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The Lifeguard (2013)
2/10
Hey, do you want to be talked down to by a film that is in no position to do so and thinks you need to "just grow up"?
8 September 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Yeah, neither do I.

Leigh (Kristen Bell) is going through an identity crisis. She feels she needs to return home to her parents for a little while. While back in her hometown, she gets in a sexual/romantic relationship with a high school student, receives a disproportionate amount of blame for relatively little wrongdoing, is criticized heavily by everyone around her for not living her own life according to their standards, and grows to learn something from the situation, as if she needed to be "fixed" somehow. Ugh.

This is the kind of film that thinks it's teaching you something and has something to say about humanity, but it's actually full of s**t. The film is very critical of its protagonist for her actions, treating her as if she is a flawed character that just needs to grow up. However, I fail to see exactly what it is about her that merits such contempt. Granted, she does a few things that aren't exactly admirable (the way she just drops in on her parents, for example, was pretty inconsiderate, and she flakes out on her job), but aside from those actions, she's hardly a bad person. And yet, the film seems to think that she needs to "grow up", as if she's immature. She's not. Yes, she does drugs, she is temporarily living with her parents, and she is working a low-paying job, but SO WHAT? That's her business, and who does the writer/director think she is to judge her? The film seems to think that her relationship with a high schooler is contemptible, but it's really not. It's a mutually consensual decision made by two people who are fully aware of what they're doing and aren't harming anyone else. Granted, her friend, the principal of the school, is put in an awkward position, but that's not really Leigh's fault so much as it is the fault of society for being so squeamish about such an innocuous relationship. The film even tries to criticize Leigh for the actions of the people around her, as if she influenced them to act in the ways they did. It goes so far as to try to blame another person's suicide on her actions, which is bulls**t.

Sorry, that was really long-winded, but I feel it was very important to get all that across: the crucial problem with the film is that it thinks it's teaching you a valuable moral, but it's actually full of hot air. Seriously, the more I think about this movie, the more it p***es me off.

Now that I've finished complaining, I'll address the good qualities the film has, because they do exist. The acting is good from everyone, especially Kristen Bell. The film is mildly interesting when you watch her live her life, until you get to the beginning of the third act and realize where the film is going. I was actually very invested until the film was revealed to be such a load of holier-than-thou bulls**t. I can't give it the lowest score, because it had a couple of good qualities, but the film is really rotten at the core. The film was very promising for the first two-thirds, but the conclusion managed to destroy almost all goodwill the film had built up in my eyes.
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Donnie Darko (2001)
10/10
This one's a real mind-bender.
27 December 2009
This is easily the best thriller I have seen in a long, long time.

The movie is about a psychologically unstable teenager named Donnie Darko who thinks he can see a six-foot rabbit named Frank. Not Harvey, Frank.

The plot is too difficult to describe without revealing too much, so I won't go into it any further. But it will definitely stick in your mind for a long time.

But one of the most interesting things I feel I should mention about this movie is that Donnie is the one who's supposed to be crazy, but in reality, he seems like the most normal one. Except for his family, his girlfriend, his English teacher, and his therapist, everybody surrounding Donnie is crazier than he is.

You're never going to forget this movie after you see it. Why did they have to mar its good name with a sequel?
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Solitary (2006–2010)
10/10
A very interesting and under-rated reality show
16 December 2009
This show is a very good one, but it barely gets any recognition. Go figure. It's on the Fox Reality Channel (not exactly known for quality programming).

The basic premise is that nine people are put in tiny rooms in solitary confinement. They are put through endurance tests (such as extreme cold, extreme dizziness, loud noises, etc.) The contestants can press a big red button any time they wish to quit. But the first person to quit in each challenge is eliminated. The interesting thing is that they don't know if anyone else has quit yet, so it's all about them reaching their own personal limits.

Fox Reality Channel is going off the air at the end of March 2010. Season 4 of Solitary will air sometime before that in 2010. Please support it (I would, but I don't have that channel. I've watched the first three seasons on Hulu). Maybe it will get picked up by Fox!
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Shane Dawson TV (2008–2016)
9/10
A Great Webshow
6 November 2009
Shane Dawson TV is a web show on YouTube that features Shane Dawson making blogs about random things and putting his own comedic spin on them. He made a video recently called "Drunk Kardashians" that parodied "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami." Although I've never seen that show, Shane portrays it in exactly the way I would imagine — incredibly stupid!

