Jaymz13 Reviews

Life in Outer Space (2022)

Pretty...

[2/10 · 25 June 2023]

Terms such as "might, possibly, and maybe" have no business being used THIS much in a show that proclaims itself to be a scientific documentary. Of course, this show is pretty light on science. It's pretty light on documentation, too.

What it's heavy on is unsubstantiated statements, hopeful thinking, and many statements about what some scientists WISH to be disvovered. Hardly a "documentary," even by the loosest of definitions.

I read a lot of science and science fiction. Of the two types of writing, this one falls much closer to the latter than the former. Hype. That's all this is. Hype for Keppler. They just spent 54 minutes basically declaring how great Keppler is. And it really is. But there's no need to create this whole Trojan horse of a "documentary" to convince me. Just document Keppler and the discoveries made because of it. Enough of this non-science, mumbo-jumbo, mushroom dreaming about what you HOPE to discover. Stick to what's actually been discovered. THAT'S what a documentary is.

Spaceship (2016)

Pretty Pointless

[2/10 · 23 December 2022]

Contains: No Spaceships No Blackholes No Unicorns No Rainbows No Alien Abductions Aimless and Angsty Teens MDMA

The scene where the one girl painted a black spot on her bedroom wall, had me waiting for her friend to try running through it like Wile E. Coyote through a tunnel painted on a cliff. At least that would've provided some much needed comic relief.

The dialogue wasn't even like real people talking.

"I thought about mom today." "Yeah. Taffy is delicious." "I like snorkling." "Okay. Let's take your motorcycle."

And just on and on. "Actors" spouting random disconnected sentences while looking at each other "meaningfully." The Liberty Mutual, door dash, and Amazon commercials that popped up during the breaks were cinematic genius by comparison.

I've seen worse, but not by much, and it's been a long time. 2 stars. Barely.

Bikini Warriors (2015–2021)

Made To Ogle

[7/10 · 1 November 2022]

A smut anime that verges on hentai. Offers lots of fan service and little else besides a laugh here and there. Contains all the tropes of the genre including overly sexualized "innocent" girls who blush and demure when ogled or groped by men, but who shamelessly grope and fondle each other in lesbian acts. Their dungeon adventures really don't matter and almost get in the way of this show's intended purpose. It's all just filler between nude and semi-nude scenes as the camera pans chests and crotches. Would be much better if it stopped pretending to be ashamed of its overt sexuality. But it'll do until something better comes along.

Tokyo Ghoul (2014)

Blade With Ghouls. Oh, Wait. Blade Had Ghouls. Nevermind.

[4/10 · 3 October 2022]

Tokyo has two types of people: humans, ghouls, human/ghoul hybrids, ghoul hunters, human hunters, imperial stormtroopers, rebels, ghoul-hunting humans, human-hunting ghouls, ghoul-hunting ghouls, and human-hunting humans. Okay, that's more than two, but I flunked math, and so did the creator of Tokyo Ghoul, obviously.

The artwork is good, similar to Castlevania and Ergo Proxy. The story is typical of horror/action/drama anime, and in my not so humble opinion, it's tired. The characters are over powered except when they need to lose a fight to keep the story from ending in three minutes. Everybody is invincible until they're not. Then they fall like wheat before the scythe. This is also a tired trope in anime. No, not tired; exhausted. The dialogue is inane, somewhat reminiscent of 70s and 80s Superfriends and Justice League script. "That bus is headed straight for that cliff! I need to stop it!" The voice acting slightly subpar, again, typical for this type of anime. The girls are all squeaky. The guys are either gravelly voiced or pubescent.

There really isn't anything here that stands out, making it worth recommending. There's nothing bad enough to warn avoiding, unless, like me, you're weary of mediocre anime. If you're into this sort of thing, without the reservations I've mentioned, by all means, watch Tokyo Ghoul. You'll enjoy it. If, on the other hand, you feel like I do about the above cliche tropes, watch Castlevania instead. It's written for a bit more discerning audience.

Onechanbara: The Movie (2008)

Bikinis and samurais and zombies! Oh, my!

[2/10 · 9 September 2022]

Even for a cheesy Japanese samurai flick, this is lame. Don't get me wrong: it's cheesy. It's just a very bland cheese. Where's the 30 seconds of lips moving for a simple challenge of "Want fight!?" More lips moving "Fight me!" Where's the 4 solid minutes of a samurai deflecting and dodging a cloud of 50,000 arrows? I guess deflecting the gunshots was okay, but it was a poor substitute.

