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Reviews
2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams (2010)
Nowhere near as good as the original
Just finished watching 2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams on netflix...
I hate to say it, but while I was a big fan of both the HGL original and the remake, this sequel to the remake was nowhere near as good as those. A few things I didn't like about this one, the few northern characters I liked died early on, leaving two characters to battle at the end that I despised. I felt no emotional connect with them, unlike the surviving two characters in the original 2001 Maniacs. Secondly, the sound editing was just atrocious. Third, I didn't care for the actor they got to play Harper. I'm not going to comment one way or the other on the basic story, as it did feel like (at least to me) that this film was a bridge to another part of the saga.
The only thing I really did truly like about this film was the ending after the credits. I must admit I got a good chuckle out of it.
Tron: Legacy (2010)
One big flaw hampers an otherwise great film
Tron: Legacy was a good movie. IT wasn't great, nor was it terrible. It was good.
But there's one major flaw in this otherwise excellent allegory of Hitler's Germany...
The pacing.
It needed to be either kicked up a notch, or have about 20 minutes trimmed from it.
Jeff Bridges was excellent as always (and his younger self and antagonist weren't as distracting to me as they were to some,) and the actor who portrayed his son was very likable in his role (although his character seemed a bit wooden at times.)
And the "games." Oh yes, the games. Taken to a whole new level. The light cycle sequence is, quite simply amazing. It was also quite nice to see all the famous vehicles and concepts from the original updated. It was also great to see the light cycle concept taken to a whole new level near the end of the film, with the introduction of the "light flyers"
Overall, good film, but the pacing needs work.
La terza madre (2007)
Wow. Just Wow
This film is Dario Argento's third and final movie in his "Three Mothers" series which started with the original 'Suspiria" and continued in 'Inferno' The plot: Sarah (who according to the copy on the box is supposed to be American, but seeing as she's played by Dario's daughter, clearly isn't) accidentally opens up an urn which releases power to 'The MOther of Tears' who is an all powerful witch living in Rome.
Sarah's mother is the woman from Suspiria, who killed the witch in that movie. All through the movie, she's guided by various psychic and religious people to develop the "white witch" powers that she inherited from her mother. Problem is they all get killed off.
The acting in the film is top notch, and the story is very strong. And the gore? Ahh yes, the gore. This movie is more disgusting with the gore than any movie I've seen in a long time. The first kill is very very intense, and will remain with you for a long time. This is not a movie for the very squeamish. TVarious kills are :woman gets head smashed with a door, woman kills her baby, then slits the throat of a priest, chick gets a spear in her (yikes) vagina and up through the top of her skull, and the most disgusting, a woman has her guts ripped out, and she is strangled with them.
There's more, but really, it'd take a while to tell you all of them.
Nudity: Lots. Including a few full frontal females scenes with the mother of tears herself.
MY main problem with the film all is around the character of the mother herself. Frankly, she's a terrible actress. That's real sad, as otherwise the acting is first rate in the film. Also, they build up a lot of suspense getting to the Mother, and then she's dispatched rather easily. The ending should have been stretched out another 10 minutes to give this movie a more satisfying ending.
Overall, I'd recommend it. But be warned : DO NOT EAT WHILE VIEWING THIS MOVIE! It's disgusting and depraved.
The Wizard of Gore (2007)
Not too bad
"The Wizard of Gore" is a remake of a 1970 movie of the same name by Herschell Gordon Lewis. I am a fan of HGL's films (Two Thousand Maniacs, Blood Feast, The Blast Off Girls ) but have never seen the original "Wizard of Gore", so this review is on its own merits, and not a comparison between the two films.
The story is about a reporter named "Ed". Ed works for a small indie paper in modern day L. A., and he also has a habit of huffing chemicals in a paper bag to help him relax One day he and his girlfriend stumble upon a weird street carnival. At this carnival, they are handed a card by a "circus geek" (Jeffery Combs) advertising a show performed by "The Wizard of Gore," otherwise known as 'Montag the Magnificent' (played by an over-the-top-as-usual Crispin Glover) They go into the show, and watch the geek eat live maggots, then bite the head off a rat. Then Montag comes on stage, dressed in a full white tuxedo (and a surprisingly large codpiece underneath). He swallows a fluorescent lightbulb, and breaks it off . Then Montag bleeds through his tux, and wipes it clean. Thenhe calls out a young woman that is trying to leave, and implores her to come on stage. Montag then proceeds to cut the woman open, and pull her entrails out. The lights flicker, and she is seemingly fine, no scratches or scars anywhere.
