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Reviews
Our Hospitality (1923)
Gravity Who?
Step right up to witness Buster Keaton's slapstick symphony, "Our Hospitality," where the stunts are as death-defying as the laughs are gut-busting. Imagine a world where a man can hang off waterfalls, ride a locomotive like it's a pony at a petting zoo, and still keep his cool better than any action hero today. Keaton's stone-faced resilience through the comedic chaos is nothing short of heroic, turning every potential disaster into a punchline without even cracking a smile.
Set against the backdrop of a bitter family feud that makes every Thanksgiving argument look like a polite disagreement, Keaton plays a young man who unwittingly finds himself in enemy territory after falling for the wrong girl-the daughter of his family's arch-nemesis. What follows is a masterclass in physical comedy and silent era storytelling, complete with horse-drawn carriages, makeshift trains, and a house that literally divides itself in two. Each gag is crafted with the precision of a Swiss watch and delivered with the impact of a pie in the face.
"Our Hospitality" is a rollicking ride through the roaring '20s that proves humor doesn't age. If you're in the mood for a film where the action scenes are as hilarious as they are harrowing, give this gem a spin. Keaton's antics are not just a display of comic genius; they're a declaration of war against gravity itself. 4.5 stars for a film that might be silent, but its laughs are loud and clear. So buckle up, and enjoy the ride-Buster's driving!
Beau travail (1999)
Dances with Legionnaires
If you've ever wondered what a French Foreign Legion music video directed by an avant-garde filmmaker might look like, then oh boy, *Beau Travail* is your fever dream come true. Claire Denis takes us on a journey that's more about rhythm and visuals than narrative coherence, and honestly, it's quite a trip. You'll spend half the movie squinting at the sun-drenched landscapes wondering, "Where's the plot?" and the other half too mesmerized by the sheer beauty of it to care.
The film's climax features a dance sequence that could either be the most profound thing you've ever seen or just the natural consequence of extreme isolation and too much sun. Imagine a soldier, after spending too much time under the scorching Djiboutian sun, decides to audition for *So You Think You Can Dance*. That's Denis Lavant's character, turning his existential crisis into an impromptu disco, and somehow, it encapsulates the entire movie perfectly - unexpected, slightly bizarre, but entirely unforgettable.
*Beau Travail* is like watching paint dry on a masterpiece painting - it's slow but beautifully mesmerizing. The film deftly explores themes of masculinity, authority, and alienation with such a graceful touch that you might not even notice until after it's done. It's not your usual flick with a clear beginning, middle, and end, but more like a visual poem that you're supposed to experience rather than understand. Four stars for making me feel like I watched something significant, though I'm still not entirely sure what.
The Beekeeper (2024)
A 'Beekeeper' Buzz That's Sweeter Than You'd Expect
"The Beekeeper" is one of those movies that feels like it's been zapped in from an alternate universe where Jason Statham has vowed to kick every kind of ass imaginable-including that of insidious digital scammers. Here he is, a former "Beekeeper" operative (whatever the hell that means), avenging his landlady's death by phishing scam. Yes, it's as ridiculous as it sounds, but hey, we're here for a good time, not a long time, right?
Plot-wise, think of your typical Saturday afternoon action flick, but sprinkle in some techno-babble and you've got this gem. It's like someone mashed up "Taken" with "Hackers," but forgot to invite Angelina Jolie. The villains are about as threatening as a spam email offering you millions of dollars from a deposed prince. And the action sequences? They're as predictable as popup ads, but you can't help but watch Statham do his thing, even if it's the umpteenth time.
So, why does this cinematic equivalent of a lukewarm beer get a decent 3.5 stars? Simply because it delivers exactly what it promises-mindless entertainment with a side of Statham scowls. "The Beekeeper" won't change your life, but it will kill a couple of hours with some good old-fashioned, over-the-top action. It's the kind of movie you half-watch while scrolling through your phone, and sometimes, that's just what the doctor ordered.
Macon County Line (1974)
Where Thrills Go to Die and Boredom Is Born
Well, strap in folks, because taking a ride down "Macon County Line" is akin to expecting a scenic route and instead finding yourself stuck in a bumper-to-bumper traffic jam with no exit in sight. This 1974 flick tries to sell itself as a gritty, backwoods thriller, but it's more like a misguided tour through snoozeville. The premise promises suspense and southern-fried drama, yet delivers all the excitement of a turtle race. And trust me, you'll be rooting for the turtles just to add some spice.
