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crosbyj13
Reviews
The Bikeriders (2023)
What a letdown.
Dull and boring. Felt like this could have been so much more.
Feels like 90% of the dialogue is the guy's girlfriend recounting time with the bike club. And at first her wanna be Frances Mcdorman Fargo accent was ok, But after a while it was just grating.
Most of the time the main guy and Tom Hardy's character hardly say anything. They just grunt and stare. Michael Shannon is a phenomenal actor and is completely wasted.
The movie was well made, and I can appreciate what they were trying to do, but it just really felt like there was nothing of substance here.
Ironically the best scene of the movie is when Tom Hardy actually decides to talk and has a conversation on the front porch with the main guys girlfriend. Otherwise, not much here. You'll be bored.
Also, I'm supposed to find these guys likeable as their bike club gets corrupted right? As the REAL criminals take over.
Yet when the main character willingly picks a fight in a bar, in retaliation Tom Hardy decides to burn down the bar to punish the owner who didn't have anything to do with the fight.
So all of a sudden Tom Hardy goes from a fairly normal bike rider to an evil warlord burning down bars?
If this review sounds disjointed it's just because the movie has no substance or meaningful structure.
Alien: Romulus (2024)
Solid entry. Thank you Ridley Scott for a normal fun popcorn movie.
True rating 8 but I want to boost it.
Honestly what else can you ask for out of an alien movie? Cool monster scenes, creepy atmosphere, building tension. Just solid popcorn fun. And that's what this is.
Also I love how many real sets and prop monsters they use. Significantly improved the viewing experience. CGI overkill movies are tiring.
And though some people might fault the movie for less interesting characters - frankly, who cares? It's alien, it doesnt need to be deep.
I appreciate Ridley Scott in the same way I appreciate Tom Cruise and the mission impossible movies. You know you're just going to see a fun well filmed movie with a lot of practical effects.
And it's really nice to just be able to watch a good popcorn fun movie without getting bashed over the head by Hollywood forcing a political message for making some kind of heavy-handed social statement. More directors need to get the message that we don't need that forced into movies.
Give us more movies like this. Simple, fun and well made. Good guys versus bad guys (in this case monsters), cool effects.
So is it the greatest movie of all time? Of course it's not.
It's just a fun monster movie. And a really well made one.
I'm sure there's going to be people dissecting plot holes etc. To those people I would say just relax for 2 hours and enjoy a fun movie. Don't overthink it.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)
Pathetically bad.
Do not watch this abysmal movie. I didn't make it halfway.
For starters the plot makes no sense. Pratt's ex, in one conversation convinces him to join her in going to an exploding Island to try to capture renegade killer dinosaurs and save them by moving them to a convenient secret island. (WTF?)
I don't care how much these people love dinosaurs. Nobody would risk their life for this.
Then you've got the unbearable woke millennial characters. Including the hipster genius girl who stands up to an entire military squadron holding her up at gunpoint, and causes all of them to lower their weapons. You might as well have just beat me in the head with a hammer chanting "strong female character" over and over.
But I thought I would give the movie a few more minutes, but it becomes Looney tunes. Pratt is hit with a tranquilizer gun, slobbered on by a dino. Lava starts coming toward him, but the tranq wears off at that exact moment and he flops/rolls away from the lava in the nick of time.
Actually, you could have just shown Chris Pratt flopping away from lava for an hour and a half and it would be better than this garbage. Holy hell.
The Guest (2014)
Great start...God awful second half.
Starts with a great premise. Guy shows up at the house of the fallen soldier identifying himself a fellow soldier/friend, there to honour the soldiers dying wishes to take care of his family.
But it's clear something is off. Creepy. Just not right. The tension builds nicely.
Then all of a sudden, in the blink of an eye the movie becomes "Rambo acts like Michael Myers"
It becomes comically dark and over the top dismal with left and right slayings, cartoonish military battles at a rural home. It just got ...weird?
It's really too bad. The first half was really great and I was thinking that it was going to be more of a slow building premise where the guest was lying, turns the family against each other, all for some secondary gain.
Have they stuck with a more realistic slow building second half plot this would have been a fantastic film. Unfortunately it just became ridiculous and over the top and outrageous.
Like I said it goes from slow building suspense to Rambo acting like Michael Myers.
The Martian (2015)
Balancing out good reviews
Starts ok. Gets weaker and weaker.
1. Every problem or life threatening situation is solved immediately so it never feels this guy is in peril.
2. Ridiculous nonsensical physics throughout.
3. Main character is a botanist and yet everyone is bewildered he can grow crops. Isn't that what he was presumably up there for?
4. All supporting characters are generic and bland.
5. The original crew decide within 30 seconds to turn around and go back to Mars. Good Lord. They basically act like spending another 2 years in space and risking their lives on a statistically improbable mission is a no brainer. This would be a ridiculously hard decision that would involve an intense debate.
6. The Chinese officially offering their assistance took place over one silly phone call.
7. Matt Damon flying through space via a hole in his suit.
8. Matt Damon seems nearly completely unphased that he has been left stranded and unlike in Castaway, there is no suggestion that his mental health is in any way affected by such a difficult situation.
On and on I could go.