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Reviews
Earthsea (2004)
Quite terrible
This is a combination/adaptation of the first two Earthsea books, "Wizard of Earthsea" and "The Tombs of Atuan". But when I say adaptation I mean a radical adaptation.
Why even make this? It is so different from the actual LeGuin novels as to be totally alien. Next time just have some 16 year old write a formula fantasy story with wizards, princesses and dragons and start the filming. Don't forget the bad actors.
I suffered through it, and the far too many commercials, just to see if I would be pleasantly surprised by the resolution. I was not. They clearly had the budget to make a telling close to the books, but they chose to Hollywood-ize it and in so doing they completely lost the soul of LeGuin's novels. And the product is another soon to be forgotten schlock These books were great, in part, because they were so different. There was good vs evil but not the typical stereotypes we have seen again and again. You really felt the isolation, the struggle, and the awe of nature, especially life on the sea. I didn't get any of that from this.
I can just see it now. A bunch of film execs thinking, how can we exploit Lord of the Rings success. And just like the jacka$$es that conceived the original Battlestar Galactica after seeing the success of Star Wars, you get a TV product that is an awful imitation. I just wish they had not misled true genre fans by waving Ursula's name about. "OK, guys, I like the story, except we need a love interest, and she needs to be young, and oh yeah the wizard should be a handsome 20 year old not a 12 year old boy, and oh yeah, let's throw out all the existential stuff it is way too depressing. We need some swords and a bad guy who wants to take over the land." Lord of the Rings was great because they stuck closely to the classic story. Dune (1984) was awful because they radically adapted it for Hollywood. Dune (2000) was great because they went back to the story. Take a lesson from this.
The Terminal (2004)
Predictable and Precious
I admit I saw this film with prejudice.
I'm an enthusiastic fan of Spielberg, who I think has taken a bad rap from Hollywood snobbery, and Hanks, who I guess everyone loves. But this movie was quite bad in spite of the talent and my expectations could not overcome that.
The plot became totally predictable. Not remotely believable and at the same time not quite fairy tale enough for me to put that aside. Not quite a comedy not quite a drama. I did laugh out loud several times but in the end it was just so contrived and precious I could not enjoy it.
The writing was especially terrible. The interaction didn't work in too many places, and the chemistry between actors was missing.
The antagonist role was also just too stereotypically bad. Tucci is another favorite of mine, and while he played it as well as anyone could, it was just the same old thing in terms of mean bad guy.
The main love story came close, and then got lost in poor dialogue and bad character development choices. Be a comedy or be a drama. The tragic relationship problems of Zeta-Jones reminded me of a sitcom that decides to air "a very special episode." Also, I feel she was miscast here, someone older or just "cute" as opposed to stunning gorgeous would have worked better.
But most importantly--I was bored. Watching Hanks with no spoken dialogue for minutes on end in Castaway was more interesting than watching his character bumble through his lines in this. Love you Steven but comedy is tough; please don't give up!
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
WTF
After hearing so much I rented this with high expectations, a la Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs.
Anyway, I've read some the other reviews and it seems it's all been said so I will be brief.
Quentin: grow the hell up and you will be the best director alive today, better than Speilberg Coppola Jonze etc. You have skill, vision, ability.
But as long as you feel the need to show us blood blood and grotesque crap that reaks of 19 year old fun for all, you will be relegated to George Romero status and be written off by history as any other action bloody director.
This movie stunk, bit could've been great without the spurting blood and brain scenes. Oh and the little girl witnessing mom's incident--you are a jackass.
Free Enterprise (1998)
Not great, but worth watching
I could see where they were trying to go with this, but the delivery was just embarrassingly bad at times. I am assuming budgetary constraints stopped them from getting decent actors and prevented re-takes of scenes that screamed for it. I laughed out loud at times but mostly because I was trying so hard to like it.
The acting was really awful. Exceptions were the leads: McCormack, England, Weigel and Shatner (in that order). Everyone else was a D acting job.
Worth watching only if you're an old Trek fan or McCormack fan. I have to say I was impressed after knowing him only from Will & Grace to see the range of his talent. Gotta love the Logan's Run references throughout the movie too!
The Anniversary Party (2001)
Torture
I am not sure I can conjure the words to describe how abhorrently bad this film was.
I feel like filing a civil case against the producers for pain and suffering. Even though I was it months ago, I cannot rest until I get this out of my system. I can never look at Alan Cummings (a great actor) the same way again...
The only reason I can see that people would rate it highly is that (1) they live in the same LA/NY industry crowd and/or (2) they know someone affiliated with the production.
I don't mind that there was really no plot and a great deal of ad hoc; many good films today explore alternate styles and succeed. But this was essentially a professionally edited LA home movie. Sitting through the entire thing was akin to your uncle holding you captive to his Paris vacation video.
You develop no sympathy for any of the self-absorbed film industry characters, except maybe the otherwise normal neighbors who complain about the dog. If, as many people comment, this was a true insight and satiric look at the LA crowd, then I am ashamed to be a part of the same nation as they. A culture of people whose lives revolve around how many names they can drop, how many awards they win, how much money they make, how cleverly they can backstab everyone around them, and how many pictures of themselves they have in their richly decorated homes. Ugh.
The precious speeches given at the party (with deeply meaningful gifts) were the worst torture. You come to despise the main characters and then need to sit through a celebration of their love for each other? I kept thinking...this has to end soon, and then like a bad business seminar where you pray for a coffee break, another awful speech would ensue.
And don't get me started on the mid-film tragedy that unfolds. Dear God, why did we need that on top of everything else. A vehicle for the actors to show how great they are by displaying the full range of their talents? Pass the Prozac.
Anything redeeming? Yes 2 things. (1) the actors truly must be talented to evoke such a strong reaction, I will give you that, and (2) if you see this and it reminds you of your life and your friends, use it as a barometer to indicate the desperate need for immediate changes.