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No Way Up (2024)
Oh my lord
There was definitely some warning watching the trailer that this would be bad, but you gotta live in hope, right? But straight from the off the acting gave a good indication as to what was ahead, and then the awfulness had begun. You might ask why Colm Meaney would be in something like this, I mean the guy has been in some decent films, but given that he tapped out so early on I reckon he must have been happy that he only attached himself to the terribleness for a short time. If anything is realistic about the movie though it's the fakery of the young characters, because really that's probably about right these days isn't it? Anyway, avoid this thing like the plague, it belongs on the bottom of the ocean where no one can see it.
Dead Man Running (2009)
Way Underated Here
I saw this film years ago when it came out and remembered enjoying it, so I've just given it another spin and I gotta say, I just don't get so many of the low ratings here. It's a barrel of fun and rockets along at a great pace, never getting boring and often blackly funny. Maybe it was some sort of Danny Dyer hate bandwagon you all wanted to be on, but credit where credit is due, this is a good movie and for it being the directors only feature film I found it a bloody decent achievement. Maybe if it contained flying men and women in capes firing lasers out of their eyes (or whatever) the rating might have been higher, but I don't watch movies for nine year olds myself.
Hotaru no haka (1988)
Dull To Be Honest.
Maybe it's just dated now as I'm watching it first time in 2023, but I just found the film quite dull and the little girls voice (on the UK Ghibli DVD) was really fake and actually kinda irritating (the others weren't much better either). The whole thing is ultra melodramatic and glacially slow and the glowing reviews here almost seem to be for a different movie than the one I watched. True, I'm not a huge fan of animation but The Plague Dogs and Watership Down were way better, and much less boring, than Grave of the Fireflies. I will just give the DVD to someone else who can try their luck with it.
Secrets of Your Supermarket Food (2019)
Animal agriculture propaganda
I'm absolutely not trying to say that vegan foods are always healthy, they're not, but when you have Sian Williams making unbelievably biased comments that bovine milk and sheep milk is wonderfully natural in comparison to plant based milks there's some response needed. There was no mention whatsoever that cows milk can have hormones, possibly antibiotic traces, and certainly blood and pus in it which is apparently allowed in the UK up to certain levels. I don't think any plant milk ever had blood and pus in it but that wasn't reported here, and clearly there was a bias toward animal exploitation as a way to get something to put on your breakfast cereal. Dairy farming is a massive contributor to climate change, this is scientific fact, not to mention the horrific cruelty that's involved, so for any consumer programme produced today to be putting a negative slant on plant milks is very disappointing indeed. And later on, where another reporter is visiting a corporate dairy factory, they are allowed to call rennet a "natural enzyme" when what it really is is the lining scraped from the inside of a cows stomach. It's so sad that when a programme like seems to be suggesting some evidential facts being delivered, it's doing nothing of the sort.
I Am Greta (2020)
Climate Change Is Man Made And Real
As much as it may seem like Greta Thunberg could be a puppet that's been planted to further a cause, that couldn't be further from the truth. Greta started her climate protest completely alone, sitting outside the Swedish parliament with her little placard, just over 2yrs ago, and in many ways, she's still alone. All of the media frenzy and being put on a pedestal were never something that she wanted, but her drive has remained the same right from day one.
The film begins with her sitting on a small sailing boat careering across the width of the Atlantic Ocean in treacherous seas to avoid the need for flying. Even at 16, she is prepared to do what she has to, to avoid the venom of her detractors, and there have been many detractors, up to and including several known Presidents.
Whats really cringeworthy in the film is how so many politicians want to take a selfie with her, clearly to make it look like they're doing something proactive, but Gretas (quite obvious) refusal to smile in these self centred attempts at righteousness makes the photos speak for themselves.
Its a bizarre world where grown men and women will attack a child, even including making fun of her Aspergers, when they feel the silver lined status quo they have been enjoying might be getting threatened. But Greta has never said anything that isn't based on science, but then most people don't read science, they read football scores, watch celebrities on TV, and snack on their McDonald's. How dare a little girl suggest that all is not well on Planet Earth? I mean that's just not right, is it? But hey the Pope says he's behind her, and the "entire Catholic world" too, so maybe those death threats she gets arent too much to worry about. Not yet anyway.