The next night, Ed and his girlfriend go back. This time they watch as a woman is called on stage, where she has bear traps thrown on her. they take off her arm, leg, and finally her head. Lights go out again, and she is fine and dandy.
Next day, the two women are found dead of the same wounds that were inflicted upon them on stage. "Jinky," Ed's friend with the coroner's department notes that the corpses had traces of a toxin on them that leaves the mind open to suggestion.
Ed heads to a local herbal remedy shop where Chong (no, not that Chong.. This guy is played by Brad "Chukcy" Douriff) mentions that a magician came in looking for mass quantities of the drug, as well as some 'participants' for his show, but before he knew it, the magician used the toxin on him, and placed the suggestion in Chong that he had paid, when he didn't.
At this point, Ed starts suffering delusions as to what has and hasn't happened. He keeps having delusions the he's the one actually killing the victims.
Another woman is barbecued on stage, and then appears unscathed. Ed has a delusion that he follows the chick home and sets her on fire. Ed wakes up in bed. Next day the woman is found dead, with no apparent fire at the crime scene.
The girlfriend and Jinky join Ed to the show, and record it. Jinky says that Montag is spreading the toxin in the "meet and greet" session just before the show. As Jinky tells Ed this, Montag announces "Some people should remain quiet", shoves a towel down Jinky's throat, and pulls his entrails out through his mouth. Jinky tries to show Ed a DVD that was retrieved from the crime scene of the bbq-ed chick. Ed has a connection to all this after all.
The next night, Ed and his girlfriend attend the show, and the girlfriend is called on stage as Montage says "Sometimes the illusion begins far before the show does!". Montag wraps her up in a sheet, and plunges swords into her. That night, the girlfriend tries to help Ed figure out what is happening to him. She wants to know what Ed's been huffing on all this time. She gets the bag from him and discovers... Well, we don't know, but I bet you can figure it out.
Not gonna reveal the rest of the movie here. But let me tell you it is bloody confusing at times.
So, pros and cons
PROS:
Crispin Glover The Suicide Girls -- NUDE! Brad Douriff Lots and lots of gore!
CONS:
Can be very confusing at times Acting is just OK. Crispins Glover's very distracting codpiece Almost every scene is shot at an angle. I thought I was in the Joker's hideout. You know you're in a delusion scene because of the electric sparks, and what appears to be a Matrix-like effect that kinda ruins the effect.
Would I recommend it? Yes.
3 stars of 4
Terror Toons 2 (2007)
How to spend 75 minutes
What can one do in 75 minutes? Play a game with your kids...
Work on your hobby...
Make love to your significant other...
Roll around naked in a vat of your own dung...
Watch Terror Toons 2.
And may I say that rolling around in a vat of your own dung is more entertaining than Terror Toons 2 Synopsis... A little girl gets a mysterious DVD for her birthday -- Terror Toons. SHe pops it in, and evil Hansel and Evil Gretel jump out and start killing people. THe mom, Housekeeper and two kids find a safe haven in a room with several crucifixes. Almost everyone else gets killed, save our two heroes.. Fat chick gets her eyes burned out, football player gets his brains plunged out and replaced with monkey brains. ANother dies from cooties. Yet another gets beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat..
Apparently Satan's son, Damian (how original) is creating cartoons, and sending mysterious DVDs to everyone. The two heroes, a chick and some guy (honestly, why bother with names), try to give Damien his comeuppance, but not before he turns the chick into a half demon. Meanwhile, the DVD set up a DVD factory in the living room. Welp, the mom comes out of the crucifix room, and gets attached to a rocket. Monkey brain boy, and the lead guy take the mom off the rocket, and do battle with "damians new creation" which looks like a rainbow colored condom with teeth. The half-demon chick holds him in check, while the guy rides the rocket into the DVD factory.
HOnestly.. this thing is ridiculous. JOe Castro, the "writer" and "director" has more talent than... well... nobody. After seeing this, I am convinced I can make a better movie than him. Hell, I'm aiming for Michael Bay.
