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Reviews
Curse of La Llorona (2007)
Interesting, If Unaware, Little Flick
First of all, I am into micro-budget horror films. That being said, I rather enjoyed this movie. It definitely isn't scary, so if you're looking for something with a high tension factor, award-winning performances and a slick production, do yourself a favor and look elsewhere. However, if you can enjoy a silly B-movie that tries a little too hard to be serious, therefore making it fun to watch and giggle along with, then I can think of much worse ways to kill an hour. There was some cool lighting and set design (or, rather, the interior painting of the house), a couple of surprising splashes of good performances (especially from the mom), a laughable script spoken with conviction (husband shows wife a partially- eaten brain, and she says, "Dispose of that thing this instant!" Or a police woman in her early twenties, who we meet only once, says to the mother, "Tend well to your family. This house will not accept you now.") and a woman near the same age as the mother and father playing the role of the daughter. This is a fun movie to watch while getting a good buzz on, just don't take it too seriously and don't expect anything miraculous.
4.5/10 stars
U.F.O. Abduction (1989)
The "REAL" (lol) McPherson Tape
Ah, the infamous "real" McPherson Tape. Hugely controversial among the alien abduction enthusiasts, hundreds of people still think that this the real deal. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but it isn't. Still, this is probably the most believable found footage movie I've ever seen, as it really does feel as if you're watching an actual VHS camcorder home video of a real Midwestern family in the early 1980s. The alien abductions themselves are not really the focus here. The focus seems to be the tension that this family feels while being scared out of their wits. I prefer this original version over the 1997 made-for-television remake, Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County, which screamed "fake" right from the get go: awful acting, no chemistry between the actors/characters, overblown effects and laughable "documentary interviews" interspersed to insult the viewer's intelligence. Even though this original version is bare bones and lacking in alien action, it still manages to be taught, atmospheric, well acted, and most of all, believable. This has been next to impossible to find for decades, but thankfully someone has uploaded a pirated copy on the internet recently. If you are a fan of the remake, aliens/UFOs, found footage or just underground cinema in general, do yourself a favor and check it out. But just remember, its only a movie! There is no REAL "McPherson Tape" floating around out there. The name of the family in this original version isn't even McPherson, its Van Heese.
Sleepaway Camp IV: The Survivor (2002)
Not As Bad As I Expected
Luckily, I knew exactly what I was getting into before I even watched this. Essentially, this is nothing more than clips from the first three movies intermixed with the raw production footage for the unfinished 1992 sequel that was included as a bonus disc in the first round of Sleepaway Camp Survival Kit boxed sets.
Before you decide to watch this movie, you must first get it out of your head that this is going to be any sort of straight-forward narrative, or wind up being any type of real sequel to the first three films. It really helps to think of this as nothing more than a flashback episode of a television sitcom. It takes all the key scenes from the first three films and melts them together with a new, virtually threadbare story (Just like flashback episodes of Family Guy, Friends, Seinfeld, or any other television show out there). As a huge Sleepaway Camp fanatic, I sometimes find it difficult to decide on which film to watch. And on days that I can't decide, this will do quite nicely, because it is basically having your cake and eating it too. Is this the worst of the series? Absolutely. But is it so bad that I will never watch it again? Absolutely NOT.
And for the record, before any of you IMDb trolls start complaining about my review, I am ONLY a fan, and I DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT work for anyone involved in the production or distribution of these films. Not everyone who happens to like a movie that others seem to hate is a bigwig exec trying to dupe you into spending money.
Karen Finley Live (2004)
Nothing Short of Breathtaking
WOW. Karen Finley has to be one of the most intuitive, expressionistic females on this circling planet.
This DVD contains 2 live performances: "Shut Up and Love Me", which is an exhausting study of how women are defined by their sexuality, yet demonized for it. Here she rants and raves from subjects such as cheating spouses, patriarchal sexual fantasies, and thanksgiving! This concludes with Karen wallowing naked in a couple gallons of honey, posing in lude positions (apparently from her book "Pooh Unplugged". This is not for everyone, mind you. In fact many people will be highly insulted or turned off by her ramblings and seizure-like stripteases/floor wallowing. But for me, her words and creativity hit me like a ton of bricks!