I was hoping for...something better. I guess the over-the-top fight scenes were okay. A bit lackluster for the genre, but passable. The infinite ammo shotgun was a nice touch, but that's probably the only thing noteworthy here. On the whole, Onechanbara lacks the charm of any of the several typical, cheesy Japanese samurai movies I've come to know and love. It feels like this has all been done before, and done better.

Oh, well... At least there's was brief nudity. Briefly.

Jurassic World Dominion (2022)

Ridiculous

[2/10 · 7 July 2022]

The Jurassic franchise started out great, but got more ridiculous as it went. Jurassic World: Dominion takes the number one position in this respect. Nothing makes sense, and all the characters are flat. The dialogue is stilted, and the actors feel it. The delivery is phoned in. All the wrong people got eaten.

Moonfall (2022)

A Disaster Of A Disaster Film

[2/10 · 3 April 2022]

This is the best movie ever made. No other movie will ever be better than Moonfall. Except maybe Moonfall 2, Moonfall 3, and Moonfall 4: Rise Of The Armies Of The Planets Of The Moon. The voices in my head wanted me to rate it an eleven, but the conspiracy theorists told me not to, so I gave it a 2 so the secret aliens won't catch on that we're on to them. I rank this right up there with Attack Of The Fifty Foot Fried Green Tomatoes, root canal surgery, and roasted sewer sludge.

One thing I loved was how the Moon hates the Earth and races toward life itself. Life itself didn't like that very much though. Also, to all the reviewers who gave this movie a rating of 10 stars: You should do more to promote this glorious celebration of the genius who directed and wrote this amazing movie. Are you really only going to give it a 10? I give it three thumbs. Way up!

Mars (2016–2018)

Season 1 was great. Season 2, not so much.

[6/10 · 20 March 2022]

I really loved the format. It shows the plot unfolding in one of several likely ways mankind will get to Mars for more than just a data gathering excursion. The original crew is heading to Mars to stay, through a joint effort of several space agencies. Each step of progress shown has a cutscene or two interviewing people who have some skin in the game: Elon Musk, Neil deGrasse Tyson, etc. This serves to make season one both engaging and informative. I found myself excited at the likelihood of these events unfolding, perhaps even in my lifetime.

Season two used this same format. However, in place of the interviews with experts and visionaries on space in general and Mars specifically, we have environmental evangelists preaching the evils of exploiting natural resources on Earth. Using new-age-speek, they inform you that Mother Earth/gaia is dying from lack of crude petroleum. She needs her oil back to survive. Up to this point, the show is not even science fiction, more future-science. But season 2 takes it out of that genre and into the realm of supernatural fantasy.

At the same time, up on Mars, we see a bunch of mean old oil rig jockeys bullying the peaceful science crew from the original mission and almost starting an all out war with them. Not until the jocks capitulate and help the kind scientists aid the dying planet mars is the fate of these early settlers out of jeopardy.

The importance of finding water or water ice on Mars is absolutely crucial to sustaining life there, and this is the driving factor in season one. The well informed season one seems to know and understand this. But somebody screamed loud enough during the break between seasons to get the writers to shift focus. Now, finding extraterrestrial life is the paramount objective. Well, sugar, you should have sent an exploratory mission years ahead of the colonization mission if that was the Most Important Thing. Because once colonists arrive, it's a battle for survival of humanity, and if you take your eyes off that goal, it's a non-survival proposition. Hippies conducting drum circles and chanting "save the plankton" will be the last group to go to Mars, I'm fairly certain.

Season one assured there would be a season two. Season two assured there would be no season three. Watch accordingly.

The 7 Adventures of Sinbad (2010 Video)

The Original Prince Of Persia???

[2/10 · 20 March 2022]

Okay, let's just say I made a movie, and I called it...George Washington: The Original United States President. But then the main character was named Bob Washington, and he's the great, great, great grand nephew of George Washington's butler. Just some guy who works at The Home Depot and gets stranded on an island during a cheap, off-season Indian Ocean cruise.

Adrian Sinbad is not the original prince of anything. He's just some 20th or 21st century nobody who probably doesn't have a drop of Persian blood in his veins. He sails and swims around in the same regions of the oceans where Sinbad may or may not have once sailed centuries earlier, and that is the only believable connection.

