ImpertinentGremlin Reviews

T-Rex Ranch (2014– )

What did I just see?

[1/10 · 30 March 2023]

First, the whole, "xx minutes earlier" thing is stupid and always has been. It is bad writing and a huge red flag that should tell the viewer that what they're about to watch is stilted dreck.

Second, there is zero educational value here. This someone's wild fever dream based loosely on a kids big book of dinosaurs and watching half of one of the Harry Potter movies while having a reaction to allergy medication. That's the most polite way I could explain whatever this was.

The acting is painful to watch. I could feel my brain cells crying out in terror. Whoever came up with this should be arrested for their crimes against humanity.

The Really Loud House (2022– )

Stop it! Just stop!

[1/10 · 29 March 2023]

The original was bad enough. The Casagrande's took that heinousness to a new level. This is unfit for human consumption.

My six-year-old groaned and walked out of the room when it came on one time. My SIX-year-old found this show tedious and insulting to their sensibilities. One of my other children changed the channel to CSPAN.

CSPAN was more interesting to a child in this franchise's target demographic.

Yeah, I get that the channel selection was pretty much just the result of pressing the channel up button a few times on the remote, but the coincidence of it coming to rest on CSPAN was so laughably astute and telling that it had to be shared on public forum.

I could belabor the point by retelling the issues with the "original" (a word Nickelodeon seems to have forgotten the meaning of) show but that only seems to encourage the network to one up itself every time I say something is tired, retread, cliché, and soulless.

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

So comically bad it's good

[8/10 · 29 March 2023]

This one is a personal favorite in the sense that it's enjoyable because the top notch execution contrasts with a horrendously bad story. It's like if Gordon Ramsey, for whatever reason, decided to open a fast food place. It's bad but well executed.

It rightfully deserves to its cult following and to be placed in the fun to watch when you're not in the mood to think category. It's not going to hit you with any unexpected twists or turns, and you're not going to struggle to keep up with the plot. The exposition gets painful in its overabundance but it's delivered so well that it seems to be mocking itself and the action genre as a whole. That utter lack of taking itself seriously is what makes the flaws not only bearable but enjoyable.

The Casagrandes (2019–2022)

Someone should be fired

[1/10 · 29 March 2023]

This takes all the things that are wrong with "The Loud House" and uses them as the framework for a "new" show.

This unrepentant cash grab's only reason for existence to make a superficial and condescending attempt at appearing to promote diversity and to milk a few more pennies from the tired premise of the parent show. Every episode is a retread of a plot form the Loud House which was already retread and cliché, making this little more than the last few threads on a franchise that would have been better of being retired and laid to rest while it was somewhat ahead. Instead, we get this abomination.

Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous (2020–2022)

Missed opportunities

[7/10 · 25 March 2023]

This is actually decent with a unique set of characters, solid story within the confines of the Jurassic Park/World universe, and it has many strengths but those strengths are severely weakened by the fact that the writers keep trying to use it to fill plot holes from the movies and as a bridge between Jurassic Park and Jurassic World. It's largely a stand alone story despite this with references and roots to the Jurassic World trilogy.

The same sort of comically inept management which plagues the parks in the movies prevails in releasing a set of teenagers loose in the failing park during the events of Jurassic World. With a few joltingly inconsistent and unbelievable moments to highlight this along the we way and we are left with the main characters on the island after its evacuation as they endure the requisite dino chases and corporate overreach in the same kind of moral critique of human innovation outpacing human wisdom.

Dragons: Rescue Riders (2019–2020)

Fast food tv

[4/10 · 25 March 2023]

If the How to Train You Dragon movies were Michelin Star restaurants (which they aren't but let's use that as the ground-level tier we're striving for here), this is a gas station microwave burrito.

This cheap offshoot bares only the most superficial resemblance to the How to Train Your Dragon movies. At no point are the movies or the characters in them referenced. This series connects to them only in that it has dragons and what passes in US culture for "vikings" in it. The morals are heavy handed, exposition is overused, and the stories are retread.

However, if your child likes talking dragons and vaguely Norse characters, they will love it. It's cheap but easily digested fare with generally uplifting themes and messaging.

Nope (2022)

Don't take it seriously

[7/10 · 18 October 2022]

There's a lot to criticize here, but the overall experience was positive. It won't win best of show but it'll be up there. Starting out reasonably strong, it set up for a much more monumental end but frayed a bit on the way to the climax. As horror goes, it would fall safely more in the suspense category to a certain point then steps one foot into comedy. This works only if you're not expecting a serious psychological horror from the get go. There seems to be little tie-in between the flashbacks and the present besides setting up some backstory which contributed little. The time could have been better spent elsewhere in the story.

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

Tedious

[2/10 · 18 October 2022]

Sat through this movie. Two stars because it made me chuckle a few times, but the constant set up from one joke to another got tiresome. The whole thing was like a run-on sentence with sloppy scene shifts and jarring changes in pace and tone. I imagine I missed half the jokes just because I am not into the MCU. The climax made me wonder why that wasn't the go to answer in the first place and a lot of the lead up to it was premised on constantly shifting rules that made no sense outside the scene they were in and were changed for a joke or on a whim in the next scene. It could be argued that it was meant to be more of an "emotional" journey, but even then smacks you in the face with inconsistency and unbelievable character reactions.

The Loud House (2014– )

Just plain bad

[2/10 · 18 October 2022]

This show is just objectively bad. It relies on harmful stereotypes and projects a view of the social and economic underpinnings of a large family which is so far from reality that it is toxic. That doesn't even take into account the cultural stereotypes which only get exacerbated in the spin off series "The Casagrandes." The plot lines are tired and overdone, the kind of thing you'd expect from an 80s sitcom, appealing only to the lowest common denominator. Each character is, at their best, a caricature. The Garbage Pail Kids would watch this show and find it tedious and banal. If you're into this kind of trope-driven potty humor, though, it'll provide some fleeting entertainment as it gets old fast.

Dog Jack (2010)

Dog vomit

[1/10 · 4 March 2012]

While the overall story line holds great promise, the movie falls short by wielding a clumsy script and incongruous story line. One is constantly bashed over the head with the movie's many "points" in an unbelievable and unnatural line of dialogue in each scene as characters seem to line up in some shots, hovering in the background, waiting for their turn to speak to the main character as if they cannot see or hear the character before them. On top of that, the dialogue from some characters seems to come out of left field motivated by some unseen force having nothing to do with the environment, circumstances, or previous scene. Combined with the complete, utter lack of congruity between scenes and the overuse of narration, the movie constantly breaks the fourth wall and one has to force oneself back into the story over and over again. I'm not saying it's the worst movie ever made, but it's pretty darn close.