cal112hmb Reviews

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)

Godawful...

[3/10 · 11 May 2010]

Wow, this movie was bad. No plot development, no answered questions, and no point at all. Why even bother making it? It is clear that this director is severely demented, so I can only assume that his funding came from a source who thinks that shock value will equal a nice bankroll when it's all said and done. The story is almost nonexistent and seems like an afterthought.

The one thing I will give this movie credit for is the acting of the two American women. While they won't be winning any Academy Awards for this filth, they do play the part of the tortured tourists very well. You can definitely see the suffering and downright agony in their eyes after the "procedure".

If you want to see people in crazy situations, you'd be better off watching the Saw movies. Heck, even Hostel Part II is better than this, and I thought that was pretty bad as well. Don't waste your time seeking this movie out to watch it; it really isn't worth the effort.

Anybody calling this "art" needs to head out and find their nearest museum so they can see what they are comparing this trash to.

Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye (2002–2005)

Pretty good show!

[7/10 · 16 October 2009]

First off, let me just say that comparing this to other police/FBI dramas is not the right thing to do, although at first glance they appear to be in the same category as Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye. While this does deal with the true story of Sue Thomas and her admission into the FBI, the show takes time to shine the spotlight on Sue's difficulties adjusting to her new life and co-workers as much as it does following them on cases.

As far as a crime drama, this show is about average. However, you should really look at it as a biography of her life and dealing with her disability first. Since they do deal with that topic a lot, there are certain episodes where the writers tend to spell everything out for you in one scene rather than showing us what is going on so they can fit everything in that they want to. Unfortunately when they do that, the story suffers because of it and makes it seem like they are catering to grade school children rather than adults. However, the pacing is okay in most episodes, and it is rarely a big deal.

The actors are pretty top notch, especially Deanne Bray, whom I first discovered while watching Heroes. She shows her emotions better than most, probably because she has had to deal with a lot of roles that had little to no dialog. In this role, she actually has a TON of dialog, and I am always impressed by how well she can read lips and return conversation while hearing almost nothing. That must have taken years to get good at, and is pretty inspiring to say the least (much like the real Sue Thomas). The supporting cast, including her best friend and love interest, have great on-screen chemistry together. This is a bit surprising since I normally only see that with the main characters, but everybody on this show looks like they could be friends in real life.

All in all, it's a great family show if you are looking for a drama with little to no violence. Check it out on Animal Planet when it starts to syndicate; they picked it up because of Sue's dog Levi having a big role in the show. Levi is awesome, by the way. If you want to see a dog that can interpret sign language (and really, who DOESN'T want to see that???), then give this show a try.

Spider (2002)

Terrible Movie

[1/10 · 22 August 2006]

This movie was God-awful! Sitting through it was like torture, constantly looking at the clock to see if the 90 minutes was up yet. The story was bland and there was practically no plot for 2/3 of the movie. The acting was weak, the dialogue was horrible, and the only good part of the movie was the last 5 minutes. This movie is definitely not a "thriller", as there were absolutely no scary or tense parts in the film. I almost fell asleep 10+ times and after seeing it all the way through, I wish I had tasted the sweet, sweet release that sleep would have given me.

I wouldn't even recommend this movie to my worst enemy. Stay away from this film at all costs! If you want to see a good Ralph Fiennes role, rent Red Dragon.

John Tucker Must Die (2006)

Decent movie...just don't expect too much

[5/10 · 29 July 2006]

First off, don't go into the theater thinking this is going to be the greatest teen film of all time. It isn't, nor does it try to be. This movie was perfect for what my girlfriend and I were looking for: something light, mildly funny, with a few early 20's actors playing the stereotypical roles. Some might be let down by Sophia Bush's role in this movie, although she did have some good moments. Ashanti wasn't half bad in her head-cheerleader role, Arielle Kebbel was okay (didn't have enough good lines though), and Jesse Metcalfe was truly born to play John Tucker. Anyone who has seen him on Desperate Housewives will agree that he definitely looks the part of John.