The script is fairly unimaginative, the acting uninspired, the creature effects passable, if barely, the plot will have you wondering if you could maybe make a few million dollars releasing footage of your last weekend barbecue on DVD, or maybe even VHS. Thought it may have been filmed in exotic Belize, you won't see enough real estate to distinguish it from the California coast.

Typical Asylum garbage. Will provide enough background noise to help you sleep away a lazy Sunday afternoon, if you're the type that needs that. I only rated it 2 stars because I've actually seen worse, though not by much.

The Planets (2019)

Many Great Views Of Earth

[4/10 · 26 February 2022]

While much of the narration is about the other planets, most of the images are of places on Earth, even while the other planets are being discussed. The bulk of the rest is CGI, with very few images of the other planets.

There are a few good facts presented, but it's intermixed with a lot of speculation presented as theory. This is my biggest gripe about most "science" documentaries. A theory, by definition, has been tested. It it hasn't been tested, it's a hypothesis or mere "what if" speculation. I consider this shoddy documentary filmmaking, and the more of it is present, the less I like the show. For this, I give it 4 stars rather than 5.

I will say this for The Planets: it's not a propaganda vehicle with a political agenda as are so many other documentaries of its kind. For that, I give it 4 stars rather than 3.

Several inaccurate "facts" are presented, such as statements about how Mercury lost its atmosphere and its crust and mantle. The reasons given are possible, but hardly the most likely. They are, however, the most dramatic of all feasible reasons, and I feel that's why they are presented so strongly. Also, several factors of Venus's climatic conditions are mentioned, and these are fine, but one huge factor is never even mentioned, and that is Venus's atmospheric density. Venus could never have been temperate with an atmospheric density near 90 times that of Earth. The fact is, Earth's moon's gravitational influence has stripped away much of Earth's atmosphere, and Venus has no moon to do it a similar service. That is the single biggest factor in the difference between Earth and Venus, but it never gets a mention here. Boo.

Ultimately, the best feature of this series is that it presents a few sparse facts and some nice images. Unfortunately, it will attract and encourage a lot of easily brainwashed minds to swell the ranks of voices stating "The science is settled" in regards to science and pseudoscience that is anything but settled. Again, boo. Barely watchable. Inspires much tsking and shaking of head.

The Trouble with Being Born (2020)

A Film Ashamed Of Itself

[3/10 · 20 February 2022]

Too timid to say what it wants to say. Too artless to be artful. Diffuse and half-formed concepts. It wants to be child pornography, but is afraid to say so. It hides its true feelings by trying to be artsy and conceptual, but gets bogged down between the lie and the truth. It fails as art. It fails as child pornography. It fails as propaganda.

Who is "papa" and why does he have an android daughter? Was there ever a real daughter? And where is "mum"? If he had a real daughter who died and replaced her with this android, why didn't he replace "mum" too? Since he's sexually involved with the child android, are we to assume he was sexually involved with his real daughter if she rever existed? Or is "papa" just some rich pervert who bought a child android? Why can't she remember certain things one moment, but then later remembers them. Are these actual memories, or just "realism" artifacts papa implants in her to enhance the feeling that he's having a loving, sexual relationship with a real daughter? Because we know that's what this movie us trying to sell: The concept that parents can indulge their sexual fantasies with their children in a healthy, loving way.

I think others that have reviewed this movie assume Elli is a replacement daughter for an organic daughter who died. I disagree. Papa is just a broken, single man with an obsession fornaked little girls. In one scene, we see him remove Elli's tongue and vagina in the morning (after a night spent together all night that "mum never would have allowed but doesn't need to know about") and wash them in the kitchen sink.

Why try to hide this message behind artifice and half-hearted artsy-fartsy bulls**t? If you really feel your deviance is nothing to be ashamed of, why then do you seem so ashamed of it? And if you're that ashamed, why air it out in the open? Just go hide in a dark closet with your pedophilia fetish and stop trying to convince us and yourself it's nothing to be ashamed of. You're embarrassing yourself.

The Orville (2017–2022)

Spare Me The Morality Lessons, Degenerate

[2/10 · 20 February 2022]

I'd like to start by saying none of the "10" ratings have even the slightest credibility. By rating a TV show "10" you are saying it is among the very best of all TV shows. The Orville is not that. I can only assume these ratings are shilling for the show's producers. The only other way I would accept that judgement is that the rating is from somebody who has never seen any other TV show. That would still make a score of "10" invalid, but for different reasons.

