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Ring of the Nibelungs (2004)
Not Wagner's opera
The film seems to follow the Nordic Völsungasaga and Nibelungenlied quite faithfully. Both are recorded in the 13th century, but are considered to have roots in the Iron Age. When Kristanna Loken's character Brunhilde said she was queen of Iceland, I almost screamed at the TV "What? Can't they even make an effort to be a little historically correct?" The anarchic Iceland ("With them is no King, but only law", as Adam of Bremen wrote), populated by Norwegians who fled King Harald Hairfair who founded the first Norwegian state. But I was unaware that Brunhilde actually in Nibelungenlied is Queen in Iceland, although the name of her kingdom in some manuscripts is spelled îsenlant, which would then mean Ironland. The film is thus not based on Wagner's 19th century opera, which Tolkien's novel Lord of the Ring is almost a condensed version of. Those who expect something like the Lord of the Ring films will thus be disappointed. In addition, this is a TV movie (aired as a mini-series on TV, but was released as a whole movie on DVD) with only a small fraction of the budget Peter Jackson had at his disposal.
Suske en Wiske: De Texas rakkers (2009)
Does not live up to the comics
Have a hard time to understand the many negative reviews (has it something to do with USA:s religious, puritan heritage?) that complain about bad language and some "sexy" dance. This is nothing different from what I grew up on in the 1970s childrens programmes on TV. Welcome to the real world, people!
However, for me who have been a fan of the comic since childhood, the 3D and Lambik wearing a mustache, was strange. It would have been much better as an old fashioned animated movie.
And the US portrayed like the old Wild West in our century & Americans still wearing 19th century clothes. Wonder why the American puritans aren't offended by that...
The Last Kingdom (2015)
Says more about our own times, than the 800s.
Every character is a sociopath and murderer. Yet we're supposed to regard them as "Great Men" (or women) who created history.
This tv show says more about our own times in the 21st century, than about the 800s.
When a guy is pointlessly murdered, nobody reacts or cares, like this happens everyday. Human beings have never reacted this way.
The peasantry run around like headless chickens when the Danes attack, when in reality most people at that time was armed.
And Norsemen with mohawks and face tattoos? There is no evidence this ever existed. The Viking hair fashion we know of was hair on the forehead, and the rest of the head shaved.
And what was the idea of Eliza Butterworth and Millie Brady of the same age both born in 1993, playing mother and daughter? This is so bad.
Pacific Rim (2013)
The most Fascist movie made in recent times?
"To fight monsters we created monsters", is the tagline of this movie. Where humanity is threatened by giant monsters, who can only be fought by Jaegers, gigantic humanoid mechas controlled by two pilots in a hive mind. Leveling skyscrapers, destroying entire cities and killing thousands of people as collateral damage, in the process.
But the people are just cheering them on, and behave like sheep.
The message is clear: the individual human is small and insignificant, and just a cog in the state machine. Civilization and human rights be damned.
Have there been made any more Fascist movie than this, in recent times?
War of the Worlds (2005)
Worst story anticlimax ever?
Is this the worst anticlimax ever? When the story telling is reaching a peak, and the aliens are going to take over the world... Suddenly all the aliens just die of some pathogen, that their immune system can't fend off. And THE END!
Did HG Wells just run out of drugs when he wrote this story in 1897? Or why this very abrupt ending?
Sur la piste du Marsupilami (2012)
Marsupilami without Spirou & Fantasio?
Making a Marsupilami movie without Spirou and Fantasio is like Laurel without Hardy, or Huey without Dewey and Louie. This movie was obviously not a low budget one, so why on earth did they leave out the central characters from the Marsupilami comic books?
Pathfinder (2007)
Vikings who look and sound like Orchs?
Had the filmmakers watched too much Lord of the Rings? Last time I checked my history books my Scandinavian ancestors didn't wear ridicilous helmets and masks like Orchs or talked with dark voice-modulated effects like Nailz in 1992s WWE.
Fringe (2008)
I think my brain got dumber by watching this
Two alternate universes collide, and to stop them from doing that you have to encase people in amber. Why, I have no idea...
In the alternate future New York people travel in zeppelins, those giant aircrafts that move at a snails pace compared to let's say planes... Yet we're supposed to believe this alternate New York is technologically ahead of ours...
And of all animals that have gone extinct in the alternate future is - sheep! The best way to protect species from extinction is to eat them; to breed them commercially like we do sheep for lamb meat and wool. Ergo, people have a reason to protect them.
The tv show's writers couldn't have thought of tigers, or something?