This is not a particularly happy film, the scenes later on in the movie where she's on that small yacht (crossing the Atlantic) crying and wondering what's she's doing, is magnified by the ghostly wail of the wind in the rigging and no land in sight. But here we are, looking at a child bringing more attention to the climate cause than any adult probably ever has. It's enough to make most of us feel inadequate.
The conclusion shows what happened in September 2019, just one year after Gretas one girl protest in Sweden, where over 7million people across the world marched to make their voices heard about the lack of action on climate issues. And this will undoubtedly go on, despite the (diminishing number of) detractors that are out there. I guess you just can't ignore what's happening any longer.
An interest documentary if you want a little insight into how things started.
Space: 1999 (1975)
Just amazing.
I watched this as a child way back in the mid 1970s and I really didn't understand any of it then. I was only 7 or 8yrs old you see, and all I really loved was the theme music and the Eagle ships (I got one for Xmas one year, and I wish I still had it as they're worth a bloody fortune now). But having got the bluray box set a while ago (wonderfully remastered) I can categorically state that Space 1999 was so far ahead of the game in 1974 that it was in another universe. The episodes are so cerebral, and feature such fantastically mature writing that I think you have to be an adult to enjoy it. Just two weeks ago I decided to buy the new Skywalker Saga 9 film box set of all the Star Wars films (as I'd never seen them all before), and honestly, Star Wars is really quite terrible when compared to this show. It's whimsical, repetitive, and pompous characters really got on my nerves and the numerous muppet like creatures in every film were irritating to say the least. I genuinely don't know why Star Wars is as popular as it is because as an example of good science fiction it fails on every level. But Space 1999, even though you can see the strings on the Eagles at times, at 46yrs old (the first season anyway) just blows most modern Scifi out of the water. My Star Wars box set got resold in days, I will never get rid of my set of this. A cult Scifi masterpiece.
Devs (2020)
Three Episodes In...
I'm not entirely blown away by the lead actress here, she's a bit wooden, but the show is so beautiful and enthralling I'm far from abandoning it. I like that it's only 8 episodes so we don't end up trudging through poop like in the second series of Westworld. I loved Annihilation (bought the bluray in fact even though its free to stream on UK Netflix) so this seems right up my street. Fingers crossed it finishes well.
Bajo la piel de lobo (2017)
What's the point?
It's hard to understand what the director was going for with this film. At the beginning you spend a lot of time with the lead character as he tries to survive the hardships of living a solitary life up in an abandoned village at the top of a mountain, but even from the off the guy is pretty horrible and quite disgusting and you just can't bring yourself to have any sympathy for him. When he was eating I continually felt my stomach heave as pigs in a sty make less noise eating than he did, and when he was working he made this animalistic wheeze which was also quite sickening. When he eventually decides to take a woman, and I mean take a woman, from the village down the mountain, things don't work out so well and from here I just wanted someone to gut the horrible oaf and be done with it. I won't even go into the sex scenes which were clearly more of a rape than anything humanistic. Maybe this is how men are expected to be seen in Spain, like macho neanderthal cavemen, I really dont know, or maybe it was just bad film making where the director didn't know how to add some balance so we could at least see some likeability in his main man, but no, the guy was hateful, unlikeable, and I felt no connection with him whatsoever. The movie was kinda dull after a while too I must say.
Inside (2016)
Terrible.
Oh my lord.
I didnt expect this to be good, but damn, this could well be one of the worst horror movies Ive seen all year. It has none of the dread, none of the tension, and none of the bleak feeling we got from the colossal original. And the acting and dialogue?? Holy crap, its friggin awful. So bad in fact I almost thought I was watching it dubbed into English rather than it actually being in English. As the characters speak its stunted, amateurish, and incredibly cheesy. At times (as the horrible melodramatic string music on the soundtrack soars) it felt like I was watching some made for TV Hallmark flick rather than (what should have been) an attempt at a tribute to a genre landmark. Its that bad, and blatantly clear that no one made any real effort at all to produce something memorable here. And while I really disliked the Martyrs remake it was Oscar bait compared to this turd. And the ending? Well what did you expect? Its not there of course. They completely changed it and sanitized things to the point of puke inducing sugary pish. This movie SUCKS. SUCKS. SUCKS. Damn, Im off to cut my own brain out on the stairs to get this abortion out of my mind. Ugh.