The only actor who seemed out of place was John Tucker's brother, played by Penn Badgley, although it wasn't for lack of talent. The character was very out of place throughout the entire movie and didn't really add anything to the plot. When he did get a scene he definitely shined, but they were too few for him to make a difference to the plot.

I think the movie could have been better, but again, it didn't try to do too much in the first place. For a nice date movie that you won't regret spending your hard earned cash on, "John Tucker" is a decent choice.

Darkness (2002)

Awful!

[1/10 · 14 January 2006]

This movie is one of the worst (if not THE worst) "horror" movie I have ever seen. Even a top notch actress like Anna Paquin could not save this film from making my head hurt. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about this film was horrid. The story is too dragged out and boring, while the "evil" in the movie doesn't make itself known until the last 20 minutes or so.

I saw the PG-13 version and found out that it was drastically cut down from its R rating, so I decided to rent the uncut version only to find that it was not much different than the original. There are about 2 more scenes of gore and a swear word here and there, which obviously does not make the movie much better than it was before.

The film makers really have no excuses for this one. Don't buy, don't rent, don't watch, even if it is "free". You will pay with 2 hours of your life that you will never get back.

Saw II (2005)

Disappointed

[4/10 · 30 October 2005]

First off, let me just say that the first Saw film was a work of art that made me feel something no other horror movie has touched since. There was claustrophobia, tension, and a great plot twist at the end. Most of this is lost in Saw 2.

The movie begins with a bang, as Jigsaw has set up a trap for an unknowing individual. You get the same look and feel as you did when seeing the traps for the first time in "Saw". However, it is all downhill from here. John is not the mysterious character that he was in the first movie; rather the writers tried to make his humanity stand out more through a series of flashbacks throughout the movie. I don't think they foresaw the entire mystery element being swept away with that decision, but that is exactly what happens in this film. Not many movies can survive outing the villain within the first 15 minutes, and sadly, this falls into that group.

When the mystery element is compromised, one of the things that can really keep me on the edge of my seat is the tension of the actors. This is also vacant in Saw 2. The cast never gels as Adam and the doctor do in the first movie, and it is apparent in every scene. Shawnee Smith, the lone survivor of Jigsaw's "game", is back for the sequel and acts much like Ali Larter did in Final Destination 2. She tries to be a leader and mentor to everybody in the house, yet comes off as a smug and obnoxious character who is just as unlikable as everyone else in the house. Beverley Mitchell (of 7th Heaven fame) is out of her league in the horror genre, as is Franky G, who plays Xavier. Everyone else had loads of potential, but never quite gelled as they should have.

As mentioned before, the tension element is lacking in Saw 2, and much of it has to do with the missing claustrophobia that was everywhere in the first one. At first, I thought they were all going to be confined into the one room that they wake up in, but you find shortly after that the rest of the house is their's to explore as well. The house felt huge compared to what it was being portrayed as in the previews, and I feel that was a mistake.

The two things that I felt Saw 2 had going for it were Donnie Wahlberg's acting and the amazingly twisted ending. Donnie was great as the father of one of the victim's of Jigsaw's game, and fans of the first Saw's ending will NOT be disappointed with this ending. As stated in countless reviews before mine, the ending to Saw 2 sets up the franchise for however long Lion's Gate decides to keep it running. Overall, the movie is a disappointing entry in the Saw franchise, but looking forward to the last 15 minutes makes the other 1 hour 15 minutes bearable.

Wanda Does It (2004– )

Wanda DOESN'T do it...

[15 October 2005]

This show was not good. In fact, it was borderline terrible. The show's premise had loads of potential, but the writing was sub-par and Wanda wasn't as funny as she is when doing stand-up.

It is not often that I say this about a show, but the supporting cast was the ONLY aspect of "Wanda Does It" that worked. The only time I really found the show enjoyable was when her manager was around. The chemistry between them is the only reason this show lasted the 4-5 episodes that it did.

Other than that, there was really nothing funny about this reality show/sitcom and there is absolutely no way I can recommend it to anyone.