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SpansonCrackle24
Movies-Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Harry Potter 1-4, Night-Dawn-DAY of the Dead, Rushmore, SLC PUNK!, Hell House, American Movie: The Making of Northwestern, Saved! and basically anything with religious satire, The Neverending Story, Waiting for Guffman, The Toxic Avenger, Akira, many others, but you get the idea.
Music- Choking Victim/Leftover Crack especially, Magnetic Fields, Smashing Pumpkins, the Misfits, Dillinger Four, Flipper, Descendents, Talking Heads, They Might be Giants.
Reviews
Hell House (2001)
A disturbing look at a side of America rarely seen
I first came across "Hell House" about a year ago on Sundance Channel's "Doc Day," and having always been interested in films involving Christianity ("Saved!" and "Dogma" are my two favorites) I decided to sit down and maybe have a laugh or two at the down-south fundamentalism. What I saw wasn't much of a laugh: "Hell House" depicts young Christians in what has been called an "evangelical haunted house," in which they portray various scenes of people committing "sins," then being dragged off to hell by a demon in a cheap Halloween mask. In short, it's not a nice film for your Sunday afternoon.
Director George Ratliff first heard about this particular hell house when it attracted media attention for doing a school shooting scene just a few months after the Columbine shootings (though the house had been doing this particular scene for quite some time, it raised controversy in 1999 for being so soon after the Columbine massacre). He was allowed into the tight church community to make his 1999 documentary short "The Devil Made Me Do It," and went back a few years after to make this, the feature length-version, "Hell House." On the DVD features, Ratliff explains that the only way he would be allowed into the community to shoot the film was if he promised to portray things exactly how they are, and not put his own spin on them or try to counter the message of the church.
This is where the film sometimes gets criticism, as we are seeing some very offensive behavior from those putting on Hell House, and the only people there to dispute them are a bunch of drunken teenage Slipknot fans. To me, though, it shows how well the church has paralyzed the community with fear, as everyone goes along with this perverse project with smiles and clapping hands.
And yes, the Hell House itself is pretty disturbing- depicting scenes of botched abortions, a gay man dying of AIDS then renouncing God and being dragged off to hell, a girl killing herself after being raped at a club (then once again, being dragged off to hell), even a man burning for all of eternity because his uncle molested him as a child. To sum up, these people are "crazy" with three K's.
People seem to forget, however, that the film was not made by these religious fanatics themselves, but by an outsider. Most of the negative reviews for this are slamming the subject matter alone and the hideous people contained inside, which I think isn't fair. Yes, it's difficult to not be disturbed by "Hell House," (if I had seen this when I was younger, I would be convinced that I was going to hell) but you need to get past that and look at how Ratliff gets inside these people. I think I walked away from this movie feeling much more informed on the horrors of deep-south Christianity. Rather than having a vague idea from various stand-up comedians, this movie really gets to the nitty gritty of it all, which makes "Hell House" my all-time favorite documentary.
So if you want to be scared this Halloween, forget "Friday the 13th" or "The Exorcist" hunt down a copy of "Hell House" and prepare to be terrified.
MADtv (1995)
Yeah, not funny
MadTv is a moronic sketch-comedy show that is often quoted by brain dead fourteen-year-old boys in high schools across the nation. Its brand of humor doesn't come from the delivery of the performers, nor the writing of the sketch, but the irritating amounts of screaming fat people and dumb visual gags they manage to cram into five minutes before they change costumes and do the same sketch over again with different characters. Just the sort of thing you'd imagine coming from the FOX network. MadTV is just as bad as Blue Collar TV, except that it likes to hide behind this facade of being hip and up to date. If you're a fan of the magazine, you'll probably want to steer clear of this, as the magazine's brand of humor and the one on this show are very different. MadTV is rarely mentioned in Mad magazine, and when it is it's in sort of a "what the hell were we thinking?" kind of tone.
Anyway, just save some brain cells and stay away from this mind rot. Watch Discovery Health or something.
Camp (2003)
I have no idea why I love this so much
Let me start off by saying that I have no interest in musical theater whatsoever. I know nothing about any of the musicals referenced in this movie, and I have no musical talent and have only been on stage once or twice. So the fact that I love this movie, "Camp," about a bunch of high school kids at a musical theater camp, is nothing less than surprising.
