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Paren s nashego kladbishcha (2015)
SO Charming and Wonderful!
This was recommended to me by family in Russia and Russian friends... I'm a big fan of Aleksandr Pal, so I figured what the heck?
WOW was this wonderful. You don't know where it's going, but it's not annoyingly choppy, it draws you in and you fall in love with it.
The characters are fun - Aleksandr Pal as Kolya is absolutely SUPERB - and really make this a special film. Aleksandr Ilin as Uncle Vasja has you guessing... Kristina Kazinskaya never fails to be awesome.
Again, don't expect to know where this is going - it has you really trying to figure it out 'til the end. And WHAT an ending. Beautifully Slavic film - you've got tears in your eyes but you're happier than happy.
I won't give spoilers - I do, however, URGE people to watch this wonderful unsung gem of a movie. I'm smitten.
Red Monarch (1983)
Dark, Wicked Satire - Absolutely Amazing
As a former Soviet citizen I couldn't tear my eyes away from this.
An EXTREMELY dark film, whose humour is truly funny - yet some is horrifying while being funny. We sat watching, and a few times laughed and then gasped because of what we were laughing at.
There are some tremendous performances in this - David Suchet as Beria is jaw-droppingly perfect in this. A complete and utter slimebag to everyone under him, but a simpering, comic toady to Stalin. When asked questions by Stalin, he raises his hands and says "Do what you like with me, I do not know" as if it's a game show - had us rolling.
Colin Blakely plays Stalin like a loving old grandfather, a cunning peasant who's smarter than the situation he finds himself in, and a cold blooded antisemitic murderer - all in the same character, but he does it so seamlessly that it's not incongruous.
David Kelly as Sergo is absolutely tremendous. I can't do it justice.
During the execution scene, you recognise all the underlings being shot... it's piteously hilarious that they make SURE that they're in the proper numbered spots... and the projectionists continuing to bicker literally 'til the end is so utterly perfect.
This truly grasps the essence of what life in Stalinist USSR was like... the absurdity, the braggadocio, the terror... Unlike the - very good! - "Death Of Stalin", this is sometimes slapstick and buffoonish but also deadly serious... As a Brezhnev-era Soviet person, I would say this is actually a few notches BETTER.
The only scene that is very odd is the one with the American reporter. While the projectionists' dilemma & the Politburo panic is excellent (especially when you see them all in a mountain of film - the interaction of Stalin and the reporter - and her entire character - is... very, very odd and out of place in the rest of the film. It's the only reason I can't give this a full 10.
I wholeheartedly recommend this film.
Solyaris (1972)
We SOVIET People Were NOT Impressed
I see a LOT of oohing and aahing over this, and I respect those opinions.
HOWEVER... in the USSR, we came out of the cinema going "What the H*LL was THAT?" and most demanded their 45 Kopeks back. Including my parents. My mum even told the cinema manager "You owe me 2 Roubles Kopeks for sitting through this... this" (She made 500 Roubles a month).
Word got around FAST.
My cousin ran one of the cinemas in our city and said the local Palace of Culture told him to sell the Kvass, Tomatoe Juice and Kompot normally only sold to cinemagoers to walk-ins and use that money to say he'd met the ticket quota.
Mind you, we watched EVERYTHING. From Hindi filmi to excruciatingly badly subtitled East German political propaganda. Our expectations were NOT high. Our local Komsomol leader HAD to give a blurb to our local newspaper and all he said were platitudes about "Our Great Soviet Society has given us cinemas with wonderfully comfortable seating and our films have exceptionally vivid colours" My sister said she'd rather watch the news report on the Sorghum harvest than sit through Solaris again.
Shûbun (1950)
Didn't Know What To Expect - Was BLOWN AWAY
I'd HEARD about this film - and when I was stationed in Japan, around Christmastime a lot of shops would put up the iconic image of Toshiro Mifune riding a motorcycle with a fully decorated Christmas Tree... but had never seen it.
