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gnick88
Reviews
Ski School (1991)
A film for the ages
Ski School focuses on the party crazy, fun loving, ski students of the supposedly infamous "Section 8" of a ski camp of some sort. The very premise of the movie is extremely bizarre. Who goes to ski school? Who takes skiing this seriously? The party skiers clearly don't care about skiing, so why do they spend money to go to ski school? Why are the school's instructors such jerks to the dudes they're supposed to be teaching? Why are there 26 year olds going to ski school, shouldn't they have a job or something? These are all questions I thought, and are completely unanswerable in any mental capacity. Thankfully, the movie contains some purely excellent dialogue to make up for any plot shortcomings. There are some true pearls of wisdom to be gleaned from this film, such as, "It's not about how far you go, it's about how go you far", and "to succeed, you have to lose your mind". I'm pretty sure that's exactly what Tom Brady tells his huddles before he leads game winning drives.
Some highlights: The "competition" at the end of the movie comes out of nowhere and it becomes painfully obvious that the no-talent-ass-clown writers of this great movie had no idea where it was going and basically took out a how to guide on how to write endings to horrible straight-to-DVD releases, you suffer through obvious stock footage of god knows what kind of ski events and the scoring of the events is definitely not based on anything whatsoever (besides, perhaps, how much neon you fit on you team uniform). Another highlight is related to the stock footage which they just abuse during this film....count how many times you see this tower advertising "Rossignol" snowboards (only the finest companies wanted to put their name in this film), I counted 53. The biggest sponser of the movie, Labatt Blue (I was shocked it wasn't Natty Light), provides the highlight of the film for me. At the "climax" of the movie, Section 8 shows up to the final "race" with a bunch of half naked bitties and a bunch of Labatt Blue (true bro-style) and just starts ragin on the mountain before they ski (obviously in good ol' the days before Sonny Bono ruined it for us all, i mean seriously the whole movie you see people skiing WHILE drinking, I'm talking beer in hand, it looks incredible). To accomplish this amount of large-scale raging, they send a sled FILLED with cases of delicious Labatt Blue down the hill...I think I shed a single tear at the glory of this scene.
13 Hours in a Warehouse (2008)
Perhaps the worst film of all time
"13 Hours in a Warehouse" is probably the worst movie have ever seen. The story shines the most of any elements involved in the production, and it's easily one of the top 15 worst stories I've ever witnessed. If I had to rank every actor I've ever watched the 5 guys starring in this movie are probably the five worst. The most interesting part of the movie for me was seeing how these awful actors could continue to top each other. Literally every single line in the movie was spoken like it was being read directly off the lackluster and unabashedly stolen script, which attempts to emulate Tarantino every chance it gets. The problem with this is that Tarantino both had excellent actors and talked about interesting subjects in a fresh and witty way. Kaufman can do either. I have literally seen more wit and creativity from a Family Circus cartoon. I would venture as to say that the acting of this film alone makes it one of the ten worst of all time, it's just that bad. Sometimes while watching the movie I struggled to fathom how bad the acting is, I think it would have sounded more realistically if they were blatantly reading off scripts placed right in front of them.
The special effects are inexcusably terrible. People will say that because it's a low budget movie they should get a pass there, but these effects are on par with stuff seen in the 1940s, when even the best technology couldn't rival the worst technology of today's times. I would probably rate the realism of the ghosts somewhere above the original King Kong but below Wallace and Grommit.
Overall, this movie should be sought after and viewed by everyone with the means to do so. It is the single worst movie ever made, and therefore is an essential film for anyone who enjoys the subject.