ervty Reviews

Stagecoach (1986 TV Movie)

The way a remake ought to be

[9/10 · 20 February 2011]

Where to start? Well, it's a good movie. Very good. And not a 100% shot by shot remake of the 1939 John Ford story. Events closely mirror the 1939 film, but are changed up, almost entirely for the better, so even if you've seen the 1939 film, it's like you're watching a different movie because you're never quite sure what will be included and what will change from the original. In general, the changes are almost all more naturalistic. Without giving spoilers, I will say that Mr. Peacock gets a chance to leave the stagecoach at the first stop, preventing the story from having to carry on the dead weight of an unwilling passenger who has no reason to take the dangerous trip, Buck is changed from the cowardly moron he was in the 1939 film to more of an every-man, and Curley Wilcox is a more compassionate, sensible man, instead of the guy dragging everyone along like he seemed in the 1939 film. The 1939 film was good in its own right, and a classic, but that's no reason to skip over the fact that it had plot holes. My hat goes off to the writers of this movie, who changed it so it's the same basic story, but people act more logically and events happen more naturally. Plus, the dialogue was good. Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash stole the spotlight as the only really recognizable actors (well, musician-actors), but the other, less recognizable actors in the movie held up quite well. And, particularly in the middle of the movie, there were several conversations with laugh-out-loud funny parts in them (at least I thought so!).

Now, for why I'd rate it a 9 out of 10 instead of 10. First, I thought changing Doc in the original to Doc Holiday, on his way to Tombstone, was kind of contrived and gimmicky. Second, the movie was a bit lower budget by comparison to the 1939 film, and it had less cinematography and less music (it seemed like there was only one tune in the movie, the one made by Willie Nelson), but that was only a minor disappointment. And third, the conversations between Dallas and Ringo were only so-so, and I felt like Curley and Buck had a more meaningful relationship than they did.

But those are just minor quibbles. If you haven't seen John Ford's 1939 movie Stagecoach, you won't be lost watching this movie. And if you have seen his 1939 film, this film is an improvement and a new story, which will keep you guessing what will happen next from beginning to end. Either way, this movie is well worth your money if you see it as a triple-feature DVD in the Wal-Mart Bargain Bin like I did.

Rambo (2008)

A VERY well-deserved R rating!

[9/10 · 3 February 2008]

With how old Stallone is, you'd think he'd be slowing down by now. But this movie is awesome. It starts out a little slow, with Rambo just living a simple life, as all the Rambo movies do. But then someone asks for help, he helps, things get complicated, and he starts killing. But with this one, it's more of a building action than the other ones. He slowly works up to killing more people, and for about the first 120 minutes of the movie, only kills a few dozen, so it doesn't become stale and repetitive. Then near the end of the movie is a scene in a Burmese army base camp, which is the site of debauchery that would give Blood Diamond a run for its money, and throughout the story you see more and more gruesome and barbaric practices by the Burmese army that they basically get away with, then it builds to a climax that's so exciting and long in coming that I found myself smiling broadly and giggling like a schoolgirl.

Sylvester is as inarticulate as ever, but he knows this, and is a man of few words in this movie. The storyline flowed and more or less made sense, without any real glaring errors or oversights. Also, the special effects are amazing! Heads implode, people step on mines and explode, limbs are realistically blown off, and gaping see-through holes are shot through people. And unlike the 80s where you could often tell what was a fake prosthetic, in this movie the special effects combine seamlessly with the movie.

It's certainly not a movie to take your Mother to (unless she likes this sort of stuff), but this is a must-see for all action movie lovers. Sensible script, awesome special effects, few words from Sylvester Stallone, decent acting, and a kick-@$$ climax make this a movie well worth your money to see it in theaters or on DVD.

