CharlesPeterWatson Reviews

Meet the Ancestors (1998–2004)

A Must-See For The Archaeological-Minded Historian In You

[10/10 · 22 November 2006]

The History Channel sometimes misses specific historical stories that the people who uncover the skeletons & artifacts in random excavations help to expose through the diligent work of the BBC's "Meet The Ancestors". A person(s) happens upon bones or fragments at a site they are digging in, they call "Meet The Ancestors", & after careful analysis & historical review of the area, the bones, & subsequent artifacts, it is soon discovered who, what, where, when, & why of the discovery. Whether it's a manor, jail, farm, castle, battlefield, or whatever, "Meet The Ancestors" gets called in & further excavate, investigate, & conclude intriguing facts about the people & places revolving around a single dig that uncovers something that make you stop digging. All of the digs occur in Britain but each episode ends up adding new information to add to existing knowledge of history.

Candy Goes to Hollywood (1979)

Candy Does Hollywood With Minimal Performance Quality

[4/10 · 7 May 2005]

Upon arriving in Hollywood, Candy has somehow set her sights on fame while her new soon-to-be manager Johnny Dooropener scopes her out. Dooropener's mix of hypnotism and tonsil hockey on Candy has convinced her she can sing. Candy, in turn, is arranged a scheduled performance showing her new singing skills and sensuality to "The Dong Show" television audience. Host Chuck Bareass returns a favor backstage to the winner, showing her the audience reaction while giving his to her behind the curtain. Johnny Farson's show is the next visit and she holds up Johnny backstage.

The rest of the movie is set to make out Candy's fame and personality a green light to bedding her at her most naive moments. The filmmakers wanted to use the ditsy blond motif, despite Connors not being a real blond or ditsy. Dooropener's career get ruined by the end when Candy decides to go to Washington D.C. and another sequel.

Caught (1996)

Only The Fish And Danny's Comedy Stink Here

[8/10 · 25 March 2005]

I was informed that there is an old Eskimo custom where the guest in an Eskimo couple's home has to sleep with the wife as a sign of gratitude for the hospitality. "Caught" puts Joe and Betty, a Hispanic couple, in the same situation with the exception that Joe neither knows of or allowed for his guest Nick to show that kind of gratitude for the hospitality offered through his servitude at the couple's fish market and home. If a stray is cute enough, a family member will fall in love with it enough to keep it at home.

Joe is much the business traditionalist by his rebuffing of corporate takeover requests pressured on him, but this hurts his marriage, giving his newest and prospective employee a new perspective. He's the son they always wanted to replace the son they wanted to replace, Danny. Betty still gazes at Danny's video past to expect a good future, much as she does for Joe's pastime despite his heart condition. Gazes are what occurs with Nick and Betty that slowly leads to the affair that lifts Betty spirits after Nick coerces Joe into selling the business for a fishing business venture.

Sure enough, Danny returns with a wife and child for a surprise visit. The reality of the new living arrangements, Nick in Danny's old room, pushes Danny to the realization of his replacement. Now, a thorn has been added to the side of Nick, Betty, and Joe. It takes a good deed by Nick against Danny as well as the knowledge of Nick's affair that causes Danny to spiral down, even with part of the money Betty gave to help Danny, which is used against her when Joe gets the news broken to him.

By the end, all four never see their futures. Half die suddenly while the other half die extremely slowly and sadly.

Counting the number of holes in Olmos' face of checking out Alonzo's firm contours and sensuality also helps in viewing this movie but the story is plotted well despite the reality that someone would have beaten the hell out of Danny for his annoying behavior.

Mosley (1998)

A Black Eye On A Blackshirt

[8/10 · 14 January 2005]

This biographical/somewhat propagandist perspective of Sir Thomas 'Oswald' Mosley portrays Mosley as a "young man in a hurry" by day and a lecherous womanizing tomcat by night. Rebel with just cause(s), Mosley is transported from soldier to statesman to soldier, making marks in three political parties before finalizing to his own Fascist Party, presented much like a new reformer in an unreformed nation and with detailed programming that makes the film look much like a Biography Channel or History Channel-produced movie suitable for the Public Broadcasting System, Sundance and Independent Film Channels, or even late-night basic cable. But the movie does pose an image of an aristocratic hypocrite (He speaks as a Labour rep for lower working classes while dress in ritzy upper class garb and living at a manor house) or a contradiction usurer ("spheres A&B"), strewn with incidents of conflict with everybody he likes, loves, or respects. Mosley gets what he wants but doesn't get everything he needed.