The 2nd show, "Make Love", is a really odd bird of a performance. Finley channels Liza Minelli and uses her as narrator of her views of post-9/11 life in New York. This one has an old-style cabaret vibe to it, that eventually rips your heart out and stomps on it hundreds of times, simply for the hell of it. If you want to see someone Who is 100% unafraid to express her opinions, someone whose tortured, miserable life is a completely open book, someone who bares her mind, body and soul - I can't recommend this enough!!
Vampire Vixens (2003)
Um, OK...
This sequel to "the Vampire's Seduction" is far from superior. The people who are usually good are good, but the newcomers (so to speak) aren't anything spectacular. The story is very boring and hard to pay attention to. Zach Snygg is funny, as is John Fedele and Tina Krause. Misty Mundae is hotter than ever (especially in the black Friday the 13th tank top), and AJ Khan and Darian Caine's sex scene is a laugh riot. But that's pretty much all it has going for it. I have seen much better from Seduction Cinema, but on the other hand I have seen much WORSE from them as well. Not for all tastes, but if you like your soft-core lesbian horror spoofs, then it's at least worth renting. This DVD contains a bonus featurette, which is actually just a super chopped-up, music-less version of the bathtub sex scene from the Factory 2000 film, "Slaughtered Lesbos 2: Satan's Hostages". Sad that I should know that right off-hand, but...um, yeah...
Mummy Raider (2002)
Very Tame For A Misty Mundae Flick
If you are a fan, then you will probably enjoy this. If you don't know who Misty Mundae, Darian Caine, Ruby LaRocca, or Seduction Cinema are, this is not the movie to start out with. It's very cute, silly, the girls are hot, and it's fun to watch. There's no sex whatsoever until the very end of the 45 minute film, but the score is cheesy-trippy and the plot's not a total bore. Misty Mundae's makeup is bad in this movie and her hair is in awkward braids, so she's not as hot in this as she has been in others. But her panties in this are quite cute (you'll just have to see the movie for that to not sound really weird). If you do like this one, you will probably enjoy "That 70's Girl", "Vampire Vixens", or "Erotic Survivor" (which is a bit more sexually graphic). If you prefer watching Misty or Esmerelda in less sexual, more horror/exploitation-based (but lower budget) movies, check out the Factory 2000 website.
Ginî piggu 2: Chiniku no hana (1985)
Nowhere Near As "Hardcore" As It's Hyped Up To Be
I bought this movie after hearing so much about it being one of the sickest, most hard to watch gorefests of all time. My stomach was in knots when I put it in my DVD player. First of all, it takes almost 20 minutes for any violence to start. Then when it does, it's just sort of so-so. The victim's eyes are still rolling around in her head after her hands, arms, feet and legs have been completely severed from her body. Then when her head gets hacked off, it flies across the room like it was spring-loaded. This movie is good for a laugh, and don't get me wrong, it's really, really, really gory. But it's most definitely not disturbing in the least, nor is it like watching some forbidden snuff flick (one would imagine). After the girl is (finally) dead, the semi-samurai adds her to his "collection", and we get the distinct honor of hearing him sing a charming little ditty about "the fires of Hell and needlepoint mountains". The quality of the gore FX are decent enough (especially for 1985), and there is sort of a dirty, grimy atmosphere, but it's not going to keep you up at night. Good to put on at parties when people are intoxicated.
Lust for Dracula (2004)
Visually, the best Seduction Cinema movie ever made
Plotwise, on the other hand, I will have to get back to you on that as soon as I figure it out for myself. I finally got around to watching this, and while I wasn't disappointed, I was left with one of those "What in the hell did I just sit through?" feelings. At first, when Misty Mundae rambles on to some baby crib about being trapped and alone, I thought she was just REALLY bad at acting her role, but then it's revealed that her character is just fruit-loopin' crazy. Darian Caine and Julian Wells play men (?!), although they have fairly large breasts and perfectly shaved "southern regions". Julian Wells even goes as far as to bang Misty from behind....interesting. The plot, like I said, is too choppy and confusing. But Tony Marsiglia is by far the best director Seduction Cinema has got working for them. His films are really twisted and very darkly erotic. The award for the best actress in this film is actually a tie between Andrea Davis (who is great at portraying b*tch characters) and Casey Jones (who physically fits the part of teenage goth-popper turned emotionally drained vampire to a tee). The sex scenes in the unrated version go on forever and a day, even more so than a lot of Seduction films. So if you're not used to the lesbian sex quota that must be met in every single one of their films, you're much better off with the R-rated version (not a drop of blood is cut out, its all sex). This is a welcome addition to my E.I./Alternative Cinema collection, and I am waiting patiently for Tony Marsiglia's new film, "Chantal", which looks to be pretty darn good as well.
Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker! (2000)
Where Should I Begin???
I'm having trouble even putting in to words what it was that is wrong with this movie, so bear with me while I try my hardest... This is a would-be Troma movie, so awful and cheap that even they refused to put their name on the box or credits. It's loaded with Troma posters and logos, and they even convinced Lloyd Kaufman to say his stupid little piece, direct from his office in Tromaville... Blegh... This I guess is either hit or miss, and it sure as heck missed with me. I liked most of the actors, EXCEPT for Mulva. She is so disgusting and unpleasant to look at that I swear my stomach actually began to churn! And that is not a compliment. I did like her morbidly obese sidekick (gee, where have we heard this before?)Cassie. And Debbie Rochon and Trent Haaga's performances were, as always, fantastic and highly entertaining. But it wasn't enough to make me ever watch this again. I DO however like the 2nd movie on the disc, "Filthy McNasty", which is the same director, and approximately the same running time. Both movies feature Debbie Rochon in great roles, and both movies rip off (in an amusing way) music from Meet the Feebles, Children of the Corn, and probably others too I didn't catch.
Screen Kill (1997)
Not at all what I expected
When I ordered this movie, I was expecting your typical shot-on-video "extreme" mock-snuff movie. But no. It was actually pretty decently put together, and had a neat little story. Overall, the acting was believable, and there were in fact 2 or 3 pretty gruesome death scenes (although the f/x are pretty laughable: a girl gets chainsawed in half, and her guts are packed perfectly tight inside her body, completely in tact). The movie doesn't really emphasize the snuff scenes very much. They are played out pretty campy and only last for about 10-20 seconds each. There's no torture, no pleading, rape, humiliation, or anything super disturbing like that. So that makes it very easy to sit through. There is quite a large body count as well, so that's another plus. The ending, however is EXTREMELY predictable, but yet does not make the movie a total letdown. If you're a fan of micro-budget horror films, then you will probably get a kick out of this. But if your tastes tend to lean more towards the mainstream, you'll be sure to roll your eyes and stop the tape within the first 20 minutes.
That 70's Girl (2004)
Very entertaining, if you are a fan of Seduction Cinema....
Oddly enough, this seriously was intended to be the pitch pilot for a syndicated series on Skinemax. But it was a good thing Johnny Crash decided to quit while he was ahead (or perhaps was turned down). But this is only about 45 minutes long, and very silly and entertaining. The sex scene between Misty Mundae and A.J. Kahn goes on for a little too long, but other than that, this has very fun, goofy dialogue and is not too drawn out or meant to be taken very seriously. BUT, if you're not a fan of Seduction Cinema or softcore "erotica", then this is just going to seem like another silly girl-on-girl late night cable movie. Definitely not for everyone, but those it's intended for will most likely be amused.
OH, not to mention the DVD also includes sexploitation master Nick Philips's 70's flick, Dr. Christina of Sweden. Not his best film, but definitely watchable. If you like this movie, then i strongly recommend Seduction Cinema's double feature DVDs "Roxanna" and "Lustful Addiction".