Why We Fight (2005)

Liberal, but still largely journalistic

[7/10 · 6 August 2007]

This is a movie that definitely has a point of view that it's trying to convey: that America's public interests are being superseded by the interests of the companies of the defense industry. The film clarifies that message by saying basically that it's not that it's alleging that Halliburton said "we want a war, go find one", but a more moderate message, that America's military-industrial complex makes us more eager to go to war than if we didn't have it. However, unlike Michael Moore movies (never seen Fahrenheit 9/11, but I did have to see Roger and Me), which, The Onion rightly jokes, only contain 30 seconds of unbiased, objective journalism, Why We Fight is to a large degree balanced. It conveys the points of view of various people, such as Ahn Duong, a bomb designer from former South Vietnam who escaped just before Saigon fell (who I coincidently saw again just hours after watching this movie in a Future Weapons episode), and has a huge drive to see America succeed in war, to Gore Vidal, author of "Imperial America: Reflections on the United States of Amnesia", who believes strongly in the corruption of American interests by corporations, and everyone in between. All in all there's a good mix of people that do and don't support the message the film is trying to convey, though the focus of the film seems to shift as it goes on from those against the message in the beginning to those who believe in the message closer to the end, though during all parts of the movie there is representation of both sides. Therefore, this makes a movie that's good for both those who believe corporations make America more willing to go to war, and those that believe America's decision to go to war with any country is mainly the product of national interest and, to a degree, public support. Whatever your beliefs, this movie is informative, presents the views of multiple people so there's at least someone you can relate to and you don't have to feel like your beliefs are being attacked by the movie for 100 minutes, and provides the information and the basis to open discussion about the Iraq War, a war nearly everyone believes has at least something fishy about no matter what their beliefs about its cause or effect.

When the Wind Blows (1986)

Makes you want to go and build a fallout shelter, even more than 20 years later.

[8/10 · 12 April 2007]

It's kind of funny to think how absurd it is to watch it these days, with the USSR having collapsed, missiles being decommissioned, and terrorists unable to get their hands on WMDs. I myself read about it on Wikipedia, then downloaded it and watched it on eMule, and I'm not even sure why I watched it. Even so, the movie has a way of enveloping you, and making you think you're really watching Jim and Hilda Bloggs try to prepare as best they can just days before a nuclear strike. Also, their conversations are especially tragic as they can remind you of the kind of naïvety exhibited by some elderly people, or if not that, the traditional media portrayal of the elderly. Jim Bloggs tries to prepare on short notice with just the meager information in two pamphlets, both with conflicting information (one said to leave windows open so the blast would go through the house, but the other said to close all windows and doors to control fires), making it especially tragic because you can't help thinking "why didn't they just take one pamphlet", and wondering why Jim didn't get out a full book on nuclear preparation months before. Meanwhile, Hilda tries to do what she knows how to do, such as cooking, cleaning, and sewing, even in the face of an imminent nuclear attack, leading to the most memorable line in the movie, when Jim says "Come back you stupid bitch and get in the shelter!", when with only 3 minutes to the blast, she worries about the washer and burning her cake. It's also interspaced with eerie comments, leading to dramatic irony where the viewer knows more than the characters. And finally, while watching you'll notice quite often real objects interspaced with animation. It seems weird at first, but maybe they meant something by it. Perhaps animation symbolizes how in 1986 the possibility of a nuclear strike was surreal and unlikely, and really was something few people worried about, while the real objects symbolized how the threat of nuclear war was, and to a small extent still is, both physically possible, and there was enough of a possibility of it actually happening to concern many people. Either way, by the end of the movie, you have to take deep breaths and tell yourself that it's just a movie, and the scenario in the movie is technically possible, that it's not probable enough to worry about very much, especially in these days.

