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jhre13
Reviews
The Outsider (2020)
Ehh not really
I had high hopes for this. Asked around, read reviews, gave it a try. I can't even finish the first episode. This is all over the place and disjointed; Im not even interested in the characters. Such talent and potential lost here. For the haters comparing it to True Detective...do you even know what Stephen King writes? This was never going to be that kind of story. Smh. I love King's work and appreciate a good mystery and scary story but I could care less about anyone in the story before the first episode ended. I agree with a few others that too much time is wasted on frivolous things. Watch at your own risk and judge for yourself, you might enjoy it.
Apex (2021)
What to say
I feel cheated. I didn't expect much but it's become a thing to watch Bruce Willis movies on a Friday night and have fun with it. Two things: first, the ending doesn't answer the glaring question about the relationships between all the characters. Second, I don't think Bruce Willis knew he was in a movie and that makes this so fun! It's just fantastic to watch. He wanders around a forest. At one point, it feels like he doesn't even know the plot or what his character does, then recalls it doesn't matter because all his characters have basically been cops and he can wing it. Then he eats berries. Seriously, it's worth the watch.
Clarice: Are You Alright? (2021)
Red John anyone?
This is ridiculous. Reminds me if The Mentalist and the recurring Red John character. And someone rescue the damn dog, please. Inreally want to like this show but it's SO SLOW.
Evil: Z Is for Zombies (2021)
What is with the voice over?
Voice over?? Why is there an annoying voice over for this episode? Thanks for telling me the emotions I am supposed to be seeing on the actor's faces. Lame...no spoilers. Just complaint about the LAME and ANNOYING voice over. Not a bad episode but thr voice over ruins the overall effect.
The VelociPastor (2018)
Worth watching...fantastic
Possibly the worst plot ever. The dialog and acting are fantastic (not really). I can't stop laughing at how awful this movie is. I need Asylum Films to make a version of this movie. Honestly, bless the family that supported the directors vision and helped him get this out there. Bonus though is Voltaire...I should check and see if he wrote the songs.
A Royal Christmas Ball (2017)
How?
How do two blue eyed parents have a brown eyed child? I mean apart from this being a horrible mesh-up of What a Girl Wants and The Prince and Me, thats my burning question.
Christmas Twister (2012)
Did they change the name of the movie?
I didn't even make it through the intro of the main characters. Seriously the worst of the worst Christmas movies and I love bad movies. Also, I had to rewatch the intro multiple times and the title in the film is now "F6:Twister" yet it shows up in the guide as Christmas Twister. I did not watch more than 10 minutes. That. Bad.
Where to begin? I held no real expectations for this movie, but I expected at least a tiny bit of, I don't know, common sense? Not even 10 minutes in and already I can't with this movie. I'll tell you about the opening scene:
Mom, dad, teen daughter in car with Texas plates (this is important), stopped to get gas. Mom wants to pull over and sleep but dad says they'll be in Tulsa by morning. Daughter is hungry so dad suggests mom and her go to the diner for food while he gets gas. Daughter asks if she can have hot cocoa and then never orders it. Radio blares a weather alarm (that annoying sound nearly EVERYONE knows) and daughter asks what it is. Ok, I get she was supposed to be asking what the emergency was but it came off like she didn't even know what the noise was. It's a storm and maybe a tornado? I honestly can't remember if they even said that part but definitely a bad storm. Everyone moves to a shed in the same small lot as the gas station and diner (think trailer park close, that's how close everything is). A shed, well more like a storage container. Dad has to convince his teen daughter to move to the secure location because I guess she's scared? Maybe they'll explain that later. Dad has to hold the door shut with a rope. Yep. In a tornado that blows up the gas station yet not the diner or shed. I've tried to figure this out. The tornado last like 2 minutes and they decide to just walk out to check out the damage. Ok. Who doesn't bring an emergency radio or have one in the safe area? This is not a place (Texas) that doesn't ever have tornadoes so it's not like they'd be unprepared considering it's a diner like 6 hours from Dallas, I checked. Also, not sure but gas station people might have blown up or it was self-serve. Next, who walks out 2 minutes after a tornado? You're from Texas going to Tulsa. You know the dangers. Oh wait, yeah, we do stupid stuff but come on! People who have lived through these kinds of storms and tornadoes aren't going to believe the tornado isn't capable of returning. The movie is that stupid but not the audience. Damn. And the cactus look faker than the accents sound. Not to mention they are apparently traveling early morning (see next note) yet not dressed for comfort because hey, let's put them in the most "Texas" looking outfits we can. Tight, ripped jeans tucked into dress cowboy boots with a heel. It's still 6 hours to Tulsa. And yet, no one is wrinkled? Maybe they just left?
Next scene. Let's introduce the main couple. *yawn. It's 3 something in the morning yet...sunlight is streaming through the blinds. Tornado just hit small town of Dublin, TX, so dad has to go. Hands his wife an anniversary card that looks like he printed it off the home printer. Something about problems and another man, who knows. They aren't interesting enough to care but, yay now we know 1) husband needs to brush his teeth and 2) some guy is too nice to the wife. Also, she has to wake him up to answer his phone (on vibrate) and complains about the time, yet answers her phone like its normal to talk to people at 3 am. I can't even watch anymore. I wanted to watch a dumb movie but wow. This is just entirely too bad.
-5 at best. Wow. But Casper's hair was looking good. Best I can give you.
Hellboy (2019)
Ugh, painful
There are just too many things going on in this to make any damn sense. It gets 2 stars for the music and special effects. Way too many stories tossed in that do not tie together well in 2 hours. Random demons and witches that offer nothing more than questions. Please don't try again.
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)
Horrifying...
The acting, the editing, the plot. Thankfully the music was overpowering the people. Save yourself time, this is awful.
6-Headed Shark Attack (2018)
Wow-2 stars for the shark's acting
I found myself cheering for the shark as it was the best actor in the whole film and least annoying. This was painful to watch, but sadly, not the worst movie. If you enjoy horrible sci-fi movies, corny shark movies or The Asylum from films, I highly recommend it.
Hangman (2017)
Bleh and laughable
Not only are the accents laughable, the acting is bleh. The worst part if the movie isn't the plot or the holes in the plot, not even the accents, the worst part is the coroner who acts like she is too overwhelmed to be in Pacino's prescence and think. Honestly, I was waiting for Pacino to be the hangman; it certainly would have made for a much better movie.
And the women in the movie seem to be placed here just to counter the men. Unbelievable in the roles they are placed.
Don't bother