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Summer of 84 (2018)
Absolute Hollywood Trash
This is not 80's. You learn that by the perfect hair everyone has... the hair stylist budget probably cost thousands like every movie today (so unrealistic). And all their clothes were ironed and brand new and had that stiff "just bought" look. Where is the authenticity? Or are the Directors so absorbed now-a-days in their rich Hollywood lives, that that's "normal" to them. Ofc boys have $1,000 hair cuts how else would they win the Oscars? 1980's movies were authentic because they probably got all the cast's clothing from the local Salvation Army! And as for hair and makeup... what? Run a comb through the hair? It's like you watch these 2010+ movies and it's not actors playing people anymore. It's actors playing actors. It goes to show how out of touch Hollywood is with the rest of America. Any air of authenticity is lost...and as an audience member I felt left out. It's as if this movie was made for ME. And that can be said about MOST movies post 2010. Even the speaking, the jokes, the ideas, all over the head as a "regular person." It's why I haven't been to a movie theater since 2014, got tired of movies like this where as an audience member you "just don't get it". It's because they're making too much money in Hollywood.
Terraferma (2011)
Absolutely Terrible
Another Liberal take on how allowing foreigners to invade your country, water down your society, take your land, take your women and destroy your traditions is somehow the "Human" thing to do. Read history to find out what the "Human" thing to do is when people invade your country, it's alot bloodier than the Hippy vision of a communist society where everyone gets along and all cultures disappear and we have only 1 people left in the world to sell McDonalds to. That is the future this movie tries too sell and ignores the fact that "Diversity" in the world s allowing people to exist in their own country. When I travel to Italy I want to be greated by Italians, Africa, Africans, America, Americans, etc etc. This new vision of "diversity" is nothing but every race/creed/culture lumped together in one country to the point that there IS no diversity and we all become 1 indistinct race that the News and Big Business can sell their products too easier because we've become 1 demographic. No thank you that is not human that is the opposite of human that is turning humanity into a herd of sheep and is NOT a future that I look forward to or would in any way condone.
At Home with Amy Sedaris (2017)
Too much filler not enough comedy
The humor is dry but not dry enough. There is a lot of filler. They take the reality aspect of it way too far sometimes minutes going by of what seems like a real cooking show and then a small joke pops up and then it's back to the fake reality show again. Some of the humor is harsh and awkward and just comes off as unfunny. Also a lot of the "running jokes" which are jokes that are repeated several times for comedy effect miss the mark the first time and each time it repeats it's like salt in a wound. I hope they greatly improved this show because the first two episodes don't look promising.
Krypton (2018)
Boring "Reality-TV" style nonsense.
The camera is always panning around in a "reality-TV" style to make it seem like you're actually there but it makes it confusing and amateurish and you miss alot of the action trying to figure out what's going on while the camera jitters back and forth. I hate this style.
No explanation why they all have British Accents. Can't relate to it. British accent in general is very annoying to me as an American. Severely overused in movies/TV to show ancient or civilized or advanced cultures whether it is accurate or not.
Main character acts in a spastic unrealistic way not portraying how an actual American would react and says things that Americans wouldn't say. It gives it a unceremonious, once again amateurish, "reality-TV" feel not a movie feel which is much more enjoyable.
It's a huge effort wasted because the effects are cool, the costumes are cool and maybe even the story is cool but it's ruined by the terrible way in which it's conveyed.
At Home with Amy Sedaris (2017)
Too much filler not enough comedy
The humor is dry but not dry enough. There is a lot of filler. They take the reality aspect of it way too far sometimes minutes going by of what seems like a real cooking show and then a small joke pops up and then it's back to the fake reality show again. Some of the humor is harsh and awkward and just comes off as unfunny. Also a lot of the "running jokes" which are jokes that are repeated several times for comedy effect miss the mark the first time and each time it repeats it's like salt in a wound. I hope they greatly improved this show because the first two episodes don't look promising.
Beauty and the Beast (2017)
Wooden Acting, Why British Accents?
The acting was terrible...it seems that every actor paused between the next line, the timing was off, you were "aware" you were watching a movie the whole time and at no point did it draw you in.
Also... isn't Beauty and the Beast a french tale? And the original everyone had American Accents. So why on earth would they choose British accents? It makes the whole thing feel cheap and contrived.
This is one of a hundred "remakes just to make a remake" movies and it's unfortunate because if they really had cared about doing the original justice and making a movie people could enjoy..not just "lets take a sure thing and make millions off it" it might have been a timeless classic. Also they could have introduced fresh faces, people we could fall in love with not stone faced Emma Watson and Luke Evans.
Final Days of Planet Earth (2006)
Terrible Movie - Trend in the 2000's
This might be a spoiler or better yet a time saver as you won't want to see this after reading this review so be warned.
So this is one of those movies in the 2000's that people call B movies but they really aren't they aren't because they're not movies at all.
They are like a long TV-Drama played for 2-3 hours. Every scene is 2 people talking. You can tell with these new-age year 2000's "Horros" / "Sci-Fi's" that it's one of these terrible "reality TV show drama" style movies where their are no interesting backgrounds, there are no thought provoking / stimulating / exciting situations. It's 2 people talking to each other. Seriously skip through the movie a bunch of times, every scene is a conversation in a simple setting. An office, a car, a room. Nothing is going on. They're not even walking anywhere. Every scene is sitting down talking. The movie would actually be MORE EXCITING if they had a guy sitting in a chair READING FROM A SCI FI NOVEL. At least there would be story / action / etc etc etc. You can't just have people talking to each other about nonsense for 3 hours and call that a movie. It's nothing! Don't even vote on this turd !