Etc.
The stupidity of this show just makes my head hurt...
Valhalla (2019)
Strange
Have never seen children take mushrooms and getting high, in a movie aimed at children before. But what's missing is Freja prancing around scantily clad with her boobs practically falling out and making everybody around her horny out of their minds, like she does in the comic books this movie is based on.
The Magic Christian (1969)
Was this a film or an acid trip?
This movie felt like a long acid trip not unlike Alice in the Wonderland or Monthy Python, and it's no surprise that two of its writers were two from the latter.
A rich man (Peter Sellers) with his adopted son (Ringo Starr) wants to teach the people a lesson that anything can be bought for money. But every scene is like a drug fueled dream that only leaves you thinking if the writers were drunk or high, or both.
What is it with the wealthy man seeing two chinamen like in a hallucination, and then being taken advantage of by Peter Sellers dressed like a nun in the drug mists? These questions just keep piling on.
The drugs must have been good in the 1960's.
Gremlins (1984)
For the Mystery Science Theater 3000
Hadn't watched this since I was about 10, and didn't remember much more than the promo Hulk Hogan did in the movie sequal, so I was surprised how much a B-level movie this was. Almost on par with Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. This should be something for Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Dom över död man (2012)
Jan Troell makes any movie as boring as watching paint dry
Jesper Christensen with his Danish accent isn't very credible in his role as the Swedish newspaperman Torgny Segerstedt, famous for his uncompromising anti-Nazi stance. And could Jan Troell be any more boring director? Instead of making a movie about a man who stould up for liberty and against nazism to a great cost for himself, the director Troell just zeros in on his personal life and mistresses.
Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1986)
So dumb that the clocks stopped
If you hit a big metal ax aganist a golden lion statue and its golden roof tiles, you know of course the gold will be melting. And of course you also know that if you dip living human bodies into melting gold they wont dissapate, but become gold statues. Likewise,it's no surprise when the main villain in a story Agon get showered with melted gold,he just don't get reduced to a pile of mess, but get transformed into a gold statue... Really a movie that put the brain on the hat relf.
Varn!ng för Jönssonligan (1981)
What was the point of this?
This is an almost frame-to-frame copy of the Danish Olsen gang movies, except from the Olsens habitual beer (alcohol!) drinking and visiting prostitutes and making porno movies, which would perhaps offend puritan sensibilities in the Swedish Bible Belt (Småland).
What's the point of making a Swedish version of a Danish institution in movie history, when Danish and Swedish are just mere dialects of a non-standardized Scandinavian language?
Have society been this dumbed down after Scandinavianism in the early 1900s, was displaced by state-nationalism?
Olsen Bandens sidste stik (1998)
This movie almost destroyed the legacy of the Olsen gang
This is not how I wanted to remember the Olsen criminal gang: Kjeld is confined to a wheelchair, Benny has gone large (fat) as a house, and Egon is in a care home for the elderly and senile. This movie shouldn't have been made for the same reason I don't like to go to funerals, because I want to remember people how they were when they were alive. How they thought this image of the Olsen gang as old and crippled would revitalize the danish institution in movie history that is the Olsen gang, is beyond me.
Anno 1790 (2011)
Distortion of history
There is given much detail to 18th century life in this tv series by the Swedish government television Sveriges Television except from one essential thing: there were no police force in the 1700s!
In the famous painting The Coffee Raid (Kaffebeslaget) by Martin Rudolf Heland (1765-1814) for example, during the prohibition on coffee, the "Law's henchmen" (Lagens hantlangare) who surprises a coffee-drinking party of ladies, who hurry to try to hide their coffee-drinking, are no police officers.
It wasn't until the 1860's during the industrial revolution when the poor people from the countryside moved into the cities and the upper class wanted to be protected from the criminal gangs, drunkenness and prostitution, it was founded a police force modeled after London. And where did they recruit the new police officers? Of course, from the criminal gangs.
Les couloirs du temps: Les visiteurs II (1998)
Jacquouille was painfully annoying in this
Just the Jacquouille character made this sequel unbearable to watch. In the first movie he was a funny sidekick. In this one he acts more like an intolerable crazy screaming monkey at the zoo, than a human. Or an irritating howling toddler at the cinema, that just won't shut up. Through the whole movie!
Terror! Robespierre and the French Revolution (2009)
Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely
More people should watch this, in these corona times. It's interesting to observe the personal gallery who rose to power, and how they then outmaneuvered each other. Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupt absolutely, as Lord Acton wrote. Or even more precisely: "The problem isn't the abuse of power; it's the power to abuse", as Michael Cloud put it.
