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John (2023)
John Less
There's not much here. The story centers around the male hustling trade in LaLa land. What might have been an excellent docudrama exploring the under represented lives of young men on the street completely misses the mark. First of all, the venue is all wrong. The producers and writers might have chosen a smaller town to focus their attention. Nobody cares about LA, it's way too stereotypical. Secondly, the writing is terrible. Then there's the acting which sinks this cinematic ship even further. John, around whom the picture revolves, has no personality whatsoever. We really don't learn too much about what motivated him to end up on the streets in the first place. He doesn't come across at all as a sympathetic character., the others even less so. This viewer wishes that the script had more socially relevant dialogue about the ups and downs of the life of a male sex worker. I also feel strongly that LA was the wrong selection for this yawn filled nonsense. Don't waste your time.
Our Family Wedding (2010)
Boredom Personified
It's hard to believe that it took three people to write one of the worst screenplays I have ever seen translated into a movie. Throw in Rick Famuwiya's pathetic direction (he's also one of the writers) and you have a film that has been done so many times before, you can literally predict the final outcome fairly early on. 'Our Family Wedding' (OFW) is sickeningly formulaic. Unfortunately, you have actors like Forest Whitaker, one of today's best performers, who have very little to do. Most of the cast are native Calis, including Famuwiya, and consequently, any originality that might have taken place falls by the wayside. This is an hour and a half you'll never get back. Unfortunately, OFW is not a family celebration, but rather a cinematic disaster.
Eating Out: All You Can Eat (2009)
This 'Eating' Causes Indigestion
It's hard to believe that it took two writers to put this piece of LaLa land cinematic garbage together. It involves ridiculous hijinks over the internet in order to set up a dating opportunity. The main character, a gay guy, is coached by a female friend who knows just about as much as he does. Granted this picture is 15 years old, but the computer communications seem ancient and simplistic, a word that pretty much describes this mistake of a movie. The only saving grace is the character of Aunt Helen, played by the iconic John Waters star, Mink Stole. It is she who I gave my one star to. The acting, other than Minks, was deplorable, the writing was inane, and the direction awful. The venue, So Cal, provided absolutely nothing. Perhaps if it were set somewhere else, it might have helped. The worst thing about the film was it did nothing to advance anything positive about the LGBTQ community. That's the saddest component about 'Eating Out'. Don't waste your time.
The Magnificent Meyersons (2023)
The Not So Interesting Myersons
It's very sad when you watch a film that should have been so much better had the writing, direction and acting been better. Unfortunately, 'The Magnificent Myersons'(TMM) fails miserably on all these fronts, despite the best efforts of Richard Kind, Kate Milgrew and the iconic Barbara Barrie. Terrible script gives very little for them to do. Their amazing talents are wasted here. The son, is a native Californian and badly miscast in this quintessential New York picture. His LA accent is apparent here. However, his miscasting is the least of TMM's problems. The only positive thing I will say is that it showcases the Big Apple beautifully. The photography is the film's only positive attribute. The back and forth religious arguments get tiring very quickly, a rabbinical student vs his atheist friend. Yawn! I rate this film DWYT- Don't Waste Your Time!
Black Rain (2009)
Bad Story
'Black Rain', also known as 'Dark Skies' centers around a group of Cali misfits ( yes, another piece of junk venued in the fictitious town of Timberton, California) who find mystery and intrigue while camping out in the wilderness, trying desperately to get away from it all. They run into Jack Weston, a renowned Stanford University scientist who now lives remotely while conducting his own scientific research and experiments. He initially resents the intrusion of these city folks, but is mellowed by the charm of an attractive woman, one of the 'intruders'.and warms up to the group. In fact, love eventually blossoms between Weston and one of the male campers with whom he has much in common. . All of this is taking place against the backdrop of an impending environmental calamity that everyone eventually will have to escape. The heroes emerge .
I'm not going any further, not that there's much to give away. The good guys and bad ones are obvious from the beginning. Don't waste your time here. You'll never get it back.
