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Reviews
Shark Hunter (2001)
So many plot holes, so little time
Luckily, I saw this movie on the Sci-Fi channel and didn't waste money renting it. Yes, it was pretty bad.
Lets begin: Antonio Sabato Jr. plays Dr. Spencer Northcut, a professor and quite possibly the only human on the planet who can design every facet of a deep sea research submarine (subtle sarcasm there, folks), who's family was attacked by a shark called a Megaladon that became extinct over 40 million years ago. The problem is that Dr. Northcut cannot seem to get a berth on the very sub that he created, maybe because of his obsession to get even with the monster shark that took his parents from him, or maybe because he's just not qualified for a position on the sub (did you ever think about THAT, Northcut?), and he spends the first fifteen minutes of the movie pouting about it. Then, as if a sign from above, a research facility is destroyed and it's Northcut to the rescue. Why he would suddenly become qualified to help investigate the destroyed facility is beyond me but he finally gets a berth on "his sub". As the story rolls along we also find out that Northcut is a qualified diver, paleontologist, submarine commander, mini-sub driver and martyr extraordinaire. Wow, can this guy do it all or what?
The other characters were almost as bad, not to mention most of the acting. Whomever casted Heather Marie Marsden (in a laughable performance) should seriously think about another career and the diction coach should have been fired. I don't have a problem with foreign actors but if they're going to use American slang at least do it properly. Example: One of the guys in the research facility tells another guy, "I sick of your stupid-ass games" but the way he said it, it sounded like, "I'm sick of your stupid ASS games." I've been trying to figure out what those are ever since. The only character I liked was Harrington, a no-nonsense mini-sub driver that thinks Northcut is an unqualified nut that could endanger the entire crew. Grand L. Bush's portrayal of Harrington was the most realistic of all the characters and the only one who questions Northcut's qualifications...finally.
The animation was also atrocious. Whose idea was it to make the shark look like it was snarling? I almost expected to hear it growling! And don't forget to check out the radar display. At one point there is a large, green shape of a shark coming across the screen! If anyone has ever seen an actual radar screen (and I use one on my boat) they'll know that images are just big blots of color and not distinguishable from one another: could be land, could be a boat or it could be a channel marker. Radar's do not decipher what's in front of you, so the image of a shark floating by was pretty funny indeed!
If I have to describe this movie in one word it would be "Pffflllttt" (big fat raspberry).
The Chaos Factor (2000)
Enemy of the State it's not
One of my pet peeves is watching a movie where someone rips off a really good premise, like Enemy of the State, and botches it.
Same idea: a guy (Antonio Sabato Jr.) finds a long buried secret that could destroy an extremely powerful politician and suddenly the guy is prey to the powers that be.
Most glaringly apparent plot hole: Antonio's character is in the Army and could have been easily detained by his superiors with just one phone call from the powerful politician. Instead, the bad guy who works for the politician (and former CIA/military man, as usual), tries to blow him up, kills two of his friends and kidnaps him with the intent of torturing him for information. Luckily, he's saved by a Chinese secret agent (Susie Park in the best portrayal of a female agent in tight black leather since Charlie's Angels) and together they expose the evil plot to eradicate the Asian race.
I liked Susie Park's character. She is a cold blooded killer (which she plainly states) and martial artist that can trade punches with the best of the bad guys and she doesn't have a problem using bondage on Antonio (ooh, hot flash). She can also take a punch in the face and, as she recovers, coolly flip her hair at her aggressor. Now that's one cool customer!
Sorry, I just realized that I'm making this movie sound good...it isn't. There are 2 too many cars chases (if you've seen this movie you'll find that extremely funny) and the characters are one dimensional. I only have one question: who gives these people money to make this kind of garbage? They must have had one hell of a pitch-man to get this one made.
My one word summary: Ugh!
Tribe (1999)
Very Watchable TV Movie
I managed to catch this three and a half hour (plus) made for TV movie in the wee hours of the morning on Lifetime Movie Network and I didn't even fall asleep! It featured a number of Australian actors (that happens when you film the movie in Australia) but there were a few recognizable actors, such as Antonio "Hubba Hubba" Sabato Jr. and Joanna Cassidy. I've always liked Joanna Cassidy; she is a quality actress and she doesn't disappoint in this one.
The plot is your typical "stranded on a deserted island" theme, except this island is loaded with booby traps left over by the Japanese in WWII. That was a nice little plot twist except that one can predict who's going to make it off the island and who's not. Well, at least I could predict it. I also had visions of Gilligan's Island dancing in my head when (according to the story) the rag-tag group managed to build very livable huts (with doors and beds no less) after just 3 weeks on the island! Wow, the professor would have been proud! One has to wonder why they spent those first 3 weeks building those wonderful living quarters instead of a raft which they could have used to get OFF the island, but hey, then the movie couldn't have lasted as long as it did. Some of the characters are also reminiscent of the Gilligan's Island castaways such as the character of Lucille, who starts out as a snotty yet beautiful Ginger-type then turns into a fledgling Samurai under the hallucinogenic tutelage of a dead Japanese soldier because she just happens to be fluent in Japanese (as well as Vietnamese) and managed to translate the dead soldier's diary. Talk about luck!
Plot holes aside, I liked this movie. The acting was good, the story wasn't bad (a little predictable) and if you ever have the chance to view it I would recommend it.