Roxanna (2002)
a very well-made update of a very well-made grindhouse classic
First, let me say that I really liked what Ted W. Crestview did with his re-invisionment of Nick Phillip's sexploitation classic. He took what he liked from the original and made his own whole separate story. Roxanna (Misty Mundae - Seduction Cinema's Mickey Mouse, if you will...)is stuck in a dead-end relationship with a loser druggie guy, who, bored with their sex life, makes Roxanna sleep with another woman while he watches. And to quote Misty in the movie: "You gave me a taste, baby...and what can I say? I liked it!" So that should give you some idea... Roxanna takes to women, has a hayday, and ticks off her now-jealous boyfriend. Uh-oh... that's never good. So surely enough, things start to go haywire... So if you like Sexploitation, Grindhouse, Sleaze, Misty Mundae, or any of the other Seduction Cinema mega-babes, then you should pick up this DVD. It also contains Nick Phillips' original classic, as well as the morbid short film "Despair", by Mark Baranowski.
Duck! The Carbine High Massacre (1999)
Blazing Hellfire!
If you are a fan of William Hellfire, Joey Smack, Misty Mundae, or E.I./Alternative Cinema (even though this isnt an e.i. release), then I STRONGLY urge you to buy this movie. I know that the only copies you're going to find are going to be around $40, but it IS worth it, if you collect films from this genre.
You knew it would happen...a spoof (and a hilarious one, at that) of the infamous Columbine High School shootings. Sure, you may go to Hell just for contributing to the film-maker, but what a fun, amusing way to get there! Let's just hope Hell has air-conditioned private rooms with kitchenettes and a big TV set so you can watch all your favorite underground movies....
Anyway, you know the story... I won't even get into that... But the best part of this movie is the "startling" truth behind the excessive media frenzy that follows such violent, shocking crimes, putting the killers on a pedastal like some sort of false idol. Plus, it's somewhat nice and refreshing to see Misty Mundae give a memorable performance without taking off all her clothes and rolling around licking other women's various bodyparts.
My only gripe about this movie is that it takes a little bit too long for the actual bloodshed to start flowing (I say that because I'm a downright gorehound...). But when it does, it is actually pretty brutal and gross, so it's all good. William Hellfire and Joey Smack are perfect as the two idiot "anarchist" teenagers with murder on their minds. A VERY funny, VERY low-budget, and VERY memorable movie.
Blood Feast 2: All U Can Eat (2002)
Just what you'd expect from the "Godfather Of Gore"...
I had waited and waited for this movie to come out, back when it was being hyped up in '99 (then as Blood Feast 2000), and heard absolutely nothing about this movie. Then on Halloween eve, I saw the double dvd in the video shop for $30, and I snatched it off of the shelf like a 5 year old snatches a lollypop out of his little brother's hand. I was so excited to see a new H.G. Lewis film (who has been one of my admitted "heroes"). All in all, I wasn't disappointed...but I do agree with the other reviewers that say it does tend to drag on a little long. But the blood and gore effects...oh man! I was in absolute gorehound heaven! I think Joe Castro needed to work on a movie like this to up his fx career a little bit, because usually his effects are pretty decent, but I talk about him to other horror fanatics, and they say, "who's that?". But he REALLY outdid himself on this movie, because there's a couple scenes that would make Dahmer himself a little queasy, including one of THE best throat-slashing scenes I have ever witnessed on film. I honestly think that after this movie, Joe Castro could very well become the new Tom Savini (if you will) of the blood'n'guts video scene.
And another thing...alot of reviewers have said that this is very cheap, exploitive, bad, and somewhat grueling to sit through...but come on, people! this is Herschell Gordon Lewis! that's what the man is KNOWN for, for crying out loud! The overall sleaziness and exploitive nature of this film are his M.O.! And this definately has all the sleazy overtones and feel of his past films from the 60's and 70's.
But anyway, you can tell that the killing scenes are the primary focus of this movie. Each one goes on for an excessive amount of time, until you find yourself saying "Come on, dude! she's dead already!" But then again, that's the point of exploitive horror. And H.G. Lewis has definately proven that he is still "the man" when it comes to his style of film-making. If you're looking for an over-the-top gorefest, then you should really check this one out...
Over-sexed Rugsuckers from Mars (1989)
Actually a pretty funny film
This movie is a really funny, original shot-on-video film. If you can make it to then end of the movie, watch for the woman giving birth to a dustbuster with the head of a cabbage patch kid doll. Very silly film, definately not to be taken seriously. Funny kitschy soundtrack and effects. Think California Raisins meets The Bloody Video Horror That Made Me Puke On My Aunt Gertrude....