17 Again (2009)
17 Once Is Enough
I recently saw this film for the first time and was not at all impressed. It's formulaic, badly written and with the exception of Matthew Perry, badly acted too. It hits all the right notes ie anti bullying and trying to be the best you can, but the problem is we have seen these important issues way too many times before in better written scripts. The picture starts out well enough with a salute to 'Freaky Friday' (a much better film), but degenerates into a Southern California cookie cutter movie that unfortunately offers nothing new. Zac Efron does his best, but being a So Cal native himself, he doesn't need to flex his acting skills. He's literally right at home here in this 'should have been better' film. One sad thing was recognizing how much I miss Matthew Perry. He always brought a lot to the table. RIP.
John and Mary (1969)
John and Mary -A Moment in Time
I've watched 'John and Mary' a few times and find it more and more appealing. A young Mia Farrow and Dustin Hoffman give good performances, she coming off of 'Rosemary's Baby' and he Midnight Cowboy', made the same year (1969). I find the characters interesting, different as night and day, but somehow the chemistry works. The pasts of these two New Yorkers play a big role in this picture, giving the audience an idea of what brought them here. Hoffman's apartment on the West Side of Manhattan, looks somewhat futuristic, even by today's standards. He's a furniture designer by trade, so his apartment makes sense. Mary lives on the East Side on a street inhabited by 'men with poodles'. Fortunately it doesn't get into homophobia. Mary's married boyfriend is a product of the times, a white collar guy who is part of the counter culture.
This picture, in my opinion, is underrated. Maybe those who pan it should have another look and recognize it's a time piece and not judge it by today's world. Look for a young Tyne Daly, Mary's best friend, and Olympia Dukakis, John's mother. All and all, J&M is a good movie.
Naked Fame (2004)
Interesting then Fades
Christopher Long's 'overlong' documentary of the ups, downs and 'in betweens' of Colton Ford has it's poignant, comedic and dramatic moments, but eventually starts to fizzle as it loses it's initial mojo. I respect and admire Colton and was a big fan of his work, but his obsession with LaLa land and some of its assorted liars and degenerates undermined his career and consequently this film. Regrettably, it doesn't honor Colton. It makes him just another struggling soul on the streets of LA which he seems hopelessly unable to escape. This documentary is 20 years old and still aired on 'Here TV' for some reason. Time actually makes it even more irrelevant. Colton deserved better but had an inability to seriously leave his comfort zone professionally and personally. I truly hope he's found peace in 2024 that eluded him in 2004. I love you Colton and wish you only the best. Hope your awesome dad is still with us.
The Advocate Celebrates 50 Years: A Long Road to Freedom (2018)
Falls Short
William Clift wrote and directed this well-intentioned history of the LGBTQ+ movement. Unfortunately, this telling falls short on way too many levels. It was done in conjunction with the magazine. 'The Advocate' which for years characterized itself as the national gay magazine. That really was never the case, however, as the vast majority of its stories and profiles favored west coast events and people. This is exactly what happened in this disjointed, convoluted and geographically prejudiced story, ignoring many east coast and Midwest contributions that were important to the proliferation of this very important movement. Clift misses the boat here. One day, a comprehensive, geographically balanced story will be told about our history. Regrettably, that has yet to happen.
A Boy Like That (2021)
A Boy and A Bore
It's hard to know where to begin with Daniel Armando's awful creation, 'A Boy Like That'. A 40 year old Mexican takes an Airbnb on line in New York after landing a teaching job in the Big Apple. What the owner neglected to tell him was that her18 yo son, a Cali who seems to exist on mommy and daddy's good fortune , will be staying with him for a week. Okay, the flimsy plot is set, older man and teenager are thrown together and develop feelings for each other. The son is seriously problemed, of course, and it's up to the more mature man to help the young man navigate through his difficulties. The boy's mother visits with the 40 yo and goes on and on about her son's struggles. That's about it with this flimsy, poorly acted, written and directed 'piece of junk. The older man reveals the sad past he too has endured, but the viewer doesn't care.
This is NY meets Cali meets Mexico. The supporting cast adds nothing to help propel 'A Boy Like That' in any positive direction. Daniel Armando, don't quit your day job if you have one.
