Change Your Image
anesstezia
Reviews
The Last Samurai (2003)
So, the cause of two world wars was Tom Cruise...
I sincerely love this movie and its attempt to show in detail a pretty unique folk and culture. It's a watchable and enjoyable epic (with a real historical background - as I got 2 know from other reviews: and it makes me really happy - it's not completely a fictional junk). It's not "wax-on, wax-off".
I watched it repeatedly, and at this stage I'm struggling with these:
1) "Exotic noble feudal state" is portrayed against "primitive barbaric America". Here we go again, huh?
2) "What makes you hate your own people so much?" Yeah, it is given to a villain of the movie. Isn't it still an interesting point, though?
3) At this time, my favorite moment is Simon Graham walking away from the field of "noble" massacre, carrying with him the journals of Tom Cruise, written at the time before he became a killing machine.
Stargate SG-1: Learning Curve (1999)
Darker than any "Black Mirror" episode?
It.is an nice and complete piece of art & thought.
The most horrendous & vile bit is - the "happy kids" automatically "having fun" in the end. This plot line starts and ends here, it is local, but...
An Air Force colonel trying to revive a soul in a kid. We do have an episode, reaching beyond the science fiction frame, do we?
A random thing. There was an extraneous video about bicycle helmets - how they became obligatory for kids, right at the same time kids stopped riding the bikes almost universally.
Sci-Fi is not about science or fiction in any way, of course u know this...
It's on the level of Replicators or. Ori invasion, really.
Paycheck (2003)
The book of matches
I love it ever so much. A sci-fi action, time contortions, excellent actor cast... All you can hope about.
There is a MacGyver point you really-really have to force yourself down not to notice. He's getting "regular", "ordinary", "standard", "everyday" simple items, that guide him to salvation.
A lens, yes. A paperclip, yes. Hair spray, yes. A lighter, yes. Ball bearings, yes. A bullet, yes (possibly).
Eyeglasses, specialized to see through the fog, created by the fire system - not so much. (Check Amazon, people...)
A diner matchbook, specifically painted over, covered and given a fake bank logo with easily water-soluble paints.
(This is a unique item, you'd have to get crafted (where, exactly?) just for you, and only you yourself, raising each & every alarm in the paranoid system.
It's not like you change a dollar for a fiver, or a paper page for a paper clip, whatever...
Raised by Wolves (2020)
A radioactive potato show
This shoulda been a comedy.
- Robot nannies feed the kids deadly veggies until everyone but 1 dies. Well, they are stupid.
- The killerbot explodes enemy heads with a scream, powered by her - eyes. Pluck out the eyes = no scream. Screaming eyes, really? It's not laser beam eyes - maybe her tongue, dunno, or a set of dentures could provide a semblance of logic.
- Pretty early the story switches off for me. There are only 6 kids in the colony (a recipy for inbreeding) and a girl dies. "There goes our last female", - as the Ice Age dodo birds said. The rest is useless.
- A robot gets pregnant outta the blue. ("A virgin birth!" - can't remember the show this sarcastic exclamation comes from...) A miracle! Wow. OK. And - she gives birth to a parasitic tapeworm. Now THAT'S a bummer...
- And we're still stuck & moored in "civilisation will crash & burn any minute now!" phase. "The human race is doomed-doooomed-doooooomed." Well, that is an intellectual acid reflux. Again. Makes one turn to sth like a spoon of... startrek, for crying out loud...
- For once in my life I am happy the show did not survive for long. ALTHOUGH, I'd make it an industry rule (or a point of good taste) to finalize the cancelled show with a cheap quick tiny episode of hasty storytelling to the very end, when they live happily ever after (or die a gruesome death).
Travelers (2016)
Intriguing but flawed
People from a dystopian future, ruled by a totalitarian AI, travel to the present to prevent natural and technological disasters.
As a result they make their future worse, expose their presence and cause a global nuclear war.
The main character then jumps to 9/11/2001 (the starting point) and cancels the whole time-jumping debacle.
As a result his potential wife remains happy and artistic, the host of his crewmember is not lobotomized and is free to pursue her romantic interestand and scientits are warned of the key disaster.