I make it a point not to accept morality lessons from people without morals. I find that virtue signalling is generally done by those who have no virtues.

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

At Least It Wasn't 2012

[4/10 · 11 February 2022]

The entire globe becomes arctic in 48 hours due to humanity's abuse of the environment, and that's really all I needed to know about this film. It's the shortest ice age on record, though, as it only lasts a few hours.

Most of the questions "why" posed by the characters are best answered "because it's in the script." The only thing missing is a dad joke about walking barefoot to school in weather like this, uphill, both ways. Or someone telling Doctor Mom "They'll be okay. Who better to get the children through a flash-ice-age than a climate scientist."

The southern hemisphere gets a pass on the bad weather somehow. Mostly because nobody cares what happens there. I barely cared what happened to the people in the northern hemisphere. As the crowd evacuated the library, I thought "let them go." As their frozen bodies were found, I thought "the law of natural selection finally wins." I was saddened that so many survived. What's the global population? 8 billion? I think about 7.999 billion would've been acceptable loss here.

Some decent performances by the likes of Quaid and others. Mostly good visual effects and such. But stop trying to scare me into buying a hybrid. Carbon neutral? I'll bet most of this film production's carbon footprint was offset by financial contributions. Spare me the virtue signaling.

Snowpiercer (2013)

Snowpiercer Comes Off The Rails

[2/10 · 11 February 2022]

Don't ruin the movie by thinking too deeply. Or at all.

If Earth became so cold that all life died even at the equator, it would be too cold for machinery to work in the formerly temperate zone. Lubricants would freeze and become useless. Materials like steel rails and axles would become brittle and shatter.

Having no external food source, even resorting to cannibalism wouldn't help for long. If every square inch of the train were used to grow food, there would be enough to support about 3 people for the length of time they've supposedly been aboard. And they'd still need to eat their dead.

Why is it necessary the train keep moving? Because it's in the script. Why a global train route? Why not just a small circuit around the warmest zones? Because it's in the script. How the Hell did this train ride even become a thing? Because it's in the script. And without all these contrivances, we wouldn't have this movie. Which, come to think of it, wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Would've been hugely improved by just being a 20 minute mob brawl where only one combatant survives and then eats the engineer and conductor, then jumps the train off the edge of a cliff.

Nothing in this movie works. Nothing.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)

The Story Has Been Told For Thousands Of Years...

[4/10 · 25 January 2022]

The narrator, in one breath, claims the story has been told for thousands of years. In the next breath, she claims this mystery man sought power for a thousand years as the year "1996" appears on the screen. So my question is, how many thousands of years has it been since 1996?

I know it seems like such a minor thing. After all, this is a Marvel fantasy. But to introduce the story in such a sloppy way? No. You already lost me in the first five minutes. I'm tired of flashy movies that forget they need to make sense at least within the confines of their own universe. Flash only holds my attention for a few seconds. That alone isn't enough to keep me watching for two hours.

Jeers, Marvel. Do better.

Halfworlds (2015– )

What Happens In Halfworlds?

[5/10 · 3 January 2022]

Let me start with what I liked about Halfworlds.

I was excited to watch a show that dealt with mysterious, supernatural beings who have secretly lived alongside humanity since ancient times. The setting (Jakarta, Indonesia) was unique for me, and added to the intrigue. The scenery seemed authentic, and the photography and directing gave the scenes a feel of authenticity. The backstory of these demit as a whole was interesting and made me want to research the mythology. Sadly, there is a lack of historical writings on this subject in English, but that isn't this show's fault. The anime-style introductions were superb, and serve as an example to future film/TV creators. So far it's all about drama, atmosphere, and drawing the audience in to an exotic adventure.

Now to what about Halfworlds didn't work for me.

The characters are all very contrived and two-dimensional. The only thing that separates one from another and lets you distinguish them individually is their style of dress and haircut. They don't seem like people, just stereotypes. Any line of dialogue could have been delivered by anyone. There is no difference in personality. And that brings me to the dialogue. It's more like a list of random sentences designed to sound cool and edgy than to convey ideas and move the story along. The characters say some words, a fight breaks out, bodies hit the pavement, some more random words, rinse, repeat. What is happening? Who is this person? What is he trying to accomplish? What allies him or sets him at odds with the other characters? What is the point of ANY of this? What is The Gift? Why is it so dreadful? Wouldn't it be more appropriate to call it "The Curse"? You never get any clear idea of any of these things. There is no structure here, either internally or externally. It's just...atmosphere and setting. If anyone asked me "What happens in Halfworlds?" I wouldn't have any idea how to answer them.

