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Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
I'm Supposed to Love It
Ah yes! An award winning movie. That means I'm supposed to like it. No, more than that-I'm supposed to be nuts about it. Well, this wouldn't be the first "award winning" movie I didn't like.
"Everything Everywhere All at Once" (Everything) is one of those movies that uses a lot of symbolism and a long runtime to drive home its point. Ostensibly it's about a woman named Evelyn Wang (Michelle Yeoh), her decisions, and the parallel universes each of her decisions create.
The idea is that with every decision Evelyn made, in a parallel universe she made a different one which resulted in a different life for her. Starting from her earliest decision going forward until the fifty-something-year old she was, that would be millions of parallel universes because the decisions would increase exponentially. If we account for every person then we're talking about infinite universes.
Evelyn was awakened to these universes by her husband Waymond (Ke Huy Quan)-or the Alphaverse version of her husband that took over her husband's body. He also explained that she could tap into the skill set of any version of herself just by doing something quirky and out of the ordinary. She'd have to do this to help fight against the Jobu Tupaki, which was a powerful evil woman who wanted to destroy all of the multiverses.
What Jobu Tupaki really was was Evelyn's angry daughter Joy (Stephanie Hsu). And THAT was the crux of the movie in my opinion. Joy was an angry lesbian daughter who didn't get along with her mother who wanted to blame her discontent on her mother. If only her mother had done xyz or hadn't done abc then she would be so much happier. Like most teens, her anger was such that she'd prefer to destroy the world, or herself, to escape it.
I suppose the movie was supposed to be deep and it probably tapped into the psychological center of many people, but it missed me. As a production, it was cool. I liked the cast: Michelle Yeoh, Jamie Lee Curtis, the incomparable James Hong, and Ke Huy Quan who I remember as Data in "The Goonies." The camera shots, the action, and everything cinematic about the movie was enjoyable. The story, however, I couldn't get into and that's big for me.
Svart krabba (2022)
Jumps Right In
"Black Crab" is one of those dystopian action movies that jumps right into the thick of things. From the very beginning there is some type of war in Sweden. It seems more like a civil war than anything by how the events unfold. The main character, Caroline Edh (Noomi Rapace), was separated from her daughter at the very beginning. The two were pulled out of their vehicle by soldiers or mercenaries during midday traffic. The next time we see Caroline she is a soldier herself without her daughter.
Caroline and five other soldiers were given a mission that could end the war. They were given two capsules of unknown content. They would have to ice skate over a frozen body of water 100km to the city of Odo where they would deliver the capsules to their recipients. The team consisted of Caroline Edh (called Edh), Nylund (Jakob Oftebro), Malik (Dar Salim), Granvik (Erik Enge), Karimi (Ardalan Esmaili), and Forsberg (Aliette Opheim). It was sure that they wouldn't all make it, but would ANY of them make it, and would it end the war?
"Black Crab" was intense. They did a lot with a little. With so little character exposition, it was hard to know anyone's motivations and what side they were on, which kept up the intensity. If you.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
Give Me Some Yesterday Wars Too!
After watching a movie about a benevolent alien named Jules, I just watched a movie about malevolent aliens. "The Tomorrow War" was part "Edge of Tomorrow," part "Alien," part "Predator vs. Alien," and part "Independence Day," yet still distinct and good enough in its own right.
In December of 2022 a group of soldiers from 30 years in the future walked through a portal during the World Cup to inform the world that all of mankind is under attack by creatures called "White Spikes" and that humanity would be wiped out by these aliens if something drastic wasn't done. The world came together to send whatever soldiers they had to fight the White Spikes. They got to the point they were drafting just about every civilian who could survive the time jump. When the nations got to that point was when James Daniel Forester Jr. (Chris Pratt) was drafted.
Forester was an Iraq veteran and a scientist. He was married to Emmy (Betty Gilpin) and had a daughter named Muri (Ryan Kiera Armstrong). By all accounts he was a very normal guy which made me a bit apprehensive about the movie to start. "Don't tell me this regular guy is going to save the world because he has a wonderful family to return to?" is what I was thinking. I wasn't in the mood for the normal guy turned hero due to his love for his family.
Then, somehow, they made me care about this normal guy and his family. He wasn't quite normal. He did serve two tours in Iraq, which counted for something, and he was a scientist, which also counted for something. He was going to need all of his skill sets to survive and possibly destroy the fast-moving, ultra-aggressive, armored, hive-minded, large, strong, toothy, tentacled aliens that could shoot metal piercing spikes from their bodies. He would need help though. His options were limited to his father (J. K. Simmons), two future-war platoon-mates in Charlie (Sam Richardson), and Dorian (Edwin Hodge), and others.
"The Tomorrow War" was exciting, intense, and gripping. The atmosphere and visual effects were stunning, plus I found myself genuinely caring about the fate of the world and the fate of Dan (Pratt) and his family. That's an accomplishment for any movie. This is my second Amazon produced film ("Air" being the first) and they are two-for-two so far.
Thunder Force (2021)
Octavia Spencer Needed to Help
"Thunder Force" was a movie that could've been better, or it could've been so quirky it was good. It didn't quite capture the "so bad, it's good" aspect, but it wasn't terrible.
"Thunder Force" takes place in Chicago. It follows two girls who were childhood friends that grew apart. The two friends: Lydia Berman (Melissa McCarthy) and Emily Stanton (Octavia Spencer) had different goals in life. Lydia was a partier who didn't think much about the future at all, whereas Emily was consumed with her future. She did nothing but study so that she could one day create a formula to endow good people with superpowers to defeat the "Miscreants." "Miscreants" were basically supervillains, and it was miscreants who killed Emily's parents.
Emily developed that formula, and by a series of plot-advancing dumb actions Lydia gained super strength from that formula. Emily used it for herself to have invisibility, and the two of them united to make team Thunder Force; two unlikely and improbable superheroes. Lydia's super strength was useful, but Emily's invisibility didn't make her at all able to join a battle against Miscreants like Laser (Pom Klementieff) or The King (Bobby Cannavale). Emily was still a mid-40's (really early-50's) overweight woman with a sedentary lifestyle. Invisible or not, she wasn't fit to fight anybody.
It was a comedy, so such things can be overlooked; and I would have overlooked the obvious had it been funnier. It is easy to overlook inconsistencies and other flaws when something is funny. "Thunder Force" largely relied on Melissa McCarthy for the comedy with small pitch-ins from Jason Bateman, who played The Crab (a guy with crab pincers instead of hands). McCarthy can be funny at times, but she needed help in this one, and it would have been nice if Octavia Spencer was the help (see what I did there?).
