smartypantsz Reviews

Elvis (2022)

Just... Boring and unwatchable

[3/10 · 17 April 2023]

I really don't know what all the hullabaloo is all about. I will give credit to Autin Butler, as he did a good job looking and acting like 'The King' (I never really was ever into the whole Elvis thing...), but the movie to me was just boring. I opted out after about the 1/2-way mark.

It didn't interest me in the slightest. I didn't know Tom Hanks was in it when I started watching it, and when he appearred on screen, I thought 'well, at least there's Tom Hanks in the movie...' - but really... he just sort of looked like he was phoning it in.

I know I didn't see the whole movie, but I just couldn't.

Hand of God (2014–2017)

Totally unbelievable & Ron, Ron, Ron... Lucky Actor...

[1/10 · 3 December 2022]

Just really a load of unbelievable hogwash. I feel bad in saying that, because Dana Delaney is great in most everything she's done, including this. Ron Perlman was good in Quest For Fire, only because we didn't have to hear him speak and be his regular macho self. He's so unbelievably indigestible in this, being an arrogant, rich, religous-nut a$$h0le, it's just unbearable to watch. And Garret Dillahunt gets to show us his pumped-up body again, and act tough-guy macho. So tiring...

It's just too much. The over-zealous, good-looking, 'charming' young preacher, the ever-so-intelligent, tough, sensitive call-girl 'with a heart' of course, and on and on and on...

Seen it all before, but somehow, this was just worse. At the end of the rth episode in the first season, Perlman's character gets down on his knees to ask the call-girl if she will marry him - and the episode ends as we await her answer. At that point, I said 'alright - that's it', and deleted the series from my line-up. I just couldn't believe it - nor did I care.

Avoid at all costs.

Jexi (2019)

Almost Gave It An 8...

[7/10 · 9 October 2022]

O.k. - all the usual disclaimers, like 'This is no Oscar contender...', etc. Etc., but - this film is fuuuuny. Mr. Devine does a very decent job as the befuddled dork who doesn't know how to handle women, and Rose Byrne's 'Jexi' is absolutely spot on. I mean, seriously. She is fuuuuny. O.k., it's mostly unrealstic in that a gorgeous Alexandra Shipp would fall for such a foot-in-the-mouth dork who has barely any social skills, but the interaction between them, the great San Francisco background, the funny side characters (Michael Pena gets a big nod) make this a very watchable, funny li'l film, definitately worthy of a Netflix watch.

This Is Us (2016–2022)

These Types Of Shows Are So Unrealistic

[2/10 · 3 October 2022]

Along with Australia's 'Offspring', this show is so totally a grind for those of us who like more realistic shows. I heard all the 'It's a great show!' type reviews, and family members touting the nearly orgasmic joy they feel whilst watching it, I decided to give it a try. OMG. It's just too sappy, maudlin, melodramatic, insipid, & soap-operatic for the likes of me.

It's been a while since I saw the scene, but when a young (of course, studdly) guy tells the doctor a thing or two about how this particular doctor was going to treat his lovely (of course, hot) wife, and that's that - and that's just the way it's going to be, or you'll have to deal with ME, mister (Dr...) - I began to gag. In no way is this realistic. To talk to a doctor like that - well, you've got to have some real cajones - which of course, this young, studdly husband sticking up for his wife - has. Of course.

At that point, I just couldn't take it. What unrealistic, unmitigated trash.

ARQ (2016)

omg

[2/10 · 14 September 2022]

Well, I can't say too much about this film, because it just irritated me to no end - how the main characters just seemed completely stupid, not taking in any of the information around them in the completely stupid situation they were in in terms of the time loop they were in.

And omg, the poor-man's Tom Cruise of a lead actor... omg. Just irritatingly dumb.

Do yourself a favor, and if you're thinking of watching this because of the half-way decent 6 to 7 star reviews, just listen to me and other 1 to 2 star reviewers, and save your time and irritation level, and pass it up.

I've said enough. Don't want to waste more time thinking about this poor excuse of a so-called 'film'.

Whiteout (2009)

Didn't Believe It

[4/10 · 2 September 2022]

A woman who looks like Kate Beckinsale - becomes a U. S. Marshall? Come on... A woman who looks like Kate Beckinsale would take acting classes & attempt becoming a famous movie actress. And - the architecture and build quality of the station - down in the Antarctic? Seriously? And then there's the quaint little beautifully appointed, beautifully lit apartment of hers - down at the bottom of the world in a research station? Seriously? And don't get me started on the shower scene? Really? You need to have a shower scene? In, of course, a beautifully designed, beautifully appointed bathroom - down at the bottom of the world in a research station...