Then there's the acting, which ranges from wooden to "I think that guy just blinked SOS." Characters wander through the plot like they've forgotten why they turned up, possibly reflecting the audience's feelings. Every supposedly tense moment is undercut by the drama equivalent of a limp handshake. The twists? Predictable enough to make you think you've developed psychic powers, except your newfound abilities are only good for predicting clichés.
To wrap it up, "Macon County Line" is the kind of film that makes you wonder about the road not taken-like not pressing play. With its sluggish pace, cardboard characters, and a plot that meanders like a lost tourist, it's a cinematic flat tire. Two and a half stars because, against all odds, it does end-proving that every bad movie, like a bad day, eventually runs out of steam.
Atlas (2024)
Atlas Flopped
Oh, where to begin with the catastrophe that is **Atlas (2024)**? This movie tries so hard to be a cutting-edge sci-fi thriller, but instead, it stumbles over its own convoluted plot like a toddler taking its first steps. Jennifer Lopez, despite her usual charisma, couldn't salvage this shipwreck, which flounders under the weight of its nonsensical AI antics and robotic rebellion mishmash. It's like director Brad Peyton threw darts at a board of sci-fi clichés and just filmed where they landed.
Then there's the dialogue-oh, the dialogue! It feels like it was randomly generated by one of the malfunctioning AIs from the movie. Every line is painfully cringe-worthy, stuffed with techno-babble that would make even the nerdiest tech gurus roll their eyes into another dimension. The action scenes are just as chaotic, resembling a video game with a glitching controller-frantic, confusing, and utterly joyless. Watching Simu Liu and Sterling K. Brown navigate this mess was like watching two chess masters forced to play checkers with missing pieces.
In conclusion, **Atlas (2024)** is a spectacular failure, a black hole sucking all the joy from its vicinity. It's a masterclass in how not to make a science fiction movie. From its laughable plot to its wooden performances, everything about this film screams "straight to DVD"-if only it were spared even that fate. Do yourself a favor: save your money, save your time, and maybe just watch paint dry instead. It would certainly be more entertaining and far less frustrating than enduring this disaster.
The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
Home Is Where the Hard Part Is
"The Best Years of Our Lives" is like stepping into a time machine, landing in post-WWII America, and instead of the usual parade and fanfare, we're handed a hefty dose of stark reality with a side of poignant storytelling. This movie tackles the not-so-glamorous aftermath of war with such finesse, you'll find yourself rooting for every character, even as they fumble through their new civilian lives. It's like watching your awkward relatives at a family reunion, but instead of cringing, you're gripped by their struggles. Harold Russell, an actual war veteran, steals the show and your heart, proving you don't need both hands to grab onto some Oscars.
As for the drama? Oh, it's there, served up in a deliciously complex, triple-layered cake of love, loss, and the pursuit of happiness-or at least a decent night's sleep without nightmares. The intertwined lives of three veterans and their families unfold with the kind of emotional punches that hit harder than your mom's critiques of your career choices. Myrna Loy and Fredric March bring a marital tension that's as thick as Thanksgiving gravy, simmering with post-war adjustments and the occasional tender moment that reminds you why you're watching this emotional rollercoaster.
By the end, if your eyes are dry and your heart isn't swelling like a balloon about to pop, you might want to check your pulse. "The Best Years of Our Lives" isn't just a film; it's an experience, a masterclass in storytelling that teaches us that the real battles often start after the war ends. Four and a, half stars because, let's face it, perfection is overrated, and who doesn't want just a smidge more of Dana Andrews looking dapper in uniform? This is a timeless epic that proves, once again, that old Hollywood could really stick the landing.
No Country for Old Men (2007)
Haircuts, Hitmen, and the Harsh Reality of Heads or Tails
"No Country for Old Men," brought to us by the Coen brothers, is the kind of film that sucker-punches you in the gut but in the politest way possible. It's like receiving an "I'm sorry I ruined your life" card from a hitman - you're not sure whether to be terrified or thankful for the gesture. The movie, set in the bone-dry deserts of West Texas, turns a simple drug deal gone wrong into a masterclass of suspense and existential dread, seasoned with a generous dash of good ol' fashioned violence.