The point is, possibly: It it works, don't fix it. AI (or rather AS, artificial stupidity) doesn't get it and initiates the v. 2.0.
- Future can be full of plot holes and paradoxed - but the Present must work perfectly and be realistic (not slapped out of ideological tripe - left, right, feministic, religious, vegan or otherwise).
- The asteroid line should have lasted and unified the 1st season.
- We know Marcey is from the future, David doesn't. He never questions. He is nice, but has an IQ of a tuna sandwich.
- David's boss is relastic, he follows rules and logic and is painted a villain. This line is fake. Present does not work this way.
- The tech crewmember assembled 5 subdermal microcomms "after school" (out of toaster and TV parts, maybe?). Now THAT is lasy writing...
The War of the Worlds (2019)
Isn't it what they call Dog and pony show?
This is still the art of storytelling, right? Well, if you have no story 2 tell, shouldn't you be doing something else? Like, more useful. Ideological tripe does not a story make.
1. The dog. An alien godzilla machine is destroying the town around you, killing the people two steps away - and you are next. No, we- are- not- panicking! In fact, we do not take it seriously. Who cares. You, boyfriend! You should go back to pick the dog and show our over-the-top humane feeeelings in the most sappy way. Don't worry, you won't die - I read the script.
Isn't it a MacGuffin plot device in the strictest sense?
2. The pony. A horse, actually. A big black apocalyptic stallion (good scene, though), totally crazed, is galloping right at you. What you do is stand in it's way - of course it won't steamroll over you and you won't bawl over with the cracked skull. I dunno much about horses (skittish, they say?), but isn't a bit... not too smart?
3. The 1st thing they repeatedly ask about tripods: "Is it the Russians? It must be the Russians..." Oh, for the love of... Edwardians, crying out loud. Don't think Russia was even a tiny blip on British political "radar" then - especially from the point of technology.
4. A nice bit, I guess - a martian mourning for its fallen comrade.
5. Ecological disaster, yeah... It has lasted what, about 10 years - judging by the boy's age. The ration is about half a pound of stuff "for a week". Well-ah, whatever your screenwriting skills are - you can not live on that for 10 years. And - if all the water is poisoned, as stated - you will not last a month. Poetic license, huh?
10-year-old canned beans. Never tasted that - and not in a great hurry 2 do it.
The astronomer guy dreams of a "steak" or a "hamburger" whatever. Um...
what are the cows eating in this dusty desert full of tiny red moss? We were not shown a single cow, b'way. They don't come home to roost, evidently.
Spreading typhus - that's a good one. Add some anthrax 2 it. Cholera too.
And - everybody is sterile, if I am not mistaken. So, there is no happy end. There is no hope. Everybody dies, no matter how long you keep showing a stupid green sprout.
Why did they make this thing?..
6. A side note. I've read the reviews. I don't think the budget is 2 blame - throwing money at it wouldn't have solved the inherent problems. I don't care about CGI either - I woulda enjoyed a robust story with likable characters even with martians made out of fluffy teddy bear toys on shoestrings.
Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
Are we talking nazi here?
"The fighting technique you use is Panzer Kunst, a lost combat art for machine bodies". Panzer Kunst = tank art. U have 2 know the language basics, not much at all, the primitives, the trites.
Like the "Panzerkampfwagen IV, commonly known as the Panzer IV, a German medium tank developed in the late 1930s and used extensively during the Second World War". What the... ?. Really?
And here we have the unconquerable military magic of the Germany beating on the whatever mind magic of the flying cities. Gawwwd...
The Witcher (2019)
I am making an eric-cartman-prophesi
This lame TV series will not survive long past the 2nd season, I bet you that. Close to "The Legend of the Seeker", for instance. It will, most possibly, end with a cliffhanger without any attempt 2 tie up the plot strings.
I had known a single short story (or a clipped out chapter from Sapkowsy universe), I liked it very much & I will try 2 find the texts in their entirety (preferably in Polish) later. After you die.
Geez, Netflix, so much money & minimal selection...
The Darkest Minds (2018)
I can watch anything
This movie is OK, i guess. A dinner & a show. I watched it having dinner.
Couldn't help myself and noticed several funny things, though.
