toffeesi Reviews

Saltburn (2023)

A Talentless Mr Ripley

[3/10 · 31 January 2024]

Hype - its a strange phenomenon. Sometimes it is justified - there are movies that deserve to be talked about seen and enjoyed for many reasons, acting, plot, scares, cinematography..........the list goes on. Then there are those that are not. Alas for me at least this title falls under the "not" category.

This is not an awful film by any stretch - but it really is not deserving of such "hype" as it has been afforded.

Its premise has been churned out countless times (and to much much better effect) the acting is bearable but overall this is a rehash at best with a rather unbelievable story arch and ending.

If you are so desperate to be part of the "in crowd" and cant stand not knowing what people are referring to then go and waste 2 hours watching this - otherwise spend your time more wisely on something at least original and entertaining.

The Watch (2020–2021)

IGNORE THE "PRATCHET" MUPPETS!!

[9/10 · 10 November 2021]

I don't like Pratchet books, not keen on the adaptations......so I was very surprised I really enjoyed The Watch. A great cast, enjoyable story, funny and witty. It's well worth ur time.

The Walking Dead: Diverged (2021) Season 10, Episode 21

The SNORING Dead

[3/10 · 1 April 2021]

Knowing the end is nigh - these "charcter" driven episodes are pointless - like putting a Johnny on when someone is pregnant this episode is a waste of time. We KNOW Carol and Daryl - an entire episode of soup making, rat catching and bike repairs......PLEASE. I was very disappointed when I heard TWD was ending......but now it can't come soon enough.

Fear the Walking Dead (2015–2023)

Woeful

[3/10 · 18 September 2015]

Are u watching a different show?! "BETTER than The Walking Dead" - WTF???

This show is simply woeful. The characters are hollow, hindered by appalling acting which is not helped by some seriously poor writing. Just watched show 3 and unless ALL the main characters are wiped out I will be devastated. I was screaming at the TV it was that poor. I could bear it if any of the characters were even remotely likable.......but they simply lack anything u can empathise with. On top of this, the pace of the show is painful. Slow build up fine, I appreciate good plot building and character development but this is devoid of any of this. This show annoys me as much as The Following and Revolution......thankfully they got cancelled.......unless there is dramatic changes I will be hoping this dies a swift death.

Eddie Izzard: Force Majeure Live (2013 TV Special)

Disappointing

[3/10 · 12 November 2014]

I have been an Izzard fan since Unrepeatable, having seen 3 of his shows live (Circle/Sexy/Stripped) and even meeting him - I was really looking forward to catching this latest live show -- alas only on DVD.

How disappointed I was.

The major issue for me is that the "laughter" seems to have been edited VERY badly - they seem so forced, it really distracts from what Izzard is trying to say. This is very evident throughout the show it just ruins it.

Izzard himself seems to be a little reserved - I know he is older but in past shows he has a higher level of energy where as here it seems a little laboured. His material is as usual surreal, historical mix which does work to a certain extent, but think his reliance on historical "stories" misses a beat, and with so much happening in the world he could have utilised much more.

Alas this is not a show I will revisit (unlike Glorious & Dressed to Kill) I hope if he is to come back with another show he goes back to basics.

Green Street Hooligans (2005)

No Hard Men Here...............

[3/10 · 10 December 2008]

After a number of "UK Football Hooligan" movies - I.D, Football Factory to mention two and being a football fan and seeing scenes of violence between rival fans, I was hopeful that Green Street would be equally if not better at depicting the insular culture of a small group of society.

I think the first major flaw is the casting, no offence to Ejija but if he were to enter this culture he would be hospitalised before he could open his mouth. Not only is it the main man that is a flaw but the rest of his "firm" as they are called are all about 12. Although most firms do have younger members, these are normally the watch outs for the old bill, they would not be allowed to take part in the actually "meets" until at least 16 or 17.

The scenes of violence although quite well edited are on the whole unbelievable, there is no way the old bill would allow the fans to wait outside the train station as they did.

Football Factory is a much better depiction of the way the firms are run and what happens when opposition firms meet, this is almost a school boy version, and really not worth your time.