This director is now a one hit wonder for me. I loved Kidnapped, disliked Extinction, and HATED this.
Leatherface (2017)
Dire
Oh dear oh dear. Many people were excitedly waiting on this one given it was coming from the directors of the brilliant Inside, but now that its here it seems their slide has continued because that films greatness has never been echoed (particularly after the terrible Among The Living). Leatherface lacks any ember of dread, menace, tension, or thrills and an attempt to have us connect with just one character (the nurse) fails badly. I just didn't see the point of this film, I at least expected to get some kind of simmering, disturbing, sweats on the level of (say) Girl Next Door but there was none of that. The movie has an entirely overproduced mainstream feel to it (completely unlike the original) and while it has some punctuating gore (I guess they thought it was shocking) its done so matter-of-fact it has no impact whatsoever leaving this viewer sighing an unaffected meh. The inclusion of a cheap necro scene was both pointless and silly (another failed attempt to shock) and while I often love Stephen Dorff acting his attempts in this stinker made me cringe. The huge leap in the development of the character who becomes Leatherface also felt forced. One minute hes offering some kind of negotiable humanity and the next hes a brainless loon for the rest of his days apparently. I wont be watching this again, which speaks volumes given I've seen the original at least 6 times. Featherlace.
Pilgrimage (2017)
Much better than expected based on its trailer.
PILGRIMAGE (2017)
This is the new film from the Irish director of the excellent 2009 flick called SAVAGE about an assault on a news reporter in Dublin (and it's aftermath) and I gotta say, if Werner Herzog had made this film rather than one about an Amazonian trek he wudda been quite happy.
The film is set in the early 1200s in Ireland where superstition and the struggle for Christian domination of the country are rife and there, an envoy from Rome is sent to collect a supposedly sacred relic from some rural monks and bring it back to the holy city.
The movie is grim, and conveys the horrible conditions people existed/lived in back then perfectly (the bloody weather looks the same as Ireland has now though haha). It's highly atmospheric, with bleak Irish landscapes, and the acting is top notch with the film basically being a dangerous road trip carrying the relic to a ship that's waiting for them in Waterford (to sail across to France and onward to Rome).
The fact that the film is recorded in Irish, French, and English adds a brilliant realism to proceedings which echoes the situation at the time with Ireland being infringed upon from all sides, and along the way things get very messy and bloody (one death is particularly gruesome).
I'm sure there wasn't a huge Hollywood budget for PILGRIMAGE but they've kept things really concentrated and its certainly exceeds what you might expect to be straight to video cheese.
This is the third film I've seen by Brendan Muldowney and I think the guy has some talent. I will be looking out for his next film and if you haven't already caught SAVAGE Id check that out too.
February (2015)
One of the greatest horror films of 2016.
I am literally on my knees here writing this review as I have fallen down in worship of this movie that has crept from the bowels of Hell. A true masterpiece of a horror film that for me, leaves The Witchs Black Phillips' head impaled on a stick.
The use of sound in the movie is truly artful. The wails, growls, eerie noises, tones, and whooshes seep in and out making the soundtrack a very important character of the film (make sure you turn up the volume and listen how it aurally menaces each scene). Im not even going to tell you what its about as any explanation would either not do it justice or spoil the ride for you (and its such a good one). This flick for me was very, very special.
It moves at a glacial pace, but the evil tone of it will have you glued to your seat trying to figure out where its going. You may find yourself a little confused (in fact i know you will) but hang in there (by your nerves) and all will become apparent by the end. Its plainly obvious by the way that some "horror fans" here should stick to watching the spookhouse dirge James Wan puts out these days as the low star reviews just couldn't cope with how artistically made Blackcoats Daughter is, but I guess even slasher fans get to write reviews haha.
Stunning. A bloody masterpiece. I have a renewed faith in horror tonight. Hail Satan.
The Monster (2016)
A Monster Fail
So....the new flick from the director of The Strangers.
The Monster operates on a very thin plot line and man, they really try hard to pad it out. The story involves a mother & daughter going on a road trip (to drop off the daughter at her dads) where their car breaks down in the middle of the night (after hitting a wolf in the road) and they come under siege from a monster outside.
