michle53 Reviews

Peopletoys (1974)

Primo Grindhouse Fare

[10/10 · 12 May 2024]

I ran across this film recently and wondered why I had never heard of it, considering it features a number people who were well-known actors at the time. It didn't take long to realize it must have played almost exclusively at exploitation houses, and had never in fifty years popped up on cable, at least not that I had seen.

Four kids and a sketchy nun from a mental institution are the only survivors when their van crashes on a snowy mountain road. They make their way to a ski resort, where a sleazy financier named Papa Doc is scheming with his comrades. The children and the nun waste no time in ambushing and pulverizing their shrink, who has tracked them to the resort, and the scene is an LSD-inspired tribute to the old ultraviolence of A Clockwork Orange, in slow motion, with a completely psychotic, mewling soundtrack. The actor being brutalized does not match the actor playing the shrink in earler scenes, which only adds to the sense of mayhem.

Having dispatched their link to reality, the little monsters reveal themselves to the financier and his entourage, who accept the children warmly and without question. The rest of the movie is an orgy of senseless bloodshed, made poignant by the fact that we may (or may not) have come to like the victims. The title of the movie refers to the kids' use of dead bodies as playthings.

Peopletoys contains remarkably strange scenes, such as young Leif Garrett preening in makeup and wig for no plot-driven reason--perhaps that story arc was cut. His real-life sister Dawn Lyn breaks out of her cutesy My Three Sons mold in a big way. We see a slim Sorrell Brooke lifting weights. And there's a trashy cat fight scene where the soundtrack actually purrs and meows.

It's a veritable slice of 1974 life.

The Missouri Breaks (1976)

Aged in Wood

[9/10 · 1 May 2024]

I avoided watching this movie for 48 years, due to the poor reviews and my own general lack of interest in westerns in 1976. I finally watched it last night after reading Christopher Waltz's recent criticism of Marlon Brando's portrayal of the film's enforcer. Imagine my delight when the film grabbed my attention immediately, and only let up during the romance scenes between Jack Nicholson and Kathleen Lloyd, which were overlong, but at the time deemed necessary to attract female theatergoers.

This film has only gotten better with age. I re-watched Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid recently, and I could barely sit through all the cutesy-poo affectation that played well in 1969 but unfortunately has become unpalatable. Missouri Breaks does not have that problem. It has a number of story arcs that are well-resolved. It's full of acting powerhouses, and they don't disappoint. Marlon Brando is absolutely bewildering, in a good way. I remember when the film first came out, much publicity was made out of Brando performing the role in drag. Well, it turns out he wears a dress and poke bonnet in one scene, at night, for no reason, and refers to himself as "Granny" as he brutally murders someone. No explanation is ever offered. It's not a disguise.

The weakest link is Kathleen Lloyd. You can sense that she feels out of her league, though she makes an admirable effort. I think she and the director were going for a Kim Darby True Grit effect.

If you haven't seen this film yet, give it a watch. You might be surprised.

No Way Up (2024)

Poo Poo Doo Doo

[1/10 · 12 April 2024]

What is it with the young actors working today? Did they all study one scene, the same scene, and then decide it would be their model for their entire careers? Honestly, there is no emotion in these youngsters, they're zombies. Unless the director instructed them to act like that, in which case he/she/schmit should be taken to task. This isn't stylized bad acting, like in a John Waters film. This is just crap.

Anyway, the movie is a remake of Airport 77, where a jet went underwater and threatened the lives of the passengers. That's it. Much like the Poseiden Adventure remake, it isn't very good. It's free on Youtube Movies, as it should be.

Feeders 3: The Final Meal (2022 Video)

Kudos!

[10/10 · 25 February 2024]

This is a marvelously funny third installment of the Feeders franchise, and it's one of the most over-the-top Polonia films I've seen. It starts out completely self-aware with a Criswell tribute, then proceeds to gradually recap a trilogy spanning nearly 30 years. The fact that I got all of the jokes must make me a fan. Polonia movies are definitely an acquired taste, but if you get it, you get it.

Kudos are in order for producer/actor Rand Alan Sabatini. Most Polonia movies show a little skin. In this film, there is quite a bit of skin, and almost all of it is Sabatini's. The fact that he was willing to run around in his underwear with his buttcrack showing makes him my hero.

