chrisduwe Reviews

Sharp Objects (2018)

B O R I N G - S L O W - Great Cast Wasted!

[1/10 · 25 July 2018]

Three episodes into this show and already I've had enough. The whole wallowing in self pity and flashbacks to the traumatic past are laboured, tedious and make up far too much of the show. I'm OK with a non-linear storyline but when it's so boring and takes an eternity to tell you what you've already guessed it's annoying. It feels like I've spend an hour watching the lead character either asleep, waking up or driving around in her car to little effect. I don't know why this has turned out to be such a tirdburger but it certainly is one!

Frontier (2016–2018)

Terrible Acting, Infantile Script, Ridiculous plot.

[1/10 · 14 December 2017]

Whilst the larger plot may be based on historical events this show is a drama dropped into that overall narrative. The characters are 2 dimensional, each one making a pathetic attempt to talk with an accent that they couldn't be bothered to perfect. This is fast paced but nothing actually happens, character development is paper thin. With the resources put into this it could have been something great. Judge it alongside something like Deadwood and this is like a babys first attempt at a poop compared to a 5lb turd!

No Deposit (2015)

Worst Movie I've seen for Over 10 Years

[1/10 · 21 November 2015]

This movie sucks, not just on one level, it sucks right across the board. the soundtrack is like it's been stolen from a cheesy 1970's sitcom. Despite the cast containing some names that are well known and have decent bodies of work. Quite what they thought when they were making this steaming pile bull waste will remain a mystery I guess. I can say it's only redeeming feature is that it wasn't 1 minute longer than it was. I wonder if this was made as a dare or a bet, it is a little like a cheap porn movie with all the sex scenes removed. The plot in theory sounds OK but 10 minutes in you don't really give a number two, all the characters seem to be miscast. The cast contains some character actors that have made great villains, they're all playing the cheesy roles. The lead character being being a nobody with a huge comedy wig doesn't help take this seriously. Steer clear, cleaning your oven would be more fun.

American Crime (2015–2017)

One To Watch

[4/10 · 4 April 2015]

This shows some promise so far, no cheesy music, fake lens flare or lines designed to make every character look a smart ass. A good cast and the way the characters are linked reminded me of Crash, the way it deals with the grief of the family surrounding these events reminded of Rectify. What I think will let it down is the crime has been perpetrated, not having an ongoing situation limits the story lines and takes a dimension away that could have created a more complexed set of motives amongst the characters. The moral points the show is trying to make feel clumsily added and could be a more effectively put forward if they were more subtle. I got to episode three so I'm hoping this grows! This is tending towards the boring now, I'd rather just watch The Wire again!

Sons of Anarchy (2008–2014)

This Is A Freak Show, Absurd, Implausible & Disgusting

[3/10 · 3 October 2014]

With a weekly death toll usually reaching 3 figures and at least a couple of gratuitous head mushing incidents an episode this relies heavily on a shock factor to try and raise this above the level of what it actually is, a soap opera. As far as soap goes it's pretty awful, lacking plot and character depth. From the middle aged transvestites, the compulsive masturbating to the racist Nazii's this thing images no effort to disguise the fact that it is a freak show. I watch in the hope of seeing long serving characters die a horrible death as there is not one likable character in the whole show. The small town of Charming is a joke, Walton Goggins in a dress with huge fun bags just about sums this show up.

The Bling Ring (2013)

What A Stinky Pile Of Doo Doo

[1/10 · 14 October 2013]

A plot that could be written on the end of a cigarette packet, vacuous characters that just stare into space, the only way this film could have gone to give me some sort of payback for the time I wasted watching it would have been if they all died in agony. It's OK to portray characters that are not likable in any way at all but these vacuous clones were akin to inanimate objects. If you don't have any magazines with photos of skinny girls in sun glasses then this will fill the gap for you. Why didn't they just give a bunch of drunks a camera for the night, it would have been more entertaining. This movie is what off buttons were designed for, it proves there is a visual equivalent of elevator music.

Dexter (2006–2013)

Should have ended 3 seasons ago

[5/10 · 14 October 2013]

Having watched Dexter right to the bitter end I have to say I won't miss it at all. What was a better than average series, stylishly directed with a great cast was forgiven for being a bit repetitive. It should have ended 3 seasons ago, this last season was pathetic, it was as though the writers had been sacked, some new ones brought in and told to keep it "ticking over" and told to end it all in the last 2 episodes. for a show built on secrets very few were revealed, this went out with a pathetic whimper. The penultimate series built to a real dramatic high that promised so much for the final series, instead of keeping this up and pushing the characters to new extremes it was as if they were all too tired to be bothered, every character acted as if they were ready for a retirement home.

Scandal (2012–2018)

More Of The Same Old Rubbish

[3/10 · 13 October 2013]

America can produce fantastic prime time TV like Deadwood, Damages, The Wire, Breaking Bad etc. but it also produces absolute trash like this. Take Breaking bad for example, an imaginative soundtrack, Scandal uses the same soundtrack I've heard a million times before, it's been used since the mid 90's, generic , annoying tripe. Why bother fleshing out the characters when you can go full head into people talking really fast which is supposed to mean they are cool, smart and worthy of our attention, throw some fast paced generic funk music over the top, it's easy.

Shallow, made for the masses who have no attention span.

AE: Apocalypse Earth (2013 Video)

Hollywood Sinks To New Low Point

[2 June 2013]

Can only review the first 12 minutes as it was so poor I switched it off. The movie starts out like you've just switched on the TV and a cheap SCIFI TV episode is half way through, after 2 minutes you wish it was 90% through after a few more minutes you remember that you have the power to end your own misery. I chose to do the washing up instead, I'd advise watching paint dry or cleaning your WC would slao be more entertaining.

Why bother with character development, plot or even scripted dialog when you can make a remake of an episode of star trek the next generation and sell it as a movie.

Orphan Black (2013–2017)

Background Noise Whilst Web Browsing

[3/10 · 7 April 2013]

Not terrible but certainly not worthy of your full attention. The casting is terrible, the lead actress keeps switching from Cockney to Australian in mid sentence. The overall idea might have had some merit to start with you can see from the first two episodes that everything is going to remain quite shallow, plot and character development. This won't hold my attention beyond these two episodes I'm afraid, I don't care what the explanation of it all is. This is partly down to the fact that this show contains largely annoying characters that If I met in real life would want to smack in the face with a frozen leg of Lamb. As for the reviewer down crying BBC America - did you watch Rome?