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Reviews
Amityville: Evil Never Dies (2017)
Amateurish on every level
Hoo, boy. This movie is basically unwatchable -- and yet I couldn't look away. The story is awful, the acting is awful, the direction is awful. If you're afraid of clowns, don't worry because the clown disappears after the first five minutes, never to be seen again. There's a three-minute sequence involving closeups of a toy monkey that's obviously there to pad the running time. The sound level is absolutely dreadful. Half of the time, you can't hear what the actors are saying, but maybe that's a blessing because what they have to say isn't particularly interesting. Meanwhile, the sounds of birds chirping -- scattered randomly throughout the movie -- are distractingly loud. You can hear the birds better than the people! A woman walks through a botanical garden, sits down at a coy pond and makes a sketch in real time and then walks back home. No explanation. That segment eats up about five minutes. My wife and I kept looking at each other and laughing. It was her idea to watch this mess! The most exciting part of this movie was when we realized that the red microwave in a kitchen scene is the same model that we own. Unless you happen to own the same oven, I can't recommend this movie.
Exposure (2018)
Don't expose yourself to it
A man with an unfortunate haircut and a woman with a distracting nose ring travel into the mountains to bicker incessantly. Eventually the vacation turns squishy and supernatural but not before a laughably out-of-place song interrupts the monotony like a bad 1980s music video. When things get too tedious, the filmmaker pans across the scenery to pad the running time. The last 10 minutes are fairly entertaining, I have to admit. After rewinding a few times, though, I still have no idea what the male lead character was saying. Something like "HHHRAWWWR." If you can figure it out, you're a better listener than I.