Shane also takes shots at celebrities such as Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus.

But some of his best videos feature a recurring character named Shanaynay. If you watch some of those videos, you'll see what I mean.

As a previous commenter mentioned, his videos are kind of obscene and vulgar, so they are only for people over the age of 13 or 14. But this doesn't ruin the humor. (Not usually, anyway.)

If you can, watch his videos. You won't regret it. Support this new young talent!
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Deal or No Deal (2005–2019)
1/10
Game Shows Don't Get Much Dumber Than This...
6 November 2009
And I'm not saying that as one of those people who automatically hates game shows and discounts them as pointless.

What makes this game show truly idiotic is that people's chances of winning are completely random. The only thought involved in participating in this show is answering the titular question: "Deal? Or no deal?"

I'll explain. There are 26 suitcases, each with a different amount of money in it, ranging from 1 cent to 1 million dollars. The contestant picks one case at random. This becomes their case. He then chooses to look in some of the other suitcases to see which values aren't his. After opening some of the suitcases, he is offered a sum of money that may or may not be higher than the value in his suitcase. He can either accept it or reject it.

If you want to watch a game show, watch something good, like Cash Cab, Jeopardy, or Family Feud. Don't even consider watching this one.
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Smosh (2005– )
7/10
Hit and Miss
25 September 2009
Smosh is a web show created by two guys named Anthony Padilla and Ian Hecox. It's basically different comedy sketches. It kind of reminds me of MADtv (and I mean that in a good way).

It's hit and miss, but when it hits, it hits hard! Some of their best videos so far include: "Smosh Short 2: Stranded," all the "Food Battle" videos, "That Damn Neighbor," "That Damn Yard Sale," "That Damn Prison Break," "How Not to Act on a First Date," "Easy Step," "License Test," "Quest for the Scooter," Santa Is Real!," "Cat Soup," Left Handed," "Going to the Mountains," "A Hairy Situation," "A Very Hairy Situation," "Washington's First Video Blog," "The Ultimate Shoedown," and "If Movies Were Real."
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Wife Swap (2004–2020)
6/10
A standout among "drama" reality shows
4 September 2009
In my opinion, there are 3 types of reality shows: competition reality shows like The Amazing Race and I Survived a Japanese Game Show (most of the reality shows I like are in this category), shows that follow people's everyday lives such as Jon and Kate Plus Eight and The Girls Next Door (I think these are boring and pointless), and "drama" reality shows such as those VH1 shows with the word "love" somewhere in the title (I absolutely hate most of these). Wife Swap falls into the "drama" category, but it's actually watchable. The premise is that mothers from two American families who are almost completely different in a certain respect trade places for two weeks. In the first week, the wives have to follow the new family's rules, but during the second week, they impose their own rules. I like this show, but I wouldn't say I love it. I won't go out of my way to watch it, but I'll watch it if it's on.

When ABC produced this show, FOX produced an almost identical show called Trading Spouses, which I think is slightly better.
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1/10
Inferior rip-off of America's Funniest Home Videos
25 August 2009
Ugh.

The World's Funniest Moments is a show with a format similar to that of America's Funniest Home Videos, except that the videos aren't nearly as funny, and there are also various viral videos from the Internet. This show pales drastically in comparison to AFV. First of all, Tom Bergeron is a funny person. Although Arsenio Hall can also be funny, Bergeron actually looks like he's enjoying his job. Hall, on the other hand, looks as if he would rather be somewhere, anywhere, else. Also, the videos are much dumber than those on AFV (I'm willing to bet that the people who sent in videos to WFM were turned down by AFV).

No wonder MyNetworkTV is the second-lowest rated major network (the only major network with lower ratings is Ion Television).
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Estate of Panic (2008– )
9/10
A hybrid of horror and competition reality TV... awesome!
22 August 2009
This is a show that was broadcast on Syfy (then called the Sci Fi Channel) for six episodes. For some reason, a lot of people really dislike it. But I am a fan of horror movies and a fan of some competition reality shows, so this was right up my alley (this is also why I liked 13: Fear Is Real). Basically, seven people come to a mansion and visit three rooms in the house. These rooms are rigged with various things that are designed to scare them (for example, snakes, floods, electric shocks, etc.). But there is also cash hidden in these rooms. The contestants try to grab as much money as they can. But they shouldn't stay too long because the last person in the room gets locked in and is out of the game. When the remaining contestants have returned, the money is counted, and the one who brought back the least is also out of the game. One of the things I like about this show is that, unlike a lot of other competition reality shows, each episode is self-contained (that is, each episode has a new set of contestants). This show isn't on anymore, but you can watch the episodes on YouTube and Hulu. You can also buy episodes from iTunes. I would definitely check this out.