The acting initially seems pretty decent, but once they get trapped in the car (which is the majority of the film) things soon degrade down to the level of being quite cringeworthy with more ham in the air than several swine filled pig farms. It was obvious too, that they couldn't keep the tension up (or make the film run long enough) by just keeping the scenes set to the car, so we get heaps of these silly flashbacks where we're shown just how bad the mother & daughters relationship has been up to this point which jars badly with the situation now running on screen (btw, if you want to see bad parenting in film go see The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things).
There are a few mildly thrilling moments when the monster appears on screen (looking like a man in a small Godzilla costume crossed with the alien in Xtro but hey, they put its picture on the poster) but its not enough to keep any sort of tension bubbling and as the movie trudged along I just wanted it to be over so I could say I saw all of it. Sadly then, The Monster was a monster fail for me.
Tank 432 (2015)
A Tank Full of Fun
I've just seen Tank 432. And I can predict that many are likely going to hate it, but I absolutely loved it.
I basically can't give anything away, particularly involving what its about as that just wouldn't be fair, but let's just say that all is not what it seems, and the mystery of the situation certainly adds to the atmosphere. My missus who saw it with me, didn't like the ending at all (which brings only some explanation of events) but I was happy enough accepting how things were left to the viewers own interpretation of the situation. And in some ways the film is about as straight forward as Benson & Moorheads Resolution (though maybe its not just as head scratching as that).
The scenes within the tank are tense and very well done, with all actors playing their parts in the enclosed space wonderfully and all on a limited budget too. This is the second horror film I've caught Gordon Kennedy in after the brilliant Borderlands movie and I enjoyed this one nearly as much. Tank 432 doesn't really kick into gear until the group get into the vehicle so just hang on for that.
Just don't expect to be dotting the I's and crossing the T's by the end haha.
Carnage Park (2016)
What indie thriller cinema is all about
I'm not sure what film the first reviewer here watched but it doesn't sound like the one I saw. Carnage Park is fantastic, with a great level of tension all the way through and while I've never been a fan of Ashley Bell (in her silly paranormal movies) she really was a revelation in this - her first appearance in the film not even looking that important until she takes over. Carnage Park is the kind of film Rob Zombie wishes he could make and while I wasn't that impressed with the directors last offering Darling (though many were) he knocked it out of the park for me this time. Thank god people still put effort into making movies like this instead of garbage and nonsense like The Conjuring 2.
Closer to God (2014)
Accomplished debut. Highly recommended.
I didn't expect much going into this, but what I got treated to was a pure disturbing joy. Impeccably acted, and downbeat from start to finish, the tension builds and builds to a horrific finish. I have to say, that on the subject matter therein this will be the definitive movie for years to come. Its astounding too that this is a debut feature by this director, being an extremely mature piece of filmmaking. What you get here is a Cronenbergian nightmare, which deals with an issue we will all find ourselves confronted with at some point in the distant future. Science and religion collide, but the very end of the movie leaves us with a piece of dialogue concerning just how much we might need to put our personal morals aside for the future of our species. This is easily one of the best horror movies I've seen this year, but if you're a horror fan who thinks that the genre must always be silly slashers and guts and gore then maybe you should go back to your Jason and Michael DVDs. This movie will play well to all lovers of great cinema however.
A Darker Reality (2008)
Not bad at all.
Having sat through such horror offerings as August Underground, A Serbian Film, all the Vomit Gore movies, the recent American Guinea Pig, Subconscious Cruelty, Melancholie Der Engel etc I guess you could say I'm at the pinnacle of ultimate horror experience. It doesn't really go above those movies unless you want to venture into real footage of humanities follies and Darker Reality just isn't up there with the big boys. That said, its surprisingly decent. The cop scenes are very pedestrian as a few others have said, but the victim and antagonist scenes are quite effective. The acting is easily an 8 on the 10 scale. I don't know what it is about those Baldwin brothers but all of them disgust me a little bit, their big fat faces and clunky look, so having one of them in here helped the plot for me, Daniel Baldwin is pretty good in this. A lot of the film actually doesn't show any physical body harm at all, most scenes are after the fact, or relayed via other means, but there are many shots of chained up women in a very distressed state and i really liked how they had the females adapt to their situation trying to stop each other screaming or doing anything that would bring the killer back into the room they were incarcerated in. As a whole, the film works pretty well, and I can see how for many here it was too much, but for those into the more extreme horror or those that enjoyed films like The Seasoning House, you'll probably love this. Grim, disturbing, and a little bit nasty. Ooh yeah! :-)
Insidious: Chapter 3 (2015)
Insipidous - gawd, another one.