1. The malls are in ruins, because the economy totally crashed, because there are no children. Now, this is an interesting "thought"... or "concept". So, economy is a childish game based only on children, innit?
2. So, the premise is that 98% of children died & 2% got superpowers. Is it an accident or a constant process? Could make a difference. The parents evidently don't care what happens to their kids. And we are having a totalitarian state again. In America? Pah-leese? In any case it is totally illogical even by Hollywood standards. Never mind that.
3. All the kids were rounded up & isolated in the camps. So, there should be NO bounty hunters as there is no market for hunting kids. Unless the system is so inefficient and floppy, that the children escape all the time. Which is the main premise of every action movie - that is, "Security Sucks". Otherwise, there is no plot development.
So. There you have it.
Anomalisa (2015)
Rational but Unfortunate
I'll start with things I shall not do here.
I won't add points for medium or technical prowess - it would be like giving credit to the movie content because the projector ran on electricity. Or adding 5 stars for each of Dolby 5. (I'd say, the same goes for 3D, special effects, color, etc. for any other movie as well).
Good points first.
I think I'm more objective and independent in my opinion here because I have not lost a penny for the ticket. I happened to see a pirated version - which - in this case - is a very good argument PRO piracy, I'd guess. I have not lost a penny involuntarily encouraging this trend.
For some time animation (Pixar, for instance) had been a nook for interesting and bearable movies. Well, it is no more, thank you very much, Charlie Kaufman...
Now.
In the lower value tiers here in IMDB, 'Anomalisa' was repeatedly branded 'boring'. It isn't actually. It is much worse.
Lemme try to explain.
First, an analogy, maybe? It does make an impression on an unsuspecting viewer. Mmm... There had been a book - sth like 'The Mind Parasites' by Colin Wilson?.. The brain suckers or brain worms, living off the bioenergy and gobbling brainmeat? And this is it.
The feeling is the same, I'm sorry, because after seeing the 'Anomalisa' I have felt discouraged and hopeless and totally pointless. (I guess that Charlie Kaufman would feel much better after sucking in whatever he could from me.) Well, I have not given much at all to this poisonous piece, thank goodness...
So. Fine. This is supposed to be a piece of (high) art. I do not give a star for mechanics, but the foundation is (supposed 2b) - the plot, the story.
Well, the storytelling sucks, xcuse me. U know - there is a huge mass of cookie-cutter advice books of how 2 turn your rotting text into a bearable story u can make a profit... I read them all - and your screenwriter had made each and every blunder.
Oh, wait. The director Charlie Kaufman is also the screenwriter, hmm...
This is a piece of art (supposedly), sooo-ah, I am not so much equipped for this. Let's have another comparison, maybe?
Here is a q-n of truth (hard and uncomfortable), the lies (the grease of social wheels). Orrr, let us think about religion and the irrational foundations of reality (this or alternate)... It is so dispassionate, dumb and dead. Unless you make a "Dogma", "Memento", "Invention of Lying", etcetc...
Unfortunately, Charlie Kaufman has not made this. He has become a brain sucker.
Grimm (2011)
There might be seen a social underlay
I love the story. I keep re-watching it from time to time. As there are no animals morphing into humans in reality and no humans devolving into beasts (at least physically), I guess this is partially a social\political allegory. Which keeps it a fascinating food for thought. Some juicy points here I keep thinking about:
- Nick Burkhardt is visiting a prison and most of the convicts are "vessen". The angry, poisonous, uncontrollable, inherently evil types. They also happen to be black, asian, latino etc. Which is sorta interesting.
- This is a fairy tale, so there are creatures abundant. In fact, there are almost NO humans around. A Grimm is also a special kind of creature, so it does not count. There's Hank Griffin (I've been waiting for him to start turning into a heraldic bird but no) who almost died (in part) because of his human vulnerability, and there was Juliette - but she has turned into an ugly beast, and there was Sgt. Wu -but he has turned into a creature... And that's mostly it and nothing memorable. So - the society is made mostly of animals, driven by unbeatable instincts and genetic imprints.
