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Reviews
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
Cowabunga!
This film rocks! As a kid I was a huge Turtles fan and knew the script for this film like the back of my hand. Watching it back recently I was struck with nostalgia and also by the fact that this film really isn't that bad. It's no classic but it works well as good family entertainment. The Turtle characters are played well with Mikey and Don being particularly funny, although the way they made them seem like stoners is still baffling. Also, the bloke who plays Casey Jones is cool (Added Factoid, the same guy is also in Apt Pupil as the homeless guy who Dussander kills) Only niggle with this film is the woman who plays April. She grates towards the end, she is very irritating and plays April like a dumb, overly sassy woman. Grr!! anyway watch this film, leave your brain at the door and have a laugh. Cowbunga! Awesome
Titanic (1997)
Pants
This film is pants, three painstaking, mush-filled hours of some of the poorest film making I've ever witnessed. And the sad thing is, this is James cameron. He made Aliens! He made Terminator and Terminator 2! These films are classics, undoubted classics but Titanic.....it smells. Bad. Dont watch it, ever. And if you do see someone actively wanting to view this film, shoot them. It's for their own good. End of.
Avoid like the black plague.
Avoid
Avoid
Avoid like you would avoid sexual intercourse with a saggy old woman.
Just avoid!
Anaconda (1997)
My my my...
Anaconda, a film that has lead to me shouting at the t.v and trying to insert a screwdriver into my forehead. This is a truly bad movie. J Lo cant act, Ice Cube can't act, Jon Voight cant act, the Anaconda itself is the cheapest special effect in known histroy (And I'm including William Shatner in that). The film has little plot, it is what would be called an 'event movie' but the fact remains that as this movie is so poor it isnt really much of an event. Let me start with Voight. Throughout the film he has this ridiculous pseudo french accent that seems to fluctuate between Welsh and mild French (Think 'Allo Allo'). I actually found myself cheering when he got eaten. J Lo is pointless, she does all of her acting with her shapely backside. This is a good thing as I enjoy staring at her behind but still, when you find yourself being attacked by a killer snake flashing your bottom at it isnt the best plan of action. And why was Eric Stoltz in this? Why did he choose this film after being in Pulp Fiction? Why? All in all, this movie smells and I wouldn't advice anyone to see it, unless you want to know what it's like to be tortured. Peace
Alien Resurrection (1997)
In Space I would still hate this movie!!
Why? Why? Why? Why make a fourth Alien movie, didnt they learn from the 3rd one? Plot of this Movie. Ripley gets cloned. Aliens get created. People get killed. End. THAT'S IT!! Where's the character development. In the first two movies we felt sympathy for the characters, we wanted them to survive. In this movie all we have is generic cliched 'hardmen'. The tough 'dont mess' woma, the tough 'dont mess' man, the token black man. Where are the Hudson's and the Hicks. And whilst I'm on the subject, what was with the newborn thing at the end. It looks like they just took the original Alien design, made it thinner, made it white and painted a smiley face on it!!! The Queen from Aliens it aint!!! Also, why have the guy who writes buffy write it? Why? Why? Why?