Oh my. I have to be honest here, I found the first Insidious hilarious, as it wheeled out every spook house trope in the history of horror cinema and then topped it off with a cameo by Darth Maul (as we all know), so I avoided part two like the plague as I really didn't need any more old Amityville throwbacks in my movies. So now its part 3 and a friend dragged me (quietly) kicking and screaming to see it and I honestly did hope things had improved. But.... Nope. This was quite easily much, much worse than the first one. For a start its a long time before anything even happens apart from some silly muddy footprints around a house and some dreadful SFX which are nothing more than actors covered in some grey greasepaint. The acting is incredibly hammy with heaps of cheesy dialogue (that guy from Sex & The City being the worst) then its time to bring in (wait for it.........) the paranormal investigation team!!! Yes, it's really THAT original. Once again we have a plot development used in like 1000 ghost house movies since time began (yawnnn) and I find it incredible how anyone can find any of this horrible tosh original. On then to a (much expected seance) and the ham and cheese really gets ramped up. I mean who are the audience for Insidious? They clearly know little about horror of the past (you just can't know anything and not see this film as rehashed dirge). I saw films exactly like this in the 1970s for goodness sake. But hey, maybe this film is for the newbies, maybe I'm missing the point. But for anyone else this is a tired, played to death, remake of a pile of old dusty movies that most of us really don't need to see again. Insidious is about as original as acne and I certainly enjoyed playing spot the movie watching it. And guess what? Darth Maul appears again. Yay!! We missed him (you gotta wait til the end though).
Flowers (2015)
Flowers: Blooming Marvelous
Today, its very easy to feel a little jaded about the horror scene and its current state. In the mainstream we are bombarded with weak as water haunted house movies or some 100th attempt at found footage (often raising the question of just why anyone would keep filming in such a terrified situation) so this leaves us retreating much deeper, and darker, venturing into the independent, underground, or low budget realm where surely things must be different? And they usually are. The thing is though, while the horror mainstream caters mostly for the casual fan, out with their partner for the night, munching on popcorn, and wanting a few jump scares (and a plot from Amityville in the 1970s Mr Wan) the independent scene caters more for the gorehound which some smart folks like to call "torture porn" as they just haven't got the critical maturity to describe it any other way. Personally I detest this label, but at the same time I'm also quite tired myself of seeing plot less torture and shock in my movies because it reeks of a lack of directional skill or ingenuity, Im sorry but throwing gallons of fake blood and latex at the screen doesn't hide the fact that you sir suck at making movies, and while you may have your little band of followers (hey we were all teenagers once) you probably won't hit the mark for the more mature, seasoned fan who want something a little more artistic, atmospheric and disturbing, which brings me to Flowers.
On sitting down to Flowers I have to say I wasn't expecting much. Over the past few years I've experienced quite a lot of extreme horror films (many lauded as the next big thing around the indie horror forums) and to be honest, most fell foul of what I've mentioned above (gore with nothing else to offer). And true to expectations, Flowers kicks off with a girl locked up in a basement watching some faceless antagonist drag in his next victim from her grimy place of imprisonment under a house - and i thought to myself..... yawn... Here we bloody go again. But, it soon became apparent that this film was doing something very different indeed, something dark, something artful, and something quite disgustingly beautiful. Gone was the dialogue (which usefully eradicates any occasions of bad acting) and in its place were other sounds that conjured up much more dread and much more unsettlement than (the usual) victims screaming. Far off atmospheric sounds whooshed in and out, over the top of squelchy, sloppy, and mucky assaults on the ear holes This was a film that you experienced both aurally and visually as a surreal and messed up journey, not something crassly forced into your face like a motorway car crash. Flowers is claustrophobic, nightmarish, yet depressingly gorgeous in its stinky on screen presence (and from what I've read of what that muck was made from it was stinky for real haha). This film just has to be both seen and heard. I really don't want to give too much more away here, but this is a film for the more discerning horror fan, a film which shows that the low budget scene CAN be innovative and pop something out that's not repetitive scenes of disembowelment or mutilation, rather it strives to show horror can be art.
