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Reviews
Surrender Dorothy (1998)
To filmman56, an imbecile
*** "Why is it that gay filmmakers are only capable of making films about their favorite subject... their own sexual proclivities/fantasies?" - filmman56 ***
Really, half-wit? I must have missed the gay subtext in Romeo and Juliet, because Franco Zeffirelli is certainly a gay director.
Or the gay stuff in all those Merchant/Ivory productions, because James Ivory is certainly a gay director.
Maybe they cut the gay scenes out of Good Will Hunting, because Gus Van Sant is definitely a gay director.
My Fair Lady must have been about cross-dressing, because George Cukor was as gay as Liberace, and a director.
Obviously Swimming Pool was all gay stuff because François Ozon is a gay director.
There must have been more gay sex in those Brat Pack and John Grisham movies that I remember, because Joel Schumacher is definitely a gay director.
The perverted themes in Stargate, Independence Day, the Patriot, Godzilla and the Day After Tomorrow must have gone right over my head, because Roland Emmerich is an epically gay director.
And definitely Frankenstein and his monster were doing the nasty, because James Whale was a gay director.
I could go on, and on, and on, but I think your cluelessness has been amply demonstrated.
The Showdown (2009)
Somebody's home movie gone horribly wrong
This is apparently somebody's home movie project gone horribly wrong. Note the list of "actors," all of whom share a handful of last names, and few of which have been in so much as a toothpaste commercial before, or since. The "director" hasn't directed anything else either, but at least he was an extra on an episode of Walker Texas Ranger.
Needless to say the acting, writing, photography, direction and everything else are strictly amateur-hour. In all seriousness, if you filmed your local high school's drama club show, it couldn't be a whole lot worse. It makes the average after-school special look like Citizen Kane.
Positive reviews and ratings are no doubt from the cast and crew. That is the ONLY possible explanation. In support of this, consider that as of this writing, neither of the two positive reviewers have reviewed a single other film on IMDb. In fact, they were written one day apart, and coincidentally right around the time that this direct-to-DVD crapfest would have been hitting the bottom shelf of your local video store.
Bell Witch Haunting (2004)
Omg
In addition to the fact that this is just an abysmally made film (imagine giving a camcorder to the average high school drama club) the people who think that there is anything "real" about this legend need to grow up. This is the 21st century. Guess what: ghosts don't exist. Most people learn that from their mother when they're about 5 years old. You guys seriously need to grow up.
The fact that a fraud was perpetrated nearly 2 centuries ago does not make it any less a fraud. The fact that a large number of inbred hillbillies from Tennessee believe it doesn't do it either. Go to college. Or at least finish high school.
What Women Want (2000)
Possibly the least funny movie ever made.
I had the great misfortune to be trapped on an airplane playing this movie a few years back. It was a horrible experience. Seriously, if I hadn't been at 30,000 feet I would have run, not walked, for the exit. Even so I was seriously considering it.
Though I'm a guy I don't actually mind the occasional "chick flick" when they're competently made, but I can't even begin to imagine what these people were thinking. At some point didn't somebody in the cast or the director or SOMEONE realize what an incredible crap-fest they were filming? This film is so bad that it's impossible for me to look at any of the actors the same way after seeing it. I lost all respect.
I am forced to write at least ten lines for IMDb to accept my review, but the best review of this film I ever read was two words: "Not this."
Bad Santa (2003)
Dumb, dumb movie.
I can't believe the idiot who suggested that this film should open in art houses. Here's the entire content of the film: Santa is a con man. Santa is a drunk. Santa has anal intercourse with fat chicks in the big & tall ladies dressing room. Santa doesn't like kids. Santa gets peed on by kids. Santa pees his own pants because he's too drunk or lazy to go to the restroom himself.
Hilarious. Oscar material no doubt. In fact, I'd be very surprised if this work of genius didn't wind up on the AFI list of the top 100 films of all time.