Change Your Image
dvgulliver
Reviews
Serving Sara (2002)
did they consult any actual lawyers before making this?
This film is bad because the entire plot revolves around service of process, and it makes no sense. Granted, I went to law school and got A's in my civil procedure courses. But even a layperson can see the flaws in this.
In most jurisdictions, you can complete service of process in a number of ways. You can hand the legal documents to the person. You can send them registered mail. You can post an ad in the paper. You can post notice on the courthouse door. You can leave the documents with any adult who resides at the house of the target. You can leave documents in a conspicuous location on the property of the target. You can serve a registered agent, which in many cases is the Secretary of State or similar office holder of your jurisdiction. You can even walk up to the person, say "I have legal documents for you," and drop them at his feet. Even if you don't hand-deliver them, you have served process.
There is a reason for this.
If, as this film portrays, you can't serve anyone unless they take the papers from you, it would be impossible to ever sue anyone because most people would never take anything from a stranger. That would make it to easy for people to avoid ever suffering any consequences for their actions. Husbands could avoid ever getting divorced, and therefore ever paying alimony.
So remember folks: if, in your real life, you are ever a defendant in a lawsuit, you can lose by default if someone leaves papers at your feet and you never show up in court! Knowing all this, the plot of the film is eviscerated. What is left, that is, bad acting, bad sight gags, bad everything, isn't enough to hold the film together in any meaningful way.
Avoid this movie.
Rush (1983)
this one challenges Manos
This just might be the single worst film I have ever actually seen from start to finish.
So... the basic plot is...
Post nuclear holocaust world. All life everywhere is gone, except for inside the compound where the story takes place. A mad dictator rules the compound, and everyone in it, with an iron fist. Anyone who attempts to leave is shot. No one attempts to leave, because the compound has the last remaining crops in the entire world, because all plant life is gone, because of nuclear war.
Meanwhile, the compound, which is basically what looks like a public school borrowed for the film during spring break, is only separated from the outside world by a chain link fence. On the other side of the fence, you can see... TREES! Meanwhile, the hero has left the compound, gone across the desert, and found a tiny plant coming up out of the sand. WE ARE SAVED! There is life out there! So, he must come back to the compound, and tell the others that there really are new plants growing out there. But no one believes him. BUT YOU CAN SEE THE TREES! Then people must rally around him and fight for freedom and escape the compound.
They must have been in a hurry to wrap up the filming before the kids came back to school, because so much of this film is so poorly shot, acted, edited, etc., they must have been really pressed for time and avoided any re-takes, re-shoots, or acting lessons.
Sadly, though, the film was inspirational enough to spawn "Battlequeen 2020," which was obviously inspired by this one.
Yeargh.
BattleQueen 2020 (2001)
oh... where to begin?
All life outside the compound is supposed to be long gone after the asteroid hit. And yet, the compound is surrounded by old growth trees. Hmmm. I'm thinking... the timber industry should be thriving! Fortunately, there are lots of scenes of women taking long, soapy showers, for no reason whatsoever. So the compound really ain't so bad, I guess...
So, um, all people live in this compound. There are ruling classes of immortal men who kill other people and use their body parts for the immortality machine. Or something. I'm really not sure. And then there are a bunch of naked chicks who exist to pleasure the ruling class. Or something. And then there are tunnels filled with poor starving dying people who want to rebel, but can't. Or something. It's hard to tell.
Why don't all the people in the tunnels go live in the woods? Oh yeah, the immortal people cruise around on snow mobiles, making sure no one escapes. But with all life lost except for what's in the compound, and the trees, why bother? Why watch this movie at all? Why did I spend $3 to buy a copy? Oh yeah, it was cheaper than renting it. Only now I'm stuck with it.
Avoid this movie the way you would avoid eating food served by a sweaty person covered in open sores. Even the nakedness and sex is lame, as the lead "actress" is so fake it's hard to stomach.
Blech.
Laserblast (1978)
bad. really, really bad.
I remember seeing this as a kid at the drive in when it first came out. There are very, very few films which deserve to be lumped together in the one star category. This is such a film. What makes movies like this different from the "one star dujour" films like "Gigli" or "Baby Genuses II" is that no one involved with this movie ever really thought it was a good thing. I mean, J-Lo made "Gigli" thinking, wrongly, "oh yeah, this is gonna be cool." No one ever had such a thought with "Laserblast." No effort was made to make special effects (as they often said on MST3K, "these effects are NOT special!"). No effort was made to produce a believable plot. No effort was made to act. It is orders of magnitude worse than anything Jennifer Lopez has ever made. "Laserblast" falls just shy of the level of "Manos: The Hands of Fate." Avoid it. Actually, watch it. That way, whenever you see a movie that you THINK is bad, remember "Laserblast" and suddenly that new stinker won't look so awful after all.