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totalitarian_capitalist
Reviews
Tôkyô nagaremono (1966)
Bad-Ass
Absolutely incredible. Seijun Suzuki is one of the most underrated directors of all time. His use of coloring and black and white is something that everyone from Steven Spielberg to Brian DePalma to George Romero have emulated to great effect in some of their most well-loved movies. Also, his way of stylizing violence is something that oriental films are still copying. Go check out Pistol Opera, Ichi the Killer, The Killer, or Hard Boiled if you want to see what I mean. The gun-throwing move that Tetsuya utilizes is used in American action movies to this day. It's also amazingly politically incorrect. Americans are lampooned as bumbling, drunken idiots and women are no more than objects to be slapped around and used for a man's benefit. I miss political incorrectness in contemporary movies. The theme song was pretty awesome, as well.
The Time Machine (2002)
as logical as using a flashlight to spread butter
What can I say about this (terrible) film that hasn't already been said? Plotholes, goofy makeup, a classic updated simply so that there could be alot more 'splosions, bad casting, an ugly romantic lead, it has already been said and done before. one unexplained incident above all else angered and confused me beyond words.
*****Spoilers, but you're going to read it anyway. Why does everyone always do this stupid spoilers thing on here anyway?*****
The incident in question is the scene in the end in which the stupid pretty-boy main character kills off the "Uber-Morlock", the only person who keeps the fragile eco-system of the distant future in balance. You see, the morlocks eat the eloi. Uber M. controls the morlocks through mind control, and therefore keeps them from eating all of the eloi. Pretty-Boy is disgusted by the fact that the morlocks eat the eloi and calls them a perversion of every natural law, to which Uber M. replies "then what do you call time travel?" which immediately shuts him up because he just realized that he is a moron. Uber M. then explains to him the answer to the question that pretty-boy has traveled 800,000 years into the future to find, which was painfully obvious to anyone who owns half a brain and took five minutes to ponder over. Then, Uber M. gives him back his time machine and pocketwatch that he took earlier on in the movie and sends him on his merry way. Pretty-Boy, upon realizing that he is, in fact, a dumbass, attacks Uber M., kills him, and completely destroys the entire eco-system, which he goes forward in time to witness. He then immediately goes back, turns his time machine into a doomsday device by shoving his watch into the gears (that was another really stupid part that left me in awe. Or maybe it was pain. Yeah, it was probably pain), and kills off the entire species of the morlocks while he and Ugly Samantha Mumba escape just in the nick of time, while not even one morlock survived, which is funny when you consider that the morlocks were much faster and smarter than the eloi. All that they did, though, was stare at the explosion (or what ever it was) like deer in headlights.
There was no point to him killing off the Uber Morlock, he just did. I guess that he was supposed to be the bad guy because he allowed the eloi to be eaten by the morlocks, but this is as flawed as calling God evil for letting the lion eat the antelope. It was the natural way of things and he totally screwed the entire thing up. Judging by the fact that everything that pretty-boy has done so far is as intelligent as pudding, building a time machine must be the easiest thing in the world. Of course it is possible that it was created in a freak accident while he was trying to make toast. You know, like the way Jar-Jar Binks did stuff in Episode I. I'm just starting to rant right now, so I'm going to end this review right... now.