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nicodimus22
Reviews
The Cure (2020)
Missing everything important.
It sure is loud, though. If loud movie = good movie, then this is a 10/10. If you're older than 4, however, I wouldn't waste your time.
Alone (2020)
You've been warned...stay far away.
It's not often that I see a movie so awful and warn other people about it, but this is one of those rare days. Alone is one of the worst movies I've seen in recent memory. The acting is a joke. The premise is a joke. You'll be yelling "what?" at your TV multiple times in frustration at the nonsensical events and character motivations throughout. Even though it only has a runtime of 81 minutes, do something better with your day...pretty much anything else.
Cosmos (2019)
A rough watch.
Nothing happened for the first 50 minutes, so that was a drag. I imagine that 98% of a theater audience would have walked by this point, so clearly the screenplay had MAJOR pacing issues and needed to be revised to address them.
After that, things did start happening, but unfortunately, the flaws became apparent almost immediately. The acting was off. Much of what the characters said sounded as if they were reading it off of a script. Most of it felt forced.
Then you get into the silly Hollywood things like power surges (from where, might I ask?) that just happened to fry the main scientist's hard drive, and the big red "TIME UNTIL TOTAL SYSTEM FAILURE" message appears on the screen when the battery gets low, to spell it out for the dumbest audience member in the world. This never happens on a laptop, and I wish movies would stop doing this.
Then you have the scientist....I repeat, a scientist...who is literally RISKING LOSING THE DATA OF FIRST CONTACT WITH AN ALIEN RACE because he can't fit his portable telescope back in the car trunk, and can't be bothered to come back and get it like an hour later. Yeah, right.
Then you have a silly car scene with them racing down a mountain and the scientist can't hit the right key on his lappy to continue the download, and zooming through red lights, leaving behind some accidents from the sound of it...come on, guys. Your audience for this movie is NOT the same as the brain-dead Fast & Furious audience. You're most likely targeting astronomy and sci-fi geeks here. They don't need all this silly stuff.
Of special note is the score. If you like to have a few pleasant piano notes, followed by an orchestra playing full blast for 30 minutes straight, you'll enjoy it. The music itself is not bad, but it is probably only effective for 3-4 minutes, and then it becomes annoying, because it's just the same theme on loop at maximum volume for the next 25 minutes.
So, to recap, this would be really good if...
1) Something happened before the 50 minute mark
2) The acting/dialogue was natural sounding
3) Scientists wouldn't do dumb things to risk critically important data
4) Stupid big red countdown messages on computer screens would go away
5) The car racing down the mountain stuff was all cut out
6) The music was used at the appropriate time/volume/duration
The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019)
Slightly below average.
This is a drama, right? (With some humor thrown in, yes, but that's ultimately what it is.) There's a huge problem, though. There is no dramatic tension whatsoever because the way almost every situation is handled is unrealistic, and the stakes are pretty low. I was never worried that anyone would be hurt or killed, because this is basically a Hallmark movie that stays very safe and predictable throughout. I was also never super invested in the protagonist achieving his goal, because the goal itself wasn't particularly impressive or hard to do, even for someone with a disability. I did think it was nice for someone to give an actor with Down's a role, but I'm not reviewing the open-mindedness of the director/studio, I'm reviewing the movie itself, which fell a bit flat for me.
Kindergarten Cop 2 (2016)
A cheap imitation that fails at both comedy and drama.
While the original film was not exactly a cinematic masterpiece, it was an enjoyable movie for many different people. It worked because of Arnold's surprisingly excellent interaction with the kids. It had a balance of light-heartedness and seriousness as he flipped between his teaching job and his real job as an undercover cop looking for a witness. There were plenty of laughs, but when it was time to get serious, it actually did get intense and suspenseful.
This movie is such a disappointment. The people who made it seem to have watched the original movie, but had no idea why it worked. To begin with, the villains in this movie are actually portrayed as comic relief, rather than a real threat, which completely undermines any dramatic tension in the movie. You never once feel that the kids or Dolph is in any real danger, so there is zero suspense. Nothing is at stake. His partner embodies just about every racial stereotype under the sun, which is offensive and reeks of lazy screen writing. (I'd like to say the word 'screen writing' but IMDb is forcing me to make it two words. How ironic that a site 100% dedicated to film doesn't recognize that as a word.)
As much as I enjoy him in other films, Dolph seems like he's just kind of going through the motions here...it doesn't seem like he's putting forth any effort to connect with the kids or seem overwhelmed...he just gets lots of finger paint on his shirt and calls it a day. He never acts like there is any danger during the action scenes, further undermining any suspense that the audience might feel. To be fair, the script is poor, so he doesn't have much to work with.
As I mentioned, the dramatic element is tossed straight out the window, making this a straight-up comedy. But, there's a problem. I don't know who would find this movie funny...maybe Adam Sandler fans? Larry The Cable Guy fans? There is a scene of a fat man getting his nuts zapped with a taser that lasts about a minute, so that should give you an idea of the level of humor that you're in for.
Prometheus (2012)
Pretty, but unbearably stupid.
It's pretty obvious that whoever wrote this script lacks the scientific knowledge of the average 12-year old. That's a pretty major problem with a SCIENCE fiction story. Unfortunately, the FICTION part of Prometheus is even worse than the science. Characters with very little development, maddeningly stupid dialogue and wildly inconsistent and questionable actions leave the excellent visuals as the only enjoyable part of this film. I am astounded that the studio allowed this film to be released in this state. It's a mess from start to finish. Not even worth a rental, unless you want to invite your friends over and make fun of it together.