What you may have read in other comments saying that this film suffers from a lack of plot is true. The film is mainly following the lives of 3 teens through their experience at Camp Ovation, a performing arts camp. There's Michael, a boy who went to his junior prom in a dress and is currently not speaking to his parents; Ellen, a lonely girl who's never been kissed, and Vladimir, a newcomer to Camp Ovation and the only straight boy there.
These bits and pieces of plot are really used as an opportunity to pepper songs from well-known musicals performed by youngsters throughout the film. It isn't entirely shameful though, as most of the performances are pretty impressive, even for someone with no experience in musical theater like myself. There are also some genuine laughs provided here and there, and overall it's just an enjoyable watch.
Thirteen (2003)
My hatred for this movie is Unexplainable
What do you get when you throw a 13-year-old girl and a fifty something old lady in a room together and tell them to churn out a script? Apparently, it's "Thirteen," which is in my opinion one of the biggest cinematic abominations of all time.
This garbage heap of silver screen melodrama tells the story of a 13 year old girl named Tracy who, over the course of what seems like a week, is turned into a drug-using, self-mutilating hussy when she befriends a "popular girl" named Evie (is it just me or is there too much business over who's "popular" and who's not in films about adolescence?). Throughout the course of all this, she begins turning on her mother and her family, who seem kind of unshaken by most of it until the last 15 minutes of the film.
Perhaps my hatred for this film comes mainly from the way the girls at my school talk about and how it was "Just like real life." Keep in mind that these girls are rich white suburbanites, not poverty-stricken kids in the ghetto like the ones in the movie. But putting that aside, I'd say that the film's biggest problem is it's script, in that it is entirely unrealistic and melodramatic. I watched this movie with people who said they loved it, and at times even they laughed at some of the dialog. Apparently for the girls at my school, "Guys I totally just stole all this!" "I don't think I've ever seen this much money in my life!" "Let's go shopping!" "Hell yeah!" is realistic dialog. The next major problem is the acting. Evan Rachel Wood's Tracy is entirely irritating and ridiculous, and while watching this film I found myself not feeling sympathetic but annoyed. I grit my teeth every time she speaks.
Most of the praise for this film moves towards Holly Hunter's performance as Tracy's clueless mother. I know a lot of moms in real life who are like her in that they try to be hip and let their daughters do whatever they want, but I can't see playing that role as much of a challenge. Tell me, when was the last time someone won an Oscar for acting stupid and clueless? Lastly, we move on to Catherine Hardwicke's pretentious style. The look of this film is mainly grainy steady cam shots that inter cut with one another. Granted, there are some sequences that look and sound pretty alright, but for regular scenes it's just annoying. This should be studied by filmmakers who want to make up for their abysmal storyline and acting with fake art-house cinematography that will land them a spot at that super-indie underground film festival, Sundance. You know, the one with it's own cable channel.
I'd say avoid this one at all costs, and if you hear someone say something nice about it, don't take their phone calls.
Instant Star (2004)
Real Waste of Time
The-N is the American network that airs the international sensation Degrassi: The Next Generation. Since the show's success, they've been trying to put together new original programming to back it up. Unfortunaely, most of these shows were even more melodramatic than Degrassi, except less fun. These failures include Just Deal, Out There, Radio Free Roscoe, and now Instant Star.
The show chronicles the life of Jude, a 15-year-old singer-songwriter who wins an American-Idol type contest and is catapulted into rock n' roll stardom (complete with a lame celebrity guest appearance every now and then).
Having a title that sounds like a generic kind of powdered tuna is not Instant Star's only problem. Degrassi, the shows older (and better) sibling, may be melodramatic, but there are so many different and likable characters that it never feels obnoxious or overbearing. Instant Star is the opposite, since we are watching one bad young actress most of the time who is pretty unlikeable in her role. It also makes us believe that the only thing teenage girls have to worry about is which boy to date- all the other problems are completely unrealistic (just like the premise). The music, which is a major omponent in the show, is utterly cringe-inducing, which goes along nicely with the fact that the main character dresses and kind of sounds like Avril Lavigne. To make matters worse, most of the episode titles are ripped off song titles from bands that used to be edgy before they got signed over to this ridiculousness.
In all, it's just a really big waste of time. The-N should just give in and play non-stop Degrassi. It's better than watching this tripe.
Scarecrow Gone Wild (2004)
Watch. Laugh. Cry.