Netflix.
Mortal Kombat (2021)
They Failed Again
"Mortal Kombat" 1995 was pretty darn bad, so a reboot was welcomed. They had twenty-six years to get it right and this is what they gave us? Mortal Kombat 2021 is just as bad! All they did was add curse words and CGI. That doesn't make a movie better.
2021 starred Lewis Tan as Cole Young, a descendant of Hanzo Hasashi (Hiroyuki Sanada) who would later become Scorpion. Cole Young, Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee), Kano (Josh Lawson), Jax (Mehcad Brooks), Kung Lao (Chin Han), and Liu Kang (Ludi Lin) would all become fighters representing the Earth realm. They would have to defeat the Outworld which was coming into the tournament with a nine tourney win streak. If they won one more they would be able to take over planet Earth.
Leading the Outworld fighters was a human-like being named Shang Tsung (Chin Han). He didn't quite play by the rules. His goal was to kill all of Earth's champions before the tournament even started. For that he used Goro (four-armed Hulk-looking guy); Mileena (Sisi Stringer) who reminded me of the character Baraka from the game; Nitara (Mel Jarnson), a winged woman; Reiko (Nathan Jones), a big guy with a Thor-like hammer; Kabal (Daniel Nelson), an extremely fast fighter whose face we never see; and the main guy, Bi-Han aka Sub Zero (Joe Taslim).
Raiden (Tadanobu Asano) somewhat regulated things and protected Earth's champions the best he could. The Earthworld fighters all had a distinguishing mark on their bodies that looked something like the Mortal Kombat dragon. Cole Young was born with his mark while other fighters earned their marks by defeating someone or something with that same marking.
"Mortal Kombat" was a total flop. It was riddled with bad dialogue, substandard acting, and a weak plot. It was like the production team figured that so long as the CGI was on point and there was blood and cussing, then the audience would be satisfied. Maybe that was true for some, it certainly wasn't true for me.
Viewable on Netflix.
Kate (2021)
Stop the Ride and Let Me Off
This wack ass movie is for people who haven't seen an assassin movie in the last twenty years. Otherwise you'll see this as a messy hodge podge of better movies-from the killer with a conscience, to the obvious betrayal, to the smart ass teen-it was all predictable and lame. Even the title was unoriginal. "Kate." Like "Lucy," "Hanna," "Anna," and I'm sure I'm forgetting some other one name assassin movies (although Lucy wasn't an assassin).
Kate was plucked from her parents at a young age by a man named Varik (Woody Harrelson) and trained as an assassin. I, like probably many folks, guessed that Varik was the bad guy in the very beginning.
God it sucks to be right.
Kate had a mission to kill two men: Kentaro and Kijima. She killed Kentaro but failed to kill Kijima. Shortly after this failure Kate was poisoned with a carcinogen which left her with a day or two to live: just enough time to find out who poisoned her and why.
Once I knew where the movie was going I was hoping for some laughs.
Look, everyone knows that all henchmen go to the stormtrooper school of shooting. So, I wanted to see a movie, in which the henchmen stop and lay down their weapons because they know they can't hit their target. I want to see when the leader says, "Shoot her!" as he did in this movie, the henchman to turn around and say, "you know we can shoot her, we can hit anything we aim at." I want to see either that or henchmen aiming at something other than the hero in hopes that they may actually hit the hero by aiming elsewhere.
I didn't get that bit of comedy. Instead I got a snarky female assassin who was just as proficient poisoned as she was totally healthy, and a side helping of a smart mouth teen.
Netflix.
Invasion (2021)
Trojan Horse
The first Apple TV produced series I ever watched was "Hijack" and I liked it. So, when I saw the trailers for "Invasion" I was all in. I love sci-fi of almost any kind. If you can mix sci-fi with an apocalypse scenario I will always give it a gander.
Well, I think the producers of this show used an alien invasion as a trojan horse to sneak in their real project: an emotional melodrama about relationships. They only teased an alien invasion for four and a half episodes while giving us a heavy dose of a distressed lesbian in Japan, an epileptic kid getting bullied in England, a badass, kill 'em dead American soldier in Afghanistan, and a woman dealing with her cheating husband in the U. S. It was slow, it was painful, it was awkward, and it was cringe.
Then they showed an alien. And the juice was hardly worth the squeeze.
By episode 7 I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. I had continued to watch in the hopes I'd see a suspenseful sci-fi with a splash of drama, instead I got a flaccid drama with a splash of suspenseful sci-fi.
"Invasion" committed two cardinal sins.
1.) They weren't what they said they were. I hate being tricked.
2.) The characters weren't interesting. I didn't like nor care about a single character, which makes a show extremely hard to watch. If you're not going to have interesting or likable characters you better have a lot going on to distract the viewer from that fact. "Invasion" had nothing going on.
Gunpowder Milkshake (2021)
It's a Copycat League
There's a saying in pro football with regards to good teams vis a vis the rest of the league: "It's a copycat league." If a team has considerable success, other teams will try to mimic them in hopes of achieving the same success.
I feel the same is true in Hollywood. And just like the NFL, it doesn't work in Hollywood either.
In 2021 the movie "Kate" was released as well as "Gunpowder Milkshake" (GM). Both featured female assassins who were trained from a young age to kill. Both were protecting a young girl. Those same assassins were also betrayed by their longtime employers. And BOTH movies borrowed liberally from the real trend setter: "John Wick."
GM starred Karen Gillan as Sam, a top notch assassin for "The Firm." The Firm is a group of rich powerful men who hire (seemingly) exclusively female assassins to do their dirty work. I'm sure there's some symbolism in there.
She got in hot water when she killed McAlester's son. McAlester (Ralph Ineson) was a big time criminal and a rival to The Firm. Things only got hotter for her when she went to retrieve some stolen money from The Firm's accountant. Not only did she not secure the money, she ended up with a little girl named Emily (Chloe Coleman) in tow.
She would have to defend herself from McAlester with no assistance from The Firm, whose spokesperson was Nathan (Paul Giamati), while caring for an eight-year-old.
She deftly handled herself, even when she comically had useless arms, and when things got really heavy she got chip-ins from her mother, Scarlet (Lena Headey), and three "librarians": Anna May (Angela Bassett-who was also Anna May aka Tina Turner in "What's Love Got to do With it"), Madeleine (Carla Gugino), and Florence (Michelle Yeoh).
GM would've faired better had it been released five years earlier. Unfortunately, the assassin genre is stuffed to the gills and GM did nothing but cram itself in with the rest.
Netflix.