Public Affairs (1983)

For Bad Classic Porn Enthusiasts

[2 January 2005]

Having seen the early-80's Playboy Channel's R-rated version of "Public Affairs" through the scrambled broadcast made for non-paying viewers, I had to recapture what I missed and was deprived of by getting the original version, mainly the first two sex scenes.

The film is about Congressman Nicholas Stern's run for Senate. His campaign, financed by Fritz von Holenwohl via his wife/Nick's ex-fiancé Marybeth Butterfingers, involves fighting pornography and prostitution. Using his speech-recording aide Jodee for sexual favors and Sternmobile driver Tommy Corona as a semi-gopher, Stern is backing new legislation allowing foreigners to vote within New York State, the scandal of which news reporter Elvira Lawrence is trying to bring to light. When Nick's upcoming engagement is mentioned by Fritz during an orgy to appease a shiek for financial support, Jodee, and soon Tommy and Elvira, work in their own way to let Stern fail in his campaign. Tommy and Elvira have a torrid affair threatened by Tommy's loyalty to Stern and Elvira's search for the truth. Marybeth decides after a long thought of her past relationship with Stern to rekindle her sex life with Stern.

Bedding and BS recur throughout the movie, even with the attempt to sound more legitimate.

Tonya and Jeff's Wedding Night (1994 Video)

A Good Career Tanya Should Fall Back On, Again.

[12 November 2004]

It was a surprise blip in the genre of amateur porn but very much rescinded from popular viewing in relation to all the handful of tabloid celebrity sex flicks (Tommy & Pam, Vinny & Janine, John Wayne Bobbitt, Paris Hilton). Unlike Danza or Stallone in their earliest and even far less seen appearances, Tonya Harding's 1994 foray into homemade camcorder copulation fulfilled a curiosity for Celebrity Sleuth/Celebrity Skin enthusiasts. Now we know what sex with her would be like.

Although the first and last few minutes are filmed hand-held while the rest is filmed on tripod, Tonya and Jeff definitely reviewed similar films beforehand to perform as they did, assuring the viewer that they knew what was desired to be seen.

The whole film is a half hour porn flick styled in the manner that would arise from any one of us with the film equipment made available to the masses at the time. Of course, you'd need a trophy date of the level of fame and ferocity like that of Tonya Harding to qualify for a critique like mine.

The Run of the Country (1995)

Quintessential Simple Love/Hate/Hard Times Story in Rural Ireland

[24 September 2004]

"The Run of the Country" fulfills the early-to-mid-20th Century rural mannerism of class, character, and personal struggle after a series of dashed hopes during a passage of life. Disney's old hero worship lingers well in this flick, which in turns hits that image with reality. How a young man becomes a man happens in many ways and this film portrays the farm lad derivative. Boy lives a sad reality, boy thinks he has found solace from sad reality, sad reality returns the rebuff, boy returns to sad reality, and boy pursues new venture despite the sting of sad reality.

I liked the mode and standing of the storyline to this film, reading like an old novel one would read from the archives or see in a soap opera drama/adventure.

I watched the film like I would any paperback-novel-turned-film but when Victoria Smurfit popped up, I took better notice because I had the sensual hot spot for her since "Ballykissangel" when she replaced my previous interest Dervla Kerwin. The unsung natural beauty was the right filler for Annagh...and call me a pervert for this but to finally see Victoria Smurfit nude after imagining it from only two provocative scenes from "Ballykissangel" fulfilled an old dream, the fulfillment of which gave me reason to pursue viewing the rest of the movie.

Much like "Little House on the Prairie" was in the 70's, this Irish variation of a "Little House" 2-part episode is specifically meant for those with the soft heart for country life and times, good and bad, with the specter of then-modern Ireland working into the fabric of the story.

