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Reviews
Full Metal Jacket (1987)
War glorifying self indulgent snooze fest
What a super boring non story with characters that make you feel nothing. The training part is overrated. Half of the war experience is partying with prostitutes, the other half looking robotically at a couple of people dying. Whoever is left at the end has managed to retain all their limbs. It's a little boy's depiction of how little boys play the war game.
Slow Learners (2015)
Cringeworthy
This movie is such a massive fail on so many levels I don't even know where to begin. The characters are vapid and annoying. Both Jeff and Anne are 30 and working with teenagers, but they behaviour is worse than their pupils'. One day, Jeff and Anne just decide to reject everything they are and become spoilt brats. It's like they never formed their own personalities at all, it's that easy to suddenly turn into bad-tempered immature caricatures of themselves, and Anne does it so well you want to slap her.
Even before their 'metamorphosis,' there's nothing engaging about them; it makes you question why they even like each other and what Anne's best female friend sees in her. In fact, that friend seems to be the only remotely formed and mature character in the whole movie. All other 'adults' are silly to the point of not being believable.
As to the humour, it's incredibly forced and therefore falls flat every single time. Swearing is rife to the extent that it's distasteful. The writers were probably going for the world's record number of swear words in a film. Obscenities can be a useful medium, and extremely witty at that, if used skilfully; unfortunately that skill seems to be missing here entirely.
Extremely disappointing and a waste of time.
Water for Elephants (2011)
Very pleasant two hours but not to be relived very soon
I have just been to see a preview of the movie. I must say I was pleasantly surprised with Pattinson whom I usually find rather annoying; he did not detract from the movie. The performance of the main actors was good, the plot was entertaining and the movie did not drag. I found the circus environment quite refreshing as it is not often covered in movies. Also, the 30s atmosphere was very believable (for a layman like me) and added attractiveness to the picture. I would not say it will be the best movie of the year but certainly one of the most enjoyable ones if you try not to pick nits. Having said that, I feel I need to comment on and be pedantic about one thing: the use of the Polish language. I do agree with other people's comments that Rob's character could have descended from any other culture and it would have had the same effect on the movie. Also, that might have helped to make the movie a bit more believable to another nation's ears since a different language might have proved easier to pronounce for the actors. Being Polish myself, I struggled to understand the phrases and single words uttered in the picture in Polish. It took me quite a few seconds every time to guess what they had said - apart from main character's mother. However, she said 'I love you' in a very thorough way which would have been typical of a language purist. I think they should have practised the few phrases that they used a bit more to make it more authentic for the nation concerned as clearly little effort was put into this. Or they should have chosen a different language. Don't want to be mean there, though - overall, very enjoyable viewing.
Letters to Juliet (2010)
I am totally in love with this movie!!!
And I am not even a fan of romantic comedies - I would rather watch science fiction, action or serial killers (I saw it twice two days in a row and I am deeply ashamed as 'I have a reputation to uphold' as Charlie said in the movie but I could not help it). Yet, I was totally engrossed in this movie because it has timeless charm, beautiful scenery and great actors. I could not compliment all of them enough, they bring so much skill, warmth and authenticity to this film. Amanda Seyfried is very likable as Sophie, with great looks and soothing voice. Christopher Egan plays one of those reserved, bad-tempered and sarcastic men who constantly bicker with the female protagonist but actually have a gentler side to them that will gradually be revealed as the plot progresses. You can't help liking him in the end, he is so charming at it. And, eventually, Vanessa Redgrave - I can't find words. She is the sweetest and most pleasant older lady, very dainty and intuitive. Sha has a very close bond with her grandson (Egan), and their chemistry is great thanks to her sense of humour. There is only one shortcoming to the movie: it makes you realise how ordinary life is, and how much you would like to escape into that world of sunshine and good-natured and welcoming people, where even Sophie's boyfriend will not throw a tantrum after becoming her ex. Very tasteful fairy tale.
Going the Distance (2010)
Witty and entertaining
I have just been to a premiere screening in Wimbledon and I have to say that I had fun! The movie was funny, all characters were well written and original - it almost felt these guys really exist somewhere there. Garrett (Justin Long) has apparently always had problems with commitment. And although he seems to be doing everything fine and trying hard, looks like he cannot speak the female language at all. Erin is only temporarily in New York. They start a no-strings-attached relationship which quickly spirals into something deep and serious, with nothing else being serious in the background. They realise they are meant for each other but this is only the beginning of a long, complicated road with obstacles like the great distance between New York and San Francisco, longing, and juggling two priorities like love and professional ambitions. Good jokes, hilarious situations, and a bit of lavatorial (literally) humour, all tossed with realistic, three-dimensional roles is a recipe for a more than average romantic comedy (and funny at that for a change!)
Alice in Wonderland (2010)
Flat and disappointing
This movie is not going to avoid comparison with another 3D blockbuster which is Avatar. And when it comes to this, Alice in Wonderland is totally defeated. But even if Avatar had never been made, I would still have been sitting in the cinema watching Alice and thinking 'What the hell am I doing here?' There were at least two moments when I wanted to leave but I gave the film another chance. In vain.
The plot is flat, the main character dull and not very likable. And again - Helena Bonham-Carter, I simply cannot comprehend the fascination with her (probably the fact that she is Burton's life partner throws some light on that phenomenon).
The only strong features of the movie are the fact that it is aesthetically pleasing (although that doesn't justify the 3D mode because it is not used to its full potential or even half as spectacularly as in Avatar), and Johnny Depp. Alas, his talent alone will not save the movie.