- And so there are no laws, morality, reason or compassion, except the lying fake overlay. The skeleton structure is still medieval monarchy. Hm... I've just read Michel Foucault "Surveiller et Punir". The regimentation and the drill-machine power. It adds up nicely to the Grimm picture. Besides, there are creatures that cannot be reasoned with, or bargained with - they can only be killed. Although they seem to speak and act humanly\rationally - the are insects\reptiles (mollusks? algae? bacteria?).
- So, beavers are construction workers. And construction workers are beavers. You cannot elude or escape it. You are what you are what you are what you are. It's like an Indian caste society. A hive. An anthill. That's what they paint America to be. Well, no. It isn't. Not where I stand.
- Being a human is an exception. An anomaly. Monroe and Rosalee would like like to marry like 2 human beings - and that's the problem. There are different ways to interpret this...
- There are episodes that are out of "fairy-tale" boundaries. The pathetic intern creature who tries to become a Grimm contrary to his "biological" nature (you don't really think it's biological, do you?). The mother, who tries to "genetically" modify her son into a "turtle\lion"...
The Last Man on Earth (2015)
The problem is in the premise...
...at least that's how it seems to me so far. I keep seeing how this show was born. "We need a popular show! Let's make a... comedy! Yes! Funny means money! Funny money! They'll watch and we'll laugh all the way to the bank. Hey, you - you are a writer, aren't ya? Give us an IDEAH for a comedy, give it NOW!" And there comes an amazing original idea: "You know how they say - I would't sleep with you even if you were the last man on Earth? So, let's do THAT". And they stretch & extend a casual phrase into this chef d'oeuvre. I met a guy once - he was a bouncer for a strip joint & dreamed to become a scriptwriter, sooo... Instead of picking on the NYC nightlife - say, Russian mafia taking over The Paradise club, Barry the owner of Broadway Flashdancers, Robby the crackhead from Legz Diamonds etc. - instead he wrote the "Endless Possibilities". That was the IDEAH. U know - Possibilities! Endless! Without end! And no meaning! Whatever. I can google in a sec a bunch of "ideahs" for a good 50 shows. Lemme... "The pen is mightier than the sword." (A writer\kung-fu fighter seek luv) "When in Rome, do as the Romans." (historical fantasy, time travel) "The squeaky wheel gets the grease." (drunk auto mechanic meets a rich girl\boy\dog) "No man is a (Gilligan) island." (A marine is marooned & helps a tribe to fight evil corporations, trying to invade the island. Luv ensures) "Birds of a feather flock together." (An ornithologist clashes w a hunter girl\boy\evil corp.) "There's no such thing as a free lunch." (A chef overcomes his taste bud illness with the help of his friends. Yummy).
Prozac Nation (2001)
Watching this was a blunder from oh so many points
- I heard of it from the very start & took it 4documentary 4ages. Like M.Moore or Adam Curtis at least. Leftie, raving, snarling. Conspiracy, insane but juicy. My stupidest mistake. Haven't watched it though, just insinuated. Pity, that, now. Dumb-dumb. - Thought it 2b like Oswald Spengler, Alvin Toffler, Francis Fukuyama rolled in one. No, no it's not. A "feature film" w\so called "actors". A teenage-girl suffering from monthlies. A "true life story" that, by George. Oh, great... - I did not read the book. Possibly it's better than the movie, like Jeanette Walls' "Glass Castle" would be. - I can't unsee what I've seen now. And it is dead. An overpampered Harvard freshman has a......(can I add another 3 dots?) writer's block & is depressed by that. Who cares! Big deal! Have you smelled the intestines of the dead on your hands, my precious baby?
Home (2015)
This is not invasion, this is immigration
I live in US, I'm not a citizen. You can say this is a review from the point of a Boov. I heard the pop songs, I can't decipher a word of lyrics, the style is "elevator music", impersonal junk, there's no personal need to google-search, I distantly know a name of Rhianna, I recognize it's obtrusive (that's the word?) commercial nature in the general movie structure. Minus one. Don't have kids - don't care for post-merchandise. You say that OH is voiced by a guy from "BigBang". Saw that. It's stupid. No connection for me. There's the kid book it's based on, recommended by NYTimes, of all possible. Different ending, style and values. The Boov do NOT invade, they immigrate (in the movie). There is no political clash - military or political (as it were in the book). They displace and extrude the natives. They're refugees, not necessarily ET. Don't know the language, culture and customs. That's it. The Tip girl from the previous wave of emigres meets a Boov from the latest immigrant wave. It is a Donald Trump story...