Dune (2021)
Paul Atreides the Messiah
"Dune" 2021 was a major aesthetic upgrade over "Dune" 1984. It's amazing how differently they look. I truly underestimated how long thirty-seven years is.
"Dune" 2021 also added some diversity, which was both good and bad; good for the reasons you'd think and bad for reasons that became fairly obvious towards the end.
Dune is another name for the planet Arakis, a planet with no precipitation and probably a million square miles of sand. Arakis is where "spice" is mined. "Spice" is an essential component to space travel, it allows the user to bend space in order to travel great distances in an instant.
The year was 10191 and the Harkonnens were in charge of harvesting the spice, and it had made them incredibly rich. They managed to overcome the inhospitable environment, the inhospitable Fremens (the indigenous people to Arakis), and the inhospitable 400 meter long sand worms in order to export spice and become a powerhouse themselves.
The Emperor ordered the Harkonnens to give up the spice mining to the Atreides, a rival house. The Emperor only did this to set up the Atreides to be killed. The Atreides were getting too powerful which was a threat to the Emperor, but he dared not openly attack House Atreides lest the other powerful houses realize the Emperor's treatment of powerful families, and then launch an offensive.
Along with all of this, there existed a prophecy among the Fremen about a messiah who would come save them. Some of them believed that Paul Atreides (Timothee Chalamet) was that messiah, and that's where the diversity of "Dune" 2021 fell into an old trap and wasn't the praiseworthy aspect it should've been.
The Fremens were dark skinned people, as you would expect from any people that have lived in a hot desert climate for generations. The Atreides were white.
You see where I'm going?
The movie essentially set itself up as another white savior movie. Paul was young, strong, handsome, had special abilities, and could fight. He was everything stereotypical of a hero or savior. In his first encounter with the Fremens he killed one of their best fighters who happened to be the darkest one amongst them.
The fight occurred when the Fremen fighter named Jamis (Babs Olusanmokun) challenged Paul to a duel. Paul, with his superior training, bested Jamis several times, each time mercifully asking if Jamis would yield. Little did Paul know that these savage natives battled to the death, there was no such thing as yielding. As a result, Paul had no choice but to take Jamis's life, for which you could see the pain and regret on Paul's face. He was bothered by the fact he had to kill this dark unsophisticated man, which was a sign of his goodness and his deservedness of being their savior.
It needs to be noted that Jamis first challenged Lady Jessica Atreides (Rebecca Ferguson), Paul's mother. Why? Because she bested the leader of the group of Fremen, a man named Stilgar (Javier Bardem), thereby proving that even dainty white women are stronger and more capable than dark desert-dwelling men. The only thing left was for Paul to woo the most attractive of the Fremen women; another common trope. If his visions were accurate, he would eventually hook up with Chani (Zendaya), thereby completing the Tarzan, Avatar, John Carter scenario that so many people seem to love.
Even though the movie made it seem as though House Atreides was in need of the Fremen, that is not how it looked, and that was not the reality. House Atreides did need allies, but the Fremen needed a savior, and it was clear that Paul was better than all of them.
Max.
The Social Dilemma (2020)
I Grew Up Before Social Media
I am not, and have never been, big into social media. I finally fell into the trap of Reddit about two years ago and I've consciously gone no further. I'm not taking a moral stance or anything like that, it's just that social media has never appealed to me. Having said that, I did grow up in an era before smartphones and the internet, so that may have something to do with my ability to avoid social media without FOMO.
"The Social Dilemma" only solidified for me why I should remain away from social media. I never thought it was worth my time before, but now I think it's malicious. It has many good uses, but it seems that its malicious uses outweigh its beneficent uses. I thought it was very eye opening when one of the interviewees stated in the documentary that social media is more than just a tool because tools wait to be used while social media reaches out to the user (via chimes, alerts, and pokes).
TSD is a deep dive into some of the ethical concerns about social media and the large companies behind it. Some things began innocently enough, such as the Like button, but even that has created anxiety in the users by driving them to desire more likes. Then there are things that were never innocent, such as algorithms to help the app monopolize a person's attention.
We're definitely in a new age that requires a slightly different set of psychological tools to deal with. TSD delves into some of the various aspects of social media and its impact on society as a whole. It's not mind-blowing. Much of the information shared you'd have a response of, "I could see that." It is good, however, to see some data regarding some of the negative impacts of SM and to see the various insiders discussing the harms of SM.
Viewable on Netflix.
Greenland (2020)
Another Apocalypse Movie
This movie was so very unspecial. It was a standard apocalypse movie that followed a family of three, who seemed to have a black cloud hanging over them just enough to be in dramatic situations but not enough for them to die or be killed.
A comet given the name Clark was supposed to pass by planet Earth and be a non-event. Instead, large chunks of the comet splintered off and collided with Earth. Before the impact of the very first piece of debris, select people throughout the country were given a presidential alert. These certain people were selected because of their occupations. They would be all taken to a super secure and classified area, whereby they would be able to survive the impact of the comet.
Among those selected was John Allen Garrity (Gerard Butler), who was a building contractor; his wife, Allison Rose Garrity (Morena Baccarin); and his son, Nathan Beckett Garrity (Roger Dale Floyd).
"Greenland" was obviously inspired by movies such as "When Planets Collide" (1951) and "2012." In "Greenland" the country chose to save more than the forty people chosen in "When Planets Collide," but I'd still question how John Garrity, a building contractor, was chosen.
The rest of the movie was just an adventure with them trying to get to Greenland, where the bunkers were. They went through several hardships which began to grate on my nerves after a while. My thoughts were: "how many different calamities can one family face in a 48 hour period?" Without mentioning all of what they had to go through and all of their heroics, I have to mention the boy being kidnapped because that was very irksome to me.
Before I get to the kidnapping I have to set it up a bit.
All of the people selected to be saved had to go to their local military base where C30's, or some such planes, were waiting to transport them. They had to be processed and given bracelets which acted as their ticket (like an amusement park or a paid event). When the military discovered that the son, Nathan, had diabetes he was automatically disqualified to travel. They were not taking anybody with long term or terminal illnesses, or any kind of malady that required special care.
By this time Allison and Nathan were separated from John (Butler) who had gone back to the car to get Nathan's insulin. They remained separated for some time due to the ensuing chaos during which Allison and Nathan began trekking to her father's house, and John began trekking there too after seeing a note left by Allison.
OK.