Just got finished watching it and... WOW... it's excellent. Okay, so even a "lesser" Kurosawa film is better than just about anyone else's BEST film, but you can tell this was made by a craftsman.
Won't give spoilers, but pay special attention to the scenes with microphones and newsreel cameras. Absolute genius camerawork. Mifune is amazing, Yoko Katsuragi as the attorney's daughter is FANTASTIC... and... TAKASHI SHIMURA steals every scene he's in. His performance as a seedy 5th rate lawyer who KNOWS he's a seedy 5th rate lawyer is stunningly good.
Another fascinating aspect of this is the scenes of Japan in the immediate postwar era... not polished and glittering, but gritty, worn out, and just starting to get on her feet.
There's humour in this, heartbreak, and tremendous acting and camerawork. I am adding this to my "MUST SEE" list of films, it's SO worth watching. HIGHLY recommended! HIGHLY.
Crash Canyon (2011)
WHO Exactly Was This Meant For?
We binge-watched the entire series... and... we still aren't quite sure what the point was. It was almost like the Family Guy formula was used for Gilligan's Island. None of the characters come anywhere near to being likeable; if we chuckled more then 4 or 5 times the entire series I'd be amazed.
Also... mentioning Saskatchewan and Montreal 5 or 6 times is the ONLY Canadian content in this. Nearly every character is clearly an AMERICAN stereotype, and the landscape is clearly SW USA.
If you want to see the people version of "Confuse-A-Cat", watch this.
Halloween Party (2019)
SUPER Fun And Refreshingly Different
I REALLY didn't expect this movie to be the way it was. "College Hallowe'en Party, yeah I know where THIS is going".
WELL... it's NOT a cookie cutter movie. It's more fun than creepy, but it has its' creepy moments. The characters are likeable - SHOCKINGLY, even the fratboys have distinct personalities and are just... people.
The storyline is good, and is actually rather refreshingly different than anything else I've seen recently.
It's a good, FUN watch. Is it high art? No. Is it flesh-crawlingly scary? No. Is it your typical Hallowe'en gorefest? No. Is it FUN? YES. Definitely.
No spoiler here, but the ENDING is phenomenal. NOT what I was expecting at all, and SO great.
High School Hero (1946)
Who Exactly Was The Audience For This?
We just watched this for a 2nd time, and for the life of us can't figure out who the target audience was. The "students" were all old enough to have high school kids of their own - and it's set in a high school, despite the campus, faculty, etc., CLEARLY being a college. Did either group watch and say "HEY, this is SOOOO us!!!". Yeah, don't think so.
The story is barely coherent, the characters are SOOOOOOO not high school kids... I won't comment on the music because the fact that WE found it coma-inducingly boring, perhaps in 1946 it was hot... If so, it's no wonder Elvis and rock'n'roll went instantly stratospheric if THIS was the sort of music kids were listening to.
It's mindless silliness, so as a glimpse at the past, it's worth a viewing. If you're snowed in. And this is the only thing available. And all the cat videos online have somehow disappeared. It's an overly-long (SNL-long, yes, THAT overly long) episode of Our Gang, but the kids have grown up, their voices have changed, and they're all trying desperately to act like they're sitll 9.
If you watch this, do it via Rifftrax. Trust me.
Jack-O (1995)
All The Coherence You'd Expect From A John Carradine-related Film
First off, this is moving images on a strip of Celluloid, so TECHNICALLY this IS a movie.
I'm not sure how you can even put a "spoiler alert" on this, as there's no discernible plot. It's disjointed, skips times/locations, adds/kills characters with wild abandon - all with no explanation given. There's an ATTEMPT to set up a storyline - though based on what you see, the scriptwriter had no personal experience with, nor knowledge of, Hallowe'en.
Let's be kind and say the movie is "plot adjacent".
John Carradine is in this the same way he was in "Frankensteins Island" (if not THE worst movie ever made, it's tied with the worst).
