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stuartpbottomley
Reviews
The Crow (2024)
Take a pillow with you, you'll need it
You know a film is going to be bad when the opening credits have more than five production companies on it. How I didn't fall asleep while watching this is a miracle. Cinema staff will be having to wake customers up at the end of this.
Remakes are always going to be compared to the original, sometimes they are as good, sometimes they are better, sometimes they are just about passable and sometimes they are this. The characters are unlikable, the acting is missing in action, the action scenes look like they was staged by a first day film student. Don't go to watch this, watch the original instead.
The Umbrella Academy: End of the Beginning (2024)
Well that was a complete letdown
This last season has been very lazily put together, it lacked originality. They obviously didn't know how to give us a satisfying conclusion to the run. The writers seemed to watch a lot marvel, dc, other Netflix shows, classic sci-fi movies and some British sci-fi to. Then copy and paste plots from them, what makes it worse is they didn't care enough to try and hide that they have done this. The end result is a big massive mess of an end season that ultimately going to leave a bad taste in the viewers mouth that have been on this journey since episode one. My fingers are crossed that Strange Things doesn't suffer 5he same fate, and yes they throw a bit of that in the mix as well.
Piglets (2024)
How did this get commissioned
Well this one is really really scraping the barrel that a world champion barrel scraper had scraped till they couldn't scrape no more. Every single joke falls flat and misses the mark so much it's painful. It jammed full of unlikeable characters that for the most part you can't relate to them.
They throw every stereotype at you, filling the show with too many characters to give a decent story arc or much to do. The problem we have with some of modern sitcoms these days is the writer are to afraid to write something funny in case it offends someone. It's time for sitcoms to be funny once more.
To give you an idea of how unfunny this is, they have more laughs in an episode of Mrs Browns Boys.
The Acolyte (2024)
Missing something is
This is the worse Star Wars series to date, I can't find anything positive to say about it. All the characters are flat, poorly written and unlikeable. The plot is paper thin and doesn't engage the viewer. I'm doubting if it's worth bothering to watch to the end. The actors in this look bored and uninterested in script, delivering line after line of this dribble with no enthusiasm for the material. As I write this we are only half way through what we can only hope is the only season, maybe the second half will pick up, so I'll give it another episode maybe two if I can't find some paint to watch dry. The force is weak with this one.
The Fall Guy (2024)
More Fail Guy than Fall Guy
First if you have ever watched the original tv show then I highly recommend that you don't watch this. To be honest don't watch it if you haven't. It very loosely based on the 80s show.
It has the same character names of three of the originals with only Colt in his main job as a stunt man, the bounty hunter plot is more or less sidelined for an truly awful love story with original character name Jodie but now a camera person turn director. The scenes of them flirting constantly derail the film, they are cringing to the point of been unwatchable. They go on for too long and are in the stupidest parts of the film.
The comic relief character Howie is almost completely gone with his ability to understand French given to a dog. Gail the Bail Bonds character who sets up the main story in the original is now a crooked movie producer and is play by the normally super talented Hannah Waddingham, here she's possibly the worse portrayed one out of a massive cast of duds.
I'll be honest my expectations wasn't high and I was right. To sum up, the cast have no chemistry, the plot is thin and stretch too far and the action is very melodic.
Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024)
If there's some strange don't call these guys
Where Afterlife was a fun film, this had all the fun(spirit) sucked out and put it the containment chamber. Lots of new characters added meant no one had anything to do. They was very little chemistry between any of them. Very little humour meant the film flatlined after 15 minutes. A plot point that could have lead to a fantastic twist was wasted. Then we have a big bad at the climax that was such a let down. Getting back to the overload of new characters, it spoiled any chance of development of the family dynamics that worked in Afterlife. It's hard to say which of them had the worse story arc so I'm not going to try.
Rob Beckett's Smart TV (2024)
Not smart TV
This is a contender for worst panel quiz show of all time. Not surprising really considering it's from the makers of the rebooted Never Mind the Buzzcocks. Too much time is given to the panellist to try and be funny and very little time for actual quizzing. Watching the the first episode, it looked like all the panellists and host was bored with it. Why do sky feel the need to churn out this type of panel show. A league of their own stop been good when the comedy took over too much from the quizzing, the movie one they did just disappeared and they ruined Buzzcocks with bad guest booking. I wouldn't be surprised if this gets buried in the 2am slot after a few shows.