Nathan and his mother were hitchhiking with a couple when the couple (played by David Denman and Hope Davis) noticed Allison and Nathan's bracelets. Ralph (David Denman) decided he was going to use the boy as a ticket to get on one of the flights to the secure bunker in Greenland. As he attempted to drag Nathan's mother out of the car (because he needed her bracelet, not her), Nathan, who is about ten-years-old, sat there screaming. What I did not understand is why he didn't unbuckle his seatbelt and exit the car. I know different people react differently in frightening situations, but it seemed perfectly sensible to me, with our fight or flight instincts, to flee; which would mean unbuckle the seatbelt, open the door, and run away, but that never occurred to this boy. He sat there as helpless as a toddler while his mother was dragged out of the vehicle and left on the side of the road.
Of course, it wasn't really that big of a deal at the end of the day because the movie was about him and his family, and we knew one thing was for sure; they would all survive. And that's exactly what happened. Allison found her boy at an encampment, then the whole family reunited at Allison's father's house, navigated their way to an airfield, finagled their way onto a plane headed towards Greenland (why others didn't do that, I'll never know), and were given shelter in the bunker with the other chosen ones. We didn't have to worry about whether or not Nathan had enough insulin for the nine months they were underground because it became a moot point by then. John and Allison's fraught marriage was repaired and they were a family again in the new world, less eight-or-so billion people.
"Greenland" was flat, uninspiring, and unentertaining. It was like so many apocalypse movies by this time with mobs, killing, and wicked individuals. No one is ever as good as the protagonists whom we're supposed to root for just because.
Watchmen (2019)
Leave 'em Wanting More
I'm actually surprised by "Watchmen." Pleasantly surprised. It wasn't spectacular, but it was cohesive, relevant, and impactful.
"Watchmen" spans roughly 100 years but mainly takes place in current day Tulsa, Oklahoma. To set up some of the current day events, the show takes us back to 1920 and the destruction of Black Wall Street. In 1920 quite a few race riots occurred, but none more destructive than the one in Tulsa when angry white people razed the Black part of town.
Oh yeah; race, racism, and historical injustice is a big part of "Watchmen."
In current day Tulsa the police wear masks to hide their identity after a racist organization called the Calvary killed nearly every cop and their families in a coordinated attack. The Calvary are known for their extremist views and Rorshach masks. The main character is Angela Abar (Regina King), a Tulsa police officer who is in the center of converging storylines.
The show is very well written. It deals with a few delicate subject matters and doesn't stumble. The script was helped with the aid of veteran actors like Jeremy Irons, Louis Gossett Jr., Don Johnson, and Jean Smart. Also competently chipping in are Tim Blake Nelson and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II. The show has a few pleasant twists in it to keep it fresh and forward-facing. I'm almost glad they didn't continue the show because at least it finished on a high note.
Max.
Triple Frontier (2019)
What Jam Would They Be In?
"Triple Frontier" reminded me a lot of "Narcos." It took place in Colombia, they were after a big time drug kingpin, the local authorities were getting nowhere, and Pedro Pascal was in it.
Santiago 'Pope' Garcia (Oscar Isaac) was working as a police officer in Colombia going after a drug kingpin named Lorea (Reynaldo Gallegos). After many failed attempts to get near him he finally got a break with his informant Yovanna (Adria Arjona). He knew Lorea's location, but he just needed the right team to infiltrate and take him out.
He went back to the states to assemble a team. He coaxed Tom 'Redfly' Davis (Ben Affleck), William 'Ironhead' Miller (Charlie Hunnam), Ben Miller (Garrett Hedlund), and Francisco 'Catfish' Morales (Pedro Pascal) to come back with him. He told them that it was a recon mission only so that he could have the intel to go in with the local authorities with minimal losses.
His team did the recon, then Garcia came up with another proposition. Instead of letting the locals handle it, why don't they go in, kill Lorea, and take his money. It'd be a nice payday for everyone and Colombia would be rid of Lorea. They were all ex-military, they all had the necessary skills, and they figured out how they could do it with only one kill.
It wasn't what they had signed up for, but a $35M haul to split amongst them was too good to pass up.
Well, it ended up being a $250M haul and a whole lot of headaches as a result. Greed is a bad thing.
"Triple Frontier" was a solid black ops type movie. The characters were cool and the mission was acceptable, even if they were stealing. You knew sh-t was going to hit the fan eventually, it was all about how they handled it and how cool it would be cinema-wise.
Netflix.
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
The Terrific Twos
The twos are supposed to be terrible, both for an age and for sequels. Every once in a while you get some terrific twos such as with "Godfather 2," "The Empire Strikes Back," "Robocop 2," "Terminator 2," and "The Two Towers."
The famous saga continues with "The Two Towers." After the whirlwind events of "The Fellowship of the Rings" the team was accidentally split up.
Frodo (Elijah Alexander) and Sam (Sean Astin) were on the main quest of going to Mordor to destroy the ring. Naturally, they faced challenges and one happened to be Smeagol (Andy Serkis) who caught up to them.
Merry and Pippin (Dominic Monaghan and Billy Boyd) were with Orcs being taken back to Isengard. And Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen), Legolas (Orlando Bloom), and Gimli (John Rhys-Davies) were pursuing Merry and Pippin.
The events and characters are aplenty, but never too much. "The Two Towers" was an excellent sequel which is an important link to making an excellent trilogy.
White Woman (1933)
Whites in the Wilderness
When I saw the title "White Woman," negative thoughts came to my head. I pictured a racially white woman among a sea of non-white people and she is the most beautiful, kindest, smartest person while all of the darker people pale in comparison to her.
I wasn't too far off the mark. The white woman in this case was Judith Denning (Carole Lombard), and she was the ONLY white woman. She was akin to Joan Crawford in "Rain," Dorothy Mackaill in "Safe in Hell," Marlene Dietrich in "Shanghai Express," or Kay Francis in "Mandalay." Judith was in an Asian country where rubber was manufactured under the brutal dictates of Europeans. Of course, we didn't see THAT side of the story. We just saw "natives" singing and dancing as though they enjoyed planting, harvesting, collecting, and processing rubber for the rest of the world.
Judith hooked up with an unsightly and crass fellow named Horace Prin (Charles Laughton), the self proclaimed king of the river. Judith married Horace out of necessity. She was being forced out of her current location and needed a place to go. They went up river to an area of jungle that "belonged to" Prin. We got an unabashed look at the mindset of Europeans who carved up and claimed land that didn't belong to them.
Prin operated in the anonymous jungle like a dictator. He cheated the indigenous people when he traded with them, he ordered people killed, and he sat around being served by the subjugated indigenous people. He was an ugly character; a type of character Charles Laughton was familiar with playing (see "Devil and the Deep" and "Island of Lost Souls").
