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polariskunn2003
Reviews
The Guardians of Justice (2022)
This Makes the Grimm Avengers look like Endgame
This dark "comedy" is probably one of the worst things I ever watched, and I'm a connisuer of garbage. I mean what is it? Is it trying to be Justice League? Invincible? Watchmen? A satire on all three. It fails magnificently at all of it. Everything is so generic it ends up being more boring than anything else. The stylized direction seems like a junior high schooler showing off every random effect on adobe premier rather than a conscious choice. The acting is atrocious but to be fair the dialogue isn't doing anyone any favors. Lord help me I'm only halfway through episode 2.
Dollface (2019)
First Season was great! But Holy Christ WTF happened to Season 2
I loved the first season and waited for what seemed like ever for Season 2. Unfortunately I haven't seen a drop in quality from Season 1 to 2 since Glee. Did they fire all the original writers and replace them with Lily Singh's show's writers. I'm three episodes deep and I havent laughed once, but the preachy cringe is so bad it's made my skin crawl. AND I AGREE WITH THE STANCE.
Thankfully the 4 leads are strong enough to keep me wanting to finish it, but it's gone from enjoyable to an endurence test. The actresses are very charismatic and were my initial draw to the show, but in this season they are written so unlikable that had the roles been played by anyone else I'd be done 5 minutes in. Hopefully if they make it to season 3 they'll return to their roots. And by that I don't mean recycle tired jokes that have been done better before.
Positives: Not all the new characters suck. The interns are pretty good.
Let It Snow (2019)
It's like a teen Love Actually, but you know with 30 something actors and 60 year old writers
Ooof I had no expectations for this movie and it still disappointed. If it wasnt for the "Damn kids and their damn cellular phones." message. It was the flat and lackluster performance. You're hit with one cookie cutter trope after another with no hint of originality.
Nice guy in love with his best friend
Celebrity falls for a nobody
Lesbian girl is in love with girl who isn't out yet.
Kid desparately wants to throw a party.
The same plotlines in a billion other teen movies that do it a hundred times better. I love a good anthology movie and this was not one.
Pass on it.
tick, tick...BOOM! (2021)
Tick, Tick, Boom is so superior to Rent, even the film adaptations are better
The Good.
Andrew Garfield is awesome. Seriously, deserves all the acolades he recieved.
Having Vanessa Hudgens and Joshua Henry do most the singing. Their vocal talent would be wasted otherwise, and they both sing the hell out of it.
The Broadway cameos during "Sunday."
No needless lryic changes like the god awful Last Five Years adaptation
Larson's original songs. In the end it's still a musical adaptation of Larson's best work. It's seriously a flawless show that discusses the AIDS crisis so much more ernestly han Rent ever could. The play and musical compisition is literally a work of genius.
Also Louder than Words is one of the greatest songs ever.
The show within a show concept was pretty good.
The bad
This is a nitpick but the film sets it up like this is a musical written about Jonathan Larson instead of one written BY Jonathan Larson.
Honestly felt there were more songs that were not in the musical in the movie than there were songs from the actual movie. I mean they got the most important ones in there but it sucks that Sugar, See Her Smile, and Green, Green, Dress had to be cut to make room for Swiming and Play Game.
I also did't like intercutting the playful song Therapy with the climactic break up. It took the fun out of the song and undercut the drama of the break up failing on both parts.
Home Economics (2021)
Talented Cast, but beyond mediocre writing.
It wants so hard to be the next Modern Family but it fails being that on every level. Again the talented and likble cast just highlights how bad the show is. It's like watching really likable people read the phone book. If it wasn't for the cast I'd go lower than a 5.
Only Murders in the Building (2021)
I knew Selena Gomez could be a force of nature if you gave her something with meat.
Even when she was tiny on Wizards of Waverly Place I was like this girl has serious chops and impeccable comedic timing. I'm so excited for to break the Disney chains and do real works. Unfortunately, we got Springbreakers and Behaving Badly. But look at her now. Steve Martin once again shows his stunning talent for writing and seeing him and Martin Short work together again is a real treat. Can not recommend this series enough.
America: The Motion Picture (2021)
Pretty good considering the writer gave us some of the worst movies this year
I was disappointed to find out this was the same guy who gave us WW84 and Mortal Kombat (2021) but it was actually pretty funny. Lot of nuance and smart jokes, Plus from the looks of the reviews it pissed off the humorless Conservatives so bonus!
Revenge of Zoe (2018)
A schizophrenic Clerks with except without jokes and the leads are 40
Painfully unfunny, and I've seen better acting from skits done by youth pastors at church camp. The dialogue is clunky and the jokes are forced out like a squirrel giving birth to an elephant. Most the time you can't figure out if it's a cheap rip off of a Kevin Smith movie or a cheap rip off of fear and loathing in Las Vegas. No chemistry with the actresses to the point where you feel sorry for them.
Sound mixing was good...I guess.