UPDATE: I recently saw Zondra from Episode 1 in an infomercial. And I recognized her instantly. How much of a coincidence is that?
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I, Robot (2004)
9/10
Great science fiction that occasionally degenerates into an action movie
27 July 2009
I thought I, Robot had a very interesting plot. That is mainly why I like it so much. Being a fan of science fiction, including the original book by Isaac Asimov, I was hesitant to watch this because I had heard that the movie was not very much like the book. After I saw it, I was impressed. Yes, the plot of the movie and the plot of the book are different. But both of them are entertaining. I showed this movie to my dad (also a science fiction fan), and he thought it was excellent. The only reason I am giving this movie nine stars instead of ten is because it occasionally becomes an ordinary action movie (I don't like action movies), and because Shia LaBeouf's character seems useless in the movie. Overall, this is definitely one to check out if you like good, intelligent, thought-provoking science fiction.
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Parental Control (2005– )
1/10
I've only seen one episode and even I can tell this looks staged!
13 July 2009
This, my friends, is why I almost always hate reality TV.

Basically, the premise of Parental Control is that there is a young man/woman who has a girlfriend/boyfriend that his/her parents are unhappy with. So the each parent chooses from a large number of applicants the "girl/guy of their son's daughter's dreams" and sets them up on a blind date.

This show is absolutely ridiculous. I just saw an episode with a guy named Julius who had a girlfriend who... well, let's just say that he must have been crazy to start going with her in the first place. She spent the entire episode knocking Julius's parents and dates and acting completely crazy.

And the parent's dating choices? *sigh* Julius's mother chose a girl who tried to woo Julius by taking him to the Universal Studios backlot. The father's choice was a girl who claimed she "has goals" and "respects herself"... but she was a pole-dancer! And the mother seemed okay with her husband's choice of a pole-dancer, which I find very hard to believe.

Do not watch this show, and maybe it'll go off the air for good.
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The Amazing Race (2001– )
10/10
The best reality show on TV!
13 July 2009
This is the most brilliant idea for a reality show ever to come about. Basically, eleven or twelve teams of two people with a pre-existing relationship (married, dating, siblings, friends, etc.) participate in a race around the world for one million dollars. During each leg of the race, contestants must complete a certain number of tasks such as bungee jumping, sky diving, rock climbing, or hang-gliding. At the end of each leg of the race, teams have to check in to a pit stop, at which the last team to arrive is eliminated from the race.

I love this show because it creates a lot of drama when people can get eliminated and because it's cool to see all these different places they get to go to.
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9/10
Very Entertaining!
13 July 2009
When I first saw advertisements for the first season of I Survived a Japanese Game Show, I thought it looked really stupid. But eventually, it started to grow on me. So I tuned in to the series premiere. My expectations were blown out of the water. This series is a very clever idea. It was the perfect mix of laughter-inducing stunts and reality TV drama. I hope ABC puts this out on DVD sooner or later.

I like the second season, too. Although it isn't as good as the first season. They got rid of Tony Sano, which is too bad, because I thought he was a good host. They also put three games in each episode instead of two, so there's less time for reality TV drama. It has been better, but I still like it.
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5/10
Not wonderful, not terrible
13 July 2009
I think I know the problem with this show and why almost nobody watched it. When people watch game shows, they try to beat the contestants to the correct answer. Viewers can't do that with this show. How am I supposed to know when this boy had a missing front tooth? How am I supposed to know what the neighbors think of the family? How am I supposed to know which of those paintings is really her son's? That is the entire problem with the show.

I, however, kind of liked Opportunity Knocks just because it was such a new idea.

It was a good idea, but it was fatally flawed.
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9/10
I like this show
13 July 2009
I don't tend to like most reality shows. I think they're stupid (Flavor of Love, I Love Money) or pointless (Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Keeping Up with the Kardashians). I like horror, and I like a few competition reality shows, so this is right up my alley.