Silent Hill (2006)

Oh dear

[4/10 · 17 November 2008]

There are very few examples where anything remotely linked to a computer game has been devised in to anything other than a poor attempt at a film and Silent Hill is I am afraid to say lumped in with the likes if Doom, Double Dragon, and of course the shocking, Street Fighter & Super Mario Bros! From the outset, no matter how much you willingly suspend your disbelief you simply can not understand why what is happening IS happening. The entire film seem confused as to what it is but also what it wants to state. The story is unclear and by the time you get to the point you have switched off, either mentally or literally.

I much prefer a thought provoking horror/thriller to a slash em up, however I would say for the 148 minutes this ran for I would would have much preferred 85 minutes of a hockey masked, knife-fingered clad, ghost faced, hat wearing, rotted faced, patchy teen slasher any time.

Epic Movie (2007)

Shocking, simply shocking!

[1/10 · 19 February 2007]

There are simply not enough words in all the languages in the world to honestly state how BAD this film is. I say film, it is not a film, it is a bunch of badly thought out, unfunny and incoherent "sketches" that last for just over an hour.....and trust me this hour seemed to last days! After 20minutes I wanted to walk out, but the fact I paid to see it, made me determined to watch the entire shambles to the bitter, bitter end. From the very start this film was bad, the opening sequence, oh dear. I was hopefully (foolishly) that it would get better......how wrong can I have been! Tha acting was less that abysmal and the "plot" (this is the biggest laugh of the entire film!) well there wasn't one. I did laugh once! and that was a sympathy laugh. If you are 4, then you may laugh twice, but that is at a push, how this film got made I will never know! The only reason I voted this film as a 1 is cos you can not vote a film as a minus! Please taker my advice, avoid this film, do no watch it at the pics, do not rent it, do not even watch it if it ever comes out on TV, I have lost an hour of my life that I will never get back, I don't want you to waste your life too!! AVOID!!!!!!

Starsky & Hutch (2004)

Great Sunday Hangover Film

[7/10 · 5 February 2007]

Hand on heart I did not want to watch this film. Although I grew up with the TV series and really enjoyed it, when the film was released I have to say that I was not keen, I can not put my finger on why, perhaps it was Stiller, who, Something About Mary apart, has never really done it for me. But what ever the reason, it remained unveiwed.

That was 2004 - Xmas 2006 and I get DVD vouchers, so In the January sales off I go to see what I can get, I do quite well, but have £3 remaining, I have 2 or 3 to chose from 2 I have already seen, and Starsky & Hutch.....So I bought it.......yet still it was unwatched until yesterday.......hungover and feeling a little lazy I needed something to pass the time that was easy to watch, funny, and not too taxing.....so on it goes.

How surprised was I then when after only a few minutes I was giggling away. Stiller was actually entertaining and I was enjoying watching him, Mr Wilson was very good and I got the vibe that the characters gelled as the ones in the TV series did. Vaughan was a good baddie, and Snoop was hight entertaining if not as camp Huggy Bear! All in all this is a good solid comedy film, not brilliant don't get me wrong, but worth a watch.

All the Queen's Men (2001)

Why oh why!!

[3/10 · 20 April 2006]

Now, I think Eddie Izzard is without doubt the best stand up comic performer of recent years, I have have all his live DVD's / videos, I have seen him live on stage and I have even met the man. I think he is great, very very funny. But yet, when he gets in front of a camera for a movie, everything seems to go wrong. He is not funny scripted, he seems very awkwardly delivering lines and he comes across very uncomfortable.

This film, in my opinion, was awful. It had so much promise, yet the comedy was either badly written (if written at all) or the actors just could not deliver it. I managed to watch it all the way through, but I was glad when it finished.

I would back Eddie to the hilt regarding his stand up, but movie wise, I think he needs to take a back seat.

The Village (2004)

Awful

[2/10 · 15 February 2005]

OK well I have to put in 10 lines before I can submit this comment, well I say comment more angry rant!! Why was this film made? It was awful. Please do not do as I did and waste you money and more importantly your life with this awful film. The pace is so slow it is backwards, the story is very weak, and the "twist" is as effective as a chocolate tea cup.

I have seen some poor films, a few of them admit as much before you see them so at least you know what you are getting, but this like so many others, makes you think it is one thing, when in fact it is totally different.

Please please please do not watch this film. It is right up there with Jeepers Ceepers and Darkness Falls!! Did I mention this film was awful?

Cold Creek Manor (2003)

Poor Poor Poor!!!