Javier Bardem's portrayal of Anton Chigurh, with that nightmarish bowl haircut, could single-handedly revive the silent but deadly type villain. His performance is so chilling, it'll make you double-check your locks and invest in a metal detector. Josh Brolin, as our everyman Llewelyn Moss, is just a guy trying to make a quick buck without getting killed - a plan that goes about as well as you'd expect in a Coen brothers' flick. Then there's Tommy Lee Jones, playing the world-weary Sheriff Bell, who delivers homespun wisdom as if he's trying to convince himself that the world still makes sense.
Dropping half a star because let's face it, the ending leaves you hanging harder than a cliffhanger on a soap opera. It's like the Coens decided to say, "We think you've had enough," and shut the book while you're still turning the page. But despite the abrupt goodbye, "No Country for Old Men" remains a near-perfect blend of thriller and philosophical musing, offering both adrenaline and insights in spades. 4.5 stars for this impeccably crafted ode to the merciless march of fate and bad haircuts.
Hit Man (2023)
Hit Me Baby One More Time
Hold onto your hats, folks, because "Hit Man" (2023) is the rollicking, riotous ride we didn't know we needed! Glen Powell takes the lead as the most lovable fake hitman this side of the silver screen, delivering one-liners and dodging bullets with a roguish wink that's bound to steal hearts and illicit chuckles. His partner in crime, Adria Arjona, holds her own with snark and sass, making this dynamic duo an absolute delight to watch. Their back-and-forth banter crackles with such electric chemistry, you'd think they were trying to out-charm each other in every scene.
Plot-wise, imagine a blender filled with action, comedy, and a sprinkle of absurdity-and then imagine it explodes. That's this movie. It's a wild mash-up of genres that dances dangerously close to the edge of ridiculousness without ever tumbling over. Each plot twist is more surprising than the last, serving up a deliciously unpredictable narrative that keeps you guessing whether you're still watching a comedy or if you've stumbled into a thriller by mistake. The action sequences? Think ballet with bullets. It's so over-the-top that you can't help but applaud the audacity.
So, why does this cinematic carnival ride earn a solid 4.5 stars? Well, it's simple: it's damn entertaining. Sure, it flirts with chaos, and maybe one too many jokes doesn't land perfectly, but who cares when you're having this much fun? "Hit Arnold" is a film that doesn't take itself too seriously, and neither should you. Pop some popcorn, suspend your disbelief, and prepare to be thoroughly amused. Just when you think you've seen it all, "Hit Man" winks and says, "Hold my beer."
Ava (2020)
License to Bore
Oh boy, "Ava" (2024) is the kind of movie that makes you wish you could get a refund on your free time. Imagine taking the spy genre, stripping away anything resembling excitement, tension, or coherence, and then dunking it in a vat of cinematic blandness. That's "Ava." Jessica Chastain, an actress normally capable of turning water into wine, is here left slogging through a swamp of clichés so thick, not even her considerable talents can save her. The plot is a nonsensical mess of tropes that feels like it was stitched together during a particularly uninspired high school creative writing class.
The action scenes? They're about as thrilling as a game of rock-paper-scissors with predictable outcomes. It's like the choreographer only just discovered action films exist and decided to give it a go themselves without bothering to actually study them. The camera shakes more than a Chihuahua in a windstorm, presumably to cover up the fight choreography that looks like it was rehearsed over a leisurely lunch break. And the villains-oh, the villains-are so forgettable that you half expect them to introduce themselves with, "Hi, I'll be your generic baddie for the next five minutes."
In conclusion, "Ava" (2024) is a masterclass in how not to make a spy thriller. It's a tedious, soul-sucking 96 minutes that feels like a cruel test of your patience. If this film were a mission, it would be one where you wish you'd been disavowed at the outset. Save your popcorn and maybe just rearrange your sock drawer instead-it'll be infinitely more rewarding.
The Marsh King's Daughter (2023)
Slogging Through The Marsh King's Daughter
Oh boy, "The Marsh King's Daughter" managed to transform an intriguing novel into a cinematic slog that's about as thrilling as watching a puddle evaporate. Daisy Ridley does what she can, bless her, weaving through the swampy mess of a plot with the determination of someone who's been promised a better script on the other side. Unfortunately, even her spirited performance can't stop this film from feeling like a two-hour-long game of 'spot the plot point'.