Feeders 2: Slay Bells (1998 Video)

Christmas Joy

[10/10 · 19 February 2024]

I absolutely love this movie. There is nothing about it that doesn't fill me with a sense of elation. I don't know what it is. The house in Wellsboro all decked out for Christmas. Maria Davis working with all the members of her own family. Mark Polonia being completely convincing as an insurance claims adjustor with a somewhat psychotic boss. The perky, murderous little aliens running around a small town in Pennsylvania and eating people. The poor neighbor lady who sees her cat Fluffy murdered, before she herself is killed. All of it is marvelous and hilarious. I sometimes keep this movie playing in my headphones when I'm working, just to stay in a good mood.

Feud: Masquerade 1966 (2024) Season 2, Episode 3

Plipity Plip

[2/10 · 9 February 2024]

Wow, it's difficult to quantify the sluggardly nature of this production. It has the name Ryan Murphy attached, and he's the Living Love and Loving Light flavor of the decade, it seems, so the publicity machine is humming and qvelling. I stopped watching his stuff after American Horror Story turned into straight-up torture porn. I had hopes for this because I doubted that he'd have Babe Paley become possessed and embark on a gleeful murder spree.

What we're presented with is a mumbled, whiney domestic drama. We're re-living the dullish pain of the Ladies Who Lunch, episode after episode after episode. Even the depiction of the Black and White Ball was sedating. It looked and played like a high school party in someone's rec room. Similarly, the first two episodes failed to hold my attention. The actor who plays Capote is off by about 20 degrees, and the movie stars portraying The Swans are merely adequate. So far, it looks like most of Treat Williams' lines have been excised, so he's just sort of beefy. Which is a shame.

I doubt I'm going to watch the rest of this. I guess it's been a setup for Capote having a series of protracted, drunken anxiety attacks, and who wants to see that?

Deathtrap (1982)

Did Not Age Well

[3/10 · 4 February 2024]

Deathtrap really isn't a very good movie. It may have been better as a theater production because of the immediacy factor, but it lacks something on film.

Maybe it's the actors. Am I the only one who doesn't find Chris Reeve attractive as much as intensely creepy? Which is certainly a quality in service to the film, but Michael Caine's attraction to him took me right out of things. And speaking of Michael Caine, in Deathtrap he plays the same character he plays in every other film, so no innovation there. Irene Worth plays the clownish, annoying Helga Ten Dorp. She plays it big, like she's playing it on stage. It's too much. Only Dyan Cannon breaks the mold and gives a wild, hilarious performance that is sorely missed in the second act.

Deathtrap contains no surprises you won't figure out in advance, but it does have a moody, pre-AIDS Hamptons vibe, so if you like that sort of thing, go for it.

Capote (2005)

Lite Brite

[2/10 · 28 January 2024]

So, you made a movie about famous mid-20th Century writers and you couldn't afford an editor? Interesting. I watched this again for the first time in eighteen years, and remembered that I walked out on it the first time, before the powerful ending. It was because of the eye-ripping tedium. My God, we get it: Truman Capote had complicated feelings about the Clutter murderers. Do we really need scene after scene after scene of poor Hoffman whining and weeping and mincing about like, well, Truman Capote? It's as though the director was so enamoured of Hoffman's performance that he couldn't bear to cut a single line. So the movie feels like a never-ending story, and Hoffman is the childlike empress.

Know what'd be great? A movie about the Black and White Ball, with Ellen Degeneres as Capote. Just cuz.

They Call Me Mister Tibbs! (1970)

Bizarre Sequel

[4/10 · 14 January 2024]

In the Heat of the Night, the first film in this franchise, is a masterpiece, full of marvelous characterizations and a powerful central tension. The cinematography is breathtaking. They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!, on the other hand, is a visually flat, almost affectless cheapie. Never mind that it completely re-writes the backstory of the protagonist, though the whole thing might have been more effective had it been set in Philadelphia rather than San Francisco. And the ready-made family is just a bit disconcerting and quite a bit boring. The entire family thread could have been jettisoned to the betterment of the whole.

It plays like an extended episode of the Late-1960s Dragnet, with Sidney Poitier sleepwalking through from start to finish.

The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

Don Mots Poo Poo

[1/10 · 6 December 2023]

This is...this isn't even a movie. Have you ever heard a child explain the plot of a movie? They miss all of the nuance and only relate the instances that scared them or charmed them. That's what this is like. Pompously touted as the REAL sequel to 1973's The Exorcist, this film makes up a story about demonic possession and then runs with it, right into a wall. Poor Ellen Burstyn reprises her role as Chris MacNeill, but the lines they wrote for her are asinine, as are the lines they wrote for Leslie Odom and everyone else in the cast. It's almost as if they gave some children costumes and props, bare bones of a plot, and then took furious notes as the kids ad libbed a play. Don't pay to see this thing. It'll be on Tubi soon enough.