The constraints of budget here have forced the producers to proverbially think outside the box and not just come up with another tale of rape and torture (though many scenes within are graphic indeed) to me, atmosphere in a film is everything and it takes a true artist to be able to pull that off. I was hooked from start to finish watching Flowers and I didn't look at my phone even once (hey that's the modern grading scale isn't it haha?) so I conclude that this is a damn fine indicator of what it did for me. As it is, up until now this film has only had two quite small release runs so not a lot of people have caught it yet, in October however its getting a full scale retail distribution by Unearthed Films (which are a highly respected label in the indie horror world) and I expect things will really take off then. I wish the people involved all the best of luck with it and hope they continue down the more artistic road of horror they're on. Only time will tell, but for now this will be one of the best horror releases of 2015 for me. Oh, and ps. I have no connection with this film whatsoever, hopefully that's evident from my other reviews on the site.
Coyote (2014)
What the indie horror scene should be
In an age of terrible haunted house and ghost movies, spurred on by the septic legacy of hacks like James Wan (ok he did two good flicks in Saw and Death Sentence) you'd kinda think that the alternative world of indie or low budget horror would be a breath of fresh air, but no, that sadly isn't the case. Without naming names, our greatest hopes today seem to be happy to churn out pathetic rehashes of tired old torture flicks relying on shock and gore to attain notoriety, but rather than actually shocking us, they end up putting us to sleep. Do we really want to see another male/female tied to a chair and be assaulted any more? With no effort at all put into plot, dialogue (or worst of all) acting? Horror fans are much more discerning now and we're sick and tired of being treated like imbeciles who must enjoy everything filled with buckets of blood and fake boobs bouncing around on screen. Yeah, maybe this works for teenage boys new to the genre, but it doesn't work for those of us born with (at least) half a brain so can we please ask those directors involved to kindly stop? Please? Now go away and watch a few good movies (not just a few 80s slashers and a couple of German splatterfests) then come back and see us when you've learned something eh? The independent/ underground area of any entertainment media is supposed to bring originality and innovation, so why aren't we getting it in the horror scene? Which brings me to Coyote.... Its still quite early in 2015, but already we've had a few promising offerings that bode well for the year ahead and Coyote is certainly one of those. The film is an insane headf*** of an experience, never relying on tired (current) torture tropes and remaining totally unpredictable throughout its entire runtime. Its hilariously twisted in parts where you will literally laugh out loud at what you're seeing (well I did) but on other occasions you'll be cringing at its nastiness. Bill Oberst Jr is a revelation in this movie, I honestly couldn't imagine many other actors pulling it off. His depiction of one mans descent into madness is just wonderful, and I gotta say there was a certain amount of bravery involved there too haha. Novel, fascinating, and enthralling, I watched it while really not knowing what to expect next. So, if you love horror, and (like most) you're getting a little sick and tired of what's being force fed to the underground scene these days, check out Coyote. Its a breath of (rancid) fresh air.
Collar (2014)
I've seen the future of horror, and its not Ryan Nicolson.
Well I just had the pleasure of witnessing Collar by Mr Nicolson. and I'm actually thinking of joining some submissive internet groups now, because even though I've seen, and hated every single film by our Ryan, I still watched and suffered one more. Another total poopfest, with horrible acting, and a plot seemingly written by a 12yr old boy. Even the gore sucked danglies. I really don't know now who this guy makes films for, maybe its his family and hangers on (pardon the pun) who keep convincing him that he's great, but personally I don't think he could direct a starving man to a banquet.
I'm old enough to remember going into video stores and hiring movies purely on the gory cover (and pictures on the back) and honestly, I rented out some real stinkers back then, but I thought that kind of terrible horror movie was gone in 2015, seems not though. That said, Ryan's groupies (I shall call them the Knicolheads) will probably still love it, (just like 9yr olds love One Direction, Ryan has his 12yr olds) and I personally can't wait to chastise myself some more with the upcoming Gutterballs 2.