The dialogue in this movie swings between painfully mundane and unintentionally hilarious, which, honestly, might have been the only thing keeping me awake. Characters deliver lines with all the nuance of GPS instructions, making every conversation feel like a missed connection. And the supposed twists? More predictable than a dad joke at a family BBQ, and about as exciting.
As for the setting, it's clear the film aimed for 'ominously atmospheric' but landed on 'generic outdoor sadness.' The marshlands, which should be teeming with eerie potential, are about as spooky as a backyard garden. Ultimately, "The Marsh King's Daughter" is a bog-standard thriller that promises a wild ride but leaves you stuck in the mud. Two stars for the effort, because someone has to acknowledge the hard work of trudging through that script.
She Came to Me (2023)
She Came, She Saw, She Conked Out
Well, well, "She Came to Me" sure came... and it sure left me wondering why I didn't just stay home and watch paint dry. This romantic comedy is like a magic trick that somehow turns an A-list cast into B-movie performances. Peter Dinklage, Marisa Tomei, and Anne Hathaway deserve so much better than this cavalcade of rom-com clichés strung together by the thinnest of plots. Imagine every predictable trope you can-now add a tugboat. That's this movie.
The dialogue in this film feels like it was randomly generated by a broken computer from the '90s. Dinklage's character, a supposedly quirky operetta composer, has lines so wooden you could build a deck with them. And every scene between him and Hathaway is like watching two very charming people read the phone book to each other-with less chemistry. When your movie makes audiences root for the characters to get a divorce, you might have missed the mark on the whole 'romance' thing.
Let's talk pacing: if this film moved any slower, it would be going backwards. It's a series of awkward scenes stitched together with all the finesse of a toddler's first sewing project. The movie tries to juggle comedy with heartfelt moments and drops both on the floor. Watching "She Came to Me" is like attending a stranger's wedding: you don't know anyone, nothing makes sense, and you just keep waiting for it to be over so you can leave.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
A Not-So-Epic Tomorrow
"The Tomorrow War" (2021) feels like it was concocted during a late-night, caffeine-fueled brainstorming session that was all buzzwords and no backbone. Picture this: time travel, aliens, and Chris Pratt as your everyman turned savior. Sounds cool, right? Well, strap in-not for excitement, but for a convoluted ride through plot holes big enough to drive a truck through. It's like someone threw darts at a board of sci-fi tropics and just ran with wherever they landed.
Chris Pratt brings his usual charm, which feels about as out of place as a penguin in the Sahara, considering the chaos unfolding around him. The film tries to juggle family drama, futuristic warfare, and a crash course in "How to Save the World 101," and ends up dropping all the balls. The aliens are menacing, sure, but they can't scare off the feeling that you've seen this movie before... and that it was done better the last time.
In summary, "The Tomorrow War" promises a thrill ride but delivers more of a scenic route through every sci-fi cliché in the book. It's a lukewarm 2.5-star affair that might entertain you if you're into seeing time-traveling soldiers battle it out with ugly aliens on a lazy afternoon. Otherwise, it's perfect for when you want some background noise while you scroll through your phone-because let's be honest, that's probably more engaging.
The First Omen (2024)
A Hell of a Prequel
Jumping into *The First Omen*, I expected some standard spook-fest fare, but what I got was a prequel that practically reinvents the wheel - if that wheel were crafted in the deepest pits of hell and rolled uphill both ways. Director Arkasha Stevenson turns the creepiness dial past the usual horror benchmarks, planting it firmly in "nightmare fuel" territory. This film doesn't just haunt your dreams; it buys real estate there, builds a mansion, and throws a housewarming party.
The cast is absolutely killer - literally and figuratively. Nell Tiger Free leads with an unsettling grace that makes you wonder if she's plotting your demise or just really into her role. And the ensemble around her? They're like the Avengers if the Avengers were in the business of birthing antichrists instead of saving the world. Bill Nighy's performance is a particular standout; he delivers lines with a chill that could freeze hell over, which, in this context, might just be a plot point.
In the end, while *The First Omen* might not entirely escape the shadow of its iconic predecessor, it carves out its own dark little niche in the horror genre. Sure, it occasionally trips over its own ambition, trying a bit too hard to be ominously profound, but it's a wickedly enjoyable ride. So grab your holy water, keep a priest on speed dial, and prepare for a film that's as fun as it is frightening. Four stars for making me laugh nervously in between yelps of terror.