Judith was naturally going to be the object of desire for the white men working for Prin. The eventual love interest, David von Elst (Kent Taylor), commented that Judith was the first white woman he'd seen in ten years. It was only a matter of time before things like forbidden desire, jealousy, and other nasty traits were going to rear their heads.
I was looking right past the obvious plot for things more hidden. I don't care to see the trials of white people on foreign soil. It's like a slap in the face.
"Hey, let's put some nice white people on foreign land and show how barbaric the natives are."
It's reprehensible. And even though Prin was by far the most barbaric person in the entire jungle, for sure there were some good white folks there just to maintain the status quo.
Free on Odnoklassniki.
Torch Singer (1933)
Tortured Singer
"Torch Singer" begins with Sally Trent (Claudette Colbert) checking herself into a charity hospital to have a baby. We only know that because of the context clues. They dared not show a woman with a full belly back then.
Sally was like many of the women who went to charity hospitals: sans man. When asked, she wouldn't say who the father of her baby was, though she cried out "Mike" repeatedly while in a fitful sleep. Miraculously, she delivered the baby anyway; a baby girl she named Sally (I was surprised she didn't name the baby Michaela because that's what women in movies did when a father was absent).
Sally was struggling so much financially that she finally had to give her daughter up. She returned little Sally to the same hospital she delivered her at and signed over all rights to the child. From there she sang her way to success under the pseudonym Mimi Benton. She was what was called a "torch singer." I don't know exactly what that is, but she was always seen singing in small nightclubs.
Her success led her to being on the radio as Aunt Jenny, the spokesperson for the Judson Food Co. Product, Otina. While playing the Aunt Jenny role she began to have a hankering for her surrendered daughter and she made it her mission to find her via radio.
I have to mention that her baby's father, Michael Garnder (David Manners), came back into the picture. He'd made a mistake by running off to China without Sally aka Mimi, and he was back to make amends.
Mike was a naive moron, but he was not alone. Many men have been guilty of the very same thing. What do I mean?
Man meets woman. They fall in love. Man leaves for reasons. Woman moves on. Man returns to find woman has not waited, or she's not the same. Man becomes angry with woman.
When Mike came back to find Sally performing as a torch singer under the name Mimi Benton he was shocked. Then when he found her less than hospitable to him he was angry and had harsh words for her.
Mike had to be the pinnacle of selfish, stupid, and emotionally immature. What kind of reception was he expecting? He left his woman high and dry. And he left her to bear a child alone. That's a double whammy. Yet, this idiot thought that she would be glad to see his face again. Perhaps if she was a society gal, yes, they always seem to leave their hearts open for men who've wronged them, but a torch singer wasn't gonna be nice.
But, he did get to be the hero or the deus ex machina which I knew he would be. The moment he came into the picture I said, "He's going to be her method of getting her daughter back," and he was. Not only did he find and reclaim little Sally, he had more than enough means to provide for her AND her mother, which meant that Sally aka Mimi could stop being a torch singer and be a mother and wife.
As much as I was glad that Sally got to see her daughter again, I thought the movie was sorry. I know that we were supposed to be so invested in Sally (Claudette Colbert) that it shouldn't have mattered how she reunited with her child, but it did matter to me. Mike got off too easy. It was like finding the now five-year-old girl was a panacea for everything Sally (the mother) went through. Get outta here with that. Meanwhile, a man, Tony Cummings (Ricardo Cortez), who actually did something for Sally (the mother) to truly help her reach her daughter, got no run.
If Tony hadn't hired Sally to be on the radio, she never would've had it as a means to find her daughter. Tony stuck by Sally through thick and thin, yet they had him graciously bow out at the end just so everything could be neatly wrapped up.
I wasn't buying it.
Free on Odnoklassniki.
To the Last Man (1933)
Hatfields and McCoys
When is doing the right thing wrong? Apparently when your family is in a feud with another family and you go to the police instead of handling things yourself.
"To the Last Man" was a Hatfield and McCoys inspired movie featuring the Haydens and the Colbys (sounds close enough). The movie starts immediately after the Civil War and a bunch of Confederate soldiers were going back home to start life over.
A Confederate soldier named Mark Hayden (Egon Brecher) was glad the fighting had stopped. Now he had to remove his family from fighting back in Kentucky. The war between the North and South may have been over, but the war between the Haydens and Colbys was still alive and well. Mark's solution was to move his family west to Nevada to get away from it all.
Before he could enact his plan, Grandpa 'Jed' Spelvin (Harlan Knight) was killed by Jed Colby (Noah Beery). Mark had two choices: get revenge, or turn the matter over to the law. Getting revenge is what was expected by everyone; even his own mother-in-law, Granny Spelvin (Eugenie Besserer). Mark faked out everybody and reported the murder to the law. Coincidentally, that made him a coward in the eyes of his family and more hated by Jed Colby who had to serve fifteen years for the crime. I thought Jed would've been OK with serving time being that he got to keep his life, but he much preferred bloody gun battles resulting in costly casualties over jail time.
Mark packed up his family and moved out west, but the feud followed him. Jed was so hellbent on revenge for the time he lost behind bars that he followed Mark westward to restart a dead fight.
It's no fun watching a moron operate. This movie should've been over in the first ten minutes, but it went on because of the musings of an uneducated fool.
Out west Jed hooked up with a greedy SOB named Jim Daggs, played by perennial bad guy Jack La Rue. Between the two of them they were going to wipe out the Colbys one way or another: Jim out of greed and Jed out of vengeance.
To add to the drama of it all was a budding romance between Ellen Colby (Esther Ralston) and Lynn Hayden (Randolph Scott). They were a southern Romeo and Juliet.
My biggest issue with "To the Last Man," besides the poor video and sound quality, was the main driver behind the conflict. Mark Hayden moved thousands of miles away to avoid conflict and Jed moved only miles away from him to resume that conflict. It was a battle that was all but dead--and fifteen years later no less. Who uproots their entire family to follow another family just to go to war with them? It was just so petty and imbecilic that everything that followed seemed equally dumb.
Free on Odnoklassniki.
The Prizefighter and the Lady (1933)
Real Boxers Grace the Screen
"The Prizefighter and the Lady" (1934), or another case of "Ladies Love Brutes" or "Beauty and the Beast," just showed how flippant and some-timey women were in early-30's movies. They'd be with a guy until something better, shinier, or more poetic came along. Don't get me wrong, the men did too, except they usually were following their lusts, the women were "in love."