Holiday Hell (2019)

Like an Episode of Hoarders

[6/10 · 4 December 2023]

This is an odd one. It has that late-2010s indie feel, where it's shot on video and lacks meticulous art direction. It also features a lot of brand new actors, along with some anchor actors like Jeffrey Combs and Joel Murray. Odd shots and blocking as well. I guess it just looks like someone went out and shot this in the neighborhood. For example, early on there is a scene where a car full of youngsters pulls up in front of a house. The soundtrack music is foreboding, giving the impression that there is something spooky about the place. But what we see when the camera pans is a 1960s split-foyer in what appears to be a suburb of Seattle or Portland. Not only that, but it's extremely close to the houses on either side of it. So I'm thinking, "That place can't be pure evil, because one of the neighbors, or the HOA, would have complained by now."

Aside from all that, it's a fun watch if you run across it on Tubi or Amazon Prime.

Ciao Manhattan (1972)

Pastiche

[4/10 · 10 November 2023]

This isn't really a movie. It's more like someone showing pictures with very little context. It's like a drug addict telling stories where the listener is expected to fill in the gaps, but it doesn't work very well if the listener doesn't know the storyteller. Luminaries of the 1960s midtown Manhattan art scene didn't so much burn into popular culture, they burned out. That's why, 60 years later, no one knows what the hell is going on in this movie. It's cobbled together with disparate footage. The later film is a deliberate framing device starring a highly liberated Edie Sedgwick in her late twenties. She reflects back on her career as a wispy young woman who was paid handsomely for wearing clothing. That's pretty much it. There is a lot of murky footage of The Man trying to control things, and other puzzling touches, but mostly it's wispy Edie and drunk Edie with her rotund synthetic breasts hanging out. The latter is incredibly annoying. So there's that. Then there are three woebegone people who share the screen with drunk Edie. I think that was supposed to go somewhere, but they ran out of film.

The Andromeda Strain (1971)

Excellent Film

[10/10 · 6 October 2023]

I saw this film when it first came out. I was 13 years old. It's hard to believe this movie is 52 years old. I remember enjoying it at the time, but all I could ever recall of the actual film was the lesbian scientist transfixed by a flashing red light.

Re-watching it 52 years later, I'm struck by how good this film is. There is a scene where a scientist and a doctor are running around the afflicted town looking at all the dead bodies. They find the town physician. The space-suited doctor closes the physician's eyes, lays him on the floor, and yanks his pants down, saying to his colleague, "Look at his buttocks."

The colleague replies, "That's not funny."

Mostly I'm struck by the illiteracy of computers back then, as well as the fondness for portraying individuals climbing ladders up technological monoliths, which would come to fruition a year later in The Poseidon Adventure.

I read a review wondering how this movie was rated G in 1971, what with all the seeming animal cruelty, wholesale death, and nudity (I think the partial female nudity referenced was excised by Maryland censors in the version I saw many years ago). Well, those things really weren't such a big deal in 1971. These days, a movie can be rated R if a character is depicted smoking a cigarette. Completely different worlds with different sensibilities. I have to admit that, on re-watching, the monkey scene was shocking. But even the Sterno-swilling comic relief would be a huge no-no in today's market.

The film has some plot holes and inconsistencies, and the resolution is a great big, "Huh?," but it's a great watch nonetheless.

The Beyond (1981)

Choppity McChop

[2/10 · 5 September 2023]

This thing is absolutely infuriating. I don't know if I saw a bad copy, or the dubbed version makes no sense, or if it was simply badly edited. There is a scene where an unfortunate contractor suffers a spectacularly grisly death. A woman discovers him in full rot, and nearby we see an adipocere corpse bob to the surface of a shallow pool of water. Fair enough. Cut to the movie's female protagonist driving on the Lake Pontchartrain causeway. A blind woman and her guide dog are standing in the middle of the causeway. In the middle of the lake. Meanwhile, the guy who was killed earlier and the adipocere corpse have been retrieved from their dank basement, taken to the morgue and autopsied. Our heroine, who has driven the blind woman home and is sitting uncomfortably on the couch, has no idea that the contractor was brutally murdered in her basement. So, all that happened while she was at the Piggly Wiggly? In Slidell?

The whole movie is like that. Just don't.