Shiva Baby (2020)
Surviving the World's Worst Shiva
"Shiva Baby" is like being trapped at the most awkward family reunion imaginable, except it's not your family, and you can't stop watching the chaos unfold. The film tosses you headfirst into a shiva where Danielle, a bisexual college student with more secrets than a soap opera, encounters her sugar daddy and ex-girlfriend among the mourners. It's a recipe for disaster deliciously baked to perfection, with every cringe-worthy moment seasoned just right for maximum discomfort.
Director Emma Seligman masterfully turns a tight, almost single-location set into a pressure cooker of social faux pas and anxiety. You can practically feel the walls closing in with each probing question from Danielle's relatives and each awkward encounter. The dialogue snaps and sparkles with authenticity, capturing the unique horror of being judged by family members who think they know everything about you. Rachel Sennott as Danielle delivers a knockout performance, embodying every glance and gulp like her life depends on escaping this suburban nightmare unscathed.
In essence, "Shiva Baby" is a masterclass in how to craft a comedy of manners that feels like a thriller. With its razor-sharp wit and excruciating tension, it's like watching a juggler at a circus, except the balls are potential catastrophes waiting to happen. It's hilariously unsettling, brilliantly acted, and uncomfortably relatable.
Madame Web (2024)
Spider-Man, Save Us
If ever a film deserved to be dragged through the mud, it's "Madame Web" (2024), a mind-numbing disaster that makes you question if the screenwriters were actually a bunch of monkeys banging on typewriters. This turd of a flick swings from baffling scene to baffling scene with all the grace of a drunken elephant on a tightrope. Dakota Johnson does what she can, which isn't much given that the script probably arrived on set scribbled in crayon on the back of a napkin. The characters are about as deep as a puddle in the Sahara, and the story? What story?
The CGI looks like it was done by a high schooler on a pirated copy of Photoshop, circa 2001. Every scene that's supposed to be "epic" is about as compelling as watching paint dry, if the paint were also insulting your intelligence every minute it fails to dry. The villain, Ezekiel, has the menace of a soggy paper bag, and every line of dialogue he spews is cringe-worthy enough to be considered a war crime. The action sequences are a jumbled mess where it's nearly impossible to tell who is punching whom, but you'll find yourself rooting for them to just knock each other out so the movie can end.
In conclusion, "Madame Web" is a cinematic abomination that should be flung into the deepest, darkest pit of forgotten films. It's a perfect storm of awful - a catastrophe that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. If this movie were a web, it'd be the kind that you walk into accidentally that sticks to your face and ruins your day. Save yourself the agony and avoid this pile of garbage at all costs.
Eileen (2023)
Twisted Sisters
"Eileen" slinks into the cinema like the creepy cat that ate the canary, and boy, does it deliver a bite! This isn't your run-of-the-mill psychological thriller; it's a slow-burning, fog-filled ride through the weird and wonderfully warped. Thomasin McKenzie, playing Eileen with all the unsettling charm of a Wednesday Addams in adulthood, absolutely nails the role. And Anne Hathaway? She's magnetic as Rebecca, a femme fatale who could make you spill all your darkest secrets with just one glance.
Set against a backdrop drearier than a rainy Monday morning, the film's mood is thick enough to scoop with a spoon. The pacing might test your patience at times, like waiting for a pot to boil, but hang in there-when the plot kicks in, it kicks hard. It's all winding tension and sudden turns, like a rollercoaster designed by Edgar Allan Poe.
All said, "Eileen" is a four-star flick that offers more twists than a pretzel factory. It's perfect for those who like their thrillers with a hefty dose of bizarre and a sprinkle of existential dread. Crack open the popcorn and settle in; just don't expect to sleep easy afterwards. This film sticks with you, like gum on your shoe.
Priscilla (2023)
Elvis Has Left the Building, But Priscilla's Just Arrived
Holy blue suede shoes! Sofia Coppola's **"Priscilla" (2023)** takes us on a wild rollercoaster through the life of Priscilla Presley, and it's nothing short of a cinematic hunka hunka burning love. With Cailee Spaeny stepping into those iconic shoes, we get a performance so dazzling it makes the Vegas strip look dim. Jacob Elordi as Elvis? More like Elvis resurrected. The guy pulls off the King with such flair, I half-expected him to start handing out fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the theater.