The Carbonaro Effect (2014)
Good Family Fun
Me and my grandmother watch it all the time it is one of our favorite shows. No swearing (just beeps), nothing sexual, no blood and gore, just nothing but good laughs, surprises and things that make you wonder.
Yes the camera doesn't show u the part where he swaps what he's holding for the identical object but one with modifications from under the counter he's standing in front of. But why the @#$% would they? That would ruin the trick? What don't you people understand.
And the reason u don't see the inner workings of the tricks... is because the people he's fooling don't see it either. So it helps immerse you in the experience.
And no they marks not paid actors, they are real people thinking they are signing up for a job or class, or etc., etc. The type of person who thinks the marks are paid actors are the types of people who whine and complain that the Superbowl is fixed. You can't have that many people keep that big a secret u conspiracy theory dumbies.
So do like me and my grandma do and enjoy the darn show :D
Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (2016)
More Slower and Meandering than the Mississippi River
OK so from the movie description you know the movie is about a boy who finds Ms. Peregrins School for blah blah blah. Well, remember that information because an hour and a half into the movie...you will have learned nothing more than that. Me and my grandmother were looking at each other saying when is something going to happen? The story was very flat. It's 1 or 2 site gags with a lot of needless chatter and basically plays out like a Reality TV show but showing the parts you DON'T want to see. We shut it off an hour and a half into the movie... Think of it like this. If this movie were told by a story teller, he would clear his throat, open his book, and say "a boy finds Ms. Peregrins School for Pecurliar children" then he would pause and just stare at you for an hour and half while puffing his pipe. Tim Burton might have been quite the story teller when he made Edward Scissors Hands, but since the re- imagining of Charlie and the Chocolate factory where no one failed to point out that Johnny Depp was acting like a Coked out Michael Jackson and the fact he cast that 1 Indian Littler person to play all those terrible Techno Hindu Munchkins and now this Hunk of crap rip-off of Harry Potter or name any other British children's books, Lemony Snickets Etc, the guy should have retired in peace years ago like George Lucas should have before he ruined his first 3 movies with Sub-par CGI.
Man of Tai Chi (2013)
Boring Heartless Piece of Crap
The main character is some little ugly dude...no air of importance or heroics about him. Just looks like some random guy off the street. And he's looks 50. Very boring to look at.
It's weird how they speak Chinese in some parts and English in others. It's like pick a language and stick to it.
The fight seems seem plotted like speed-bumps. 10 minutes of boring story...Fight scene with random person, rinse and repeat.
We never once feel for our Hero starting with this awkward unsightly appearance and the unnatural way it seems he runs into everyone who wants to fight him hand to hand. Do thugs not carry guns in 2016? Keanu Reaves appearance is funny because he doesn't say much just uninspired one liners.
It's very dark. Everything almost has a greenish matrix-like tint to it. Once again another lifeless post-911 Hollywood Depression fest.
Those Who Can't (2016)
Failed Always Sunny Clone
This show tries to be like Always Sunny In Philadelphia and comes off generic.
The actors acting is vanilla and belongs in a terrible modern day cell phone commercial.
They go out of their way to be gross or off putting or vulgar and the attempt is obvious and in no way genuine. This makes it unfunny.
It's literally like somebody watched Always Sunny In Philadelphia and said "HEY! I CAN DO THAT!" Then ran to the nearest production studio and made an exact replica of ASIP but hollow, lifeless and uninspired.
I rated it at a 1 and gave it this review only because I could not press a button and make it go off air immediately.
Outpost 37 (2014)
Movie Sucked
There is no post apocalyptic atmosphere the soldiers are all laughing and joking around. It looks like it was shot with a hand-held camera and the entire movie takes place in a base that is almost never attacked by aliens. There was one scene where they were shooting at muslims from 300 yards away.......but not aliens. Movie is pathetic the people who made it should be held for treason, crimes against American minds. The cover shows a big alien organic looking thing on it.....we don't see that we see a poorly Hollywood constructed base made of the same thing the Poor class in India uses for metal roofing. In the first scene they bang on the door which has a little Dollar Tree padlock on it which they shoot off because no1 answers.. then the soldiers inside play a prank on them and everyons laughing there are tons of sophomoric scenes where everyons just hanging around talking smack to each other. There are no aliens or action in this movie. Yet the soldiers claim "we get attacked everyday at this base so look alive". The people who made this movie were flat out lying....This movie is a joke that isn't funny.
Tammy (2014)
This movie sucked
Tammy...and whatever the actress's name is is a bloated lesbian in the closet who whirlwinds around town cussing at everyone and hating her life, hating herself really and we're supposed to be so involved and caring about her. She does not for one minute convey in her acting which is obviously her real dumb and flat personality a sense of caring or honesty or anything. Oh what.... she looks down for 5 seconds "OMG SHE"S REFLECTING" the idiot masses yell. She's dumb, her face is emotionless all she has going for her is she's a swearing fat woman, funny since the dawn of time, but she does it in such a way that's just annoying and uncomfortable for the audience no matter what age. Stay away from this train wreck of a movie and the actress herself: a train wreck of a person and watch a movie with genuine feel-good vibes like "We're Cops" or whatever that 2014 movie is and not this depressing comedy.
The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It (2010)
Expect a lot of laughs
This movie was awesome. There was plenty of slapstick comedy. And even though it was parodying comedies as one user pointed out, those comedies sucked and this movie capitalized on it. The one part that gets old is the romance.. they could have left that part out. The opening was great. The characters were fresh. Where most comedies pander to public inhibitions, this one tears them open and embraces the human experience in it's fullest. Where the 40 year old virgin was just once cliché after the next, this created it's own presence. Where knocked up was in essence a movie about child birth and not a comedy, this movie says "Hi, I'm a comedy. I'm going to show you funny things. If you don't like it then you don't like comedy."