Wow! Here comes another straight-to-video scarecrow movie to keep the cinematic masochists happy. If the cheap-looking opening credits don't tell you you're in for quite a ride, then the diabolically tragic "writing" sure will.
A diabetic kid gets tied on to a legendary scarecrow as part of his initiation onto the baseball team. Then the scarecrow goes nuts and starts offing people. Need I say more? This movie consists greatly of cheap effects that makes it look like it was edited with iMovie (note that spooky color inversion) and actors who apparently weren't good enough to show up on some late-night Cinemax special. Actually, thats not fair, as the actors didn't have much room to work around the abysmal script. Parts of this movie really seem like parody, especially when one character picks up his guitar and starts playing the worst song ever conceived by humans, with the worst lip-synching ever performed to go along with it. The "gore" here is also a major disappointment. In most B-movies such as this, there is a thick layer of cheap gore FX to make up for what the story and acting lacks. Here, the stuff is so cheap that it's not even fun. This movie actually makes "Jack Frost 2" look like lots of fun in comparison.
If you think this movie is the "worst one you've ever seen" then you probably haven't gotten deep into the world of straight-to-video B-horror. Regardless, this movie will cause you a great deal of mental anguish, no matter what your background.
Sahara (2005)
Not Good Enough For Stupid Fun
I went in to see "Sahara" because I expected it to be just another popcorn-movie, chock full of PG-13 sex scenes, bad but funny jokes, and lots and lots of explosions, accomplishing all of this in the time frame of about 82 minutes. Alas, I was sadly mistaken. "Sahara" seems to be trying much too hard to be some sprawling cinema epic, when in reality no movie with Steve Zahn ever could be. Blank, unexciting scenes, hollow dialogue, and mediocre acting from most ends of the spectrum make this a not-so-fun movie. Perhaps the oddest thing about this movies is the bizarre use of music (why would you play "Sweet Home Alabama" while our heroes are cruising the African coast?). "Sahara" isn't smart enough to follow the Hollywood rule of an explosion per minute; most of the action takes place in between half-hour sequences of "plot" (which I found somewhat hard to follow, and my eyes were glued to this big stupid movie the whole time). The truth is, this movie is so mediocre that it's not bad enough to laugh at, and not good enough to take seriously.
Sleepover (2004)
terrible
Sleepover is by far the single most insulting movie I have seen since I stupidly rented Terror Toons from my local Blockbuster. I ordered Sleepover just to laugh at how bad it was, but this movie is no laughing matter. No, this movie isn't intended for the age group it is about. The truth is, no self-respecting fourteen year old would ever watch this movie for anything other than masochistic reasons. This stupid movie was just a get rich quick scam by the studio to cash in on the tween craze, a la other crap like the Lizzy Maguire Movie and Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. These movies are an effort to sell, not to entertain. I can just imagine 8 year old girls watching this movie and thinking their so mature because they're watching a movie about girls in their early teens. This movie feeds them the same social stereotypes that they will no doubt feel the need to live up to, like the terrible rich blonde girl and the fat girl with the heart of gold. And no, in real life, no one would ever say "Oh, for the love of carbs." I only wish I could've given this movie a 0 instead of a 1. If you see this movie at a Blockbuster or at someone house, burn it, stomp on it, and eat the remains. You'll be doing the world a favor.
Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)
Corny Splatter-Comedy Makes For Good Entertainment
After having a terrible experience with the unbelievably crappy Terror Toons, I decided that I was going to stay away from the whole modern-splatter genre. But, when this thing popped up, I just couldn't help myself. I never saw the original movie, but the title just looked too good to resist. Surprisingly, what I got from Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman was actually an ok experience. The film certainly was not made to impress anybody, but it follows through with the splatter-comedy side of things. Here are some of the wonderfully disgusting things that occur:
-Several people are stabbed and/or impaled on icicles. -A girl gets her eyes ripped out by ice tongs -Someone's head explodes -Some guy gets his arm blown off and the blood sprays all over his girlfriend
Now, I don't mean to sound like an idiot, but that stuff was pretty entertaining. But, let's put the gore aside. Jack Frost 2 obviously tries to have a sense of humor (when you're making a B-movie like this, you kind of have to laugh it up a little). Some parts are actually pretty funny, too.
So all in all, I wouldn't take this movie seriously, because it isn't meant to be. It's just an ok find that might make you happy that you picked it up. 7/10