benniegrezlik Reviews

Carter (2022)

Eye candy without a story

[3/10 · 15 August 2022]

I have given up on movies half way through; this time I got three quarters through before dumping it. Why? This movie has lots of eye candy with stunts and CGI. What it doesn't have is coherrence of story. There's a new virus that started in the Korean DMZ. Some blame North Korea, some South Korea, some the USA. I don't know if that ever gets resolved or not; when I finally quit this hot mess, I didn't care.

It was confusing about daughters. Was Carter's daughter in danger, was the top researcher's daughter in danger, or both? The plot(?) was as clear as mud on a dark night. Acting? Who knows. In the 2 hours and 12 minutes of gob-smacking action, there wasn't time to act. In the end, a movie has to make the audience love or hate the characters. Carter did neither. Please, writers and director, clarify the story and try again. Fantastic stunts and high body count does not a movie make.

The Taunting (2021)

Can't wait to see the rest of this movie someday

[2/10 · 3 November 2021]

After the first eight minutes. My heart couldn't take anymore. Maybe after I get my heart murmur resolved.

Okay, seriously. The sound has an echo (and not a scary echo, just bad sound(. The difference between a jump scare and a cheap scare is that one of them doesn't show what caused the scare. Guess which ones this movie has, and think tiny budget.

If you are looking for a hidden gem, well, this is more like a broken curb. It can't be fixed because there is nothing there to fix. Move on, nothing to see hear.

All this sounds cruel, but you can't compete in the movie business with a shoeshine and 2K dollars.

Island of Fire (1990)

Weird Jackie Chan movie

[6/10 · 19 October 2021]

Although Jackie had top billing, there were long stretches where he wasn't on-screen. He came off as more like a supporting actor with this slick Prince Valliant haircut which he maintained even in prison.

The warden farmed out his prisoners to maintain roads on a tar crew. While on this sequence, the writers stole several tropes from Cool Hand Luke. To wit:

1) The prisoners get into a competition to show the guards they can finish a stretch of road ahead of schedule. They do. Same as CHL.

2) A pretty woman is driving by and her car breaks down. Fatty (one of the main characters) volunteers (eagerly) to help her so he tells her to go on the opposite side and rock the car. It's been raining, so this is a ploy to get her wet top against the window (she doesn't seem to be wearing a bra) while Fatty watches and moans in pleasure, This is very close to a scene in CHL.

3) Fatty asks permission to take a dump in the weeds. He goes behind some bushes and the guards keep yelling at him, so he starts shaking a bush to show that he is still there. After a little too long the bush stops shaking they run over to check it out. They find a long string Fatty used to shake the bush while he escaped. Right out of CHL.

Maybe the writers were paying homage to CHL. Or maybe they were lazy

In an interview, Jackie has said he's turned down roles because he didn't want to be a bad guy. Yet in this movie, he winds up in prison because he killed a gangster's brother in a fair fight. Okay, so far. Towards the end, he and several other men escape from prison, wind up at an airport. The entire army seems to be after them. Jacky kills maybe a dozen men to make good his escape. Good guy or bad guy? But I guess it evens out in the end because he is killed.. I can't recall a Jackie Chan movie where he dies on-screen. So that was weird.

I'm giving it six out of ten for the action.

America: The Motion Picture (2021)

Simply not funny

[30 June 2021]

I like satirical takes on anything, yet this script seems to be written by ten year old boys from the bottom of their class. Okay, satire doesn't have to make sense, bur it does need to hang together in its own universe. This movie doesn't hang together in any universe. All would be forgivable if it were funny. It is not. I gave up about twenty minutes in. I'm thinking of sending Netflix my grandchild's crayon drawings to see if we can get a movie deal.

The Remarkable 20th Century (2000 TV Movie)

Good recap of 20th century history, but...

[5/10 · 25 April 2021]

I pay a monthly fee for Amazon Prime. In this documentary, I am forced to watch (or wait it out) commercials. Why am I paying to receive commercials? Is this a test by Amazon to see if paying customers will accept this mistreatment?

If I see this practise again on Prime, they can kiss me goodbye.

Otherwise, I enjoyed Howard K. Smith's narration of this documentary.

The Monopoly on Violence (2020)

This documentary is saying anarchy is preferable to a strong state

[1/10 · 24 April 2021]

The world has strong states and many weak ones. Where would you rather live?

The US or Afghanistan?

Canada or Pakistan?

Germany or Somalia?

England or Lebanon?