Carry on Emmannuelle (1978)
Wants to be like the Danish Zodiac films, but can't
After Denmark as the first country in the world abolished censorship for pornography in the late 1960s, the Danish film genre "gladporr", that can be defined as a combination of folk comedy (lustspel) and pornography, became a major Danish export item. It seems, Carry on Emmanuelle wanted to be like the famous Danish Ole Søltoft Zodiac films, but couldn't due to different censorship leglislation.
Not unlike decaffeinated coffee - a porn comedy without any nudity. It's just not a good concept.
Ghosts of War (2020)
Horrible ending
The movie ends VERY abruptly with no explanation what so ever to the story. It just ruins it.
The World's End (2013)
Great libertarian movie
Gary King and his friends discover that the world is invaded by an condescending space alien race who turns humans into robots, when they are trying to complete an epic pub crawl.
Not unlike Invasion of the Body Snatchers, it's an anology to the state. This movie have become actualized by the hysteria over the Corona virus, where people are ignoring immunology (where you get herd immumity by letting strong people get infected and at the same time try to protect the vounerable) and are cheering the police state.
Lost in Space (1998)
A dissapointment
The Robinson family tries to find another habitable planet in the gaxy, but gets stranded on a planet, where they enter a time bubble, and encounter a future version of the boy in the family, Will. Then the rest of the story is just about the family trying to escape from the planet. Really boring and dissapointing.
Kronprinz Rudolf (2006)
Poor choice of actress for the role of Mary Vetsera
Mary Vetsera was merely a child, 17 years old, at the time of the Mayerling incident. Could they really not find a more suitable actress to portray her, than a 27 years old Vittoria Puccini? She was much older than Daniela Golpashin, who portrayed Rudolf's wife, for chrissake.
The Mandalorian: Chapter 2: The Child (2019)
An ice age woolly rhino in the Star Wars universe. And its laying woolly eggs!
Jon Favreau has an impressive resume as a director and writer, but what had he been smoking when he thaught it was a good idea to put an ice age woolly rhino in the Star Wars universe? And it's laying eggs! And the eggs are woolly!
Are there no filter at Lucasfilms/Disney?
Adolf Hitler: The Greatest Story Never Told (2013)
Read historian Ralph Racio, instead of watching this garbage...
The most interesting thing about this documentary, is not what it tells, but what it does NOT say.
For example, Adolf Hitler abolished democracy and civil liberties, and the economy recovered, and German workers could go on vacations abroad for the first time. And according to this documentary, it was all thanks to the genius of one man, the Führer Adolf Hitler!
But what if the economy recovered and poverty and crime was reduced, not because of, but despite of, national socialism and Hitler? The Social Democrats rose to power in Scandinavia at the same time, much because their new rule became identified with the economically better times internationally.
A lot of effort is put into proving the existence of a Jewish conspiracy. Why, international Jewish organizations had declared boycots and war on Germany! But, hadn't the Nazi regime by making racism and antisemitism the law of the land, already declared war on them? They even highlight a secret deal between Jewish organizations and the Nazi regime, to allow Jews in Germany to move to Palestine and keep their possessions. Hey, we have driven you from your house and home, but we allow you to keep (most of) your possessions. Isn't that a sweet deal?
They also make a big number out of Jews producing pornographic literature, and Jews supporting the Bolsheviks in Russia. And Jews doing this, and Jews doing that. But aren't Jews individuals? Some of the most influential thinkers of libertarian laissez-faire capitalism for example, were Jews; Rand, Friedman, Hayek, Mises and Rothbard. Are they Jew-Bolshevists, too??
They also conveniantly leave out the fact, that national socialism and communism are brother ideologies. Ideashistorically, in terms of value and in practical politics, these two killer ideologies are astonishingly similar. In the 19th century they would be called Right- and Left-Hegelians. Just look up Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel and his followers, who split into a left and right faction.
Of course, the WW2-era crimes against Germans in the Baltic region and Eastern Europe have been omitted from history in a hair-raising way, but this documentary make a disservice to serious scholars like the historian Ralph Racio who in his book "Great Wars and Great Leaders" have tried to do away with this horrible history writing. You don't have to be a democracy-hating totalitarian racist to think this is wrong!
And this documentary don't even get the history of the Swastika right. It wasn't the great leader Hitler who designed the symbol. It was a really popular "lucky charm" historical symbol in the Western World around the time of WW1, before the Nazis blackened it. Just google for example, Carlsberg beer labels from around this time.