Change Your Image
jenny-yellowstar
Reviews
Saltburn (2023)
Meh. This is an "emperor's new clothes" type movie
This was recommended to me by several people who consider themselves film buffs, but I know a fraud movie when I see one. Saltburn is nothing more than a movie shot with a clean and appealing 4:3 aesthetic that sprinkles a few scenes of shock value and a knowledge that their audience has a strong desire to feel relevant. The cinematography is pleasing, but not groundbreaking enough to make the ~2 hour viewing worthwhile. Barry Keoghan, Jacob Elordi, Rosamund Pike, all perform well enough, but even they couldn't carry this film.
The beginning is good, but the pacing is way too slow in the beginning. When you finally make it to Saltburn, the plot feels rushed and the characters and their motivations are too sloppy. Farliegh and Oliver's rivalry deserved a little bit more back-and-forth to build up the drama, and I think they missed some key opportunities to shape their dynamic in the buildup scenes at Oxford. By the time you make it to the big payoff at the end of the movie, everything just felt predictable and forced. The last scene was kinda funny, but I just walked away from this viewing experience feeling like the movie wasn't anything close to deserving the hype it's received. I'm 99% sure the people who claim to enjoy this movie want to be seen as the hipster it-crowd that understands this film and its value in some sort of higher form of art. Don't lie to yourselves people, the movie isn't good. People are craving another moment like Barbenheimer when it comes to cinema, but this just isn't it.
Swarm (2023)
Ummmmmm no. Sorry Donald Glover. Good aesthetic maybe, but this is not it
This seemed like a pop-star version of Misery so I was excited to watch, but sadly the story falls flat. There is no real "motive" for our main character to do the things she does and everything that happens doesn't seem to make sense in the context of her obsession. It's just a psychopath punishing people with extreme measures and somehow getting away with it. The dialogue put together is very strange because our main character somehow has no issue making friends (episode three??? Are you kidding me???) which is outrageous due to her intentionally unfriendly demeanor. It's very confusing that the wallflower isn't a wallflower. She just floats along in the story and gets adopted by interesting and way too conveniently connected people in her side quests.
This show is like watch paint dry. You know what's going to happen, you are stuck watching all the senseless violence, and there is no conflict that makes the plot seem worth investing in the story as a viewer. I'm giving up after 2 and a half episodes (sorry Billie Eillish) so maybe it gets better but I can't stomach another second of a show this violent with no payoff for the audience. Similar to my sentiments with Dahmer and the weird glamorous view they put together of cold blooded murder. Why am I watching this?
A Hollywood Christmas (2022)
Too on-the-nose for me. An insult to bad Christmas movies.
I enjoy a cheesy bad Christmas movie, but this one went too far with force-feeding you the "formula." I think if the writers took out the role of the PA spelling out the analogy between the Director's real-life interactions and the happy-ending Christmas movies then it could have really saved the movie. I hate it when scripts are too on-the-nose and GOD that assistants voice was annoying which only made it more excruciating. I think in any real life scenario, if someone behaved like that regarding another persons love life it would have immediately shut down any chance of romance. The second-hand embarrassment I got from her pointing out the chemistry in an unnatural way was out of control. I didn't hate the acting, which is typically the issue with these types of movies, but I couldn't get past how much they shoved the plot in your face. Let me live in the fantasy that the characters have no idea they will have their predictable happily ever after.
Dexter: New Blood (2021)
The ending we needed
I have always loved the character Dexter. His existence challenged everything we ever knew about a "hero." His constant self awareness of his inner demons as well as a bleak outlook on society functions was pretty dark and yet he managed to pull us onto his side as a (not quite love-able but still endearing) protagonist. The sad truth is that the system does fail sometimes, and with Dexter's vigilante justice he created a perfect example of how gray of an area our idea of justice can actually be. You rooted for him to put an end to the monsters that seemingly can't be touched. The thing is though, we knew this couldn't continue forever. How the original series ended was infuriating to me because he was a) getting sloppy and straying from the original moral code that made his character so fascinating to watch, And b) he became a person who selfishly justified his actions for the sake of not getting caught when he failed to cover up his countless mistakes at the expense of innocent people. The last episode of Dexter: New Blood was perfect (and this is apparently a slightly controversial take) in that it satisfies the ending Dexter deserves. It wrapped up everything nicely in a way the previous season finale did not. He's no hero. His moral code was getting loose and too many innocent lives were lost to his "dark passenger." He had slowly become the very prototype of a person who you would expect to be due the justice dished out in earlier seasons. I wouldn't consider him as bad as some of the more thrilling murderers he encountered (trinity killer was by far the most sinister and therefore intriguing one to follow) but his understanding that he had gone too far and must be held accountable at the end was the icing on the cake to this finale. Bringing Bautista back in this season too made me so happy because that poor man deserves to know the truth behind what really happened to his colleagues. Everything was wrapped up nicely and you are even left with an optimistic ending for Harrison. Yes, the poor kid has his demons he will need to confront eventually, but he knows the truth about his dad and what that path of appeasing the darkness would lead him to. I'm sure (with lots of therapy) he will move on to live a relatively normal life and channel his "dark passenger" in a much healthier way. That is all we could hope for. That is all Dexter could hope for too. While it's tragic, I consider this a 10/10 ending for Dexter. The system finally won (even with a few rules getting broken- shoutout to Chief Bishop). Dexter got what he deserved and while honestly it is a twisted thought to consider this a proud-father-moment for him, I do feel like he died happy that Harrison pulled the trigger. Very satisfied. Thank you, Showtime for un-ruining one of my favorite shows.