A bonus of living in a weak state is that you could start you own gang and be a warlord. But chances are, you'll be forced into an existing gang or killed quickly. Anarchy can be fun.

Extinction (2018)

Mismatched marriage

[4/10 · 7 February 2021]

Peter (Michael Pena) and Alice (Lizzy Caplan) live in a beautiful, spacious apartment which Peter's janitor's salary wouldn't begin to pay for. Alice is an important architect, city planner, or some such. Peter has these troubling dreams about an alien invasion, Of course, his wife things he's going crazy, so she wants him to get help.

He makes an appointment, then backs out because... I guess because he thinks his dreams are foretelling the future.

And lo and behold, they are! This has got to be every paranoid's fondest wish: Aha! I was right and the rest of the world was wrong!

So the delusional guy gets to be the hero.

The special effects were pretty good, but the setup that gets us into the escape and fight with the aliens is a strange setup indeed. 4/10.

The Rhythm Section (2020)

Tired of action shots in the dark

[3/10 · 4 February 2021]

Movies that turn into radio plays should not be praised for cinematic photography. Almost every action sequence was shot in very dark settings. Does the film maker think this adds to suspense? It adds to confusion, thank you.

Plus, I am confused about whether the murder weapon is a compound bow or a primitive atlatl. It looks like the atlatl would suffer accuracy problems. The movie already has enough problems. So many, in fact, that I quit with less than five minutes to go. Yes, I wared my time.

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

Great action movie

[8/10 · 4 December 2020]

It's a great action movie that happens to have female protagonists. Oh, yeah, and one of them is supposed to be "Mexican." And so what? Oh, the horror of political correctness! The action and story were good, so why get medieval on a movie review?

If anyone was expecting for the Terminator series to follow some kind of cannon, too bad. The "cannon" for a long series of complex movies is like having a superstructure on an aircraft carrier that's larger than the ship itself. After about two movies, the spaghetti strands of all the subplots can never be resolved. Live with it and enjoy the moment.

Come on folks. This is a SF/Fantasy movie, not scripture from on high. It was a good romp and that's all I expected.

Notzilla (2020)

Funniest unpretentious parody in forever!

[8/10 · 17 November 2020]

Every movie I've ever seen has at least one moment (most have many moments) that need a MST3K or a Rifftrax to bring it back to earth. You can't make fun of a movie that relentlessly makes fun of itself. Notzilla lays bare its soul in its determined unselfconsciousness. I had many laughs watching Notzilla.

Almost every line and every reference to other movies and literary allusions were good. Some not perfect, but close enough. I love word play and this was like a fast ping-pong game of words and memes. I salute everyone involved with this movie. You made me laugh and that's what a parody is supposed to do. Thank you. General Specific, indeed.

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm (2020)

Borat as a Mad Magazine movie

[3/10 · 15 November 2020]

Borat would have been a perfect vehicle for Mad Magazine. I am a pretty old dude, so I remember with fondness Mad Magazine in the fifties satirizing such tropes as Superman, Batman, and numerous television shows. Realy, any form of entertainment that appealed to "the masses" was fair game because secretly, us kids knew mass media was BS.

To a preteen in the fifties, Mad Magazine was the epitome of sophisticated satire. Borat would have been hilarious. But, I am well beyond my preteens and America is well beyond the fifties. The in-your-face humor of Borat is in the same genre as fart jokes and pulling a chair out from under someone who is about to sit down. The boys in the middle school cafeteria would laugh at this, but most of us have moved on.

I agree with the politics of Borat, but not the methods of Republican exposure to ridicule. Really, one could pull these same "jokes" on any political group to make them look stupid. The said "jokes" are just embarrassing to any adult.

Watch this if you want to remember the humor of your childhood, and to do that once in a while is okay.

Monster Island (2019 TV Movie)

Lava for blood! Call the Admiral of the army! No, the Corporal of Space Command!

[5/10 · 20 October 2020]

This movie is so funny I'm doing my own riffs. How could the writer confuse a General with an Admiral? Yes, a General in an Admiral's uniform is in charge of the Navy. Or is it the Coast Guard? No one knows and it's not important.

No matter. We are in the world of fantasy. But it's funny fantasy. I love the operator who is constantly peeing his pants about the danger of being in this little submarine fighting a humongous starfish. He seems to be the only sane person on board.

Let me count the absurdities. When they are out of the water they are running out of oxygen. When they are in the water, they can't fill their ballast tanks. (with water, which is all around them!).

