss over quite a few short comings. I will be fair and say that the movie business is quite possibly the worst business model on the planet, rather than building up a story and developing it, they'd rather just splash money and demand instant results right now, which causes films like this - a hurried mess to tell the story. Bottom line, more time, more build up. It has the potential to be way more.
Other than that, my experience was further diminished by the fact Orlando Bloom is a stick of wood. He's a passable actor at best and only succeeded because of looks and PR.
Annihilation (2018)
Good but a few parts are stupid
So, visuals, storyline, acting, and direction are all top tier, a great film. In this day and age with the whole "Diversity and Inclusion" gutter trash, they didnt really inject it too much here. Yeah they had the whole "im a lesbian", and "I'm a strong waaahman" in there too but it feels like they had a sheet of paper from the higher ups with a bunch of boxes they had to tick to get funding...sadly the usual these days.
What i thought really distracted from an otherwise great film was the whole "she cheated on her man", brings nothing to the table other than to detract from the closeness of her to her husband. The second issue is the fact mr albino croc bites one of them and she literally walks away from it like those razor jaws did nothing. The third, and to be honest, the stupidest decision (almost as bad as the long night on game of thrones) was that they had a guard tower in the compound and still post guards at ground level. You literally have a great vantage position and you sit below it like ducks. The only reason they would do this is to advance the plot other than making realistic decisions. Also, the ending was a bit wack.
Lucifer (2016)
Used to be good...
Lucifer started off pretty baller and interesting, but like always netflix gets their hands on it and boom, crap writing. Just a cheese infested bore that rehashes the same storyline with a little bit of "family drama". About as complex as a circle and as deep as a puddle. Such a waste of an awesome idea. Here's a summation of every episode. Someone murdered -> they solve it no problem -> will they, wont they? -> oh they do -> boring family drama.
Bob Lazar: Area 51 & Flying Saucers (2018)
Bob's story is fascinating, the director's story is not
This was way more of a vanity project where the director seems to want to get clips of himself in shameless promotion rather than focus solely on the story. The way they mess with sound to be wayyyyy hispter is distracting and cringeworthy. The script for the narrator was also cringe. "Oh look everyone, hes coming out with real edgy philosophy with the depth of a shallow paddling pool, and wow, he says some swears!!!" Nope. I want Bob, i dont want this hipster tripe
Sex Education (2019)
It's good but...
This show has some great writers, I like the characters and their acting is top as well. Dialogue is believable, which is a real plus however, some clichés exist like the Mueve, basically a rip off of good will hunting, for example. My main gripe, is why did they decided to go full on diversity bingo on the show?
The Witcher (2019)
It's not what I had hoped
Well, I haven't yet read the books and haven't yet played the game although it is on my hit list. So the TV show was a step into the unknown. The acting is pretty mediocre, seems Henry cavill went gritty whereas everyone else do not match those tones. There's been a lot of comparison between GoT and The Witcher, and I don't think they should be because GoT actually spent time building up the story and focusing on characters until everyone knew who they were, whereas The Witcher is all over the place. I'm confused who these people are, well apart from The Witcher. So far I'm on episode two and all I've managed to gather is there was some kind of war, there's a kid who can scream really loud, and the Witcher isn't liked. My question is, who are these people, why should I care, and what the hell is going on?
Life (1999)
Still one of the greatest
Solid acting, solid direction, solid screen play and definitely solid dialogue. It touches a few serious subjects, but not too heavily which makes the film not over burdened. The story line is great, it is funny, but not exactly a laugh out loud funny, which is fine because I wasn't watching it for that. Overall it is a well developed and definitely underrated film.
I must state it is really disappointing that some people reviewing this are slamming it for not being funny enough, well, maybe you'll be more interested in watching mall cop or other dumb s**t that keeps getting churned out.
The Cable Guy (1996)
Still don't understand the writing off of this film
This film has always been one of my favourites. Jim Carrey's performance is terrific and tells a good story about his childhood of neglect leading to him being in need of companionship. Funny, with some 3 dimensional character progression.
Us (2019)
The plot slowly ruined the film
The first half of this film is great, lots of mystery n all that. But the second half, when the plot starts to reveal itself, it turns to absolute garbage. Completely illogical and stupid. I'm really surprised no one looking over the script pointed out all the gaping plot holes.
The Boys (2019)
Just brilliant
It's dark, funny and completely not what superheros should be. With the whole squeaky clean marvel drivel (which is quite literally just copy and paste every single film's plot with a different hero) this is the antidote. The acting is sublime, the script is tight and the direction, cinematography and production has instantly made this this show classic for a long time. Really looking forward to season 2, well done to everyone involved in making this