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jackdavenport101
Reviews
Game of Thrones: The Iron Throne (2019)
A rushed, confusing mess
Everyone seems to have wanted this episode to end, the writers and the actors. It all looked manufactured and faulty in logic, like the previous two episodes.
Not even sure how to describe this nonsense, but long story short - Bran wins...on points. It's somewhat baffling how they get to that point, and even some familiar faces from the six kingdoms (yeah, you read that right) don't add any charm. Even here, the conversation makes no sense. After accepting Bran as Lord of the Andals, Sansa chucks in a diplomatic hand grenade, demanding independence for the north. Somehow, her claim is met with complete acquiescence by every other kingdom. In anything coming close to realism, every other kingdom would demand the same. Instead, everyone just wants to head to the pub.
There's a bizarre moment when Sam presents Tyrion with a book called A Song of Fire and Ice (that sounds familiar). It would have been fun if the episode showed Sam starting to write it himself. Instead, some maister has already completed it, as though they don't want us to linger on it.
The episode almost descended into parody when Tyrion describes Bran as 'the boy who survived...', leading me to think "ah, so Harry Potter basically runs the show now".
Greyworm and the Unsullied just decide to sail off somewhere. Someone suggests they can form their own highborn house, but something tells me it will be limited to just one generation.
Jon Snow buggers off to the north with the wildlings. It's not quite clear if his character was meant to do that, or whether Kit Harington finally had enough.
That's about it. Boring, drawn out nothingness. GoT has had amazing episodes, thrilling and dramatic ones, and one or two that plodded rather than truly illuminated. These last three though were abject, and this final, worthless end the most awful kind of betrayal to all the effort and dedication of the production.
Game of Thrones: The Bells (2019)
Visually compelling, but fatally undermined by the context
In some other world, thus episode might have made sense. Not this world though. The final battle for Kings Landing is a brutal affair, showcasing the complexity of pitched battle and trying to do the right thing.
Visually, the episode is stunning, and if that's all it hinges on I might have given it higher. The problem though is that there is absolutely no sense for what happens. Daenerys descent into madness seems complete, as she inexplicably turns Drogon onto the innocent people of Kings Landing, despite having clearly won the battle.
Indeed, even the battle loses some sense after the last episode, with Euron's fleet somehow being decimated in a minute, despite their near omnipotent presence in previous episodes. It is this lack of logic leaving me bewildered at how they could have messed this up.
The scenes of carnage in KL are terrible and shocking; typical GoT fare. There is real tragedy when opposing soldiers face off, both exhausted by war, tired and no longer wanting to fight. Civilians huddled in buildings in a futile effort to avoid a fiery death. Arya's confusion and fear is real. If we didn't know the context, and just saw the city aflame, this would make potent drama.
Alas, the show has performed its own Red Wedding on the narrative, so that the all the good stuff in the episode is just looking sad and pathetic. Cersei and Jamie's end might have been more tragic, were it not for the anti-Deus ex Machina of a cave-in preventing their escape. The final confrontation of the Hound and the Mountain would have had more zest, if it were not for the last minute 'revenge' instinct of Sandor (yes, it had been implied throughout the series, but this was the equivalent of a magician performing the greatest magic act ever, and then immediately explaining how they did it). Really, I saw no reason why he felt the need to pursue his brother at this point.
The less said about Varys demise the better. Just jaw droppingly awful.
So this final confrontation comes to an end, making no sense and with one episode left to go. I cannot imagine how such a great series got locked into this position, but it's such a bad taste that the whole thing now looks tainted. Why would I start from season 1, knowing where this nonsense is due to end.
Game of Thrones: The Last of the Starks (2019)
Horrible, senseless episode
No doubt I'm late to the party (or is it a wake?) with this one, but the misjudgment from the creators becomes shockingly clear. From Daenerys' moral collapse to Euron Greyjoy's 'sailing in plain sight ambush' (seriously, was everyone on Daenerys fleet AND her dragons completely stoned?!). Even relatively small detail like Jon leaving Ghost behind make no sense, and Brienne's reaction to Jamie Lannister was frustratingly shallow. Grey worm and Melisandre's relationship was effectively made worthless by a single strike of the pen/sword.