[3/10 · 5 January 2005]

I think that sums this film up!! Quaid was wasted, although he is not the best of actors he has been given better roles than this, Stone was awful, I know that she is not the best again, but with her clothes on, she offers very little.

The guy playing the "evil" bad guy was as scary as my Gran.

The plot so it was laughable. I was hoping for suspenseful shock horror type film, this was more carebears. After 20 minutes you knew what was going to happen, who was who and how it would end.

As for suspense? not a chance.

And then the pace of the film, how do I put this? A turtle on dope would be quicker!!

All in all, poor!!

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Christmas Giggles

[7/10 · 16 December 2004]

I have just read the lead comment for this film that is on the front page with the voting results and cast run down.

Why is it that some people can not take a film for what it is supposed to be.

This film is supposed to be a light hearted, tonge in cheek, family comedy, things to make the kids laugh and things for the adults, and that is exactly what this film does.

I laughed my nuts off at this film, I thought Carey put in a great performance and the whole film (if watched at Christmas) really give you a bit of festive cheer

So to all of you film reviewers stop trying to sound like film students and knock every film because it is not "Taxi Driver" or "The Godfather" and take films for what they are supposed to be, entertainment!!

Cabin Fever (2002)

What???

[1/10 · 22 March 2004]

All I will say about this "film" is PANTS!!

Avoid at all costs!!

Never watch!!

Do not waste your money and more importantly....you time!!

I have had constipation that has been less painful to sit through than this film!!

Having your nuts kicked is more entertaining...and makes more sense!!

What were the producers smoking....cause I want some!!

You have been warned!!

Dark Water (2002)

Great!!

[9/10 · 16 February 2004]

Having seen Ring and Ring 2, I had to see this film.

I had a vauge idea about the film as I had spoken to a freind who had seen it, but due to it being a night out and having one or two too many buds, the info I was given was a little hazy!!

So I rented it out...

This is a GREAT film, it was so well crafted that you are hooked straight away, the story is simple and the story is told in the same way, this I feel adds to the strange and eerie feel the film has all the way through.

I thought this film was a great horror, no slashing and gore and no obvious attempts to make you jump, just slow, eerie, and very tense horror, that makes the hairs on your neck stand on end......

I would recommend this to anyone who likes horror!!

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

And on....and on...and zzzzzzzzzz

[6/10 · 12 August 2003]

Sorry......but what was all the hype for this film??

It was so painfully long that I lost intrest after 2 HOURS!!

There was very little action for a fantasy film and to be honest I was really disappointed.

The acting and make up are all great and the story is true to the book, but there was something missing for me......

Not one to buy, unless the other two parts of the story get better!!

Ghost Ship (2002)

What the????

[3/10 · 23 July 2003]

Well here we are, ghostly tale on the high seas.......NO....it is a pile of poo!!!

The start of the film is quite tasty.....all the passangers and crew all die when someone unleashes a 50ft metal wire and splits everyone in two, the effects of them sliding in to two halfs and falling to the floor are very good and you even get the chance to see them try to piut them selves together before the blood loss kills them!!

Then we met the main cast of this film and from hewre on it gets BAD, even Mr Byrne cannot help this film, the story line seems to get lost along with the souls on the ship.

For me this film could have been REALLY good, but they seemed to have had the start all worked out but had no idea how to fit it in to a film.

I have seen worse films, Jeepers Creepers and Driller Killer, but this is oneof those that you watch and wish you had not bothered.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Action Action zzzzzzzzz

[5/10 · 17 June 2003]

Could not wait to see this film, the first Matrix was one of those films you have to watch, like Star Wars and Citizen Cain and Chinatown....etc.

How disapointing I was to see that they had sacrificed a great story line for non stop action.

Don't get me wrong the action scenes were fantastic, but for me they dragged on too long and the film just had so much missing, a plot for starters, they seemed to have spent all there time and money on the SFX and then as an after thought came up with a totaly pointless story line.

I did enjoy this film, but I left feeling unfullfiled, I wanted much more formmthis film and was left wanting.

Wendigo (2001)

Hmmmm

[3/10 · 15 April 2003]

I had never heard of this film or anything about anyone in it or who made it, so I had a quick look on the good old IMDB to get some feed back. Now I have been on here once or twice and read about films I have seen and thought had the people who write on here ever seen the same film I have, so I took what people had said with a pinch of salt and decided I had to watch this film with an open mind.