The pacing of this movie could be compared to Elvis's dance moves-mostly smooth with a few hip shakes that come out of nowhere. At times, it feels like Coppola is trying to cram a lifetime into two hours, which leaves you feeling like you've sprinted through Graceland after a few too many whiskey sours. But, damn, it's an entertaining sprint. Spaeny's transformation from wide-eyed innocent to seasoned vet of the celebrity circus is a masterclass in character development.
And the soundtrack? No Elvis tracks, but Phoenix rises to the occasion with a score that's both nostalgic and refreshingly modern, like discovering your parents' old records and finding a new favorite band at the same time. Coppola's stylish direction infuses this biopic with a dreamy, almost ethereal quality, making the rough edges of fame and love look like a beautifully shot Instagram filter. "Priscyla" is more than just another chapter in the Elvis saga-it's a fabulous, rhinestone-studded exploration of the woman behind the King. Four stars for turning the Presley legacy on its head and making it dance!
She Said (2022)
Talk About Spilling the Tea!
Hold onto your popcorn, folks! "She Said" isn't just your everyday drama-it's like the investigative journalism version of an action movie, minus the explosions but loaded with explosive revelations. Director Maria Schrader and screenwriter Rebecca Lenkiewicz have taken a story that could've been dry as a board meeting and turned it into something that grips you like a season finale cliffhanger. It's about the takedown of Hollywood's big, bad wolf, Harvey Weinstein, and let me tell you, it's as satisfying as watching someone find the last piece of a puzzle.
Carey Mulligan and Zoe Kazan absolutely kill it as the relentless New York Times reporters. They're not wielding guns or throwing punches, but their weaponized words and steely determination make them just as badass. Mulligan's fierce intensity and Kazan's dogged perseverance light up the screen, proving that the pen (or the laptop, in this case) is indeed mightier than the sword. They make journalism look cooler than a secret agent defusing a bomb with seconds to spare.
Why the missing star, you ask? Well, as thrilling as it is, "She Said" plays it a bit safe. It's like your mom's best recipe-it's delicious, no doubt, but you know every flavor and it never quite surprises you. Still, the film is a compelling watch that makes you want to stand up and cheer, or at least write a strongly-worded email to someone. "She Said" delivers a knockout punch to the gut and leaves you feeling a little more hopeful about the world.
The Dark Horse (2014)
'The Dark Horse' Captures the King and the Audience
"The Dark Horse" is an emotional rollercoaster disguised as a chess movie, and honestly, it's a checkmate move in the world of cinema! Cliff Curtis delivers a powerhouse performance as Genesis Potini, a man grappling with bipolar disorder and trying to find solace in the ancient game of kings and pawns. Watching him teach a group of at-risk youths about life through chess is as inspiring as it is entertaining. The movie's raw portrayal of Genesis's struggles makes you root for him, even when he's just shuffling wooden pieces on a board.
Director James Napier Robertson brings an elegant touch to a gritty story, crafting scenes that teeter on the edge of despair and hope like a well-played chess match. However, the film isn't without its clichés. At times, it leans a bit too heavily into the 'inspirational coach' trope, but Curtis's stellar performance saves the day, making you forget you've seen this formula before. The cinematography deserves a shout-out too, perfectly capturing the dimly lit community halls and rainy streets of New Zealand that add so much character and atmosphere to the film.
Overall, "The Dark Horse" is a gripping, if slightly predictable, tale of redemption and determination. It's a film that not only teaches you the Sicilian Defense but also the defense mechanisms we use to tackle our darker days. Four and a half stars because while it didn't make me a chess convert, it did make me want to give my old chess board another go. Who knows? Maybe I'll even learn what 'en passant' means this time around.
The Greatest Hits (2024)
A Retro Flop in Modern Wrapping
Two stars might seem generous after sitting through "The Greatest Hits," a film that attempts to blend the sweet nostalgia of classic tunes with the sci-fi twist of time travel, only to miss the mark on both counts. Harriet, our protagonist, finds that certain songs can zap her back to bygone moments with an old flame, a concept that initially sounds as charming as a mixtape from a high school sweetheart. However, this cinematic journey quickly devolves into a clunky mashup of "Back to the Future" and a broken jukebox that skips the best tracks. The movie tries to tug at the heartstrings with its sentimental trips to the past, but the nostalgia is as authentic as an '80s tribute band playing from a crumpled setlist.