The Dig (1995 Video Game)

Religious analogy, especially in the end

[30 January 2006]

In this game, The Creator says that Space-Time 6 is a place of "unimaginable beauty", but that "nothing can be built, nothing can be achieved", and those that go to Space-Time 6 "never return". I think Space-Time 6 symbolizes heaven. All accounts of heaven match the description The Creator gives, and it started to make me think: what's so great about heaven? It's a place of beauty, and some say pleasure too, but you'll be an observer forever, and can never accomplish anything. In heaven, you will exist forever, and accomplish nothing but to "praise God". Though, I don't think I was the first person to think of this. Huck Finn in "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" by Mark Twain says, after Widow Douglas says that all a body has to do in heaven is play harps and never worry about a thing, and that Tom would probably go to hell, that he would like to go to hell. This disturbs Widow Douglas, but Huck says that he thinks Heaven would probably be boring, and at least in Hell he's have something to do-play with Tom. I think Hell is just as bad, with similar unending existence with no purpose. The game doesn't really become much of a religious analogy until the life crystals are introduced, which I think represent memories. A person can live on in memory forever, but each time they are passed down from one person to another, they become more and more corrupted and inaccurate, until they're just a shell of the original person. Finally, Boston Lowe was a symbol of the power of common sense and levelheadedness, which tells people that though religion offers comfort and unending existence, really it's absurd. Lowe enters Space-Time 6 (heaven) and shows the griffin-like aliens (angels) the way back to their planet (Earth), and an existence where they will eventually die, but can do much more in their short lives than they could ever do in an eternity.

The Cave (2005)

Meh.

[5/10 · 6 September 2005]

I didn't think it was THAT bad. I didn't think it was that good either. For one thing, all caves are the same temperature, like 50F or something. If you've ever been to a cave, you know what I mean. They're cold! And yet these people are practically wearing t-shirts with exposed arms. That's gotta be some warm neoprene they've got there! My Dad pointed out that the Doctor was a worthless character. They asked him what he thought the creatures were, and all he could say was "I don't know". Then, when they found out their leader was mutating, they didn't even ask if he wanted to get them out alive, or what his new motivations were. Finally, at the end, when he finds out the girl was mutating without her knowing, does he call her name in the middle of a quiet street? NO! He just randomly starts running and looking at people! I agree that it was an absolutely stupid thing to leave this open for a sequel. It was kind of like leaving the House of Wax open to a sequel. Even if someone DOES like it, it's one of those movies where you just want everything to be solved at the end. I never fell asleep, though sometimes I wish I had. 5 out of 10.

Twisted (I) (2004)

Two'd! (out of 10)

[2/10 · 12 July 2005]

This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, rivaling Bourne Supremacy and Attack of the Killer Bees. It was a stupid movie with an extremely annoying main character. She was always on edge and angry at everyone. More stupidly, it's insane to think someone like her would be so smart yet not realize her wine was making her fall asleep four consecutive times. The false accusations about who could be the killer were stupid, annoying, and wasted time. Personally, I was guessing it was her psychiatrist who was the killer, since he knew her and knew what she was doing because of the appointments. Which brings up another thing, that there were events unrelated to the story, like the neighbor through the window or the scene after Jessica is gone of Lisa sending the samples off and calling someone. Speaking of Jessica, THE HAIR! She looked like Lori Petty in Tank Girl, and it didn't suit her AT ALL! No woman not in a harsh desert climate should ever have hair that short, baring lice. It made her look manly. Lastly, the killer made no sense. John Mills was supposed to be all overly protective and killing every man she met, drugged her, kept her on the case, and almost put her in jail.

It was a stupid movie, and I read a magazine through a lot of it.

Returner (2002)

Short but descriptive

[10/10 · 28 November 2004]

An excellent movie, with a lot of Japanese clichés, like transforming robots, ningas, and strange new technology. I swear, this must have been the best bullet time I've ever seen. It's even better than The Matrix. No only do you see the bullets, but also the streamers of air coming off of them, and they can be moved if something passes through them. Also, it accurately shows bullets going though flesh, and many other cool things in bullet time. The ending was strong, and tied up many plot holes and paradoxes. The ending was very surprising, yet touching. Overall, excellent film, with unique storyline, cute aliens, realistic special effects, and believable action.