That's my review for the first half of the movie. I may have to write another review for the last half. But that's based on the premise that it will get funnier, which I think is highly unlikely.

I'm clicking the button for ".. this review does not contain spoilers." I think it would take a direct hit with an H-bomb to spoil this movie. You can't spoil sauerkraut.

Too Late (I) (2015)

Shouldn't noir be realistic?

[3/10 · 5 October 2020]

I have to mention that I'm not a big fan of flashbacks, flashforwards, sideways or any other direction. I guess I'm not sophisticated enough to appreciate these fine cinematic devices. Neither am I a fan of head spinning camera takes that swing almost 180 degrees. By the way, the vaunted 35 mm filming is how most movies are shot, so no gold star for that.

However, my big concerns are a few unrealistic scenes that make no sense. First (in movie chronology, but not real time), is the protagonist demise. Mr. Samson is supposed to be a detective, but I guess that big book on detecting he read didn't tell him how to keep a subject under control when he's cuffed to a steering wheel and you have a gun. Then, the killer somehow runs away from the car while shooting seven shots at our hero without looking back (and yelling "yee hah!"). The killer is a good shot, because Samson dies overly dramatically. Sure, there are other interpretations, but come on.

The other inexplicable scene is when the dorky drug dealers sap Samson, then shoot him on the ground at point-blank range with what looks like a big automatic. Our hero shakes this off in about a minute after they run away with no more than some blood on his shirt. Unbelievable. Especially, after how he eventually dies from the cuffed killer.

This film is moody, which I guess makes it noir, but tramples all over this viewer's suspension of disbelief. It doesn't work for me.

Midnight Special (2016)

Good reason it's a box office flop

[2/10 · 1 October 2020]

Because it flops like a dying fish.

Let's see: Boy with "amazing powers". Check. He wears blue blockers because... it's cool. Check. He knows things he shouldn't. Check. Apparently, people find it gratifying to be burned with his x-ray eyes, (?) Check.

And lots of penetrating lights. That's always a SF winner.

One of the reviewers said the second kind of bad movie sucks you in for half the movie before you cut your losses. That was me. I'll spend the rest of this movie's time watching my cat sleep, which will be much more rewarding.

The F.B.I. Files: Voice of Terror (2004) Season 7, Episode 1

FBI allows bomber to walk away

[5/10 · 22 September 2020]

The anti-Castro group Omega 7 has been bombing NY and Miami with injuries and loss of life. The FBI thinks the group has two factions and they try to play off one against the other. The leader of one faction, the admitted actual bomb maker, tries to make a deal by telling the NY FBI that he could help them find a huge cache of explosives the other faction has hidden in Miami.

The Director of the FBI agrees to this plan. The NY FBI allows the bomb maker to fly to Miami to go look for the explosives and they don't even tail him! Of course he walks away free. The FBI spends about a year and much resources looking for the guy that they didn't even bother to surveil when they had the chance.

Meanwhile, this terrorist sets off more bombs in Miami. They know it's him because he takes credit!

I'm not a law enforcement expert, but what the FBI did (actually, didn't do) seems like a world-class blunder. Why did the FBI NOT watch this killer, even if they had no evidence at the time to arrest him??? Apparently, there was not even two factions, so the FBI got played several ways.

They finally catch him after he's had many good laughs at their expense. If this TV depiction is true, someone in the FBi should have been fired. Please watch this episode and tell me I'm wrong.

Hoosiers (1986)

Great movie except for a tiny detail (but not so tiny)

[10/10 · 14 September 2020]

I agree with the numerous reviews about how good this movie is. I have one quibble. It's one of those things that I don't understand how the error was propagated, then ignored by all.

In the scene at the state finals, at 1:37:05, the American flag is shown hanging in the background the wrong way. The stars should be on the left, but they are on the right. Oh, my. Who let that important detail slip in?

Otherwise, great movie.

Nova: Black Hole Apocalypse (2018) Season 45, Episode 1

Excellent documentary, black holes from A to Z

[8/10 · 16 June 2020]

Don't listen to the misogynists who get upset when women do science - they're called scientists just like their male counterparts. Grow up.

The documentary starts in the days when black holes were theoretically possible but improbable, to the conclusion (always provisional in science) that black holes may be what makes galaxies, and therefore us, possible. Along the way, we were treated to the history of how the first black hole (Cygnus X-1) was discovered and finally proved beyond reasonable objection, and then to the work which showed that (probably) every galaxy has a super massive black hole as a seed.

Great job and Janna Levin is a great presenter.