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
Everything, Everywhere Discombobulated
I actually sat through this overlong picture twice and still had difficulty making heads of tails of much of it. We have Bruce Lee, Rod Serling and George Lukas all thrown together to come up with something that, in my opinion, should have been better. In all fairness, let me say I'm not a big fan of Sci Fi and movies over two hours. So perhaps my review isn't completely fair. It seemed to go everywhere, in all directions, hence its name,, in a discombobulated fashion. I gave 'EEAAO' six stars because of the excellent performances of Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Kwan and Jamie Lee Curtis in probably her best role to date. Despite their participation in this messy film, 'EEAAO' didn't do it for me as it obviously did for most of the viewing audience. It should have been shorter and less convoluted.
Everything Is Free (2017)
Everything Is Garbage
Brian Jordan Alvarez, the writer and director of this piece of garbage, needs some refresher courses in how to successfully construct a screenplay as well as additional classes in learning the art of directing. Alvarez falls short on both counts. It centers around a transplanted Cali who leaves everything behind and relocates to Colombia to leave his problems behind. Of course this is easier said than done. Alvarez's character, Ivan, while proclaiming his heterosexuality, falls in love with his best friend's brother's when they visit him in South America. Action crisscrosses between Colombia and California. Without revealing anything else, let me just say this picture follows an all too predictable formula with some anti-gay underlying currents. Alvarez does the LGBTQ + community a great disservice with this often far fetched, uncreative cinematic junk.
Ciao (2008)
Ciao is a Wow!
I thoroughly enjoyed this picture. I'm not sure why the critics were so harsh. The writing, direction and the acting, especially by the two main characters, played to perfection by Adam Neal Smith (Jeff) and Alessandro Calza( Andreas) were excellent all the way around. The chemistry between them was spot on. 'Calza was also a co-writer here along with Yen Tan, the director. Ciao' is about online romance, missed opportunities, cultural differences, and the possible emergence of a new romance when you least expect it. The issues of friendship, death and loneliness are weaved through as well. 'Ciao' had humor, drama and often poignancy. It shows that when one takes a leap of faith , you never know what will happen. Sometimes it's a miss, other times it's well worth the effort as in the case of Andreas and Jeff. Ethel Lung as Jeff's stepsister also gives a nice performance. I for one highly recommend 'Ciao' and suggest ignoring the critics. 'Ciao' is a wow.
Out of the Blue (2022)
Out of Their Minds
I blame Neil LaBute for writing and directing this awful picture which should have been so much better. It probably would've been had an a more talented screenwriter created it. I want to commend the actors, especially Ray Nicholson who gave as good a performance as this limited screenplay allowed. I hope he's not discouraged. It's regrettable that he and the others, including Diane Kruger and Hank Azria, two excellent actors, hitched their professional stars to this terrible project. Hopefully they'll be more selective in what they do going froward.
There is nothing novel about the script. It's far fetched in addition to its numerous other problems. I recommend skipping it, as you'll never retrieve the hour and forty four minutes you'll lose.
Kiss the Bride (2007)
Hiss The Bride And The Rest of Them
'Kiss the Bride' is without doubt one of the worst, bottom of the barrel pictures that ever came down the pike. It centers around two Cali knuckleheads, Matt and Ryan, who were former lovers. Fast forward a number of years and one is getting married having found, or so he believes, the love of his life played by Tori Spelling. The other character, uninvited, decides to attend the wedding, uninvited , in hopes of recapturing his former partner who he still loves. In a moment of heterosexualization, a terrible homophobic ploy, in my opinion, he tries to bed down his former lover's intended bride, making him now curious about his own sexuality. The writer, Ty Lieberman, needs a crash course or ten in creative writing. And LGBTQ+ sensitivity. The acting is a bit over the top as well, but given the awful script, you can't blame them. C. Jay Cox's direction does nothing to lift up this Cali mess.
The ending is also ridiculous and far fetched. Don't waste one minute of your life watching this because you'll never get that time back.