Berserk (1967)

The Fun Never Stops at the Fun Factory

[10/10 · 1 September 2023]

My God, it just never lets up! The camp! In her opening scene, Joan Crawford, looking shapely as ever at age 60 and resplendent as "The Big V," introduces the thrilling high wire act. We're not 5 seconds into it when the high wire (which is just a piece of rope), starts shredding and then, against all laws of physics, snaps and wraps itself around the unfortunate performer's throat. He proceeds to swing, bringing the movie's colorful title with him. Joan hastens the clowns into the ring to cheer up the traumatized audience. A new tightrope walker shows up at her doorstep and they begin a hot love affair. It must pointed out that Glamour Joan sailed away on the SS Lovely years before, so we're left with Old Constantly Smoking a Cigarette Joan, which doesn't make the love story very credible.

The film continues in this manner for the rest of its run time, and there is a great deal of circus act filler, including a poodle show that goes on for 10 minutes.

Viva Knievel! (1977)

Garbage Day

[7/10 · 22 August 2023]

My embarrassment knows no bounds. I died a little while watching this, then hid my face for almost a day for having watched this. The squirming it brings on, oh my God, who wrote this dialogue? The opening scene with the stupid Christmas presents for the orphans, the chuckleheaded nun. The sadness of seeing Gene Kelly reduced to this. Dabney Coleman and Leslie Nielsen were B movie guys, but to see Gene Kelly "acting" with someone who was, by todays standards, the equivalent of someone on YouTube who eats disgusting things and then throws up on camera, is absolutely heartbreaking. And then, of course, there's Marjoe Gortner. Wow.

Heidi (2015)

Masterpiece

[10/10 · 6 August 2023]

As someone who grew up with the plucky-clunky Shirley Temple Heidi, this movie is a revelation. The child actors are incredibly natural, and the great Bruno Ganz is untouchable in the role of the antisocial grandpa who gradually comes to cherish his granddaughter. Whereas the 1937 Heidi showcased the charms of young Miss Temple and thus became a pastiche of cute burlesque comedy skits, Gsponer's Heidi is a smooth narrative with compelling characters and flawless art direction. I have never read the book, but apparently this film is also more loyal to the original story. It's an absorbing, entertaining watch.

West Side Story (2021)

Mauch Chunk

[2/10 · 24 July 2023]

Wow Miss Maudy, that was a heckuva flop! Despite all the glowing reviews and divine provenance, nobody wanted to pay to see a remake of West Side Story. Even with the addition of Las Culturas, people just didn't seem interested. And while a certain element fell in love with it, mostly people stayed away in droves. My experience was that it certainly wasn't a bad film, but it suffered from the contemporary trend of casting the most bland actors imaginable, possibly to keep them from grabbing too much power. Also, the original WSS was very much a product of it's time, a much more innocent time. By today's standards, the difficulties in WSS seem like children fighting over a popsicle on the playground.

Death on the Nile (2022)

Just Sad

[1/10 · 24 July 2023]

Why is the current world of filmmaking filled with non-actors and shill writers? My God, if Agatha Christie saw this thing she'd cuss like a Philly bartender! It's difficult to not compare this to the 1978 film because both are based on the same novel, and both took liberties. But the 2022 version took a detour to planet stupid, and this is what they came back with. One wonders if the script was actually AI generated by scanning the novel and having whichever software they use have at it. At any rate, Kenneth Branagh makes a terrible Poirot. And as an actor, Russell Brand is a marvelous social commentator and talk show host. The rest of the cast could be named Rustle Bland, as they're just the usual interchangeable youngsters. I sure do miss the days when movies featured competent character work.

Another Man's Poison (1951)

Extremely Fun!

[8/10 · 22 July 2023]

This is a marvelous, moody contribution to the ongoing unpleasant situation genre commonly referred to as Film Noir. The ghastly, murderous mystery writer as portrayed by Bette Davis is a marvel to behold. The smarty-pants veterinarian Emlyn Williams is the perfect foil. Everyone else is fine in their roles. If I had one complaint, it would be with the writing, in particular the annoying romantic subplot between Davis and the young male supporting actor. Completely pointless and implausible. Unless the idea was that she was harassing that kid, there is no other reason that those two would have any sort of sexual relationship. She was old enough to be his mother.

Candyman (1992)

Intestinal Fortitude

[10/10 · 21 June 2023]

Why would anyone even think of watching the remake? This is the real deal. I know, I know, "They were smoking cigarettes in the old one! Bad! Cigarette people!" Yes, I know hon, but people smoked cigarettes in the early 90s, and they weren't bad people. I guess some bad people smoked cigarettes, but not all of them were bad. Some of them were. But did it really justify a remake just to show people not smoking cigarettes? You could watch the original and fast forward through the smoking scenes. Or just close your eyes and listen to the voices. Or better yet, invent some sort of flip-up device where you could visually block the scene if the characters were smoking. Maybe flip up a screen of a colorful painted harlequin, I don't know.

