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squire87
Reviews
Cloverfield (2008)
Cloverfield: The Drinking Game
Obviously, I had absolutely nothing better to do....
Get 4 or 5 friends together, grab a deck of cards and pop in the Cloverfield DVD.
SETUP: The only cards you'll need are the Ace, 2, 3, 4 and 5 of clubs (or "clovers"). Each card is designated to a character. Say Rob = Ace, Hud = 2, Beth = 3, Marlena = 4, Lily = 5. Shuffle the cards face down, then let each player choose one. Finally, before starting the movie, select a timing interval for re-shuffling and re-picking the cards. Anywhere from 7-10 minutes should work nicely.
RULES: Once everyone's got their cards, start the movie. Every time anyone in the film says the name your card is designated to, you drink. It's that simple. Then, when the film hits the 7-minute-mark (or whatever time interval you chose for your game), quickly re-shuffle and pick again.
Sound easy? Sound boring? Trust me, it's not. You'll be hard pressed to find another film in which the main characters' names are spoken more often. HINT: By the time the attacks occur, pray you don't have the "Rob" card. Have fun.
The Rockville Slayer (2004)
Hmmm...not great.
First, let me just say the movie looks great. The DP knew exactly what he was doing when he shot this film because it looks very professional. However, he may have been the only guy on the crew who knew his job.
Yes, the acting is bad. So is the direction and the plot. But, my biggest gripe is with the post-production team. Specifically, the sound...
I have a question for whomever was in charge of post.....was this movie ever even sound mixed? The mix is unbelievably awful from a technical standpoint. Some of the dialog is so quiet, I couldn't hear it unless I turn my TV nearly all the way up. Then, I'd almost immediately get sprung from my chair because some sound effect would slam in at what seemed to be 90 decibels. Of course, there I am flying to the remote control to drop the volume back to a human level. Hey guys, next time, mix your friggin' movie. This "mix" is so bad, I wouldn't even insult amateurs by calling it amateurish. Plus, as the other poster noted, the sound jumped out of sync with the picture for like 5-10 minutes near the end. What's the story with that? To be fair, I don't want to put ALL the blame on the filmmakers/post-production crew. Freestyle Home Entertainment (whoever they are) NEVER should've released a film this poorly mixed. I mean, it's just flat-out unfinished. What were they thinking?
Rocky Balboa (2006)
Great send off for a great series
I just saw a sneak preview of Rocky Balboa. I have to say, it was tremendous. I had a blast. It's not the tightest film ever. It's hardly Stallone's best work. But, that's not the point. Stallone made this film for himself, as a labor of love, and for the all the people who've ever yelled "Yo Adrian!" It's a very touching and appropriate tribute to Rocky and his fans. It properly and effectively brings to a close a legacy that will forever live in the hearts of movie fans, sports fans, Stallone fans, and Americans alike.
The film is peppered with nostalgic iconography from all Rocky history. From his now-grown turtles, "Cuff" & "Link", to a character cameo from "Spider Rico", the first "bum" we ever saw Rocky knock out.
Stallone is as true to his career character as ever. He's funny, sweet and endearing...yet still the toughest s.o.b. on celluloid.
What else can I say? It's Christmas...it's Rocky...what more could anyone ask? Turn off your computer and go see it.
Brick (2005)
Not exactly Chinatown...
Although....it desperately tries to be. Honestly, I don't really wanna spend a ton of time on this little "review," simply because it's not worth it. But here goes...
I've never seen a film try so hard to be interesting, and fail so horribly at it. Though the filmmakers tried desperately to hide the film's simple and boring plot under HEAVY noir overtones, in the end it's still just a silly film with a silly story. The characters and their dispositions are so incredibly over the top, you can't take anything in the film seriously. Don't worry though, the characters take the film seriously enough for all of us, believe me. It has to be the least fun movie featuring highschoolers I've ever seen. I can only presume the filmmakers felt this movie was their "Deer Hunter." Although, it seemed they were trying harder to be Chinatown. From the characters' frameworks, to moments of the film's score. The next time you watch Chinatown, you'll see what I mean.
Sorry folks, but this film's about as easy to swallow as DiCaprio's Romeo + Juliet.