This is not the worst film around. It's... okay, going to use the line again, it's "fun adjacent". It was filmed by Californians in Florida. That should answer any questions right there.
The Artifact (2008)
My Breakfast With Surburbanites
The first 30 minutes of this are a bunch of people making small talk as they make, then consume, breakfast.
Then there's some filler with a lot of screaming kids at a restaurant or something.
Then there's 20+ minutes of pumpkin carving.
Literally nothing happens until the last 10 minutes, and it's lame. Lamer than lame.
They are supposed to be archeologists looking at an artifact their grandfather sent them "from a dig" - they open it in their living room. Standing up. They pass it around. Real careful-like and sciency
The budget was $400, of which I would estimate $50 for the pumpkins and $350 for the breakfast fixin's.
Spend a morning at Denny's in a suburban neighbourhood and go have this movie.
Massive Retaliation (1984)
Never Thought I'd Root For Radiation
I saw this in passing and thought "How did I miss THAT one?" I've seen great movies on the topic - Threads (amazing), Testament, even the cliche The Day After... so it seemed a treat to find this.
Boy was I wrong. After "meeting" all the characters, I wanted the bombs or the radiation to win. Every single character - kids included - is repellent and detestable. Seriously, I wished I had pompoms and a "Go Nukes Go!" T-shirt on.
The beginning is a lot of unlikable people all hearing news about an impending war with the Soviet Union in the Gulf. SUPPOSEDLY they're all in some sort of "Nuclear War Survival Club" or something, but it's clear from the get-go none of them have a clue what that means. They actually think that "KEEP OUT" signs are a good first defense. Then they have their entire system based on a computer (apparently EMPs were unknown then and TRS-80s with thousands of disks were thought to be Pentagon-esque).
Cliches galore. Rednecks, non-veteran leader with delusions he's a general... at the first news report of explosions in the gulf - DAYS before the EBS goes on - the rednecks start to rape & pillage. News reports talk about "random looting" but everyone is evacuating in an orderly, nonchalant manner.
I won't go into every sordid detail. it's just drekscheisse. THREE OUTSTANDINGLY AWFUL THINGS TO WATCH OUT FOR: The "comic relief" buddy. Bobcat Goldthwaite. The kids at the end holding hands & surrounding a dead man after saying how much they hate war. Yes, it's THAT excrementally bad.
Get some drinks, snacks, and snarky friends & have a Riff Party for this dog.
Demon with the Atomic Brain (2017)
A Fun Romp For A Snowy Afternoon
I ran across this thanks to Amazon's "others who watched..." feature. I'm glad I found it. It's an amusing romp trying to look retro with B&W film, 50's slang, and references to Eisenhower & Kruschev.
Don't look for high art or subtle acting - it's amusing and interesting.
I would actually like to see Tyler Haines in more films. He has natural comedic timing & talent, and steals every scene he's in (not hamming it up, he's just really good). Hope this is just the first of many films for him, he's a natural (and no, I don't know him, have never met him, am not related to him, nor does he owe me money).
Battle of the Bone (2008)
Umm... Okaaaaaaay
This fine, fine filem was a learning experience. Apparently, Belfast is chock full of ninjas - who knew? Seriously, if this film is to be believed, you can't go 10 metres without running across a dozen of them.
The city is apparently ALSO infested with zombies - though I think that it's caused not so much from a vaguely-shown "drug" as from the incessant fife & drum music that permeates the air of every single street.
There are a lot of tunnels in Belfast. You get to see every single one of them.
This movie's a mix of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Warriors... as described by a 14 year old boy who's texting to a friend, playing World of Warcraft, and eating peanut butter while he's telling you the plot. "Plot" being a VERY relative term here.
It's actually not a BAD movie... it's just an underachiever. The filmmakers seem to understand that even though they expected us to go along with the bad martial arts, the LONG bloody battle scene HAD to be shot in shaky out-of-focus washed out colour vision.