BuzzFeed Unsolved: True Crime: The Mysterious Death of the Boy in the Box (2017) Season 2, Episode 2

Good (true) story, but ignorant commentary

[8/10 · 20 May 2020]

The Boy in the Box case takes place in 1957. Ryan Bergara and Shane Madej, the hip hosts, apparently were not hip enough to understand that there was no DNA testing in 1957, when they conclude that it was probably bureaucracy that prevented DNA testing. Or they missed the date of the boy's death. Really, guys, I enjoy the cute and funny commentary, but please pay attention to the case you are yapping about.

Xploration Earth 2050: Future of Food (2014) Season 1, Episode 3

Stopped cold at Season 1, Episode 3, by dumb narration

[4/10 · 31 March 2020]

Does anyone edit the script for the voiceover? On a series which necessarily is heavy on science, to utter the idiocy, when referring to freezing something or other, that the temperature is "as cold as it gets on the dark side of the moon, the side that never sees the sun." There is no (permanently) dark side of the moon. Every part of the moon gets one month's worth of sunlight. Perhaps the narrator (or script writer) was thinking of the far side of the moon, the side that is alway facing away from earth. Why was the temperature of liquid nitrogen compared to the "dark side of the moon?" Someone thought he (or she) was making a clever analogy and put his foot into his mouth. That mistake ruined the series for me. To me, the narrator might as well have mentioned that the earth is flat and beyond the edge there be dragons. I know, one little mistake... but it was a big one, and probably, in passing, confirmed to many people their casual mistaken belief in the "dark side of the moon." Instead of advancing science, they added to the BS. So, sadly, I will not watch more of this series.

High Tension (2003)

Last ten minutes were the best

[8/10 · 9 September 2019]

Most of this movie was so-so, but the last ten minutes was so well executed and such a surprise that I had to give it 8/10.

A Quiet Place (2018)

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes with good acting

[2/10 · 8 April 2019]

This movie simply failed to suspend my sense of disbelief. So many problems, where do I start? These blind creatures, no matter how tough, would be easy to lure into traps (could be death traps). They can't hear through white noise (like a waterfall). Wow, humans can't artificially make white noise. Oh, wait; yes we can, easily. If lions warned their prey with growling and clicking, they would be going hungry. There is apparently abundant electricity, but not in the castle keep (or a basement, in this case). What? No extension cords, but plenty of candles? High pitched sound defeats the monsters. It took a kid to figure this out? To put a twist on it, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, with good acting.

Gumshoe! (2018)

Painfully bad

[1/10 · 1 October 2018]

The lame sight gags and one liners were so dull I doubt that Mystery Science Theater 3000 could jazz them up. I'm sorry, this movie was dreadful. Don't waste your time.

Blown Away (1994)

The title is about a half step aove "Bomb goes boom!"

[2/10 · 13 September 2018]

There is no subtlety in this movie. Everything is blunt and obvious. Everything from the mad bomber (Tommy Lee Jones) whistling "Pop goes the weasel", to the iron rule that bombers must follow a wiring color code so that bomb disposers can cut the correct wire, to the bomber setting up a Rube-Goldberg self-destruct of his good ship Lollipop in the denouement. Every bomb is super-duper complex. Tommy Lee Jones is so smart that he can break out of an Irish prison with cleaning products from his cell, blood from his murdered cellmate, and a condom full of urine. Yeah. Don't try this at home. Pyrotechnics are great, but the plot gets Blown Away.

The Beyond (2017)

At first insulted that NASA was never mentioned, then glad it wasn't

[3/10 · 29 August 2018]

The Beyond is the sort of pseudo-science fiction movie your geeky uncle Albert would write if he ever got around to writing anything. The themes are shop-worn, the characters bland, and the constant mention of the ISS, without mentioning NASA's mission control, but invoking something called Space Agency, Inc. (obviously British), was at first irritating, but then I understood that NASA wouldn't want to be associated with such drivel. All in all, I'll give it a 3 for the effort of the participants to finish it. Don't waste your time.

Tusk (I) (2014)

I hope no Canadians saw this steaming mountain of offal

[1/10 · 11 August 2018]

Really? Cut a person apart with DIY surgery and create a walrus? Wow! What a great idea for a movie. And no chance of infection, or of anyone stealing this theme. Yeah, I get the metaphor: "how the mighty have fallen," or how the idiots will inherit the earth. This "movie" makes Canadians and Canada look like the the booby prize in the game of life. Also; another great choice in Johnny Depp's career. Sort of like Pirates of Walrus Island.