Wheel of Fortune (2024)
More wheel of misfortune than fortune
I was looking forward to this reboot of the classic game show but it fall really flat. Graham Norton doesn't connect with the contestants so lacks the banter that he excels at with his chat show . This version which takes advantage of using a higher tech game board/screen so now does away with the need of a co-host which actually make the show less watchable. In a show like this you need someone for the host to bonce off to fill the running time. Now we have 3 quick play questions before each round of wheel spinning. It could be just the first show but the contestants did have much enthusiasm for the game and didn't put much effort in to each spin. If this show is to continue then it needs to address these issues and make it fun again.
Doctor Who: The Giggle (2023)
Brilliant just brilliant
Finally the doctor is back with someone in charge who knows how to write the doctor. The three 60th anniversary as a whole have been breathtaking. That Star Beast manages to re-introduce doctor 10/14 and Donna Noble without been too convoluted and tells a fun story. The Blue Yonder whilst been the weakest of the 3 specials is still better than the whole run of the 13th Doctor's. It allowed for the Doctor and Donna to bond again.
Then we get to the Giggle. From Star to finish, it sizzles , fizzles and bubbles off the screen. Then you get to the best bit but I won't say anything about that. SPOILERS
My only gripe is this wasn't shown at the cinema, like the 50th was. It would look great on the big screen.
The Flash (2023)
Non stop fun from start to finish
First things first, up to about 15 minutes from the end I was going to give this a score of 8 out of 10, but then I upgraded it to a perfect 10. Why? Once you see it you'll know. This has the right balance of action and humour. From the opening scene to the end they is no flagging. They did the right thing not recasting Barry, Ezra plays him perfectly and seamlessly acts with himself. The supporting cast are spot on, particularly Michale Keaton. It's like he never was away from saying " I'm Batman " . If I have one grumble it's with the scene at the end of the credits, whilst amusing it doesn't add to the film or take away. It feels like it was added to include a certain character.
The Little Mermaid (2023)
A shipwreck of a movie
Even if you go in with low expectations you will still be disappointed by this shipwreck. From the flat acting to some flat singing, they is little to praise in this movie. It makes me dread how next years Snow White will turn out. What's next in the live action crosshairs remake? Since Disney still have a big catalog of classics still to mine it's anyone's guess.
Back to the film. Not just the leads but the whole cast have no chemistry with each other. I couldn't engage with the film on almost every level. The best part of the film is the new version of Under The Sea, that is until Ariel joins in. I'd recommend you watch the original and forget about watching this poor remake.
In with a Shout (2023)
Scraping a barrel
At the time of writing, I'm the only person to give this absolutely dreadful game show a rating and review. Considering it's now 3 episodes in and no one has given it the time to rate it yet alone do a review( which should tell you all you need to know)
Imagine scraping a barrel to find another barrel in it, then scraping that barrel to find at the bottom another barrel which you then scape to find the premises for this show. You then get one of the worse possible compare to host it. He seems to grin after anything he says as if to say well that was funny when it's the opposite. How is this guy on prime time British TV .
Doctor Who: The Power of the Doctor (2022)
Saving the best till last
It's taken Chris Chibnall best part of four year as show runner to get it right, whilst a couple of early episodes showed promise, in the long run he's never really got it right but here we have a good solid episode. Jodie gives her best performance as the doctor and shows that given the right script can nail the role of the Doctor.
Packed with a few surprises this was a fun story that must please fans of classic Who as well as new Who. Going forward I look forward to the 60th anniversary episodes and the new Doctor
Something I'd like to see is a story with the former companions support group, which would give the chance to bring back other former companions.