Brotherly Lies (2022)
Sibling Stupidity
Mark Schwab is to blame for this piece of California cinematic crap involving a convoluted plot of sparring siblings, inane family drama and someone trying to get over his dreary past. It's poorly written a born and bred Cali (Schwab) who needs to go back to writing school and learn if he has any hidden talent. It certainly doesn't show here. The actors are mediocre to say the least, torn between with whom and where they want to settle down. Truthfully , they're not given much to work with. By the middle of the picture, nobody really cases how any of their issues are resolved. The key actors overact all too frequently. There are underlying gay themes here as well that do not portray the LGBTQ+ community in a positive light. 'Brotherly Lies' is one big bore from start to finish.
Such Good People (2014)
Such Boring People
David Michael Barrett is the culprit behind this piece of Cali crap. His awful screenplay gave the actors, including Randy Harrison of the series, 'Queer as Folk' ten years earlier, very little to work with. Other than Harrison's performance, which was mediocre at best, there is little substance here. The story is an attempt, albeit a bad one, to highlight the subjects of honesty, integrity and friendship among a group of morally questionable people. Barrett and Greg Sterling who wrote this monstrosity, picked southern Cali as the venue for this cinematic waste of time. I guess given the cast of the plastic characters who populate 'Such Good People', that might have been the only correct decision this inept team made. I give this picture a 'DWYT' rating, Don't Waste Your Time!
Eat My Dust (1976)
Don't Eat This
'Eat My Dust' an awful production written and directed by the late Charles B. Griffith, belongs to a very long list of films that I refer to as the 'Cali Crap' genre. 'Eat' has very little going for it. Even Ron Howard (very early in his career) can't pull this Cali crap together as hard as he tries. Its an attempt at small town comedy with the proverbial young entitled punk who tries to create havoc as a way of getting back at his domineering, rigid father who happens to be the sheriff of said town. Sound clicheish? Well it is, and is constantly reflected in a script that should never have seen the light of day. This was long before Howard emerged as the more mature, professional filmmaker he is today. I gave this picture one star, only in honor of Ron Howard.
Clay Farmers (1988)
Clay Boring
Even though this 'Brokeback Mountain' wannabe has its heart in the right place, it falls short on so many levels. Michael Moore, 'Clay Farmer's' director needs to go back to writing school. He 'Californiaizes' his awful script giving the actors very little to work with. Their west coast vibe actually helps to derail this cinematic junk. We've seen this before, boy meets boy, falls in love, and must endure the bigotry, verbal and physical, of the haters. Friendships and families are fractured. However, the predecessors such as 'Brokeback' and 'The Wedding Banquet' dealt with similar themes, but were far superior to this Cali nonsense. I gave 'Clay Farmers' two stars because I feel sympathy for the actors who tried their best. It's regrettable that they hitched the professional wagons to Michael Moore and this talentless writing project.
True Story (2015)
True Story With Embellishments
To start with, Jonah Hill and James Franco, in my opinion, were totally miscast in what should have been a far better picture. I don't doubt the veracity of the case, but what I do have misgivings with are the obvious embellishments that are part of an already poor script in order to heighten the dramatic effect. This is done frequently in these types of films, understandably, but in this particular story, they stand out like sore thumbs. The retelling of horrific cases like this, a man who murdered his family, fled the country and assumed another man's identity, should have been written with less emphasis on the case itself and more on the motivations of an obviously insane person who committed these awful crimes. The substandard writing and poor acting, unfortunately ,added to the many woes of 'True Story'.
Fun Down There (1989)
Fun For All
I thoroughly enjoyed this well written, directed and acted film which, in my opinion, is extremely under appreciated by most critics. This is a poignant coming of age story centered around a young man (Buddy) coming to New York City from an upstate NY rural community in the late 80s. The culture clash he initially experiences is well articulated. He is helped by a group of NYers who live on the edge and who embrace him, helping to make his transition to the urban lifestyle easier. He also is trying to resolve the conflict between his repressed homosexuality and his inner homophobia during the era of AIDS/HIV. I grew up in New York and know people like Buddy, and those friends who help him with his cultural and sexual adjustments. This picture seemed real to me. Perhaps some of the critics, including 'Rotten Tomatoes' should watch it again. The photography on one of his journeys through the City was superb and brought back many special memories of those places that were and still are a part of the lower Manhattan landscape. Bravo to Michael Waites who played Buddy, and Roger Stigliano, who wrote, produced and directed 'Fun Down There'.