Or perhaps not.
:-D
Comforting Skin (2011)
Uncomfortable Skin.
From early 2014 my film of the year has remained Under The Skin by Jonathan Glazer, a very polarizing film, and one that caught many by surprise, I didn't really expect anything else to come along this year (particularly so late) but just last night I caught Comforting Skin, a film that burrows into your brain like a psyche eating maggot.
To begin with, I'm not really sure what has been going on with this movie, it's dated 2011 here but apart from a few festivals it looks as if it hasn't been given a wide release until now. I had seen the trailer quite some time ago however and it certainly looked of some interest. I love films that sit just on the edge of the horror/ thriller genre, and Comforting Skin seemed to offer that.
The film is a tale of Koffie, a girl who's had a distinct lack of emotional involvement (which she craves intensely) but who's also had some serious psychological problems in the past. Struggling to keep a brave face on her situation, she one day decides to get a tattoo, which quickly becomes the catalyst for her mental demise.
I just want to say (and I hope some don't take this as a spoiler) that this is not a film about a talking tattoo (I'm sure most will work that out pretty quickly though) rather it's a symbol of the spinning disintegration of a woman's sanity. A woman who had been cutting herself before this to feel something, but with the tattoo she begins to feel much more. Victoria Bidewells performance here is nothing short of Oscar worthy, I could barely take my eyes off her during the entire run time of the film, such a brave (there are many nude scenes) and harrowing display she gives as a person falling apart at the seams. From her early, and cheery persona, right through to the point where she's snapping her teeth like an animal in some late night cafe, she's simply brilliant as a girl who's lost the plot. That's not to say she's the only one however, as we soon learn that every character in the film has problems all of their own. From her housemate Nathan (who we never really find out what's wrong with him, but likely it's a list of hidden phobias) to her friend Synthia, a far too old party girl thinking she still has it in the club's. These people live in a sour, depressive state, but none moreso than Koffie.
To say any more would spoil the film for you, but the choice of Victoria Bidewell to play Koffie was inspired. This wasn't a role for some blonde bimbo, as that would have taken away from the earthy feel of the film, rather a real looking girl with real looking troubles was ideally required. Ironically though, Bidewell actually looks quite beautiful in all of her many displayed personas. Which might not even have been intended (or was that just me?)
So 2014 has now brought two brave female roles in two quite leftfield movies. Scarlett Johansson disturbed many of her fans with her alien adventures in Scotland several months ago, and I bought that as soon as it came out on bluray, it's effect was so strong. I will now be on the hunt for Comforting Skin also, and look forward to seeing it again.
Lucy (2014)
Nonsense and Morgan Freeman.
Firstly, let me just say that Under The Skin is already my film of the year, and I can't imagine anything changing that position with just a few months of 2014 left. I did not expect Lucy to be as magnificent as that of course, but I had hoped for some mildly entertaining sci-fi to pass a couple of hours at the cinema, alas however, this movie got under my skin alright, but for all the wrong reasons. Luc Beeson has been put firmly in his place by Mr Glazer. .
We begin with some shots of a chimp (which looks absolutely terrible when compared with the Apes movie out at the moment), and Morgan Freeman spouting off pseudo-scientific garbage from a podium being well.......Morgan Freeman. Is it just me, or is anyone else sick and tired of seeing Freeman appear in movies as the "knowledgeable old black man" adding nothing to any film he's been in for years, and existing only as a piece of old mahogany furniture as if his mere presence gives a flick some validity? He's been typecast for at least a decade now and surely he must know how boring a character he's become? Honestly, you could take him out of any of the last 20 films he's made and place him in another and no one would notice the difference. What a yawn. I wish he would just call it a day and retire with his ample fortune. But anyway, back to Lucy. .