In the end, it put me in mind of Wesley Snipe's Blade movies, but with no plot, no sense of who he's supported by or fighting against or why. Just a room full of really cool, really beautiful, stylishly dressed bad asses trying to look cooler, more beautiful, more stylish, and more bad ass than everyone else in the room. In Blade, I learned about the differences between the average vampire (how they live, what they do, what they want) and daywalkers. With Halfworls, I learned that demit are ancient creatures that once coexisted with mankind, but are now enemies of humanity. I think. I'm not really sure. Are they? It's never completely clear. And why? What happened? I waited for the answers to all of these questions and many more, but they never came.

Everything I know about demit, I learned in the first 10 minutes of episode 1.

The Universe (2007–2015)

I've seen some awful documentaries.

[2/10 · 1 January 2022]

"The Sun is the largest star in our solar system." "Jupiter is the biggest object in our solar system." The Earth is big enough to fit one Earth into very comfortably. "Boy, this baby can fit one Earth SO comfortably!" *slaps the roof of Earth* Okay, those last two aren't actual quotes from the series, but the first two are. As are the following two.

"Jupiter. Totally different from Earth. And yet...I should be careful. Not totally different from Earth. Just Earth on steroids." "And you ask yourself...Wow! If I understood what's going on on Jupiter, Earth would be just a piece of cake!" Because that's a question scientists ask. Also, how many pieces of cake fit inside Jupiter? And are they comfortable?

This series would have been so greatly improved if it had just been imagery, video, and graphics with no speaking. Absolutely no speaking. None. How much speaking? Very little? No. No speaking. Just shut up. That's better. Thank you.

A hot hydrogen balloon in Jupiter wouldn't catch on fire, you imbecile. Jupiter's atmosphere contains almost no oxygen, which is sort of slightly just a little bit vital to the combustion of hydrogen. Who did the scientific research for this show? Forest Gump and Karl Childers? I think Forest wrote the narrative script. I reckon Karl Childers woulda done him a better job a' narratin' that there document'ry, mm hmm.

To all you pompous Brits saying this is because it's an American production, sod off. I've seen equaly bad and worse garbage produced by and for BBC Television. The production value of your average TV shows is far inferior to our average. Go measure a soccer pitch, limey.

Jurassic Galaxy (2018)

Natives Defend Their Planet From Alien Invaders

[9/10 · 21 December 2021]

An amazing film. Absolutely riveting storyline. Brilliant script. Gorgeous cinematography. Stunning visuals and special effects. The only way this film could have possibly scored higher is if it had been a musical.

Darling in the Franxx (2018)

One Of The Animes Ever Created

[5/10 · 11 December 2021]

I'll be brief making a couple statements. I don't mind a little fan service. There are some decent smut anime out there. Fan service alone doesn't ruin a show for me. Darling grants a little fan service, and that's okay.

Mechas are machines. Like cars or airplanes. They operate on mechanical principles. But not in Darling. No. Dr Franxx has designed these magic mechs to operate on the principle of children engaing in sex, doggy-style. Not that I'm not all for doggy-style. It's one of my favorite positions. I'm just not sure how it would make a battle-mech go...

The story centers around a hybrid human/dinosaur/succubus character known as Zero Two or 9 Iota. I add "succubus" because even though she was created with human DNA spliced with saurian DNA, great lengths were gone to to make her look like a succubus. No reason is given, so I assume it's simply because the artist likes succubi. The rest of the anime is nothing but a vehicle to bring you a sexy girl with horns and pink hair. I quickly realized I couldn't care less if any of the other characters lived or died. I might have even preferred most of them died.

The drawing and animation is pretty amazing. Especially Zero Two. Again, this whole series seems to have been created as an excuse to show kids that they should find a girlfriend that looks and acts like Zero Two. And have lots of doggy-style sex.

I guess that's not the worst message an anime can deliver. Voltron's message was fisting...with mechanical animals.

How NOT to Summon a Demon Lord (2018–2021)

If You Take This Seriously, You're An Idiot

[9/10 · 2 December 2021]

"The main character is too overpowered!" Yeah. That's a plot point. This isn't a video game that's so hard it's unfair. It's a TV show. Calm down, Sparky.

