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lesmarsden
Reviews
Sharknado (2013)
NO expense was spared...
...to create the most incredibly terrible piece of trash I've ever witnessed. And no, it wasn't even laughable enough to experience as a joke; we watched this on a dare from my mother-in-law and now as a result I'm seriously considering divorcing her daughter. There is simply no way of redeeming this dreck on ANY level; it's not a farce, it's not fun as a disastrously bad attempt at "movie" making; I feel absolutely sick for having spent ANY amount of time watching a single frame of this garbage. SyFy has just proved to me why we stopped watching TV a few years ago - and why - if this thing has any market, on any level: this country is in serious trouble. I am STUNNED.
The Ladykillers (2004)
Aghast
While usually a fan of the Coen Brothers and certainly of Tom Hanks, I sit stunned after viewing this poor, ill-conceived remake of the original 1955 classic. I had to practically bribe my wife to finish it with me after the first half hour; my personal threshold for inept film-making is much higher than is hers. The original film from 50 years ago brims with a highly intelligent, wonderfully imaginative screenplay which is structured brilliantly; the 1955 film shines with wit and HEART throughout -- despite the thoroughly dark humor, and boasts wonderfully fine-tuned performances from Alec Guiness through Peter Sellers and the absolutely amazing Katie Johnson as the intended victim; her work in this film is hilarious in its subtlety and it's conceivable she truly might be a vulnerable victim of this gang, which is completely the opposite of the impression one gets of the Coen Brothers' Marva Munson. The original holds up as well as if it were made today. The remake? Wretched. Why bother remaking something so blithely perfect to begin with? There's not a single character to root for - and that includes the central character of Marva Munson played very well but to no avail by Irma P. Hall - she's no victim; there's absolutely no fear she might be done in - instead, I'd run FROM her rather than accidentally irritate her. The only question I have is this: WHY? Why did anyone feel they had something new to say with this remake? It's an exercise in bad decisions and choices from beginning to end; it's not often I feel filmmakers have blown it on so massive a scale that I feel compelled to vent my irritation at having had my time wasted, but everyone involved in this terrible production certainly know better than to foist this dreadful trash on anyone who enjoys and salutes film entertainment. If you somehow enjoyed this wreck of a movie, please do yourself the privilege of seeing the original Ealing Studios production to see it done well. And then try sitting through the Coens' version again...
Tchaikovsky (1970)
Stunning fidelity to the life, sound and look of the composer.
Starring the remarkable Innokenti Smoktunovsky in the title role, this film is completely unlike the Ken Russell debacle 'The Music Lovers.' Talankin's film is absolutely breathtaking in its fidelity to the story of the composer's life as I know it from numerous sources. The resemblance of Smoktunovsky to Tchaikovsky is striking and it's very easy to suspend disbelief and imagine one is watching the composer himself -- and in color!
The film doesn't try to go far afield from simply telling the facts of the composer's life, but then it really doesn't have to: the true story is vastly interesting. Brought to life splendidly are Nadejda von Meck, the Rubinsteins, Hermann Laroche -- all those characters familiar from the musical life of Russia in the late 19th century. Executive Producer Dmitri Tiomkin returned to Russia to arrange and conduct the soundtrack before such cultural exchanges became commonplace. Tiomkin's work with Tchaikovsky's music is respectful and also highly creative at the same time. While 'Tchaikovsky' is certainly not as fanciful as Hollywood or Ken Russell it's all the more rewarding for it.
Misterio en la isla de los monstruos (1981)
It's been over for 5 hours and I'm still aghast...
"It's the worst movie ever" is an oft-used phrase. "It's a real turkey" has just about lost its punch. How about this for a plug line: "MONSTER ISLAND isn't a movie; it's punishment for a lifetime of horrible deeds."
I taped it for my 6-year-old son and we just got through watching the thing; I had to have a bath afterwards in case any stray remnants of this cheesy, inept, incompetently-directed, over-the-top spectacularly bad acting, ill-conceived design, Jules-Verne-insulting, direct-attack-on-filmmaking pile managed to shoot through the pixels and land on me. The looping was apparently done by performers for whom 'human' is a second language. Truly excellent actors Peter Cushing and Terence Stamp were fortunate because while top-billed, they barely had any screen time at all. I'm still floored by having to witness one of the most baroquely florid and horrendously just plain bad performances in the history of cinema: that of the estimable David Hatton as Professor Artelect. It all makes sense in a way: he must have been the title Monster; his victim the acting profession.
In summation, this is a reprehensibly dreadful z-budget debacle. Suffice it to say my young son found it unbelievably bad and he's about as easy an audience as they come. Don't just avoid this one: work hard to help find a cure for it.