90 mins later and all I had seen was a TV movie about a couple who are having some problems and a kid (who has no idea how to act!!) who go on a vacation to become more together, rub up a strange redneck the wrong way, he then does something and then he buys it!!.....oh and in there is some indian bloke and a very sad looking rudolf thing?!?!?

And that was it!!......I thought I had got the wrong movie, I thought this was a suspensful horror, thriller type ride, but......hummmmmmm!!

I would never watch this again, and I would not recommend it, but I have seen worse films, this at least had some quality cinematography and camera movements, BUT that can never make up for a lame film!!!

Please listen to these people this once..this film is pants!!!

Training Day (2001)

VERY ENJOYABLE!

[8/10 · 15 April 2003]

Having heard good things about this film, it did take me a while to actually rent it, but it was worth the wait.

Although I had been told it was a good film I knew nothing about it apart from Denzel Washingotn and Ethan Hawke was in it!!

From the start I got a very Seven/Bad Boys feel, the camera work and things just gave me that type of feeling.....sorry very boring that bit.

I got straight i to Denzel Washingtons charater and thought, here is a man who knows his stuff!!

The rookie cop with his wet nose stright from the academy wanting to prove himself and basically feeling a bit out of his depth!!

I thought ok I see where we are going here, and then off we go downa road I was not expecting!!......THEN POW, it clicks, and I sat there and thought ok....was not expecting that!!.....but I do feel that the build up is let down by the ending, but there you go

So without too many spoilers, I really enjoyed this film, not for the comedy or the action, but for its uncertainty, its mistrust and lies!!

Rate this 7/10

Murder by Numbers (2002)

Why!?!??!

[1/10 · 23 March 2003]

Can some one tell me the point of this film!!??!?

You know exactly who did it right at the start, Bullock plays a 'character' who you care nothing about, Ben Chaplin is wasted, it slow boring and has no climax, the one small twist at the end is just that small and does not make up for what seems a life time to get to

I beg you do not waste your valuable life on this!!!

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

But I still don't care!!!

[3/10 · 24 February 2003]

Original film, that was poor, the sequel well no suprises.

People picked off one by one, Brandy won't die and the nice quite guy is the killers father!!!.....zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Best bit of the film, Jennifer Love Hewitts body in the tight tops!!!

But give this a miss, you will thank me for it!!

Ghostbusters II (1989)

Poor Follow Up

[4/10 · 18 February 2003]

When I had seen the frist Ghostbusters, I could not wait to see what happend to the 4 heros and there proton packs, so when the second film arrived I was really looking forward to it.

But then I watch it and well.....dissapointed is not a word that covers it really.

A story that seemed as if it was thrown together by a man and his dog, A painting comes to life and a baby is snatched, not very end of the world really. This film had some nice touches but in the end failed to deliver.

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

Jeppers Sleepers

[1/10 · 17 February 2003]

I was really looking forward to this flim, and then I watched it and now I wished I had spent the 2 hours I had wasted on this drivle doing something more worth while....like watching paint dry.

I can not put this film down enough, scary no, shocking, don't make me laugh, original, welll lets put it this way the Knock Knock jokes are more originalk than this, two dumb ass kids a man/bat/squirrel thing and a few dead people.....oooohhhh please I am so scared..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I was that infuriated that I demanded my money back from the video shop!!

The Lost Boys (1987)

Sleep all day Watch this film all night!!!

[10/10 · 17 February 2003]

1987, I was 10, I got a video. Called The Lost Boys.

The rest is history!!.......this film blow my Spiderman duvet off and made my Danger Mouse vidoe hide with fear....WHAT A FILM. Teen Vampires death guts and blood, what more could a 10 year old ask for. I remember going in to school and everyone else had seen it, those who hadn't were out casts never to be spoken to again.

Sam and Mike move to Santa Carla, with their mother and go to live with their Grandpa, in an old wooden shack. All seems well as the happy family settles in to there new enviroment, but as Sam and Mike venture in to the night, things start looking a little different, missing persons posters everywhere, a strange magazine shop with the frog brothers and a group of young bikers.

Lets put it this way, this film kicks bum!!

Watch it now!!!