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Matt_bobco
Reviews
Invitation to a Murder (2023)
Embarrassing
A plodding, poorly written and atrociously acted waste of time. Appalling acting from the entire cast, who seem incapable of a convincing english accent and frankly bored with the whole thing. Slow pacing, poor writing that consists mostly of cliches, and some of the worst dialogue I've heard in a long time. By the time the plot shuffles to a conclusion we were as bored and disengaged as the actors appeared throughout. The lead character is thoroughly unlikeable and only gets worse as the movie drags on. If this was an attempt to start a franchise then it is a dismal failure. Even for Agatha Christie fans this is one to miss.
Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins (2021)
Frustrating
Interesting premise, some extremely cool set pieces and concepts, and adequate CG. However the film falls flat in execution - the plot is contrived, the fight scenes are badly shot with constant cut-aways that remove any sense of continuity or flow, and the actors looks bored throughout. If the actors in the film can't marshal more than a vague interest in what they are doing, how can an audience be expected to care? Ultimately an extremely frustrating film which rapidly outstays its welcome.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Deeply tedious
Bland music, glacial pacing, distractingly bad lighting and framing in most scenes, trite dialogue delivered without passion, distracting callbacks, an embarrassingly out of touch take on 'gamers', and a plot with nothing much to say. Special effects are a step backward, especially the jarring, incredibly low budget 'bullet time' and time rewind effects. Worst of all the combat, whether with guns or fists, is slow, lacking impact, and shot with enough cut-aways that it looks like it comes from a bad film from 20 years ago. The Wachowskis made one good movie followed by two mostly (but not wholly) wretched mistakes in the original Matrix trilogy. Resurrections takes all the bad parts of the previous movies and cuts anything that made them special. Even Keanu, modern, charming Keanu, can't carry this. Hopefully this movie is a financial failure so no-one funds a follow-up.
The Righteous Gemstones (2019)
Deeply tedious and, worst of all, unfunny
A comedy without teeth. Pentecostal preachers should provide endless material for skewering but this series seems to have no understanding of the moral foibles to mock, and no desire to tackle the actual failings of these people. Even worse, it is unfunny. John Goodman is wasted as a barely one-dimensional character and his execrable children barely exist enough to be worthy of mockery. Don't bother.
Gokudô daisensô (2015)
Tedious and incoherent
The film starts with a vaguely interesting idea but rapidly gets bored and instead meanders around, throwing in random extra ideas. The initial plot is rapidly forgotten which undermines any possibility of caring about the characters, what they are doing, or why. Comes across like a 14 year old boy who wants to be 'edgy' has been given access to a budget and a team to turn his idiotic ideas into a film. As expected it ends up being over-long, unevenly paced, and completely incoherent. Don't waste your time.
Hellsing Ultimate (2006)
Tedious
A more 'edgy' version of the original series that drags on, and on, and on. The action is at best adequate and cannot offset the tedious, contrived plot, glacial pacing, and complete lack of any storytelling ability. The original series, despite the sometimes shoddy animation, at least had a bit of style about, together with significantly better music throughout and the ability to string a coherent story together. Ultimate is apparently a better rendition of the manga but, if the series is any guide, the author of the manga has nothing much to say. If you liked the original just rewatch that and be done with it.
Fear Street: 1994 (2021)
Don't bother
Starts fairly strongly, with an interesting premise. But as soon as the actual characters are introduced it falls apart. Acting and writing is appalling, coming across like a low budget TV series. Cinematography is execrable and relies on close-ups and fast cuts to mask the poor framing, choreography and acting. The music is almost entirely anachronistic - which undermines the *entire* point of setting a movie in a specific year. Even worse, the music is misused so it never manages to have an emotional impact - a complete waste of licensing arrangements. Fans of the RL Stine book series will be embarrassed, while fans of horror and slasher films will just be bored. Don't bother.
Chaos Walking (2021)
Tedious
An interesting concept turned incredibly tedious. Tom Holland is wasted with a cliche, one-dimensional character. Daisy Ridley and Mads Mikkelsen also have poorly crafted characters, but they are more closely aligned with the actors' limited ranges. Ultimately plays more like an overlong episode of the 100. Not worth wasting your time.