The real discord begins with the lack of chemistry among the cast. Harriet's adventures in time should add layers to her character, yet they flatten her into a two-dimensional figure less lively than a vinyl record's B-side. Her emotional tug-of-war between the past boyfriend and the new guy is as compelling as choosing between stale bread and slightly staler bread. The plot hopes to weave these relationships into a tapestry of learning and growth, but instead, it unravels faster than cheap headphones. Each flashback, meant to be a poignant peek into what once was, feels more like stumbling upon an awkward old Facebook photo that everyone forgot to untag.
Moreover, the film's attempt to imbue depth through music-driven time travel ends up feeling like a gimmicky afterthought. Each musical cue that sends Harriet hurtling through time is predictably on-the-nose, with song choices so literal that they'd make even a karaoke DJ cringe. By the final act, one can't help but feel that the only thing this movie transports us back to is a time when we hadn't yet watched it. "The Greatest Hits" tries to hit high notes with its innovative premise but ends up stuck in a loop of missed opportunities and flat performances. In the end, the only thing I wanted to rewind was my decision to watch it.
The Greatest Hits (2024)
A Retro Flop in Modern Wrapping
Two stars might seem generous after sitting through "The Greatest Hits," a film that attempts to blend the sweet nostalgia of classic tunes with the sci-fi twist of time travel, only to miss the mark on both counts. Harriet, our protagonist, finds that certain songs can zap her back to bygone moments with an old flame, a concept that initially sounds as charming as a mixtape from a high school sweetheart. However, this cinematic journey quickly devolves into a clunky mashup of "Back to the Future" and a broken jukebox that skips the best tracks. The movie tries to tug at the heartstrings with its sentimental trips to the past, but the nostalgia is as authentic as an '80s tribute band playing from a crumpled setlist.
The real discord begins with the lack of chemistry among the cast. Harriet's adventures in time should add layers to her character, yet they flatten her into a two-dimensional figure less lively than a vinyl record's B-side. Her emotional tug-of-war between the past boyfriend and the new guy is as compelling as choosing between stale bread and slightly staler bread. The plot hopes to weave these relationships into a tapestry of learning and growth, but instead, it unravels faster than cheap headphones. Each flashback, meant to be a poignant peek into what once was, feels more like stumbling upon an awkward old Facebook photo that everyone forgot to untag.
Moreover, the film's attempt to imbue depth through music-driven time travel ends up feeling like a gimmicky afterthought. Each musical cue that sends Harriet hurtling through time is predictably on-the-nose, with song choices so literal that they'd make even a karaoke DJ cringe. By the final act, one can't help but feel that the only thing this movie transports us back to is a time when we hadn't yet watched it. "The Greatest Hits" tries to hit high notes with its innovative premise but ends up stuck in a loop of missed opportunities and flat performances. In the end, the only thing I wanted to rewind was my decision to watch it.
Never Let Me Go (2010)
A Sandwich of Solace in a Deli of Dreariness
"Never Let Me Go" is the cinematic equivalent of a cloudy day-neither fully gloomy nor gloriously sunny. It's an okay watch, sort of like eating a sandwich that has all the right ingredients but none of them are your favorite. The film adapts Kazuo Ishiguro's novel with a steadfast devotion, which is admirable but also where it hits a bit of a snag. It captures the melancholic tone with such dreariness that you might find yourself checking if you've accidentally put on a pair of sunglasses indoors. Yet, you keep watching because, well, the cinematography does a splendid job of making every scene Instagram worthy.
The performances are like a group of honor students-commendably competent but not quite ditching the script for a thrilling detour. Mulligan, Garfield, and Knightley deliver their lines with the precision of a well-rehearsed school choir. They hit the notes, they harmonize well, but they don't quite make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. It's this consistent 'okay-ness' that anchors the film firmly in the 'good-not-great' sea. They give you the 'feels,' but not enough to send you scrambling for a tissue box-more like mildly searching for a napkin.
