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Reviews
Alien³ (1992)
On its own (which is impossible) it's very good
No matter how much you try, you can't separate this film from the first two that came before it. But If you could, this movie is actually pretty incredible. It's BLEAK but weirdly poetic much like the first Alien. It's scary and surprising. I HATE the beginning follow up on Aliens. How could you not? Unfortunately it leaves a terrible taste in the mouth that follows through the whole film. But, if you can get past the dismissal of Aliens, the film itself I do believe is interesting and noteworthy. It's it a masterpiece? Far from it. But it's a pretty darn good creature feature horror movie. Worth a watch.
WNUF Halloween Special (2013)
So many commercials
Do you remember how annoying the 90s were with very heavy and frequent commercial interruptions? Well this movie was made to remind you. There's more commercials than movie and it very quickly wears out its welcome. Also most of the "action" or "scares" happen off screen and by the end its not funny anymore its just as obnoxious as the repeated scream sound used to exit and intro the 'program' .
To Your Last Death (2019)
I dont know where this came from but I'm not mad about it
I enjoyed immensely. Fast, fun, gorey, comicy and graphic. Not sure where this weird little movie came from but I'm glad I found it. Seems like a sequel could be fun.
Hell House LLC III: Lake of Fire (2019)
Dumb
I think I'd like these movies more if they didn't anchor themselves around the lamest piano chord ever. Every time they play it (which is alot) I'm removed from the film because it sounds so amateur.
Gretel & Hansel (2020)
Slow and brooding, but gorgeous and captivating
I really enjoyed this. I think I was pleasantly surprised base don a ll the bad reviews but I wasn't at all bored nor did I think the film was too slow. Its dripping with atmosphere and was gorgeous to look at. The scene in the beginning with the weird bald dude in the random house was a WTF moment but otherwise I have no complaints.
Sweetheart (2019)
Wasn't expecting much but here we are
I really enjoyed this tight little gem of a thriller. It does exactly what it sets but to do and then some. It's well filmed, gorgeous to look at and I was genuinely scared a couple of times. There's also some pretty interesting subtext. I've rewatched it a couple of times in the last year and still enjoy it. Well done!
Doctor Sleep (2019)
More of a homage than sequel to The Shining, but still very good.
The Shining is tied with Alien as my favorite film of all time (a solid third place is Muriel's Wedding). As much as a sequel is not necessary in any way, I can't deny the excitement of seeing a great director dedicated to honor Stanley Kuprick's visual style. Mike Flanagan (haunting of hill house, Oculus, Hush) is probably the best horror director we've had in a long time. It looked and felt terrific. The story is unnecessary. And most importantly I loved seeing a new Wendy doing her best Shelley Duvall. A-
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Ehhh, it's not the wprstovie ever, but it's not good
I will say I was excited as a kid to see this. I was looking forward to it. There were alot of movies that I looked forward to as a kid. Some of them are great movies. Some of them are not. And some of them are just ok no matter how bad you want them to be great (or horrible for some of you). This movie is really off in tone. It's story is confusing right from the get go. The use of CGI is distracting especially is Jar Jar and his character is obnoxious. Alot of characters are obnoxious. Alot of the dialogue feels 'forced' hehe. But there is no real joy in this movie. There are moments that do shine (pod races, final battle, music) but overall this movie is just sort of lame. Watch this next to Rogue One and you will see this movie is not good. In fact I think it's the worst Star Wars movie ever. What a bad way to start an epic saga.
Rogue One (2016)
Best Star Wars films since the 80's borrowing heavily from Miyazaki
I was awed, spellbound, moved and impressed. This movie did what none of the other recent Star Wars films have done. It was one of the best told stories in film that I have seen in a long time, but it also just happens to fit in the Star Wars universe. Like the Force Awakens I felt like it borrowed heavily from Miyazaki films (growth of a young female scavenger discarded by society and forced to live in a world of war that is beyond her power, epic worlds and beautiful visuals, heavy thematics with a focus on environmental impact). And the pace of the story increases and accelerates to a perfect crescendo and ending. I loved every minute of it.
I will say I did miss the crawl during the credits but that's really a small quip. But what I didn't miss were the clever winks and nods to fans of the newest Star Wars films. The plot is very dire and grim at times and it doesn't hold back from being emotionally heavy. The action sequences were gripping and the characters were morally ambiguous at first. I thought all of it was very well polished and the final third was breathtaking. One of the greatest war/action/sci fi films ever made in my opinion. Fantastic.
No One Lives (2012)
A mindless trek through inane stupidity
This is one of the very worst movies I have ever seen. After watching it, my friend and I talked about how horrifically bad this was. We asked each other if we could identify one good thing about the movie and the answer was nothing. I feel like everyone else who reviewed this positively surely must have been watching a different movie than me. Even Luke Evans (who I like!) is a terrible actor in this movie. Lines are incoherent and delivered terribly. The camera work is amateur. The plot is mindless and full of major holes. The sheer amount of blood used is bizarre (one person appeared to bleed 12 gallons of blood in a matter of seconds. Imagine all the complexity of a WWE wrestling match turned inward towards telling a scary story and you get this mess. Truly horrible.