Once Scarlets character has a package of drugs burst inside her she apparently gets the ability to use more of her brain (does anyone with even half a brain still believe this 10% nonsense? Obviously Beeson thinks someone does), and all of a sudden she acquires these superhuman abilities which even with some amazing drug effects are preposterous (yes we don't see all of the available light on the spectrum for example but that's a condition of our eyes' construction, not something a pill will fix). Then we have several intercut scenes of wildebeest roaming the plains (or was that Fawlty Towers?) and animals having sex, crashing oceans, and other ridiculous tosh that's supposed to underpin the daft plot. If I wasn't cringing at the dialogue that came out of Scarlets mouth I was laughing out loud at the scientific woo I was being force fed. I know it's a fact that America is low on scientific literacy but surely no one could swallow this nonsense? I mean really? It's been mentioned many times too that Lucy is a bit like Limitless, which I agree with slightly, but Limitless was fun and wasn't trying to take itself seriously, while the longer Lucy went on, the more ridiculously "What The Bleep Do We Know" it got. Exchanging one pseudo- scientific soundbite for another (sending me off down the proverbial rabbit hole). .
By the end I felt mentally raped of my intelligence. Yes it's only a movie, but I know that somewhere out there people read into stuff like this creating "alternative" websites and Facebook memes that spread wacko rubbish all about (like we only use 10% of our brains). But maybe I'm wrong, because when I truthfully look back at my experience of watching Lucy, I get the sense that I was indeed only using 10% of my brain, or maybe that's all I was left with.
Kristy (2014)
The Strangers but on a campus.
Sometimes I wish I hadnt seen as many horror films as I have, but then it makes me wonder just how many horror films some directors have seen. Why? Because watching this film I sat thinking hasn't this director heard of The Strangers? Them? The first Purge movie etc? Kristy is pretty much a home invasion flick by numbers only set on a campus where everyone has gone home for Thanksgiving. Again we have the idiotic masked and hooded gang turning up and going through the (usual) peeping through windows, scraping knives along the walls, and (oh look) killing a security man that appears, and (of course) cutting the phone lines (yawn). I mean really? If you are reading this Mr Director, just how many horror films have you seen? Is it three? Maybe five? Be honest, you really don't know much about horror do you? Because if you did, you wouldn't have made a film thats been done twenty times already. Do you realise that your target audience for stuff like this are a little bit more savvy these days? I mean fair enough, you might find a few noobs who think your movie is fresh and mildly exciting, but if you really want to sell a pile of DVDs of your creation, (making back some of your productions outlay) you really need to respect your genres fan base. So you must try harder next time mate. Because you'll be getting nowhere with stuff like Krusty..... Sorry Kristy. :-D
Septic Man (2013)
Surprisingly good!
Before I begin, I am not connected to this movie in any way (check my other 100 or so reviews and you'll see) but I need to make that clear before I give it the review Im about to (in case Im accused of that).
Firstly, this film has got nothing to do with The Toxic Avenger which another reviewer here seems to think it should have been (?), Im really not sure why that is. Maybe he just reads a movie title and decides what its going to be about by that, but I really don't think thats a smart way to approach cinema and I (for one) am so glad it wasn't some terrible flick by the cheesemongers at Troma as its miles above their output in terms of quality.
The film opens with an outbreak of a water-born disease where a sewage system worker (hes known as the septic man as its a logo on his van) is approached to find the source and deal with it given an offer of a large sum of money. He enters the underground tunnels soon after, and quickly finds himself locked into a tank underground, where his problems really begin.
While the singular elements of Septic Man may not be original on their own, what is original and fresh is how they're strung together. Be advised that this is NOT a horror comedy, in fact its quite dark, twisted, and disturbing at times, with a grim harsh plot running most of the way through. Its written by Tony Burgess, who also wrote the fantastic Pontypool (2008) and its likely if you found that slow going then this movie might not suit you either. Luckily many horror fans have progressed beyond watching a man in a mask chase teens through a forest however so we welcome anything with a modicum of the different. And I loved this film, in fact its quickly moved into my top ten horror films of the year along with the likes of Under The Skin, Found, The Borderlands, Dead Snow 2 etc.
I suggest you go into Septic man not thinking you know what its about, and if you have the ability to watch a film while enjoying a build up in tension and story without it all being laid on a plate for you I think you'll love it. I have to say I was very pleasantly surprised. There have been so many mediocre horror films this year (Lord of Tears, Cross Bearer, The Cemetery etc) that its great when something comes along you thought might just be another. Septic Man is indeed a great new horror film that's an asset to the genre and one long standing horror fans (30yrs for me) will enjoy.