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Reviews
Nochnoy dozor (2004)
The Most Disjointed Piece of Garbage I've ever decided to watch
This movie is so bad it deserves a Razzy, seriously folks, its just that bad. At the beginning you can't understand the characters, nor the concept, half way into it you don't know who's on who's side and by the end, your so tired of it and its ridiculousness you just want to throw it out the window.
I thought this movie was going to intrigue me and further my interest in the ways of Russian script writing and cinematography, but it ended up disappointing me and turning me off completely to this director (Timur Bekmambetov). Now if you don't mind, I'm going back to blockbuster and getting a store credit towards this to pick something more enjoyable. Good Night to all, and beware the darkness, its has horrible plot lines and bad acting.
Red-Blooded American Girl II (1997)
The Anti-American Dream
Crazed Shotgun toting-incest driven-revenge seeking truck drivers & obsessive control disorder "daddy raped me when I was 12" handcuff carrying, all latex wearing prostitutes is just a few of the character you will be introduced to in this complete disgrace of a movie that can easily be viewed on any cable TV station (IE: Skinemax) at 4am on Sunday nights. (
And yes I know that was an entire sentence, but bare with me people; this is a long-winded review for a short pointless film).
Filmed in "somewhere" Canada, with almost no budget, the plot to this freak show is trite, the police in it obviously never heard of "State Jurisdiction" because they end up chasing both Miya (Hookers) and Trent (idiotic, Anal Retentive, Generic, insecure College Student) all across the U.S. (and I thought only the FBI could do that). The camera is shaky, the sex scenes are mediocre and the acting is so bad it might actually cause unintentional acid flashbacks to movies like "Ishtar" and "Leonard Part 6".
As far as the Skin scenes go (which is the only reason to even rent this movie, don't even think of buying it) there are two of them. The first one is the only one worth watching though which is the Dominatrix Sex scene with Kari Salin and ____(insert unknown actor here, he's obviously done nothing else worth noting) in a seedy, disgusting Motel room (the kind with the busted sink that drips, and the soda machine outside that only has blue tonic water left in it). It's all S&M (riding crops, handcuffs, hot wax, and underwear licking) folks and in the end, he gets left in a motel room, with no money and cops waiting at his door (that's goes to show you guys, don't let a hooker tie you up in a "middle-of-nowhere" motel room). Sadly though, Kari shows no skin worth remembering, and that alone can cause deep-seeded traumatic experiences for some gentlemen, so that is definitely a downer towards this flick.
As for the ending, *Snicker*Snicker* I know you probably wouldn't mind if I revealed it to you but I won't, you should spend your hard earned money for that one. All in all I give it a 1/5 for action, a 3/5 for Skin (See last paragraph) and a 0/0 for acting, character development or intricate plot twists.
- Laughing Man