Wait, it WASN'T filmed by 13 year old boys using flip phones from 2008? Oh... then I guess yes, this was a bad movie.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 (2017)
Total, Absolute Excrement
If I could give this "New MST3K" (I refuse to call it MST3K) negative 100,000 stars I would.
I contributed to the funding... and couldn't wait to see the riffing...
5 minutes in I knew I'd made a ghastly, ghastly mistake.
How can you not say anything funny about Reptilicus? Seriously - the horrid movie was funnier than anything the "riffers" said.
There is not one laugh. This is an abomination - it's actually soured me on watching the wonderful MST3Ks of the past. It's beyond terrible... I don't even have words to describe how rancid it is. Not one chuckle in any of the episodes (and yes, I forced myself to sit through them all).
There are SO many better riffing options now - Rifftrax is phenomenal. Cinematic For The People on YouTube is great, as are Phelan Porteous and the ToastandRice riffing...
I know I've been subtle in my review here - trust me, my disgust with this cannot be expressed in words. There should be a paragraph about it in the Geneva Conventions, banning this sort of torture.
To paraphrase the REAL MST3K "I want to hurt this "New MST3K" but can never hurt it as much as it hurt me" ...seriously, they couldn't rip Reptilicus to shreds. Let that sink in...
Route 66: This Is Going to Hurt Me More Than It Hurts You (1964)
A Fun Romp With A Lot Of Unexpected Treasures
Another absolutely fun romp for Tod and Linc, this time in St. Augustine, Florida.
Tod runs into an old buddy from his past, a buddy that seems to have constantly gotten Tod involved in crazy antics and lots of trouble. Soupy Sales is the friend, and while he plays an eccentric millionaire well, he is (for Soupy) rather understated.
The episode is light as a feather - don't go into it looking for social commentary or soul searching. Look for a lot of smiles and heartfelt laughs.
Martin Milner as Tod shows his comedic timing and sense of humour with gusto. The man could express more with his eyes than most comedians today could with their limited talents and tonnes of special effects. He carries this ep on his able shoulders. One of the funniest parts is him getting a pedicure from a supposedly adoring female (imagine Officer Pete Malloy getting THAT done to him, and you'll laugh for days). I've always been a big Martin Milner fan - but have to say after seeing him in Route 66, my admiration has made me a HUGE fan of his.
Amazingly, it's Glenn Corbett who steals the show. Yes, you read that right, Glenn. He seemed to truly ENJOY this episode, and when he takes on the role of acting as Tod's "bodyguard" you can see the impish delight he took in his performance. And it's a delight to watch his performance. The way he frisks anyone walking past Tod, the way he calls Tod 'Boss'. The twinkle in his eyes lets you know he was having an absolute blast during the filming.
Another gem of a performance comes from Bibi Osterwald, playing a battleaxe with elan & bluster.
So if you need a good time, a bit of cheer - give this ep a shot. You won't be sorry.
...and yes, the pie fight is awesome
Route 66: A Long Way from St. Louie (1963)
One Of The Most Fun Episodes of Route 66
This has become one of my absolute favourite episodes of Route 66. It's definitely one of the most fun.
Tod and Linc are on vacation in Toronto. The episode begins with a very boisterous Linc dragging a very sleepy Tod out for a helicopter tour of the city.
Tod being deprived of sleep is a running gag throughout the episode.
The boys meet up with a quintet of girls in a jazz band who are in trouble. Linc jumps to their rescue (literally) and the fun begins. Tod isn't so eager. The razzing and teasing that goes on between Tod & Linc in this ep is awesome, and very reminiscent of the fun scenes between Tod & Buz in the earlier seasons.
I won't give a lot away - suffice to say that this is a really good, really funny episode. Martin Milner is one of my favourite actors, and IMHO very underrated.
...the ladies who watched it with me were rather smitten by the hilarious scene of a shirtless (and "absolutely adorable") Tod in bed as a roomful of people do their darnedest to prevent him from sleeping.
The scenes of early 1960s Toronto are fascinating for anyone who loves that wonderful city.