The only positives were the opening scene - a moment of genuine sadness and poignancy - and the fun exchanges between Arya and Clegane. Other than that there was nothing positive to be gleaned.
Everything stank of lazy writing and writers who had boxed themselves in with the dragons. Daenerys reluctance to attack Kings Landing in the past made sense in terms of her character. Her recent sudden descent into..I dunno, madness?...made it less plausible that she held off for so long. I don't know what happened, but 7 and a half excellent seasons rounded off by sheer stupidity.
All kinds of ideas run through my mind about how this happened, but really only the creators can truly say for sure. A dispiriting and artistically nauseating end to a series. Just two more episodes left, neither filling me with hope. GoT has flashes of brilliance on a large scale - some battles are artistic genius - but in truth the power play and smaller scale, but no less relevant, conflict was always the better and more consistent draw. Alas, at this late juncture the production team boxed themselves into a corner and somehow managed to weigh down an entire epic, an otherwise brilliant series.
Loving Vincent (2017)
Artistic brilliance, but limited story
A great looking film, that adds a level of drama to the life of a mysterious figure. Those looking for a sharp and detailed narrative of Van Gogh's last days will be disappointed. Nonetheless, the visual display of the film renders a suitably loving tribute to the great painter. The story is undemanding, but not in a way to distract or weaken the film as a whole. This adds to Van Gogh's story, not quite as as well as a book might, but the artistry does justice to his legacy. Watch it and enjoy the visual spectacle.
Tiger Heart (1996)
So bad it is brilliant, and it made me cry laughing
I want to say from the top, that this film is absolutely awful, from the moment you hear the theme tune right to the final fight, there is nothing redeemable about this film...which is why it is so funny. With the exception of South Park, this is the only film that has ever made me cry laughing.
Every performance seems to scream of bad acting, but sometimes I wonder if the producers were aware of the irony of their efforts. SOmetimes I think that they are playing for laughs.
How many mistakes are there in this film? I don't know, but here are my favourite moments.
1. The theme tune - draws his strength from within, power comes from discipline 2. The ridiculous karate school where apparently it is OK to have a full blown punch up (and not use any floor mats - no broken bones?) 3. Ted Jan Robetrs training and making his own sound effects with each punch and kick 4. You know how some fight scenes in films have the feel of the bad guys queuing up to get beaten by the lead guys? Well, in this film you actually get to watch them run around in the background to get hit moments later 5. The karate teacher snapping the neck of a vigilante 6. The token black guy - he means well, but actually does no fighting and his role has all the hallmarks of a token black guy 7. LOts, and LOTS of women in bikinis... 8. The big bad guy suggesting that they kill the female lead, by putting her in a boat "and make it look like a fishing accident" - I somehow doubt any personification of Jennifer Lyons on screen would be involved in fishing, especially when water isn't even seen in the film 9. The only genuinely funny line in the film - "Have you got a match?" "Yeah, my ass and your face" - still makes me chuckle today 10. The fact that most of the fights start because Eric Chase actually starts all the fights, in some cases when there is absolutely no need to 11. THe karate school has a lion as a symbol on the main building, but the actual pupils there have tigers as their symbol. 12. Ted Jan ROberts having a conversation with someone ona street outside a hairdressers - you can actually see the people inside turning to watch the conversation 13. The meaningless elements of the CHase family - none of their scenes are remotely relevant 14. Little kids aged about 9 or 10 beating up guys in the thirties 15. The bad gangster (played by RObert LeSardo - arguably the only decent acting in the whole film) encouraging his men to kill Eric Chase, when he himself has a gun 16. Little kids being made to feel guilty for not helping Eric CHase go challenge a group of gangsters in the city 17. People signing off their businesses with a single unread contract like some bad episode of the A-Team (including Jennifer Lyons character who, in addition to having no apparent legal entitlement to do so, signs away Rance Howards business, despite only being a teenager)
...and many many more. This really is the worst and best film I have ever seen in my life. Right up there with the 1980's version of She, and Nine Deaths of the Ninja.
Power comes from discipline!!