Max Baer, a real boxer and heavyweight champion, played Steve Morgan, a bouncer turned prizefighter. When he saved Belle Mercer (Myrna Loy) from a ditch after a car crash he was smitten. Belle did her best to keep things formal between her and him for her sake and his. She was dating a gangster named Willy Ryan (Otto Kruger) who would just as soon filet Steve as shake his hand. Belle couldn't trust herself alone with Steve as most women back then couldn't trust themselves alone with a nice man who wanted to make love to them, but Steve wouldn't be denied. He doggedly pursued her and got the prize he was after. Some people call what he did stalking and harassment, but it's only stalking and harassment if she doesn't fall for you, otherwise it's called being persistent.
Movies like this only served to reinforce how simple women were. I mean simple as in simpleminded, not simple as in easy to understand. Women only cared about romance and being "made love to." If a man could provide that then he was alright. If they were with a reliable man that wasn't the romantic type then she'd ditch him (physically or sentimentally) as soon as a romantic came along.
Belle married Steve after one "pinwheel" of a night. It seems that being made to feel "dizzy" with love (or infatuation) counted as a solid replacement for actually knowing a person. She married him only to find herself at home alone months later when he was on the road boxing and catting around.
In the end they got back together as happens most times. Hollywood wasn't big on divorces. The women were soldiers back then in their husband's army. They would "fight for their marriage." I don't want to make it seem like I'm ridiculing such a fighting spirit, but make the man prove his worth first. Steve could fool around the rest of his marriage so long as Belle still loved him AND there wasn't some other guy "making love to her;" she would always be there.
Besides "The Prizefighter" featuring real boxers, I wasn't too into it. I can safely say that the only cool thing to see was Max Baer, Primo Carnera, and Jack Dempsey. It wasn't quite as exciting as seeing Babe Ruth in "Pride of the Yankees," but it was nice.
Free on Odnoklassniki.
The Private Life of Henry VIII (1933)
Don't Marry Henry VIII
I don't know if there has been a movie yet that I've seen in which Charles Laughton isn't some kind of weasel. He wasn't quite a weasel in "The Private Life of Henry VIII," but he sure wasn't an endearing character.
"Devil and the Deep." Weasel.
"White Woman." Weasel.
"Island of Lost Souls." Weasel.
"Payment Deferred." Weasel.
I wonder if he was tired of being typecast.
In "The Private Life of Henry VIII" Charles Laughton plays Henry VIII, a man who wound up marrying six times. The movie begins with wife number two being prepared for execution. Supposedly she was unfaithful and had five lovers, but there was talk that the king used that as a pretense to get rid of her. We would see the mercurial and slightly eccentric king marry four more times and no two marriages were alike.
I liked the movie. I found it amusing and engaging. Charles Laughton is good at what he does best: playing despicable characters. The sixteenth century king wasn't as bad as some other characters Charles Laughton has played, but I certainly wouldn't call him a good guy.
Max.
The Billion Dollar Scandal (1933)
Fly in the Ointment
"The Billion Dollar Scandal" (TBDS) was a David v. Goliath story in which case the David was an ex-con and the Goliath was a group of wealthy oil magnates. It's hard to find a greater disparity in power and influence.
A car accident led an ex-con named Frank 'Fingers' Partos (Robert Armstrong) to become the massage and fitness man for a rich businessman named John Dudley Masterson (Frank Morgan). Fingers wasn't too bright, but he was smart enough to know to invest his money in the stocks he overheard John and his rich friends talking about. He had a good thing going until his brother, Babe (Frank Albertson), started dating Masterson's daughter, Doris (Constance Cummings). Masterson was dead set against it and he would financially ruin Fingers if it meant prying his daughter away from Babe.
The romance between Doris and Babe set off the dramatic events that followed, but it wasn't the primary focus of the plot. It was one of those rich girl/poor boy romances where Hollywood wants us to believe that rich girls truly fall in love with peppy paupers. Call me a cynic, but I don't think hardly any such romances are real love. I think they're nothing more than bored young women who are attracted to something different and confuse their excitement with love (that includes Rose from "The Titanic"). The other portion of them do it because they have daddy issues and they want to spite their overbearing fathers. What's left are the paltry few that are truly in love while Hollywood writers make it seem as though they are the rule, not the exception.
TBDS was not about that romance and it shouldn't have distracted me so, but I can't help it. I see the cliche rich girl/poor boy romance and it's like nails on a chalkboard. The main issue was a country being bilked by an elite cabal, and the lowly whistleblower who could take them down. I liked that aspect of the film, however it was a little too trite. As brilliant as Masterson was, he was equally clumsy, inattentive, and tactless. If all masterminds were as bungling as him when it comes to perpetrating billion dollar schemes, we could easily lock them all up.
TBDS did have a good cast in spite of the basic plot. Along with Armstrong, Cummings, and Frank Morgan, there was James Gleason, Irving Pichel, Warren Hymer, Sidney Toler, Berton Churchill, Purnell Pratt, and Ralf Harolde--all veterans.
Free on Internet Archive.
Queen Christina (1933)
Don't Talk About It, Be About It
"Queen Christina" was the fourth period piece in a row I've seen from 1933 and 1934. I started with "The Count of Monte Cristo," then "The Scarlet Empress," then "The Private Life of Henry VIII," and finally "Queen Christina." I liked "Queen Christina" the least. I think it's because "The Scarlet Empress" set the bar so high, even though it was released after "Queen Christina."
Christina (Greta Garbo) was the queen of Sweden. Her father died when she was just a child, and her mother was never mentioned. She grew up ruling Sweden and her country had been in a war her entire life. She was tired of war, but it was what her council kept pushing for.
Christina kept herself busy governing Sweden. Her council and her people wanted her to marry Prince Charles (Reginald Owen), a Swedish war hero, but she wasn't interested in marrying him. The truth is that she wasn't interested in marrying anyone even though she catted around with her treasurer, Magnus (Ian Keith). It was critically said that she preferred learning over loving. She openly stated that love was a myth which was nothing more than basic foreshadowing.
Her whole life got flipped upside down when she met Antonio (John Gilbert), a Spanish delegate sent by the King of Spain to ask for Queen Christina's hand in marriage. The two met in a shabby Swedish inn while Christina was disguised as a man to get away from the palace and her duties for a bit. It led to a very homosexual-leaning scene in which Antonio insisted on sharing a room with her while he still believed she was a man. It was really awkward as the two were in the room together and Antonio asked if she was going to take her clothes off. It was very odd behavior that would make you question any man's sexuality. The only thing that could've erased any doubt is if he said, after finding out that she was a woman, "I knew you were a woman all along," but he didn't. Until he saw that she was a woman, he firmly believed she was a man.
The two fell in love that night. Antonio still didn't know she was the queen and you knew that that was going to become an issue later.