Do you think we are all idiots, Réjean Labrie? And producers.. and director.. & production design team. Give me a break. Seeing all of that completely non-sensical decision-making on the 'design' - of a station - down at the bottom of the world, I just couldn't take it. And the story was hard to follow at times as well. And the fight scene outside in the blizzard. Who was who fercrissakes. A solid 4.

Nailbiter (2013)

Wow. Just... wow.

[2/10 · 27 July 2022]

I can't believe I actually watched this. Poor script. Poor SPX. Poor acting. OMG. Fell asleep at one point, the rest of the film I had to just keep fast-forwarding by 15 seconds with each push of the 'fast-forward by 15 seconds' button. I must've hit that button at least 40 times, until I got to the end of the movie. Just don't waste your time. Again - wow...

Men (2022)

What In Gawd's Name Just Happened..?

[7/10 · 9 July 2022]

O.k. - I came into this movie knowing nothing about it, save for the short description of it here on IMDb. I thought 'Great. A movie with Jessie Buckley. I like her and her acting. She did such a remarkable job in 'Wild Rose'. So the movie starts and great: A beautiful cover of 'Elton John's 'Love Song' by Lesley Duncan. Niiiiice... So I settle in... and - wow. The movie just totally surprised me from then on. Disturbing, dark, weird, and ghastly surprises. Not what I was expecting - AT ALL.

I give it the score I've given it because it just kept surprising me - and going down the rabbit hole I absolutely did not expect, until the last 15 minutes where I just couldn't believe the way they were making things happen on screen that were happening. Wow. Darker than I was expecting, for sure. Weirder too.

Rubikon (2022)

A Good Effort...

[7/10 · 5 July 2022]

I love a good Sci-Fi space movie, so I just had to check this out. If it was in the 2 to 3 IMDb rating-range, I wouldn't, but above 4 - and it being up my alley, I had to give it a go. The story leaves something to be desired, but the effort is all-the-way I think. The special effects, the atmosphere, the cinematography, and look and feel of the ship were worthy of holding my attention alone, and the acting was decent by all 3 of the leads, espcecially Julia Franz Richter. What REALLY helped with the mood and feel - and the gravity of the situation - was the soundtrack! An excellent job by Daniel Helmer and Wolf-Maximilian Liebich.

This being Magdalena Lauritsch's first featue-length film, I must give her props for putting together a cohesive film, with very strong effects and mood. Not an Oscar-winner by any stretch, but if you like Sci-Fi thrillers in space, then this is definitely worth the time and forgiving the not-so-stellar storyline...

Spiderhead (2022)

But For A Ridiculously Ludicrous Ending...

[6/10 · 27 June 2022]

It held my attention, it's futuristic (to a degree, as it's off in some beautiful, desolate, lake-side 'prison'...), the interiors are well-appointed and look cool, but omygosh.. - the ending and Hemsworth's acting... I mean, come on. It was just kinda all-around ridiculous. Miles & Jurnee try their hardest to make it work, but again, you really have to suspend your disbelief, especially the last 20 minutes. Wow.

We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021)

I Couldn't Take It

[2/10 · 18 June 2022]

I gave it three shots... I got to around 1/2 hour, then stopped and tried to let sink in what it was I was watching... Then started it up again a few days later and tried to grasp what it was it was trying to do and let it wash over me... but I could only take another 20 minutes of it. Then a few days later, I gave it one last shot. Nope.

It looks like they had a $10,000 budget? Maybe a little less? Well, no matter... It just didn't work for me. The laptop camera shots during chats, the rambling, the selfie-movie shots while wandering near highways... The long shots of lawn Santas, the laptop webcam shots of - sleeping...? O.k. That's it. It just didn't work. For me anyway. Be my guest, if you're willing to...