A mantra I am fond of uttering is "For a movie to have 'special effects' they first have to be special". This movie looks like someone got a cracked version of Photoshop, and went to town. For example... there's many shots of bulging eyes. THey are quite obviously CGI. Not to say that there aren't any non-cgi SFX, but its just.. I dunno... Its gory I suppose, but its a waste of some actual decent effects.
A note about the ending.. a little cartoon "sports announcer" does a play-by-play of the hero flying the rocket into the DVD factory... how f-ing annoying. Actually, ANNOYING is the best way to describe this movie.
This is easily the worst movie I have ever seen. Save yourself the time, and do something more productive, like wallowing in a vat of your own filth.
The Bushwhacker (1968)
"Manos" Has competition
Oh.. Dear.. Lord..
The review...
of...
THE BUSHWACKER
OK.. Here's the "story" A crazed loon, complete with Davy Crockett hat runs amok in the California desert. He sees an airplane flying above, and shoots it down with his rifle.
The plane crashes (or so we're led to believe.. ) and 4 passengers run away before it explodes (Be careful with that cherry bomb! YOu may lose a finger!) The four people -- a pilot and 3 actually pretty beautiful women -- decide that they're in the middle of nowhere (despite several scenes with roads and one with some high tension lines in the distance), and should find their way out.
The pilot and one of the chicks get it on 3 times, and the other two chicks get it on with each other twice -- once after ONE OF THEM HAS DIED! Im not kidding.
Well, the BUshwacker loon carries off one of the girls, kills her after tying her to a tree (about ONE HOUR IN TO THE FILM!) and then carries off another, and cuts off one of her breasts..
The Bushwacker shoots the pilot and runs off. Then the remaining chick has a brilliant idea. She tries seducing the Bushwacker while the pilot (who was only grazed by the shot, unbeknownst to the bushwacker) tries to hit him over the head with a branch..
The remaining chick takes off her top, bushwacker pushes her to the ground, bad guy gets hit with branch, and then gets shot with a flare gun. Cue credits.
For those who have seen ""Manos" The Hands of Fate", this movie is one hundred times worse. I am not kidding.
From the multiple disappearing/reappearing blankets that happen to be conveniently scattered about the desert when there's nudity (HOnestly, we only see a person carrying one at around the 1:15 mark), to the almost unreadable credits... WRITTEN WITH A SHARPIE ON PLYWOOD.. this one is a total stinker. I recommend that everyone see it once just to see how boring nudity can be.
Down (2001)
Above average
Last night saw a film called "The Shaft" (Dutch title "Down") The movie stars Naiomi Watts a and Michael Ironside.
The plot: An elevator in a NYC skyscraper is killing people, and its up to NAiomi and an elevator repairman to figure out why.
Its kinda slow in the beginning, but it does have some good gore. Among the deahts, Bild guy falls down the shaft (can you dig it?) security guard gets decapitated by a elevator car, skateboarder plunges to his death from the 92nd floor, gut gets cut in half by the elevator car, floor drops out, making everyone fall to their death, and the cables strangle th bad guy.\ The eeriest thin g about the movie is that there's a scene in it where the president comes on stating there was a terrorist attack in the building -- And this movie was released a few months before 9 /11 Also, there's a fake "gotcha" moment near the end that was actually pretty clever.
Penny Dreadful (2006)
Wasted opportunity
This movie has a great premise, and an excellent setup...
A girl who saw her parents die in a car wreck, develops a fear of autos. Her doctor takes her on a car trip to the mountains to try to help her overcome her fear. THey hit a stranger on the road, and offer him a ride. A few things happen, and Penny is stuck in the car with no way out, with the dead doctor sitting next to her.
Great idea.
However every single horror film cliché is used here. HOnestly, I thought I was watching Scream. And the thing that really irritated me was the introduction of 3 characters to provide nothing more than a body count and some T n A... And there wasn't enough T to justify the female character being in the film.
Overall, Id say skip it. It has a few chilling moments, not not enough worth a rental.
Grindhouse (2007)
"You just f----d with the wrong Mexican!"
What can one say about this excellent film? Tarantino and Rodriguez totally nailed the style and feel of 60's 70's grindhouse / drive in culture (Although IMHO, Rodriguez nailed it better).