When Antonio found out Christina was the queen it took the wind out of his sails. How could he possibly have a relationship with a queen; the queen his king was supposed to marry? Per standard princess protocol, Christina began lamenting her life. If only she were a pauper or some other lowly subject free to love who she wants to love and do what she wants to do without concern. Standard violin stuff. This is where us commoners are supposed to weep for the plight of the queen because her life is so tough.
Not me. This is where I say, "Abdicate the throne then if it sucks so bad." That never happens; except this time it did. Christina did the right thing. Instead of continuing to whine and pout about her duties as queen, she abdicated the throne to run away with Antonio.
The happily-ever-after was ruined because Antonio was killed, but Christina got her freedom from riches and public adulation. Yippee.
Viewable on Max.
Only Yesterday (1933)
Deadbeat Dad's Rejoice
"Only Yesterday" was as farcical as it was tragic. It was a movie about love, lust, loss, and moving on, except I doubt such people in this movie exist. And more than anything, it was about a womanizer being unjustly made a hero at the end.
For the second straight movie I've seen a woman get charmed by a soldier, have sex with said soldier, get impregnated by the soldier, and then shunned by the same soldier. The first movie was "Ann Vickers" (1933), then came this movie--both of which have Edna May Oliver in them.
"Only Yesterday" begins October 29, 1929. The stock market has crashed and people are losing their s**t; literally and figuratively. A man named James 'Jim' Stanton Emerson (John Boles) walked into his jubilant home, went to his study, pulled out a gun, then set it down so that he could read a letter.
While reading the letter we are taken back to World War I roughly twelve years prior. Jim is in uniform at a party of some sort where a nineteen-year-old young lady named Mary Lane (Margaret Sullavan) finagled her way into dancing with him. While dancing with him she confessed that she was wholly obsessed with him and knew so much about him. They went outside where Mary gushed over Jim like a schoolgirl. Jim took that opportunity to make his move on the smitten youngster.
He kissed her. She shied away like a respectable girl should. It shows that she's not easy or experienced. But she also makes sure to not censure him or leave his company, which means that the kiss was not unwanted.
They talked more. Mary continued to act giddy as though she were in the presence of her idol.
Jim took her in his arms and kissed her again. Again she withdrew, but this time she questioned him:
"What makes you think you can do that?"
I already knew the answer: "You like me, I like you, and men have to take what they want." But I wanted to hear what Jim would say.
"Can't I? Mustn't I?" was Jim's answer. It was the same as what I thought but different.
"Can't I?" is to say, "What's to stop me?" or more gentlemanly, "Don't I have permission?" I prefer the first interpretation.
"Mustn't I?" is to say, "How else am I going to have you?"
Her response was, "It's all so romantic," but it wasn't a rebuke nor did she leave his company. Then hours passed before we saw them again which is a 1930's indication that they had sex.
Jim had to shove off to war, but Mary would pine for him every moment he was gone. Furthermore, she was having his baby.
Because Mary was from a respectable family in a small town in Virginia, she couldn't very well remain home and have the baby. She opted to go to her aunt Julia's place in New York where they're not as hung up on such things. There she could have her baby and eagerly await the homecoming of her beloved. He would come home and she would surprise him with her presence and the three of them would live happily ever after.
It didn't quite happen like that.
Jim returned from the war to a parade. He and many other soldiers were cheered and heralded as they walked down the street. Eventually, the soldiers broke from their march to be greeted by smiling and affectionate women. Jim was accosted by several women while Mary waited to show herself. When he finally laid eyes on her and she smiled at him he didn't even recognize her. When another pretty lady asked Jim who she was he said that he thought she was with them.
Mary was crushed. It seems that what she thought was love was only lust. As Ann Vickers said in the eponymous movie about the soldier she was in love with:
"I discovered that you can read into someone else all the things you want them to be. And you can love those things and think you're loving the person, blind to the truth that you've never once seen and never heard. But you can read into boastful whining all the wise gallantry you've always longed for in a man. And into his glittering eyes an authentic passion which was not his at all, but only the projection of your own desire."
So it was with Mary Lane. She practically threw herself at Jim and he took advantage. She was in love while he only saw an easy lay.
But surely he'd remember a girl he'd had sex with?
Nope. It was like he'd never seen her before.
Mary had too much pride to even attempt to explain who she was and that he had a baby. She slinked away into the crowd and back home to her aunt Julia (Billy Burke) and her son Jimmy Jr. (it was customary to name the child after the absent father so that there'd be no doubt who the father was).
But Mary couldn't let it go. She was consumed with the thought of her baby's father. She swallowed her pride and was about to make one more attempt to inform him until her aunt told her that Jim Emerson had gotten married. With that, Mary put the matter to rest.
Then, ten years later, Mary saw Jim at a New Year's Eve party. She saw him and couldn't stop staring. She had a look of both fear, curiosity, and longing. Jim took her stares for nothing but desire. He stole her away from the party and she willingly went with him. At this point I was wondering what her motive was and what she had up her sleeve. Would she reveal herself then tell him off? Would she reveal herself then they live happily ever after? Or would she keep her identity a secret still?
I didn't have on my Bingo card that she'd keep her identity a secret and have sex with him AGAIN!! I was thinking, "Are you trying to have another fatherless baby? What do you hope to gain by sleeping with him AGAIN??" Perhaps she wanted to get Jim out of her system, or perhaps she wanted his touch still after all those years. It was difficult to read why she slept with Jim again, but it just looked bad. She looked just as easy and simple as she did all those years prior, but worse. Now she knows what he is about. Now she has a baby, embarrassment, and twelve years of loneliness to remind her of what Jim was about. The dude had completely forgotten her after banging her and now he was married, so how was sleeping with him again some kind of flex.
It wasn't that's why. It was another writer making women overly-romantic and one-dimensional. What self-respecting woman would get utterly humiliated by a guy and then go back for seconds? Mary had no self-respect and it was sickening.
After their New Year's Eve one-night-stand, Mary told Jim that he'd never see her again, and she was right. Mary died, but not before penning a letter that saved Jim's life.
As I mentioned at the beginning of my review, Jim was in his office with a gun as though he was going to end it all because of the stock market crash. But, before putting the pistol to his noggin, he stopped to read Mary's lengthy letter. That's when he learned who she was and that he had a son. With this newfound knowledge he put the gun away, told his wife he was leaving her, and set off to find Mary and his boy.
It was a ludicrous scene if there ever was one. I was left bewildered by his logic and his impetuousness. He read a letter detailing his sins and decided to leave yet another woman in his wake. He claimed that it had been over between them for sometime anyway, but I posit that he was nothing but a narcissist. Without warning he dropped his wife of ten years for the fanciful idea that a lady and her child were out there waiting to worship him. He would barge into their lives and be their savior. He'd be a father to the boy and a lover to the woman. They would probably erect a statue in his honor.
