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Reviews
Eighteen and Anxious (1957)
As Lurid as the Title Suggests, but not your Typical Juvie Flick
As a lover of 1950s juvenile delinquent films, I sought out EIGHTEEN AND ANXIOUS for years. I expected a cross between the more serious efforts like BLUE DENIM and REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE, and the fun, slightly cautionary fare such as HOT ROD GIRL, HIGH SCHOOL CAESAR or DRAGSTRIP RIOT. My guess was somewhat on the mark, but EIGHTEEN AND ANXIOUS proved to be even more of a departure.
The plot concerns a nice, normal teen girl who plans to marry her high school sweetheart, as soon as they graduate. His untimely death derails those plans, but not as much as the discovery that he's left her
in the family way. To say much more would be spoilerish, but suffice to say her loved ones don't understand, and her life spirals downward faster than her late beau's race car.
Surprisingly, though an early scene takes place in a soda shop where a DJ does his radio show, the film contains almost no rock 'n' roll. Rather, jazz is prevalent in both the story and soundtrack. That the main character, a pregnant 18-year-old girl, interacts as much with various adults as with fellow teens, and that the preggers protagonist is less than sympathetic much of the way lead the film into unusual territory for a juvie.
In many ways EIGHTEEN AND ANXIOUS is more of a noir, than a juvenile delinquent flick: The jazz setting and sound, the less-than-lovable anti-heroine, plus various unsavory adults, rather than the squaresville but well-meaning parental units of most JD entries. It's also rather bleak, as noirs can often be.
The acting is above average; not great, but better than one might expect from a lurid, low budget teen drama. The great Jim Backus, best known for comedic roles, but just a few years removed from playing dad to James Dean, gives a strong performance, pulling no punches as a boorish step papa. Mary Webster does nice work as the troubled teen. She carries the film, and delivers an impressive arc as her character either drifts into bad behavior, or shows her true colors. That the character's real motives and morals are left unclear makes for an interesting second act. Director Joe Parker and writers Katherine Albert and Dale Eunson deserve credit for skirting the rules and taking some risks with a fairly tried and true genre.
EIGHTEEN AND ANXIOUS is darn near impossible to find, but should you get your hands on a copy, it's a fairly fascinating rarity that works as both a noir and as a juvie.
Vibrations (1996)
An Ed Wood film for the '90s
When I first saw VIBRATIONS back in 1996, I described it to friends who swore I was making it up. A keyboardist (James Marshall) has his hands cut off by some thugs playing around with a backhoe. He becomes a homeless bum after his girlfriend flinches at the touch of his fake hands. Our hero then catches some zzzs in a warehouse next to a rave, and is booted out by the manager, played by Christina Applegate. She is later accosted by some thugs - not the same ones who cut off James' hands - and he comes to her rescue just as they pull a switchblade which lands squarely in the palm of one of the fake hands. This frightens the thugs, who wander off muttering that "that dude isn't real or something." Charmed by his heroics, but not his smell, Christina takes James home for a bath. She just happens to live in the same building as some techno-wizards, who create "cyberhands" for our poor disabled protagonist. Just like that he becomes the top handless techno music star in the country. The scene where he's reunited with his policeman dad is too precious, excruciating, and unbelievable to describe, as are the final moments of the film, which involve revenge against the first batch of thugs, and a cryptic nod of the head to dad that clearly signals, "those are the guys who cut off my hands." The acting is atrocious, the script is beyond ludicrous, and it's astonishing that anyone could keep a straight face while on screen.
That said, in the spirit of PLAN 9, GLEN OR GLENDA, and others of that ilk, VIBRATIONS is a lot of fun.
Thank God You're Here (2007)
NBC is punishing you
THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE is painful, positively painful. The title is apt, in a sense, if aimed at the large studio audience paid to laugh like they were watching the second coming of the Marx Brothers. And trust me, they are paid.
As creatively barren as the entertainment industry has become, I refuse to believe that NBC brass really have faith in this turkey. Rather, I think THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE is what all of you get who didn't watch, or didn't appreciate STUDIO 60, which previously graced the peacock network's Monday night lineup. You want to turn your nose up at caviar, fine. Here's some lovely Alpo direct from Menu Foods for you to slop around in.