Final Destination 3 (2006)
Let's hope this bad sequel puts an end to this series once and for all
Wow. This movie was horrible. Bad dialog, bad acting, bad characters and, worst of all, BAD effects. Man, you'd think the effects budget for this film was $1.98. They were so bad and fakey looking that it took me right out of the movie. The effects, coupled with poor editing, pretty much made the presentation sloppy and disorienting. The opening scene with the roller-coaster was a completely disastrous let down. Honestly, I could go on and on, but what would be the point.
The only thing I'd like to add is that for some reason the writers and/or director felt the need to poke at modern political figures and events as often as possible throughout the film. Why? No idea. It was Osama this and Saddam that. Very out of place. But, perhaps the worst of all was using the 9/11 tragedy as a flimsy gimmick to reinforce a plot device. It was, to say the least, in very poor taste. Avoid this film.
The Wind (2001)
If it's still in the wrapper, trust me...take it back.
The Wind. Easily one of the worst films ever made. The only good that comes from this kind of pointless drivel, is the fact that seeing films like this get distribution makes indy horror filmmakers like me confident that my upcoming feature will make the cut too. I mean, if this represents the market for indy horror, I could make a fortune videotaping myself taking out the garbage for 83 minutes.
A complete list of what this film lacks would take way too long to write out. But, the highlites are: no story, terrible acting, awful cinematography, and virtually no editing. That last one bothered me the most. As an editor myself, this film drove me absolutely crazy because it had almost no editing at all. Every scene was shot in a master. They had absolutely no coverage at all. For anyone who doesn't know..."coverage" is shooting a scene from multiple angles to have cutting options when editing to make for a desirable viewing experience. Yeah, this movie had none of that. I'm talking about even the simplest of scenes. Example: an ordinary conversation scene between two people sitting at a table would typically start out with a master establishing who's in the scene and where they are. Then, as the conversation goes on, you would cut back and forth to over-the-shoulder shots as the conversation continues. You may even throw in a cutaway shot or two of something on the table, or in someone's hand. Anything. This is "Film 101" stuff guys. It seems as though these people had no idea this is how films work. Every shot was a camera lock-down. No movement, no cutting, no nothing. If I was teaching a course in filmmaking, this would be the visual aid for my "What not to do" lesson.
In closing, don't waste your time folks. The only amazing this about this film is that it ever scored distribution at all.
Bad Boys II (2003)
Very Very Very Bad....boys
I love action movies. I love violence. I love gore. I love the first Bad Boys..........But this film was horrible. It had no plot structure at all. The dialogue seemed to have been written each day on the set (if they bothered to even write it down that is). The action is completely OVERDONE. I mean, I know Bruckheimer likes to go BIG...but this was like "Bruckheimer doing Bruckheimer." This film was out of control in every way! The level of gore and violence was relentless and mind-numbing. Some things were so bad I found myself asking, "should I be watching this?" There are horror movies with less gore. I've never seen so much remorseless killing in any movie. It's really sad to think that this is what we've come to since the days of Lethal Weapon. Sadly, for every wince I made, I heard multiple cheers from other movie-goers...which is a sure sign it's only going to get worse. Sickening. Truly sickening.
Hulk (2003)
Action gone soft...
Leave it to Ang Lee..."Mr. Sense & Sensibility and The Ice Storm"...to turn a sure winner, heavy-action superhero flick into a sure-loser, talking-head, relationshippy bore. What a waste. What surprises me the most isn't that Ang Lee tried to make a story like the Hulk one of deeply profound emotion and feeling...it's that the studio execs who only care about the numbers actually greenlighted the final cut of the film. How could Universal actually have thought that this film was going to be their big summer blockbuster to rival The Matrix, or Terminator 3? I mean, how did they not know they were going to completely blow their target audience? It escapes me. What a shame.
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Sick
That's all I can say...Sick. It sickens me what they can do these days. Forget the effects, we all know they're amazing. Note the brilliant cinematography, superior fight choreography, and ever-deepening and truly intriguing plot. Sick, I tell you. Sick. The motorcycle scene alone is worth the price of admission. See it...then see it again, then see it again, and again. This is what filmmaking is all about.