The segment 'Planet Terror' was non-stop action, gore and sex. This segment had a clever use of the 'Missing Reel' gag, obfuscating a sex scene as well as several plot points on purpose. It was fun trying to figure out what was going on. Cast was good, story was good, acting was good fr this sort of movie.
As far as Tarantino's 'Death Proof' segment... THe first 40 minutes were way too talky. However, the car chase sequence in the second half of the film more than made up for the talking. This one had a kick-ass ending (literally). I don't think I have ever seen Kurt Russel ever give a better performance! As far as the movie trailers go...
'Machete' -- Story about a peaceful Mexican who is double crossed during an assassination. This looks like it would be a great addition to Grindhouse 2 if they ever make it (And I think they will). Look for Cheech Marin as a vengeful priest.
'Werewomen of the SS' -- This is Rob Zombie's entry. This is the weakest of the fake trailers. Nick Cage does have a funny, if puzzling role in this one as Fu Manchu.
Next there was a ad for a fake Mexican restaurant. The funny thing about this one is that in Death Proof, the characters are seen eating food from this restaurant.
'Don't!' -- From the creators of Shaun of the dead. This was puzzling and damn funny... Its a trailer for a completely confusing horror flick. No plot is ever made clear in this bit of lunacy, which is why this one works so well.
And finally, Eli Roth's 'Thanksgiving'. Exploiting the possible last holiday to be mauled by the slasher genre. Very gory, very sexual, very perposterous. This was my second favorite fake trailer in the exravaganza, but only slightly (I Thought Don't was the most clever) All said, I don't think you will have more fun at the movies all year. This is worth seeing several times!
Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)
I have finally seen this film...
...and this is an AMAZING movie! Basic plot, Bruce Campbell plays Elvis -- not an impersonator, but THE Elvis -- who is now in his 70's and in a nursing home in east Texas. Ossie Davis plays an elderly gentleman who thinks he's JFK. They team up to stop a mummy who is attacking the residents of their nursing home.
This movie has everything... A touching story of these two men's friendship, ample comedy, and bits of horror. The chemistry between Elvis and JFK is amazing. Yes, the premise is far fetched, but it was handled with such dexterity by director Don Coscarelli, that you buy into it. And Bruce Campbell's performance as Elvis is just amazing! Don't go into this expecting a full fledged horror / gore fest. There is no gore to speak of, and its not really scary. However it IS entertaining!.
The only negative thing I would say is that it is paced a little slow. If you can deal with that, you'll have a good time!
Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964)
A Dying Man's Request...
SEE THIS MOVIE! I've seen only a handful of Herschell Gordon Lewis' films (Blood Feast 2, The Blast-Off Girls, Monster a-Go-Go), and they range in quality and watch-ability. But this film. This one is a true classic. This is easily one of the best horror films I've ever seen. The gore isn't as abundant as some of HGL's other films, but a couple of the gore shots are more shocking, most notably the "barrell roll" sequence.
Its also a very fun film. It never for one moment takes itself seriously.
As far as some of the other qualities of the film, most of the acting is passable, with a few very good performances, and one or two really bad ones. The direction is top notch, and the editing is surprisingly good for a film of this sort.
See this movie! You will not be disappointed.
Also, the director's commentary track on the Special Edition DVD from Somethingweird.com is also especially insightful. Worth every penny.
Also check out the remake, 2001 Maniacs. Almost as good.
Seed of Chucky (2004)
Not "Manos" bad, but still...
As a self-proclaimed connoisseur of bad cinema, I have to say there is NOTHING at all to recommend about this flick. Good LORD it was awful.
From the horrible acting, to the frequent pee jokes, to the all too confusing ending... Good lord! In a nutshell, Chucky and Tiffany had a kid somewhere in the franchise (Only ever saw this one and the first), he ends up in London somehow, sees the "Chucky Goes Psycho" movie being filmed, on some Access Hollywood show, and he sets out to Hollywood to find his parents. Glen (Or Glenda, in a lame Ed Wood joke) doesn't want to kill, but his dad wants him to, and his mom tries to quit killing for their "daughter" (she thinks Glen is a girl, hence the Glen or Glenda joke) A word about the special effects: For them to be called "Special Effects" they FIRST have to be special. The real gory deaths in the film are quite obviously CGI, and consequently lose any shock value they may have had.
I have to say that it was nice to see John Waters in a cameo, but he was wasted in this film.
And the ending... WTF was up with that? It made absolutely no sense! DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME OR MONEY!