Call Me by Your Name (2017)
Nothing more fun than watching two clearly straight males pretend to be in love
Watching two men who have 0 chemistry between each other pretend to be in love is not a gratifying experience. In fact, its incredibly awkward. I'm surprised that people found these characters believe able. How about you cast actual gay men who know how to actually love other men. This is a wasted opportunity. The story is fairly shallow I felt and the film could have been edited down by about 30 minutes. Keep Armie Hammer in his douchey straight boy roles.
Doctor Who: It Takes You Away (2018)
Fanatstic episode akin to Mind Robber/Celestial Toymaker
I have been really really surprised by how many negative reviews there are for this season. I've really enjoyed all of them and I think the cast is much more entertaining than the Capaldi and Clara snoozefest. This wacky episode is much more cerebral and full of emotion and wacky ideas. I loved it. Lots of salty naysayers out there.
Mary Poppins Returns (2018)
A would-be masterpiece bogged down by a surprisingly unlikeable Emily Blunt and forgettable music
I'll start by saying that normally I LOVE Emily Blunt. She's likeable and witty and full of character and this is the only time where I felt like she was lacking in all three. Her Mary is stern, boorish, and snobby and only hardly ever seems to enjoy herself. It was surprising and often jarring. The songs in the film don't necessarily help as they are fine, but in no way memorable or catchy. The best parts of this musical were when the score payed homage to the songs from the original in small refrains. Lin Manuel Miranda was just ok. He really didn't add or detract any sort of emotional or narrative impact, but came and went as window dressing. What really shined was the story and the performance of the supporting cast. They were beautifully flushed out and the themes (albeit a bit dark) were real and poignant. Often I found myself feeling nostalgic not for the original Mary Poppins but for my personally preferred lube action/animation mix; Bedknobs and Broomsticks. This is not a bad thing. The cinematography was gorgeous and the pacing refreshing. Overall I was very happy with the experience but surprised by how little the "main" focus of the film seemed to actually contribute to my enjoyment. The end was wonderful and I would recommend with caveats.
Marci X (2003)
By God they were right!!!
I couldn't believe that this movie was as bad as people were saying it was. Surely there must be some redeeming quality. Surely it could not be as cringe worthy, vomit inducing as they said...I was wrong. Way wrong. Almost every scene and line is painful. I love Lisa Kudrow. She gives it her all, but that's all I can say. What a sad time for our country.
A Wrinkle in Time (2018)
My God this was terrible.
I can't believe how cringe worthy this movie is. Its almost like an art installation that is made to make you uncomfortable. Words can't express how awkward the acting is. The CGI is so over used and is clear and bright but also gaudy and cheap somehow. The make up and wigs are so so so bad. Mindy Kaling (who I really like normally) is the worst actress in this role I have ever seen. The plot makes absolutely no sense (I've read the book) and its action sequences don't make any sense. The comedy falls flat and even Reese Witherspoon seems lost. Really one of the worst movies I've ever seen.
Into the Dark: The Body (2018)
Remarkably idiotic
Mediocre acting is the only thing to praise in this "movie/show(?)" episode. The plot relies on impossibly bad decision making and nonsensical actions of the main characters. You can't possibly feel any pity for them considering they are so so dumb. Its literally 90 minutes of someone pointing a gun at the bad guy looking scared while he slowly walks up to kill them. Boring and dull!
The Nun (2018)
Really really bad
Sometimes you just need a good dumb scary movie to enjoy...well this is not that movie. Its like a fever dream but more boring. People wander around aimlessly and the nun shows up every time. Jump scares instead of plot. I'm not sure why people were even there. There's no character development or rhyme or reason. Tonal shifts with comedy are jarring and not pleasant. Ugh.
The Mummy (2017)
I'm an admitted film snob and even I am confused by the bad rap
I don't understand all the hate surrounding this movie. I have been moderately interested in seeing it after hearing scathing reviews and was astonished at how entertaining it actually was. Was it Gime with the Wind? Nope. But it was 10 times better than Indiana Jones 5 which got moderate to good reviews. Its tone was a bit shakey but its pacing was great and I thought the action sequences were pretty good. What's the trick here? Why so much scathing hate?
Creepy Chronicles: Pod Snatchers (2017)
Horrid
The pacing is way off and most of the "action" takes place in a kitchen. The acting and filming look like a student project. I feel like I could have done a better job with my cell phone.
Deadly Revisions (2013)
One of the very worst movies I have ever seen
I downloaded this movie for a flight from Amazon prime and could not stop thinking how bad it was! I rarely write on here, but this movie amazingly had enough good word behind it to incline me to watch. Clearly its all from people related to its making as it has 68 rated votes. Bothering to watch was a terrible mistake. The acting is atrocious. Its so bad that if the acting were the only bad part of the movie it would still warrant a 1 star review, but the lighting, dialogue, plot and overall direction is so banal and mundane I can say its one of the 10 worst movies I have ever had to watch. At least Troll 2 is so bad its somewhat laughable/entertaining. This movie is so bad its boring. The worst kind. there is not one thing I can say to recommend it. HORRIBLE.