Crackers (1984)

How To Blow A Chiseler's Safe Safely And Not Blow Your Cover

[2 September 2004]

The Watergate break-in ran smoother than the operation executed in this flick. Of course, to get an inexperienced crew from all walks of street life (a family pimp, a musical hick and his vato, a hungry bum, and a chief conspirator with a fantasy-fulfilling meter maid girlfriend) to work together to get a pawn dealer's suspected lode from a locked safe and not have the police bust you is dicey if the musical hick had not built the store alarm with the skill level he had to operate nitroglycerin on a building beam as if he were lighting a Christmas tree. This is why his vato doesn't want him near his sister as well as it being his sister. It is somewhat more understandable than the family pimp falling for a maid who pursues a chance at prostitution and is dissuaded by the pimp. "Crackers" is a business sector misadventure set in a not-so-bustling city .

Monster in a Box (1992)

Monologue in a Theater

[30 August 2004]

It isn't a movie but a monologue performance on film and a really good monologuist performance by Spaulding Gray. Anecdotes embellished for storytelling are patterned to fit in with flashbacks to the "Impossible Vacation" that sits atop the desk.

Gray theatrically converses with the audience and other viewers of the performance, at times with the minimalist-synthesized score by Laurie Anderson to accentuate the mood. You will feel both the attempt for Gray to come full circle and the subtle depression Gray exudes through his retrospections well into the performance.

Anyone who has lost someone close to mental illness or has lived a life like that of Spaulding Gray will empathize as they watch this series of strange adventures into writing, acting, relationships, society, and the simile of personal solitude to self-realization whenever experiences unexpected encounters through one's own ambling.

Summer Camp Nightmare (1986)

Teen "Animal Farm"/"Meatballs" Meets "Lord Of The Flies"

[30 August 2004]

Can a summer camp full of fun-loving kids be run without a proper counselor? Can the love of lawless behavior create a law of the land? Would you let the inmates run the asylum? A good lesson in replacing one leadership with a much devolved leadership is taught in this flick. It runs like an after-school special of the early 1980's and makes you wonder if anyone gave a damn about rules whoever comprised any. This makes you wish Jason Voorhees would make a cameo and show the show-offs a real reign of terror.

It is hard to understand that the citizens of this revolution could keep the party going day in and day out, not pursuing much in the ways of other camp activities. Probably because the heads of state can't afford winding up with outside influences killing their fun by killing them. This is why the only three people able to thwart this campy tyranny wind up on the most wanted and despised lists. Reality would have seen this film cut shorter after a couple of weeks of overpartying and the poor attitude over the guys running the camp. The happy yet sad ending conveys a meaning of life or a comparison to history. It will be clear what not to do if a filmmaker considers pulling up a bland film from a good premise.

Targets (1968)

This Charles Whitman Sampler Film Can Make You Psychotic.

[29 August 2004]

You must be able to withstand the stereotype puritanical tone and ambiance of the 50's family life and the carry over film noir dramatics common in post-WWII boardroom settings to keep attentive throughout the bulk of the story. The film deals with two worlds of reality, each with a man at some end in their lives in their field of horror. How each copes with it gives the stories their plots.

Those with a predisposed attraction to chaotic criminality and random acts of aggression will like the final third of the film. It's what makes

up for the foot dragging and bland behavioral state of the first two-thirds.

"Targets" is a primitive celluloid template for future explanatory motion pictures querying the reasons behind what makes someone tick enough to snap. Mystery Science Theater 3000 could have improved this film since it fit the standards for such a film to be observed and critiqued.

The Crazy Stranger (1997)

Good Story in a Dismal Setting

[15 August 2004]

Take a sparse rural Pennsylvania countryside village through a year-long drought, hit it with a category 3 hurricane, maintain a consistent overcast sky long after you sprinkle down a good New England snowfall, and you'll get the feel of the Romanian sticks and rural ghettos that make the setting of "Gadjo Dilo". Those who live by the cliché "times have changed" may want to kick themselves when they view this film.

"Gadjo Dilo" is a good film for those intrigued by a trial-and-error gauntlet through the inhospitable and the discouraged for that will o' the wisp ever-present within one's grasp. Of course, you'll have to endure Gypsy culture and cleanliness made so absent that even the common slob might reconsider housecleaning.

Like "Twelve Angry Men", there's a lopsided protagonist/antagonist displacement that transcends into protagonist unanimity, except that the feared gadje becomes a mild pincushion for criticism and then a source of amusement and glee.

I like this foreign film for having a realistic manner of telling a story as well as a visual test to those who wonder what would happen if you ventured unprepared into a backwoods world of untouchables.