The Accompanist (2019)
Keeve Will Make You Heave
Here's another Southern California yawn fest courtesy of Frederick Keeve, the writer and director of this Cali monstrosity. Keeve needs a refresher course in both writing and directing, the sooner the better. Chances are, judging from this mess, is he has no talent at all. 'The Accompanist' centers around a piano player in a dancing school who falls in love with much younger, and personally troubled dancer. Meanwhile, he's still in a terrible relationship with a recent ex wife and sees this new and exciting relationship as not only a diversion, but hopefully a way out as well. That in a nutshell describes what transpires in this hour and a half mess. Perhaps Keeve believed that 'Californiaizing' his terrible script would make it better. Guess what? It didn't. I strongly recommend that this excuse for a picture be avoided. If you decide not to take my advice, don't blame the talentless Keeve, blame yourself. The only one who suffers here, other than the viewer, is poor Ricky Palomino, the problemed 27 yo co star, who tries his best despite a sub mediocre script and lousy direction.
I gave the film one star only because of Ricky.
Hellbent (2004)
HellCrap
Why anybody with acting, writing and directing credibility would associate themselves with this piece of LA based cinematic garbage is completely beyond me. It got to the point, and I write this as a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community, that I had little if any sympathy for either the victims or the community at large. Paul Etheridge/Ouzts wrote and directed this Cali nonsense. He needs to return to writing school, as the dialogue and the characters are awful. What was he, and the overpaid executives who gave this awful production the green light, thinking? There is not one not shred of anything positive for the gay community here. Seek and ye shall not find.
Perhaps I'm over analyzing a run of the mill horror picture, but this Hollywood monstrosity is the worst of it's genre that I've ever seen. I'm not surprised that the Cali-focused 'Here TV' is airing it. Hellbent' gets a DWYT rating- Don't Waste Your Time.
Adult World (2013)
Adult Imbeciles
It's difficult to understand why talented actors like John Cusack would associate himself with garbage like 'Adult World'. This is poorly written, directed and overacted by almost everyone in the cast, especially by Amy, the character portrayed by Emma Roberts. John, did you need the money that badly? Is it worth sacrificing your reputation and career? Amy is a loud, overly annoying, privileged and ambitious poet wannabe who can't handle the truth about her imagined writing talent. She meets Cusack's character, a published poet for whom she has the highest regard. How his character or anyone for that matter could tolerate Amy for more than five minutes defies all logic. She ends up trashing his apartment, which is exactly what he deserved for encouraging her. The supporting cast, which includes award winning performers (John Collum and Cloris Leachman), does little to save this cinematic sinking ship. I'm glad that John did eventually redeem himself professionally.
Childless (2008)
Childish
A bunch of LA loony toons examine their own lives as well as others through the lens of a teenager's death, most likely a suicide. She was a young relative and her funeral is pending. This is a dysfunctional family for sure, I guess typical of the southern Cali experience. The writing is awful- characters talking into a camera, giving boring soliloquies about themselves, their families, failed relationships and friends. If only their dialogues were more biting, more relevant to their feelings about the young lady's death, it might have helped. Even the victim speaks from her coffin, her final words with nothing meaningful to say about herself. I was not moved in the slightest.
Perhaps a venue change would've worked a whole lot better. Writers like Charlie Levi are among those misguided artists who believe that 'Californiaizing' a script or screenplay enhances the final product. That is not at all true.
Stayed with 'Childless' hoping it would eventually improve but as with the movie, I was disappointed.
There's talent here that is regrettably wasted on this sub mediocre picture. Barbara Hershey, Joe Mantegna and James Naughton are among those in the lead cast. Not even these talented folks could save this piece of cinematic Cali crap.