Prince of Darkness (1987)
Overlong and
Some interesting ideas and genuinely impressive effects given the budget. However held back by atrocious acting from most (not all)), awful, stilted dialogue, nonsensical writing, and a lack of anything to make a viewer care even slightly about the fate of the characters. The pacing is also all over the place. This would work infinitely better as a short film - it has nothing much to say, and at movie length it overstays its welcome.
I'm Thinking of Ending Things (2020)
The story of a 14 year old from r/iamverysmart who never grew up
Not hard to understand, just hard to care. A less than mediocre man, parroting things said by better people without ever understanding the point they were trying to make, laments his failings. This film has no redeeming qualities besides the fact it eventually ends. It is, however, better than Synecdoche New York because it is slightly shorter.
Riddick (2013)
A bloated collection of mediocrity - watch Pitch Black instead
This was a missed opportunity that resulted in a bloated movie impressed with itself for no good reason and which barely rises above mediocre.
The plot is broadly serviceable - as you would expect, since it is identical in all meaningful ways to the surprisingly good Pitch Black.
The increased budget made for a better looking movie but the production team seem to have confused quantity for quality. There are some interesting monsters, some nice industrial design, the lighting is pretty good, and the cinematography is adequate. But there is just too much movie with nothing to say and nothing to show us. Lots of things happen, and they sometimes look great, but it all comes off feeling shallow and boring.
The acting is mostly atrocious, and the script somehow even worse than I expected, but undermining everything is some truly terrible editing and pacing. Action scenes, such as they are, play for a few minutes before the movie grinds to a halt. Then we are subjected to another exchange of poorly written and delivered chatter, or scenes of actors standing around looking meaningfully at things. Fully half of its runtime could be cut without losing anything important.
Ultimately this is a bloated, tedious, poorly made, but no doubt expensive waste of time. If you like the premise, just watch Pitch Black instead.
Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
Screwball comedy, heavy on the screw
Classic screwball comedy but more on the slapstick side. Cary Grant plays off the lead better than I expected and the elderly aunts are a riot. Doesn't quite live up to its potential and the 'murdering old lonely men' premise falls away quickly, but the whole production (and especially Grant being put in increasingly ridiculous situations) is charming enough to make this worth watching.
Inrang (2018)
Tedious
A few quite nicely shot sequences can't overcome the tedious, glacially paced, utterly derivative plot, and 'dramatic' scenes that barely rise above a third tier soap opera. The cast were... present during filming but that's as high as one can put it. A sound final act can't offset the tedium of what preceded it. Watch it towards the beginning of a movie night and follow it up with something better.
City Homicide (2006)
Avoid
City Homicide is the worst programme being made in Australia today.
The plots are unoriginal, the scripts are awful and the acting is poor. Shane Bourne is at best a C-grade actor, yet he manages to eclipse the rest of the cast who seem to be just showing up to collect their paychecks. None of them come close to being believable, and I sincerely hope this programme continues for a long time just to keep the cast from polluting anything else. The pathetic attempts at humour miss the mark entirely, and the show takes itself so seriously that you cannot help but cringe.
City Homicide is even worse than Sea Patrol, a frankly astounding achievement.
Awful, Just Awful. Avoid at all costs.
The Brave (1997)
Promising, Implausible and then Mediocre
On behalf of the movie-going public with at least a shred of intelligence, I would like to thank Johnny Depp for making this his one-and-only directing effort. What could have been a powerful story was ruined by totally implausible actions on behalf of several characters. Depp's character decides to spend the money paid for his life on a sort of shanty-town fun park, for example, rather than taking down Brando's character and his flunky, and then fleeing somewhere with the cash. Brando was almost painful to watch, it's horrible to see an old actor past his prime. Perhaps it would have been useful to stop trying to make a point and start thinking about what characters would really do. Also, the actions of the priest seem totally wrong. Watch the movie and I'm sure you will agree. The ending was similarly silly, and the only thing making this movie remotely watchable was Johnny Depp's performance. I'll give him, the man can act, though he should leave directing to someone, ANYONE, else.