Motherless Brooklyn (2019)

Looks & Sounds Great, But Confusing As All Heck To Follow

[6/10 · 30 May 2022]

The looks and sounds of '50's NYC were all done well, and the actors did their best in this second directorial endeavor for Edward Norton, and I wanted to like it. I did - looking at it and listening to the great bebop jazz pieces as things were being discovered, but... the plot was just too darn hard for me to follow. I found myself pausing the film and doing something else to see if the plot would sink in, and then come back to it. But naw... I just got more confused as to who was doing what and what this character had to do with that character and why, etc. Norton did an excellent job depicting the real way someone is afflicted by Tourette Syndrome. According to the trivia for the film, he spent a lot of time getting it down to where it was (finally) portrayed correctly.

Passengers (I) (2016)

Amazing Film. Feeling, Romance, Intelligence, Detail, Sci-Fi.

[10/10 · 29 May 2022]

I can't even bring myself to read any negative reviews about this film. I've read 7 - 10 star reviews - and agree with them ALL. I've watched this film 5 times now (at home) - and enjoy it immensely each and every time.

As my title denotes, this movie really has everything. First, I love 'Space travel'-type Sci-Fi, so there's that going for it first and foremost for me. Next, call me gushy, but I love a good love story. Well, this film has that as well, so best of both worlds for me. Next, the movie is just beautiful to watch. The sets, the space scenes, the look of the ship, the futuristic sense - it's all just absolutely awesome. Just gorgeous to view and experience throughout the whole of the film. I cannot say enough about how it is just a pleasure to see all the settings... The hallways, the spaceviews, the space walk, the cafeteria, the ship itself, - everything. And, well, the actors are extremely attractive to watch as well - that's a given. They both did excellent jobs in their main roles. Amazing jobs. Here, here to them both.

I love this film. I don't care what the critics said (didn't read any of them), nor the other 'below 7' reviews on IMdb. I don't really care. The first time I saw this film, I was simply awestruck. I give it a 10 only to offset the 1,2,3 review ratings to help bring it up to above '7', which is what it deserves. If I didn't have to 'offset' the flawed, below7 ratings, I'd honestly give it an 8.4. That's my honest rating for 'Passengers'.

If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor, and give yourself a treat. But only if you love great romantic, mind-blowing moral dilemma-type films, set in glorious Sci-Fi settings with beautiful cinematography and sets, - and with great acting...!

Eureka (2006–2012)

Bad, fake science, & same ol' caricatures...

[2/10 · 10 May 2022]

Thought I'd give this a try, as I love Sci-Fi, and I saw a lot of 9-star reviews, so I figured it should be pretty darn good. Well, it just goes to show one how different minds perceive different things (a TV show in this case...). I simply couldn't take it. With 9 minutes left in the 1st episode, I had to call it quits, as I've read a couple of articles who's points were - if it sucks, get out - NOW - even if you've invested 7 seasons in some show (GOT, Dexter come to mind).

Way too full of mindless sorcery-like, unexplainable science & the same ol' idiosyncratic, eccentric characters the writers have tried WAY too hard to make idiosyncratic & eccentric.

Thank gawd I'm out before I wasted more time.

Choose or Die (2022)

Bad. Avoid it, if you like your life.

[2/10 · 15 April 2022]

Just bad... Boring. And I'm one for giving slow moving films a chance, as I grew up in the 70's where films moved much slower than the films of today, but - a great film will hold your attention even still. THIS film is just silly, stupid, and has no real hook or story worth paying attention to.

Avoid at all costs, if you actually value your time.

Dune (2021)

Stunning

[10/10 · 6 March 2022]

Of course you're going to get the naysayers who poo-poo it for not being 'the book'. That's just a given. They get to feel superior and get to stand on a big pedestal and scream (to all that read their review) 'Look - I read the Dune books - and this movie is NOT them!'. Well, it's a movie. And as a MOVIE - IT. IS. STUNNING. It is just awesome. The tone, the sweeping vistas, the cinematography, the scenes - all other-worldly and glorious. The sets are massive, sprawling, and transport you to other worlds in another time. The set director or scene designer or whatever you call them should definitely get an Oscar.

This film will get the Oscar for best picture. Just see it.

Close (I) (2019)

It's O.k....

[6/10 · 6 February 2022]

There were a few good action scenes, but I felt wanting for more connection between the characters, especially between Sam (Noomi) and the young woman. I think the script was the culprit. Not enough depth and character development. Could have been a lot better.

Belfast (2021)

Felt A Bit Cold...

[6/10 · 22 January 2022]

The look was interesting, being in black and white, but that's about it for me. I didn't really connect with any of the characters, as if some warmth and heart were somehow snipped out of the film...