Midnight in Paris (2011)
I wish it had been better
This is "Bill&Ted's Excellent Adventure" made by Allen. It had been noted before - I just wanted 2 give it a stress it deserved. Woody Allen copied "B&T Excellent Adventure". He cut off the fun and foofaraw - it looks like the primary notes he left for a screenwriter... I can watch ANYTHING, because I watch it PirateBay. I can bear anything, 'cause I'm a cheapskate. But this - but still - it feels so fake... I cannot stand fake - and this IS. It's unbelievably fake. The 1st thing that comes to mind is "I could have made it better". Well, then... I couldn't have, of course - but why did Woody Allen? I am not much of anything, and I will check Woody Allen against me, or myself on him. But this stuff... I am sorry. I can even bear "Bill&Ted's Excellent Adventure" - and I did- BUT "Midnight in Paris"... I am VERY sorry. Is THIS supposed to be an 'arthouse' movie? i am very sorry... It still is "Bill&Ted's Excellent Adventure" made by Allen. Without any fun.
Doctor Who (2005)
A repeating phrase, unfortunately
I love this series. Some episodes are real gems. Yeah, the guys invented the language, after all, who'm I to criticize. I'm hooked on "Blink" (it's THE exception of the following). But they did not build the TV serial basic matrix - and it's so annoying to hear the same phrase 20 times a second for an hour... It feels like the plot is not moving anywhere. "The Empty Child" episodes S01Ep09-10 in 2 parts - after you hear "Mommy" 10,000 times you wanna puke, really, and nothing seems to matter. Isn't it the time to mention anything to the scriptwriter? To make a hint that's not a way of plot "development"? I watched the very beginning of Dr.W in reverse - the parts I had learned from "Anglia" magazine in 1970s - and it was not built on - a phrase. Isn't it a bit static now? Not going anywhere? So you have to separate "Prisoner Zero" from the introduction of a new companion, sorry.
World War I in Colour (2003)
Fake accents
Great idea to reach authentic reality, overcoming technical limitations of the time. The only (subjective) beef: when my attention concentrated on the colour, I couldn't care less about the suffering, the corpses in a ditch, the blood. It just becomes a colorful landscape, which sorta negates the purpose. If I concentrated on the story, I completely forgot about the coloring they made (which killed their work) and wanted better story coverage (which is pretty sketchy). And - the 'accents'. If it had been all brit, whatever, I'd loved it. The 'accents' spoiled it beyond repair. Instead of a true story - another puppet theatre. I an profoundly sorry.
La pianiste (2001)
Let's take a high road...
possibly a spoiler (an extreme view, like the movie) the 99.99% of human history belongs to the Stone Age. The habits, the views, the reflexes. The minuscule rest is "new", "unusual", "amazing", "disturbing", "perverted"... This is the only point where this movie has any sense. Let's wait another 100 000 years and see what people think in the end. Unfortunately, even from this point the movie is formally far from perfect. The Professor "cuts" herself in the end? Why didn't she kill herself, for pete's sake? Just die already and be done with it. I was expecting it - even hoping 4 it. Instead a cliffhanger of sorts. And why a "piano teacher"? Why not a "Sanitation Worker"? What's the connection b'ween music and perversion, jeez?..
God Bless America (2011)
Thank U, thank u, thank u
I never wrote and I guess I never will again, but this is an exception.
It's like a "Little Miss Sunshine" with guns. It's like an "Idiocracy" without cartoony sci-fi. It's like a "Boondock Saints" devoid of Bible drivel.
This is a refreshing contrast to 3D-CGI-3\4 billion dollars budget stuff I cannot watch without a bucket of coffee so I won't fall asleep 3 minutes after the start. I try to watch most of the movies and shows that come out - and, boy, do I feel dumbed down... Avengers, Thor, Prometheus, Snow Yellow and a Hunter... the list goes on & on & on... Whatever flaws there are - I do not care. There is a burning story, the characters and the conflict. This movie made my day. I guess it made my year, because there won't be another for a long-long time. Sad, though, to cassandra thus.