All in all, "Never Let Me Go" is the movie equivalent of a soft murmur in a library. It's okay enough that you won't shush it, but it doesn't quite make you want to lean in and listen harder. It's a 3.5-star experience where the half-star went missing, perhaps daydreaming of what could have been if the film had taken a few more risks to match its own hauntingly beautiful premise. If you're in the mood for something that's comfortably melancholic and won't disrupt your emotional equilibrium too much, then this is the film for you-just don't expect to be telling everyone you know about it the next day.
Beautiful Wedding (2024)
Viva Lost Vegas
Ah, "Beautiful Wedding" (2024), a cinematic adventure where Abby and Travis accidentally marry in Vegas and think, "Why not honeymoon in Mexico?" sounds like the kind of movie you'd invent to win a bet on making the most predictable rom-com ever. Yet, here it is, in all its glory, demanding that we sit through nearly two hours of what could only be described as a series of unfortunate events that make you wish they had annulled the movie along with the marriage.
First off, the chemistry between Abby and Travis is as convincing as a tofu steak at a barbecue. Their attempts at romantic banter feel more like awkward exchanges between strangers who've been forced to share a cab. The supporting cast of friends and family are intended to add spice and laughter but instead come off like they wandered in from a different, possibly more interesting movie set. Each gag lands with the subtlety of a brick, and the slapstick scenarios are as fresh as last week's guacamole.
By the time the plot drags us to the picturesque beaches of Mexico, you hope for some redemption or maybe a beautiful scenic distraction. But no, the film doubles down on its commitment to mediocrity with a series of predictable misunderstandings and reconciliations that feel as though they were scripted by a chatbot programmed to churn out clichés. "Beautiful Wedding" tries to be a feast of fun and fails spectacularly, serving up nothing but reheated leftovers from better movies. One and a half stars, and even that feels like a wedding gift.
The Disappearance of Maura Murray (2017)
A Middle-of-the-Road Mystery
"The Disappearance of Maura Murray" is the documentary equivalent of unsalted popcorn - not terrible, but you're not sneaking any leftovers home in your purse. It's an exhaustive dive into one of the internet's most gnawed-over mysteries, the 2004 disappearance of a young woman in New Hampshire. The series earnestly tries to shed new light on the case but ends up illuminating more about the obsessive culture around true crime than any new facts about Maura herself.
The series scores some points with its in-depth interviews and scenic shots of New England that make you feel the chill in the air. But the pacing is like watching a sloth run a marathon. Each episode seems to stretch Maura's scant digital footprint into an hour-long saga. The creators are so determined to squeeze every drop from the story that by the end, you might feel as lost as the investigators. It's like being promised a thriller and getting a lecture on the importance of keeping your car maintained in winter.
In conclusion, "The Disappearance of Maura Murray" is okay if you're into the true crime scene and have some time to kill (no pun intended). It's a comprehensive look at a baffling case, with moments that tickle your brain cells, but don't expect any bombshell revelations. If nothing else, it's a sober reminder that sometimes, despite our best efforts, mysteries remain just that-a mystery. So, buckle up for a moderate ride through the white mountains of ambiguity.
Marlowe (2022)
Less Detective, More Defective
If there was ever a film that could make the noir genre roll in its grave, "Marlowe" has certainly clinched that dubious honor. From the moment the opening credits rolled, I couldn't help but feel I'd stepped into a parody rather than a tribute to the hard-boiled detective tales of yore. The film tries desperately to evoke the gritty charm of its predecessors but ends up as a lackluster caricature that struggles to keep its fedora on straight. The dialogue, aiming for sharp and snappy, comes off as forced and about as smooth as a gravel road.
Then there's the plot, which seems to have been concocted during a particularly uninspired brainstorming session where the best idea was, "Let's just throw in some twists and hope for the best." Characters walk in and out of scenes with little to no purpose, making me wonder if they wandered off the set of a better film and got lost. Liam Neeson, bless his heart, brings his usual gravitas but even he can't save this sinking ship. He wanders through scenes with all the detective prowess of someone who's lost his car keys but has forgotten what a car looks like.
Visually, "Marlowe" tries to dress up the mundane with moody lighting and rain-soaked streets, but it feels more like a theme park ride through Noirville rather than an actual film set in the 1930s. It's all hat and no cattle, or in this case, all trench coat and no clues. For those seeking a film that truly captures the essence of the genre, you're better off watching paint dry. It might not have the same promise of intrigue, but at least the outcome is less disappointing.