Blonde (2022)
Disappointing on many levels unfortunately
I was looking forward to this but now it's finally arrived, oh dear what went wrong. It suffers the same pacing issues that Elvis has, the story moves to quickly, trying to cram As many bullet point of Monroes life instead of taking time to flesh out her story. Ana de Armas puts on a great performance but it's not enough to save this mess. The supporting cast aren't given enough to do so don't get the chance to nail their part. Like with Elvis this would have worked better as a 10 parter a hour each to tell a more complete story. If this had been more widely released in cinemas, it would have had a few walk outs. One last thing the cinematography is dreadful, it seems to want to cram as many filming techniques as possible and shift from one ratio to another till they run out then repeat.
Tayna pechati drakona (2019)
Oh dear, what was they thinking
Bad acting, bad dubbing, bad cgi, bad sound effects, bad editing and a bad story so it only deserves a badly written review and that's all you need to know. Watch absolutely anything else (even watch Cats )
Nope (2022)
Should you watch this NOPE
I went in with low expectations, whilst it wasn't as bad as local word of mouth, it still fails to deliver. You get a little back story of the main characters but more back story is given to a secondary character that would have made a better film but is totally out of context for this one. The closing act was so is that it.
The Orville: Future Unknown (2022)
Filler yes but better than your average filler
Whilst it seemed more like a mid season filler episode after last episodes action pact rollercoaster ride, it still was a good all round story closing out a couple of story threads but leaving a couple open for a future possible season or maybe a full movie. We can only hope we haven't seen the last of the Orvell and her crew.
The Railway Children Return (2022)
Take a pillow to watch this
I found it hard to stay awake watching this. The story was weak and boring, the acting was like a poorly produced school play. The script seemed like it was written on a wet weekend in November. More thought should have gone into the story. You can't really blame the actors for this, they could only work with the poor material they was given.
Doctor Who: Legend of the Sea Devils (2022)
What went wrong
I couldn't tell if the bad script, bad acting or bad editing let this down the most. The story had some potential that would have benefited from a longer running time or been a two parter. Most of the scenes felt like they had been cut short causing to jumps in story telling. The episode seemed to stall and playing catch-up all the time which resulted plot points been lost to the cutting room floor. What was worse about the episode was the weird won't they won't they arc between the Doctor and Yaz. Fingers crossed they can redeem the show with the centenary episode.
The Larkins: In Which We Meet the Larkin Family (2021)
Watch Darling Buds Of May instead
How can a show miss the mark on every single level. No one is cast right, the dialogue is flat, they is no chemistry between any of the leads, every one seems to be trap in a world where they have to fake been jolly or some unseen overload will punish them, the direction seem to be by accident, the camera work looks like it was done by a student on their first day on the course and worse of all is Bradly Walsh's acting. He's a great quiz show host ( one of the best around) but totally the wrong choice for this.
What amazed me was I made it though the entire first episode.
The Larkins (2021)
Poorly executed remake
This lacks the charm and warmth of the 90s version with David Jason. Half the cast of this seem to doing a poor impression of the previous incarnation equivalent characters. The other half don't fit the part they are playing. When I heard this was happening I was really hoping it would be almost as good if not better than the Darling Buds of May.
The Watch (2020)
How not to adapt a classic and loved series of books
My title says it all. I can only hope that this series will be used as an example of what happens when you don't understand the material your adapting. Did they even read the books or did they get an intern to read them and make notes for them to work from, only for the intern to drop said notes and get them out of order because the didn't number the pages. A truly disappointing wasted chance to make a modern classic series.
The Answer Trap (2021)
Not impossible to draw compassions
This seems like a attempt to copy the BBC show Impossible with a slight twist. It would be greatly improved if you didn't have the two trap setters on the show, they are really irritating and come across as two low rent Bond villains. It's the sort of show you'd expect to last one season on Dave then disappear without trace.
Coming 2 America (2021)
A long time to wait for nothing
This is maybe one of the worse sequels I've seen. The jokes are embarrassingly bad, the ways they try to tie it to the first film do nothing to enrich the narrative. The cast when they have nothing to do look embarrassed to be there. If this had been released to movie theatres it would have been added to the long list of Eddie Murphy flops.
Bank Balance (2021)
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Possibly the most boring game show ever devised. I was falling asleep. How did this get green lit ? Was the pitch blah blah blah blah blah "Gordon Ramsey" blah blah. Then the BBC said "Gordon Ramsey? We're in. A show so dull it only deserves this boring and short review.