Mortal Kombat (2021)
I don't care what anyone says, this is exactly what I needed
I used to love playing the game as a kid! Hell, I even loved the movie and it's (legendary) soundtrack they made in the 90s. When I heard there was going to be a remake, I was a little skeptical. But I must say this is exactly what I needed from this movie. Sure the writing could have been better, the action was over-the-top with the gore, and some of the shots were straight out of a How To Be Michael Bay film class-but honestly this movie was exactly the action-packed nostalgia that I could have hoped for in a remake. They give you (most) of the characters you know and love and even threw together a pretty decent plot to follow for the people who don't know much about Mortal Kombat. I don't care what anybody says, this was the ride I needed it to be.
Emily in Paris (2020)
This show is why everyone hates white girls
I am exactly 18 minutes in, and I can't get over how excruciatingly basic Emily is. And as someone who works in social media and marketing, this is a cushy dream scenario that would never happen. This show is just another excuse for writers to fabricate an exceedingly superficial storyline with the trope of a cute but quirky girl in an uncomfortable new setting. They tease you with her "struggles" that are not struggles because she is pretty, young, successful, and annoyingly vibrant. Huge yikes from me, and the way she floats from scene to scene just reminds me of why so many people hate white girls, especially American ones. Her movie references are cringe too. Like really? Your French films are Moulin Rouge, Ratatouille, and Saving Private Ryan? Unbelievably cringe. She doesn't deserve Paris and the culture it beholds. Undoubtedly our heroine will parade through this worldly exotic adventure with tons of wine, romance, drama, and a senior marketing promotion at the end of this. As someone with real life problems like the actual disgusting amount of sweat and a flushed tomato look that actually occurs after running 5 miles, I cannot sit here and watch this Emily deal with her poor "problems." Naive and basic. No thanks. Au revoir.
Dexter (2006)
Incredible series that shouldn't be overlooked despite an abomination of a finale
What I love about Dexter is how it bends the rules on what we perceive as moral behavior. You are constantly exposed to the gray areas that exist between doing what is right or wrong and in the end you find yourself sympathetic to a serial killer. Michael C. Hall does a great job portraying the normal emotionally distant forensic guy and vigilante killer alter ego who is haunted by questions of what defines his true identity.
The characters/setting/everything was gold! His expertise in forensics, his amazing detective sister who doesn't suspect a thing (until much later when she literally stumbles on him killing a man). Seasons 1-4 have you sucked in for an amazing ride.
Unfortunately in the later seasons the writing fell-off a bit and Dexter's character became too sloppy in his craft and more emotionally unhinged than I think was authentic to his character. I also felt like the writers were spending half the time trying to figure out explanations for who was watching Harrison while Dexter was out on his murder sprees. It got distracting towards the end.
The last and most infuriating note I have on the show is the disrespect they gave Debra (an incredible character in the beginning) in the series finale. Just completely disrespectful. She was a hot mess in season 8, which is somewhat understandable given the circumstances of what they put her through in the final few seasons... But that being said- she finally overcame everything, understood the truth, and above all accepted Dexter to just wind up another body dumped in the ocean like every other victim of his. I understand the symbolism of Dexter killing her ceremoniously in the finale, but I would have preferred her being buried respectfully like the incredible detective she was (maybe even beside her father). Seemed completely mortifying for her character arc to just deflate in that way. Especially In the sense of her dying on Dexter's terms, which in multiple ways violates his "code."
With all that being said, I was emotionally invested in these characters and their livelihoods and it will remain on my list of favorite shows. It sets the bar so high in the beginning with its complex characters and riveting storylines which is why I believe season 8 fell so hard. Fell into its own trap of trying to surprise the audience. Put it next to Game of Thrones on the list of great shows with horrible endings.
Gemini Man (2019)
A poetic 2-star rating for Gemini man
This movie had will smith so I thought it was a safe/entertaining action movie. The storyline was nonexistent and the graphics were bizarre. The plot is just will Smith is old and is fighting a young will smith. Yawn. The younger looking will Smith was also very obviously CGI and the fact that you could tell he wasn't 100 percent human made you slightly uncomfortable in every scene. The only character you actually connect with on an emotional level is the pilot who dies in an underserving way, but also doesn't give you any space to react so you're just like, "welp." The action sequences were fun at times, but definitely didn't carry the movie. Horrible movie. Needed Taco Bell after to get it out of my system.