Me You Madness (2021)
This movie makes Meet the Spartans look like Airplane
This isn't even so bad it's good. It's infuriatingly bad. The damn narration is so abundant it feels like you're watching book on tape, but instead word vomit that had nothing to do with the plot. The best thing is it tells you that it sucks while at the same time telling you that you shouldn't think it sucks . "It's a rip off of American Psycho but better." I didn't even like American Psycho and I know that's not true. Acting is atrocious and more wooden than a stockpile of Pinocchio VHSs. The writing is nonsensical and all tell no show. The product placement is so bad EVERY. SINGLE. JOKE. Falls flat. Or is just a blatant ripoff of something that did the joke better. Don't believe any of the positive reviews they either have brain damage or they are sucking the teet of Tammy Wiseau because she's the wife of Steve Mnuchin.
If you wanna watch a good movie that this movie I guess trying to be watch Deep Murder instead. It's parody of sexy thrillers that is actually funny.
Night Hunters (2019)
I gave it a 2 for the make up
The make up effects were pretty good.
The costumes looked like they were purchased from a cheap Halloween store or some hot glued craft stand at a local comic con.
The acting was atrocious, and not even in a they did the best they could with a bad script kind of way, but in a complete lack of comedic timing or I'm just reading the lines for the first time with no emotion kind of way. Some of it was almost laughably bad.
The script was cringy is hell. Some bad action movie cliches followed by a generic and boring plot.
Skip it and save yourself the grueling 98 minutes a third of it being a tedious overdrawn out interrogation scene where the actors try and fail to be intimidating.
Eleven Eleven (2018)
The actresses deserve an Oscar for acting like the lead is desirable.
You know how people can say the worst thing a movie can be is average and boring. Well theyre wrong because this movie is bad AND boring! The writer obviously is living out some tepid power fantasy where an ugly 40 something can be desired by beautiful women. The actresses aren't bad considering how the script is, but the male actors woof you can tell they are also funding the movie. Also how old's the daughter suppose to be. She looks like twenty something, acts like a nine year old and is written to be somewhere between the age 10 or 16. She's trick or treating and also insinuating 3rd base with her boyfriend. Also I'm not a religious person but it seems mean-spiritedly anti-religious and not even in a clever way. More like religion is stupid because it's full of dumb dumb heads. Not that I expect anything clever from this entirely lackluster script. I love watching bad movies but this is ne of the worst and not even in a fun way.
Elektra Luxx (2010)
Malin Akerman deserves better than this.
Malin Akerman is a brilliantly funny actress but even she couldn't save what has to be Joseph Gordan Levitt and Julianne Moore's most embarrassing film endeavor. The film is mean-spirited and pretentious and the anti-thesis of entertaining. The actors seem to be doing their best to get through this slog of a film. The writer/director comes off as judgmental towards sex workers which is ironic because I've seen hardcore gonzo films with more thought provoking commentary. This is truly a garbage movie if you can call it that, and Julianne Moore help me I have 30 more minutes to sit through.
Adventures Into the Woods: A Sexy Musical (2012)
Hol eee sheet.
I mean you think know what youre getting into by the title alone. I knew it would be bad, but wow. The songs all sound the same. and like somebody's dad just started singing over the pre-recorded music of a Casio keyboard. The lyrics when you can understand them aren't much better, There's a weird politically motivated song in the prison that is 100% out of place in this movie. The singing kind of all sounds the same, again imagine someone's drunk dad or mom doing karaoke after having one too many at the beach house. The choreography consists of swaying and some of the actors can't even do that right. The jokes are lame. I'd say if you're only watching it for the nudity and Cinemax level sex you're definitely putting up with too much to get there. The only one who is doing a halfway decent job is Allie Haze who is doing her best with this garbage script, and the guy doing a bad Kermit impression. Also the movie opens up with like 0 context. She's in a lab and there's a wormhole inside her and it sends her to fairy tail land. If you love bad movies like I do this one has to be seen to be believed.
Sausage Party (2016)
Food Fight was better...that's how bad it was.
Here's the thing about propaganda films. If they are bad when Christians do it (God's Not Dead 1&2, Kirk Cameron Saves Christmas) they are not going to be better when atheists do it. That's what it felt like watching this movie. Sausage Party is the God's Not Dead of an atheist propaganda movie. You are preached at for the entire run time on why it's bad to believe in a religion, while having to sit through painfully obvious jokes that don't land. (Oh the douche is a douche. Hahaha creative) Now before I'm accused of being some whack job fundamentalist let me say that I hate the other propaganda films. If I want to watch propaganda I'll go to the source and watch it. Sausage party is even worse because the trailer doesn't show how preachy it actually is.
It's sad too because the cast is super talented too. (Kroll, Whig, Cera, Rogan, Hayak) which means that the fault lies solely on the writing which comes off more as a summer camp sketch than a movie. It relies way too heavily on recycled racist tropes that were done better in a 50s Looney Tunes cartoon. That mixed with just yawn worthy sexual innuendo makes the film unbearable and leaves you praying that the film ends soon. Which is ironic because that's the opposite of what the film wants you to do.