"It's full of fan service and bouncing boobs" Yeah. That's its only reason for existing. My only problem with it is the main character never gets comfortable with naked females rubbing against him sexually. I keep hearing the East is more comfortable with sex than Westerners, but I'm not seeing it. They seem more uptight and embarrassed by it than any Americans I know. I've actually found myself wishing it was a little more explicit.

It's softcore porn with awkward humor and what would be illegally young girls if it was a live action show. That's not a faux pas to me. That's WHY I watch it. And honestly, that's why YOU keep watching it too. You're just ashamed of yourself and don't want anyone to see you enjoying cartoon kiddie porn.

Foundation (2021– )

Foundation Misses No Mistakes

[7/10 · 27 November 2021]

There is a guide to writing good science fiction. It dedicates an entire chapter to what NOT to do. Foundation does all of them. Badly.

Also, way too "woke" and "angsty-edgy" for me. And why? Because that's how the CW does science fiction. Apple just followed suit. No rhyme or reason other than studies show that's what teens want in their movies these days.

Unfortunately, yet another series I put on for background noise when I go to sleep at night.

Ancient Aliens (2009– )

Wait a second. Last week you said...

[2/10 · 20 September 2021]

Could it be that, as some ancient astronaut theorists believe... Perhaps the answer lies not in Peru, but halfway around the world, in ancient Egypt.

You can't carbon date rocks. Not even on archaeologists only dot com.

I could lay out the Nazca lines with a tape measure, 4 stakes, and a roll of string. I wouldn't need an aerial view.

Now let me start on David Childress. Is it possible, as some ancient astronaut theorists have asserted, that I could slap him everytime he says Nazca lines, ancient astronauts, the ancient Egyptians, the ancient Mayans, the ancient Aztecs, star people, or almost anything else he says? Perhaps the answer to that can be found, not in ancient Egypt...

Who wrote this drivel?

I'm not saying it was aliens...but it was aliens.

Terra Nova (I) (2011)

Brats and dinosaurs

[6/10 · 19 September 2021]

My biggest gripe with Terra Nova was the teen angst angle. Teens mainly get angsty when there isn't enough real hardship to keep them from dwelling on how much mommy hates them and daddy neglects them. People who spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week fighting for their lives don't have the time or energy to feel sorry for themselves. An angsty teen is a dead teen. And those around them end up dead too. Make a habit of being that problem, and everyone stops rescuing you when your life is in danger. It's the law of natural selection. Terra Nova, The 100, The Shanarra Chronicles, all have this trope going on.

Next gripe. If a faction like The Sixers splits off from the main enclave, there's no room for all these lofty ideals of mercy and second chances. You kill the enemy or you die. You need to set the moralistic horse crap by the wayside or the species ends. It's a family friendly show, so there's no need to be graphic about it. Just show the rope getting cut and fade to black as the dinosaur pounces.

All that being said, it's got dinosaurs! I would have rated it a 2, but the presence of dinosaurs bumps it up to a 6.

Touching the Void (2003)

Why do you climb?

[10/10 · 19 September 2021]

"We climb 'cause it's fun. And mainly, it was fun. That's all we ever did. And we were fairly anarchic and fairly irresponsible, and we didn't give a damn about anything else or anyone else. We just wanted to climb the world. And it WAS fun. It was brilliant fun! And... Every now and then it went horribly wrong, and... And then it wasn't." -- Simon Yates

My mother begged me to take her to see this. Not my kind of film. But she LOVES stories of exploration and adventure. So I thought... "Why not? I can suffer the boredom of a two hour snore fest for my mother." I love my mother.

I was riveted from the opening monologue. Within seconds, I was high above the Andean clouds with Joe and Simon on the slopes of Siula Grande. Felt the elation that must come from standing at the edge of the eternal when summiting a peak like that. The only sound the crunch of the snow beneath your feet, the sound of your own heart and breath.

"70% of all climbing accidents happen on the descent." -- Joe Simpson

I don't know what they used to create the sound effect of Joe's leg breaking. I almost threw up right there in the theatre. I think I may have wretched audibly.

What happens afterward is the stuff of mountaneering legend.

The Last Days on Mars (2013)

What are the chances?

[3/10 · 18 September 2021]

What are the chances of getting that many incompetent, unqualified personnel on a single Mars mission? At no point does anybody follow a single order given. It's like everybody's main motivation is to turn a science project into a zombie film. I went from not caring if any of the characters survive to hoping none of them do. "I'm so thirsty..."