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chrisgemmelluk
Reviews
The Full Monty (2023)
The full Waterloo road
Really struggled to get by third episode, was so boring and depressing. Felt like watching a longer version of bbc school drama waterloo Road. New characters did nothing to interest Me with some older ones literally used for nostalgic background purposes. I know they couldn't do another story about now even older guys stripping but maybe it was just better leaving the legacy of a single movie that was a product of its generation. Whole program seems to be anchored around Mark Addy as dave with the school the basis for so many of the stories going on. Also the Hugo Spear controversy with the poor handling of that affair caused a negative reaction to shows PR.
From Dusk Till Dawn (2001)
A generous 2
This game was rotten. The controls clunky, AI stupid, graphics laughable and dialogue diabolical. I didn't finish it as it was an upsetting gaming experience. Seth Gecko sounds or looks nothing like his Clooney version bar his tattoo and vest. He has a shaven head and looks so thin he either was an aids victim or a heroin addict (coincidentally seth character becomes a heroin addict in season 2 of the dusk till dawn tv show). He doesn't use trademark gun or hold it in way he does in the movie.
Thankfully nobody seemed to notice this game came out and it quietly disappeared into the shadows.
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
Epic a movie made for the cinema
After the much delayed Black widow and the frankly disappointing Eternals the marvel juggernaut (assisted by Sony on this one) really needed to knock it out the park and boy did they ever. A near perfect superhero epic.
Only Fools and Horses: Strangers on the Shore...! (2002)
His name is .....
GARY , Gary, gary, gary ,Gary, gary ..... GARY !!!. 19 years later still can say gary any other way. Brilliantly funny episode and the best of the 3 episode early 2000s run.
No Time to Die (2021)
Absolute garbage
Worst Craig outting as bond but also the worst Bond movie ever. Big up to marketing for making the trailer look better than the actual movie. Substandard villain with hardly any screen time, nonsensical plot, big characters hardly appearing in movie, so so action scenes. This would have been a good movie if it wasn't a Bond movie. Poor way for Craig to bow out.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Boring
Do yourself a favour skip to 29mins as absolute nothing happens up until that point and if you don't you will be either sleeping or turned off in boredom. Such a great cast in a really awful movie. Huge disappointment and the Iggy Pop zombie looks constipated the whole time he is on screen.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
Best movie ever made
This film has everything, its been 20 years now since its release and its still so easy to quote lines without thinking. Its a crime this still has not had the bluray treatment.
Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance (2015)
A disgrace to the original
The original samurai cop is one of the greatest "bad" action movies of all time this garbage shouldn't even be connected to the original. All the unintentional funny moments of the original are missing . Even having some of the original cast doesn't save it. Do yourself a favour and watch the original samurai cop or watch either killing American style or young rebels which are both great Amir Shervan "bad" movies.
Pet Sematary (2019)
Awful, let them stay dead
Had the unfortunate experience of seeing this in the cinema. John Lithgow the only good thing in this movie but not even he can save this cabbage.
The Comic (1985)
Absolute cabbage
I came across this movie when arrow announced a bluray treatment would be making its way into the world but upon the announcement the sheer barrage of negative comments was like nothing I had seen before. Fast forward to the release of the movie on bluray ,Arrow also added the film to its online channel on amazon prime.
So I had a 7 day free trial for arrow so why not check out to see what all the fuss is about.....
This film is cheap but not cheap in a good or arty way just cheap in a nasty poorly filmed way. I lasted a mere 25 minutes of this atrocity and that was 24 minutes to much.
So instead I will review a female stripper in the movie and her breasts as that was at least something interesting I saw i this movie. The main character goes home with a stripper who strips to her sexy underwear and removes top half to show perky little boobies and then it cuts to next scene. Not great boobs but least was something lol.
So avoid this movie at all costs as its rotten and the people who made it should be ashamed of themselves. A Uwe Boll movie is citizen kane compared to this rubbish.
I did actually read a story in regard to this movie that when it was premiered in the Scala cinema in London that the director had to be escorted out secretly as it was getting booed,heckled and they feared for his safety
Phantasm II (1988)
The balls are back
Phantasm 2 picks up directly at the cliff hanger ending of the first movie but then time jumps a number of years to show a young adult Mike. He and Reggie now look to track down and stop the tall man.
Story wise its a lot different from the first movie as its less suspense but more action sequences but that's not exactly a bad thing as it brings a lot to the movie.
Mike this time is played not by A.Michael Baldwin but by James Le Gros who actually does a great job and arguably is the better Adult Mike character compared to Baldwin who returns in part 3,4 and Oblivion(horror snobs usually turn there nose up at Le Gros as he isn't the "original mike" but screw them guy did a great job). Angus Scrimm and Reggie Bannister return with Reggie really shining through in the sequel.
This is my personal favourite of the phantasm series as you can see the expansion of the story and the phantasm Mythos here.
Its got a bigger budget which you can see in affects,stunts etc and turns the blood up to a next level. The soundtrack is eerie and iconic and has a real 80s synth feel apposed to the original score which I think works for the movie.
The sets look polished and not cheap with the production budget spent really well.
Don Coscarelli complains that the studio would pester him and not give him as much artistic freedom than he would like but damm this movie was a decent hit at box office and on VHS, I particularly remember the VHS cover of the woman looking through the two holes in her hands as a lasting image of the Video era.
All in all this is a great movie with a brilliant mix of the first and action kinda like watching first alien then watching aliens and seeing a big jump in style
Great movie to check out and now has a decent bluray transfer and release from Arrow video
Dracula (2020)
BBC's big show for the new year
Updated review post coronavirus. It is a weird coincidence that this program screened on new year's day 2020 as like 2020 this program started off so well and got worse as it went on. Like 2020 which you just want to end so you can see the back of it this program mirror images it.
So in conclusion if 2020 was a TV show dracula would be it
This was shown over the Christmas period more specifically new years day onwards, if this is The BBC model for shows in 2020 we are screwed
I gave this a generous 4 but could easily get a 1 or 2.
Episode 1 nice eerie feel, Dracula is fantastically cast, a few changes from source but so much promise just a couple of flaws.
Episode 2 the boat trip to england, in the book this is a mere footnote and in previous adaptations a brief flashback sequence. This episode is Poirot meets Dracula I expected David Suchet to pop out and solve the mystery of the dead ship mates.
Episode 3 dracula in the 21st century. Major time jump with Dracula now on Skype, texting and online dating for his dinner. Absolute garbage. This episode made the Gerard Butler movie Dracula 2000 seem like citizen kane.
In conclusion so much potential but absolutely ruined by the BBC
Zombie Women of Satan (2009)
Unappreciated Brit horror Gem
Ignore all the low star reviews this film is bloody genius. It's a brilliant low budget brit sleaze classic. Full of dodgy innuendo dialogue, loads of half naked women, good old fashioned practical effects, buckets of blood and gore.
Quick explanation storyline a burlesque circus style troop are going out to a cottage out in the woods for a internet show, unknowing to them a doctor is doing experiments on half naked alternative looking ladies that causes them to turn into crazed psycho zombies.
Fun splatter fest for vhs generation