Jim went to Mary's home and Jim Jr. (Jimmy Butler) answered the door. Jim senior asked for Mary and Junior tearily told him that she was dead. No worries. Jim may have been too late to make them a happy family, but he wasn't too late to play father. So, after ten years of absence, Jim stepped into Junior's life, told him he was his father, and all was right with the world.
Who writes this crap?
Oh yeah, Frederick Lewis Allen wrote this. He wrote a story where a woman so lacking in self-respect slept with a man who'd completely humiliated her. A book in which a man left his wife on a whim--after cheating on her--to play father. A book in which a ten-year-old boy openly accepts his absentee father within minutes. A father who wasn't there for him his entire life. A father who wasn't there when his mother died. A father who was a womanizing jackass. Jim Jr. Dismissed all of that in the two minute interaction with this strange man and moved on like it was all good. Deadbeat dads everywhere rejoiced at the ending of this movie.
Free on Odnoklassniki.
Made on Broadway (1933)
Had My Positive Attention
One thing politicians and public figures always need is a PR guy. They could have a squeaky clean image, but gaffes happen. An average PR guy can fix a gaffe, but it takes a super PR person to fix a genuinely flawed image.
Jeff Bidwell (Robert Montgomery) was a fixer. He charged top dollar to make corrupt politicians look good. One of his biggest challenges wouldn't be a politician at all but a regular woman he saved from drowning.
When Mona Martine (Sally Eilers) attempted suicide by jumping from a boat, Jeff dove in and saved her. Then he really saved her. He made her his own project. He would clean her up, educate and culture her, then release her upon the world.
"Made on Broadway" was a decent movie for a lazy weekend. The characters were just interesting enough as was the plot. The performances weren't powerful nor did the story have me at the edge of my seat. It had enough of my positive attention and that's a plus.
Free on Odnoklassniki.
International House (1933)
"Woo Hoo!"
"International House" was one of those comedies in which the plot really didn't matter. The whole purpose of the movie was to showcase musical acts such as Cab Calloway, Baby Rose Marie, and Rudy Vallee, as well as a string of comedic puns and jokes by the likes of Stuart Erwin, W. C. Fields, and George Burns and Gracie Allen.
Ostensibly the movie was about a Chinese man named Dr. Wong (Edmund Breese) who had developed a new invention he called a radioscope that many wealthy men and businesses wanted to bid for. Among the bidders was the American Electric Company, represented by Tommy Nash (Stuart Nash), and General Nicholas Branovsky Petronovich (Bela Lugosi).
It was a wacky affair and all of the wackiness occurred in the International House Hotel in Wu-hu, China (a name that was part of many jokes). The movie was cartoonish at times, especially after Professor Henry R. Quail (W. C. Fields) arrived at the hotel. I wasn't a big fan of the movie because I don't tend to like endless puns and wackiness, however I did enjoy the musical acts and Stuart Erwin.
Free on Odnoklassniki.
Going Hollywood (1933)
Marion Davies Dons Blackface a Second Time
What do you call a woman who tracks down a celebrity, stalks him, tells him she loves him more than anything, hates his girlfriend, and gets depressed because he has a girl he's into other than her?
If you said "psycho," that would be correct. I'd also accept deranged, sick, or socially maladjusted. This was Sylvia Bruce (Marion Davies), but she was our charming star, so she couldn't be psycho. Except I say, "Yes she was."
Sylvia Bruce quit being a teacher because she wanted to "live and love" and we all know teachers don't do that. She then tracked down her celebrity crush, Bill Williams (Bing Crosby), and imposed upon him. Now I see why celebs have bodyguards.
She got to know and love Bill through his music, just like thousands of other women besides her; only she was crazy enough to believe she was actually in love with him. Or should I say, only she was crazy enough to pursue him. When she met him (quite easily I might add) they had a confusing conversation because of her intentional (or maybe unintentional) omission of crucial information such as "You don't know me and we've never met."
That meeting was at his flat where he mentioned he was going to Hollywood. The next encounter was on the train to Hollywood where she told him she loved him and also got into it with his GF Lili Yvonne (Fifi D'Orsay).
At this point Sylvia was all in on Bill. She would follow him to the ends of the Earth.
How pathetic.
She wasn't a kid anymore. She was too old not to be able to separate reality from fantasy, yet there she was on a train to Hollywood following the man she worshiped from afar.
She finagled her way onto the set of his movie by putting on blackface and pretending to be a Southern mammy. This was at least the SECOND time Marion Davies put on blackface in a movie and this time was even worse than the first.
The first time I saw this putrid actress don blackface was in "Operator 13." In that movie she was in disguise to spy on the Confederates, so it could POSSIBLY be forgiven, even though no real Southerner would be fooled by a white woman in bad makeup pretending to be a mammy.
In this sh-t show of a movie, Marion Davies put on dark makeup and mammy clothes because the movie being filmed within the movie was set in the antebellum South.
OK.
Bill Williams, her crush, was on a break and Sylvia (Marion Davies) approached him and addressed him as "Massr Bill," to which he responded.
THEY WERE ON A BREAK! They weren't even filming!! So why in the hell would she have to keep pretending to be a Southern Black mammy? Why would she address him as "massr"? And why would Bill respond to being addressed as "massr"? All of it was enough for me to gnash my teeth and spew out a string of profanity. That scene was so offensive and it didn't even need to be in the movie.
But I'm a professional. I can push past offensive content and keep watching, however angry I am and however terrible the movie is.
I already knew what "Going to Hollywood" was careening towards. It was clumsily and gracelessly stumbling towards a romance between Sylvia and Bill. They only needed to somehow remove Lili from the picture--which wasn't going to be too difficult because she was talentless and unbearable--then they could force Sylvia and Bill together like putting a round peg in a square hole, thereby giving all the women of the world hope that they, too, can one day stalk their celebrity crush and make him fall in love with her.
The script was self-guided. Someone put in parameters and autopilot did the rest. Sylvia squeezed her way onto Bill and Lili's movie project as an extra just so she could be near Bill. Next she was able to get Lili's starring role because Lili couldn't act and she was difficult to work with. As the star opposite to Bill, Sylvia was able to make him fall in love with her.
It's simple ladies. If you love a celebrity, just stalk him, figure out a way to work on the same project he's working on, then figure out how to star opposite of him, and then you can make him fall in love with you.
Oh! It helps if you're a pretty blond who can act and dance as well.
Free on YouTube.