Regarding previous comments about many of the contestants being actors: it doesn't necessarily mean the show is staged. A lot of times, aspiring actors will sign up for a reality show in an attempt to kick-start their career.

I liked watching this show, but it's too bad that a second season won't be coming around. Hopefully it'll be released on DVD or blu-ray eventually.
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Dragon Fighter (2003 Video)
1/10
Boy, is this one STUPID!
12 July 2009
Dragon Fighter is the first Sci-Fi Channel (although I guess it's now called Syfy?) original movie I have ever seen. But I have seen one or two others since, and I can tell you that they were stupid, but this one really scrapes the bottom of the barrel. The CGI is done poorly, the acting is bad, the script is ridiculous, and what happens at the very end is unexpected and out of place (if you have seen Dragon Fighter, you probably know what I mean; I didn't want to put a spoiler in my review). Plus, there was this one musical tune that was used in pretty much every single dangerous sequence. That was really stupid; they just played it over and over. And it's definitely not original; I know I've heard that somewhere before (I just can't remember where). This is one to avoid.
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1/10
Wow. What a piece of *bleep*!
12 July 2009
This movie is really terrible. It has no redeeming qualities. I didn't see the original 10.5, and I'm not going to after sitting through this mess.

Everything's bad: acting, writing, special effects, you name it.

But the one thing I absolutely hate about this movie is the camera-work. I think the director of photography has an itchy zoom button finger. The camera keeps zooming in and out, in and out, in and out, etc. If you insist on watching 10.5: Apocalypse, be sure you have Advil and/or a motion sickness bag by your side.

Maybe if you and your friends want a bad movie to make fun of, you should check this out. Otherwise, stay away!
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10/10
This may sound crazy...
12 July 2009
But I seriously liked this film. I think this is cheesy science fiction done right. But after a while, you kind of forget that it's not an extremely high-quality movie and just enjoy watching it (if you like science fiction). I didn't like it because it was so cheesy though. I liked it as a serious film. Call me crazy, but I just didn't think it was that bad. Believe me, I've seen far worse (check out my reviews of Dragon Fighter and 10.5: Apocalypse).

This movie is based on a short story by Ray Bradbury about a company that sends wealthy tourists to the past to hunt dinosaurs. But there are three rules everyone must obey: don't leave anything behind; don't bring anything back; and no matter what, don't change anything. But then somebody breaks a rule.

I'm gonna let you watch the movie and see what happens next.
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10/10
Quite possibly the funniest movie I've ever seen!
12 July 2009
My Cousin Vinny is a hilarious movie that everybody should see! Basically, it's about two college boys from New York City who take a trip through the deep south and get falsely arrested for murder. After realizing they can't afford a good lawyer, one of them discovers that his cousin Vinny is a lawyer, and he is willing to defend them for free.

I'm not going to say more about the plot because that might ruin it for some people. The cast is great, the script is great, everything about this is great.

Warning: This movie has a lot of foul language. Don't let young kids watch this. Also, don't watch it on TV unless it's on HBO or some other channel that allows lots of language. The profanity is half of what makes the movie funny.

But whatever you do, you must see it.
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3/10
Very Frightening
12 July 2009
Some people hate this movie. Don't listen to them!

I recently rented The Blair Witch Project because I am a big fan of scary movies. I loved it! It was creepy because it was so realistic. I know that by now, the "camera held by character" idea has been done to death, but when this movie first came out, it was a very original idea.

I'm not going to say anything about the ending, but I will say that it was very creepy.

The only reason I'm giving this movie nine stars instead of ten is that it's a bit slow going near the beginning. But overall, I'm glad I watched it!
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2/10
Maybe I would have liked it more if I understood the TV references...
12 July 2009
Jane White Is Sick and Twisted is an independent comedy about a girl named Jane White, who is obsessed with TV so much that she thinks her long-lost father is talk show host Gerry King. She decides to try and see him.

I really wanted to like this movie, but I just couldn't. It was stupid, and I didn't get a lot of the TV references.

I'm giving this movie an additional star because Kim Little did a really good job playing Jane White. But other than that very good performance, Jane White Is Sick and Twisted is really stupid and boring.

Not recommended.
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