And why oh why so many songs by Van Morrison. I hate Van Morrison, so that certainly didn't help in any way, shape, or form my enjoyment of the film. And the rest of the music just didn't seem to fit the scenes. When I thought it should be a melancholic, heart-tugging type of background music, jazz was chosen. ???

Spencer (2021)

Great Bio, Great Job By Kristen Stewart

[7/10 · 17 January 2022]

I haven't read any other reviews, save for one that complimnents Kristin Stewart's acting as Princess Di in this film, and I must agree. I've always been tepid with regards to allowing myself to watching a film with her, and I must admit, it was indeed based on her 'Twilight' roles and 'hearing' about her bad acting in other earlier works, but I must say, she has developed and matured into a great actress - and she does a stunning job in this film.

The score also does a great job of what seems like letting us know what is going on in Princess Di's mind. Excellent job. Truly.

A very good film that should be seen, at least once.

Hypnotic (2021)

Same ol', same ol'...

[4/10 · 21 November 2021]

OMG. So tired of: Guy who seemingly is a nice guy, trying to help a woman, turns out to be a not-so-nice guy who is a madman of sorts and omg wants to do harm to the woman.

Where have I seen that before?? Ho-hum, boring, sleep, read on the Internet, or do something else while the movie is playing... Geez Louize.

Poor Kate Siegel. She's good, but didn't have much to work with here. Was great in Midnight Mass. Move to a higher level, Kate.

'nuff said.

Mars (2016–2018)

Great Docu-Drama. Watch it.

[9/10 · 14 November 2021]

If you're a Sci-Fi- fan, and also love science (real science), and love dramas, and love the whole concept of man reaching for the stars (well, Mars in this case) - then WATCH THIS SERIES.

On par with The Expanse, but in a more realistic, 'this could actually happen in the next 30 to 40 years' type of 'perhaps in my lifetime' way.

It's just excellent. 'nuff said.

Old (2021)

Beautiful Resort

[4/10 · 14 November 2021]

That's about all I can say for this film. The beach was nice too, and the scenery, - but the movie? Made no sense. I just started not caring about 1/2 way through. I couldn't believe some of the reactions of the characters to what was happening to other characters. It's like they were told: 'Don't react like a normal person would in this situation... Act like you're in a movie, and that you are stupid & uncaring towards other human beings...'.

Another disappointment from Mr. S. Did he just get lucky with the Sixth Sense?

Night Teeth (2021)

Dont Overthink It and Just Enjoy It

[7/10 · 13 November 2021]

This is an entertaining film. No, it's not an Oscar contender, but it's darn good entertainment. The lead 3 actors do a great job & have some good chemistry. The lead actor is likeable and just does a great job at slowly getting 'caught up' in what's happening to him, and the two vamprieses are fun to watch (especially Debbie Ryan...). I loved the mood of L. A. at night. The cinematographer does a great job with the look & feel of L. A., with the lighting & views. It was just nice to view.

I'd say give it a try. If you go into it with no high falutin' expectations, I think you'll enjoy it.

Lamb (2021)

Wow

[7/10 · 8 November 2021]

All I can say is.. Wow. The most interesting horror film I've seen in a long, long time.

Don't expect action, gore, and hatchets. Expect a feeling of uncomfortableness, creepiniess, and... Hmm... Ah, yes - I have it now... - weirdness. Human beings are strange. I really wonder what made Noomi want to produce this. I really wonder what the writer was going for. Again, wow. Enjoy.

Cry Macho (2021)

Uuuh... Yeah...

[2/10 · 26 September 2021]

I have to agree with most - or all - of the reviews that are critical of this movie. All criticisms are on point...

And I hate to do so, because I too have loved Clint's work over the years, but this - this was just one big flawed movie, except maybe for some of the cinematography in the outdoor scenes.

Bad acting - even Clint - and especially the kid, the mom, Dwight (Dwight really should have just stayed with singing for gawd's sake), the border guard... pretty much everyone (except of course, for the rooster...). And - come on... a beautiful, sexy, sultry Mexican hottie - seducing a 91-year-old guy? And then getting mad at his passing on the opportunity? And - come on... A 91-year-old guy PASSING ON THE OPPORTUNITY??? This is just ONE scenario that just didn't come off as - REAL (there are many others...).

Pass... Sorry Clint, but I think this was the 'one too many' one... Take your wins - and go sit down and relax.