Nature Unleashed: Volcano (2005)
Oh dear Lord, this was awful!
In short, some American guy goes to a small Italian town to carve his name on a tree where his late wife grew up.
Enter a crazy girl who lives in the house that the guy's wife grew up in. She talks to the dead! And not just any dead, but the American guy's dead wife! And the dead wife tells the crazy girl the Volcano is about to erupt! Of course nobody believes them... Not even the Catholic Priest who tries to perform an exorcism on the girl.
This tripe is the worst thing I have seen in a LONG time. Bad acting, horrible story, even the Lava looked like strawberry jam. Steer FAR away from this preposterous movie, and rent Dante's Peak instead!
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Bad, but I kinda enjoy it.
Where to begin... By luck (?) I have this movie both MSTed and UN MSTed. I rarely watch it without the Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment, as its even worse without the comments. There is one scene in the UN-MSTED version that actually has The Master slapping one of his brides to death (with a bit of blood). This scene would be the sole reason to watch the UNMSTed version.
Anyway, the movie is all about Torgo. He's the star / anti-hero of the whole thing. And I have to give John Reynolds (R. I. P.) credit. He really got into the role, going as far as making himself a rig that created the big knees (and in the UN-MSTED version, you get brief glimpses of the cloven hooves he attached to the rig. Really, Torgo is the ONLY reason to watch the movie. Well, that and if you want to see a complete train wreck of a movie.
Hal P. Warren (R I P), the writer / director / producer / star / voice of all the males in this film is responsible for this train wreck. Its been told that the cast and crew are still owed money for their efforts in this film.
The Mystery Science Theater 3000 "Amazing Colossal Episode Guide" was right when it said "Just ask yourself "What kind of movie would a fertilizer salesman from Texas make?" and you'd have "Manos""
Signs (2002)
A Few thoughts
As I sat watching signs, I couldn't help but think of Steven Spielberg's "Close Encounters of the third kind" If you were to sit through this movie, not knowing what to expect, you'd find Signs, at first glance, to basically be the same film, just with evil aliens, instead of good ones. To wit: In both movies, they find mysterious .. well... signs. IN CEot3K, its tones. In signs, crop circles.
Both movies point to the discovered elements as "navigation systems" (The tones in CE3K turn out to be latitudes and longitudes, in Signs, a system that points to major cities) The basement sequence in Signs has the same feel as the kidnapping sequence in CEot3K Both have a sequence in India in which the locals discover the signals.
I was thinking these were similar movies, about making contact with aliens. One film they are good, in this one evil.
Until the end of Signs threw a curveball at me. Let's just say that in Signs, the title Isn't referring to the crop circles. It was a very clever (IMHO) ending. This movie is a must see!
Virtual Nightmare (2000)
Not bad at all!
This one was a bit of a surprise!
I have to admit, I was going to go to bed when this movie cam on at 10 PM on SciFi, but I watched 5 minutes of it, and I was hooked. THe acting was truly incredible, and the story with its social commentary was very intriguing. I agree with the others who say the ending seemed rushed. This movie needed to be at least another 30 minutes longer, so that it wouldn't have to rely on the final exposition by "The Caretaker" (as I call him) Not better than the Matrix, but the central idea I think is a better one.
Worth a watch!
Michael Moore Hates America (2004)
How many have seen the movie yet?
Funny, as it has only been shown in a few places, yet there's 157 votes about the film, and it only rates about a 4.9? Tells me that there are a bunch of people who haven't seen the film who are giving it 10's and 0's. IMDb moderators need to clean this up.
And as far as filmmaker372 says, I bet a million dollars HE hasn't seen the movie either. And I bet he never even bothered to go to the film's website. Or never bothered to research it. If he had made an attempt, he'd know that Michael Wilson is NOT a Republican. And he bashes conservatives for not reporting the truth? Please.
I have not yet seen this film, but on opening day, I will. I will refrain from voting in the poll until that time.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)
A great film!
I own the Special Edition and Collector's edition of this wonderful movie, and as some note, it does tend to slow down in the second half, to which I would agree, but the overall impact of the film is tremendous.
The abduction sequence was terrifying when I saw it back in 77, and it is still very eerie today. Truly a high point in cinema today.
I wonder if those who give this movie a negative review actually saw it.
8/10