AuntieKaren Reviews

Galapagos (1999)

47 shots of a female biologist's tan legs do not make a movie.

[4/10 · 20 July 2005]

I was angry at renting this movie and then watching from a distance in the lab as the female biologist picked up and handled the specimens gathered from 3,000 feet below the surface of the ocean. She looks into the glass basins containing specimens and laughs as though they're funny but she makes no attempt to tell us what they are, and the camera makes no attempt to let us look at them.

The cameraman was obviously taken with the lovely legs of the female biologist, but some of us would have enjoyed a couple of close-ups of the many many creatures the submersible suctioned up from the ocean floor.

Some good tortoise shots and a good explanation of how cactus trees evolved to be tall, but this movie wasted a lot of potential. Unless you're a leg man, of course.

Last Rites (1988)

One of my Guilty Pleasures

[8/10 · 14 June 2005]

This movie is fun. When the voluptuous horny girl gazes ravenously at the half-clothed Tom Berenger in his chaste, priestly bedroom, he tells her "I can't touch you, I'm a priest." But he doesn't seem to be convincing himself and he certainly isn't convincing her.

The movie doesn't take itself seriously, and the story line is insanely convoluted, but if you can't quite make sense of it all, it's still fun. It's bloody and violent and sexy and funny.

We have betrayal and passion and incestuous jealousy and Mafia loyalties and hookers and an old priest whose stuttering is miraculously cured upon finding the aforementioned voluptuous girl naked in the priests' shower. I think this is about the most fun you can have with a popcorn bowl in your lap. Highly recommended as a chick flick, but I can understand that anybody who doesn't find a half-naked Tom Berenger sexy might not like the movie.

If you're looking for a heart-stopping thriller-mystery, this ain't it. If you want a good chick-flick drama with a little adultery and a few cold-blooded murders and a totally-unexpected-yet-strangely-satisfying-and-unsettling ending, I recommend Last Rites.

La mort mystérieuse de Nina Chéreau (1988 TV Movie)

A movie so awful it's great

[24 July 2004]

There is so much wrong with this movie that it's in a class by itself.

The characters are all completely unbelievable, the scriptwriting is minimal, the plot should not even be mentioned, the people are speaking English while reading French newspapers, the most incredible coincidences happen one after another, and the director's idea of creating tension is to film an actor's face staring directly into the camera while the camera stares directly at the staring actor. And this monstrosity managed to hold my interest all the way through because I couldn't imagine what was coming next.

This would be a perfect movie to watch with a group of friends, MST style. This is absolutely the greatest lousy movie I've ever seen, and as such I recommend it highly!