Anyhow, the remake really isn't very good. This movie is good. It even has Sam Raimi's brother in it.

Rabid (1977)

The Cusp of Civilization

[8/10 · 17 June 2023]

This is a remarkable slice of 1970s Canadiana. The colors and textures of this film come very close to making one feel what it was like to be alive and functioning as an adult in 1977. The brutalist apartment house with the grimy light globes featured in the latter part of the film is perfect. Marilyn Chambers, whose Germanic/mannish features poke threateningly from her luscious faux-fur, is the most bewildering actress imaginable, but she was more than willing to run around topless. Was she directed to be a smiling, winsome accident victim on the operating table? Was she poorly dubbed? My money says yes. Joe Silver, who was the quintessential Jewish dad, plays essentially the same character he played in every other movie he appeared in, kind of a roughed-up Sydney Pollack. His natural delivery makes him the standout. Another standout is the Christmas shopping mall near the end of the film.

Rabid is an enjoyable late night watch.

Eaten Alive (1976)

Boy Howdy

[8/10 · 18 May 2023]

This is a nice little Grindhouse curiosity from 1976, featuring a number of very talented actors. One wonders what they were thinking. Much of it was shot on what looks like a stage set, so it actually feels like a play. A bloody, gory play. The torture porn aspect is a bit strong, but the characterizations are surprisingly good. The overall effect is that of wackiness, which is unusual. It almost as if Tobe Hooper made a parody of his own genre, while simultaneously attempting to cash in on the Jaws craze of the era.

There are moments here that are hysterically funny, mainly caused by the demarcation between the normals in the film and the crazies. At one point the sheriff, played by Stuart Whitman, tells a victim's sister to go back to her hotel for a good night's sleep, seemingly unaware that the hotel is a filthy, ramshackle nightmare with a proprietor who spends a lot of time reeling around on the porch with a scythe. Not much sleep to be had in that place!

Eaten Alive is worth a watch if only for the remarkable performances by Neville Brand and Robert Englund, who perfectly nails the essence of late-century a$$holeism.

Burnt Offerings (1976)

Wowee!

[8/10 · 18 May 2023]

This is a thoroughly unpleasant offering from Dan Curtis, the man who brought us Trilogy of Terror. This film wasn't made for television, though it certainly has an MFT sensibility. It's a little Rosemary's Baby, a little The Exorcist, a little this, a little that.

(What stood out for me was Oliver Reed. What a meat sack that man was! "Meaty" doesn't begin to describe him. If you took a gigantic Costco chuck roast and skewered it, held it up for all the world to see, then jammed a whiskey bottle into it and let the booze go where it might, THAT would be Oliver Reed. There's a scene where he dives into a pool. They might as well have flung an entire side of beef into the water.)

The story is extremely simple. A family of three arrives to rent a mansion from a sketchy sister/brother combo. The place is available cheap, with the caveat that the renters keep an eye on the old lady in the attic. Now, that would have soured the deal for me, but Karen Black is fine with it. The family has their own old lady in tow, Bette Davis, sporting the sexagenarian brittle hair helmet of the era. It's distracting. The whole family gradually falls prey to the sinister forces of the house, culminating in a spectacular loony toons demise for Oliver Reed.

Is it good? Absolutely. The cast is stellar. It rips along without a moment's respite, and even Reed's backstory is interesting.

Terror at London Bridge (1985 TV Movie)

Winner Winner

[8/10 · 17 May 2023]

I happily found this chestnut on Tubi the other night. I couldn't believe the lineup: Barbeau, Hasselhoff, Gulager and Miss Rose Marie. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

The story is as old as cinema itself. Jack the Ripper is reincarnated after falling to his death in the Thames and becoming one with a stone from London Bridge. Flash forward a hundred years; the bridge is now on a lake resort town in Arizona. An unfortunate tourist bleeds on the Ripper stone, and that's the end of her. Jack traipses all over town, creeping people out, trying to keep a low profile.

Meanwhile, Adrienne Barbeau as the town librarian makes a date with what appears to be a lesbian in a cravat. David Hasselhoff is the hunky town cop who spills buckets of his own backstory to anyone who will listen. He's dating the charter fisher person. All this time, Jack is running around slashing women.

This could have been a marvelous romp had the script been trimmed. There is far too much pointless exposition. Still, it's a very fun watch.