sixbells99 Reviews

Ad Astra (2019)

Nerd free film

[1/10 · 3 December 2019]

Why let the laws of nature get in the way of plot. For a lover of science this film is just dreadful down to the bone. The film claims to be the most realistic space flight film ever! Well the black and white Buck Roger films are more accurate that this dreadful mess. Could they not find one nerd to help them add one ounce of science in this film. I don't want this review to have spoilers, as my intention is to protect nerds time! TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE!!! A film truely free of any nerds. I think also people with any brains...

Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi (2017)

The Single worse Star Wars film ever made

[1/10 · 21 December 2017]

Expect everything you love and know about Star Wars to be trashed in this film. Imagine preparing the most extravagant meal with the most expensive and luxurious ingredients in the world. You spend days preparing the food, then as you plate up you pour two buckets of salt on top of everything. Your wonderful well made food ruined under a mountain of salt. This is exactly what the director did in the Last Jedi, he destroyed it. It was overlong, far too conscious of itself with crude plot twists and no love for the characters. It was as if an alien had landed on earth and never seen the other films and just made it in an afternoon. The words Last are very meaningful, it's the last time I will go to a Star Wars film, the Last time I will care about a star wars film and the last time any fan will have hope of seeing a film fans deserve. The Jedi are WELL AND TRULY DEAD!! Great work Disney!! Took some doing to destroy this franchise.

6 Days (I) (2017)

Historically inaccurate

[4/10 · 10 October 2017]

A bland paint by numbers thriller with just one good scene, it tries not to be too flashy but ends up being boring. The characters are straight out of the stereotype box. Disowned by many of the SAS men who were actually there as inaccurate. An important moment in modern history tarnished by this film but not destroyed. If you know nothing about princess gate it might be a reasonable late night film when there is nothing else to watch.

Assassin's Creed (2016)

Terrible script

[3/10 · 26 February 2017]

I just watched the film and still no clue what the film was about. Just a lot of jumping around and CGI. A very confused plot that wasted the talent of some great actors. The films jumps from scene to scene far too quickly with little focus on dialogue. The end result is you don't care about the characters or what happens. The main device in the film is very poorly explained and offers no intrigue so I didn't even know what they were fighting for, just some vague concept that didn't make any sense. With such a great cast and a game concept that could have worked the director and script writer criminally wasted this film.

Maggie (I) (2015)

Boring Zombie Art house

[3/10 · 20 May 2015]

Arnie does a zombie film YES! Arnie Does an intelligent Zombie film, YES why not, make it like children of men but with zombies. But Arnie does soul searching Art house Zombie film where nothing happens, I mean NOTHING happens. NO NO NO. Zombie's films do not need the art house treatment and there has already been a couple of attempts at it already. OK so Finally Arnie has shown he can really act, but the film is just so dire awful you don't care if he was plank. It could have been so good it really had potential, but it ends up a one act film, no narrative, no action, by the end of it I was just checking my watch and hoping it would end. A really wasted chance of a classic Arnie zombie flick.

The Kill Team (2013)

Heart of Darkness

[8/10 · 5 April 2015]

A true heart of darkness this documentary painfully depicts a war within a war, when men on the same side turn against each other. It painfully shows the lie that trained killers can be contained and controlled. Instead the films shows that war can lead to a moral numbness where killing of any kind is just a trophy to brag about.

It skillfully shows the conflict and fear of one man faced with the dilemma in doing the right thing as his conscious weights on him yet his instinct for survival pulls against him. Yet this one man is not blameless also partaking in the butchery and murder of unarmed farmers. This is also the skill of the documentary as it leaves you with more questions than answers.

Were all the young farmers killed really innocent? Is Adam Winfield really a victim or a cold blood killer? For sure his mother and father are victims and it's theirs sorrowed surrounding him that makes the film ambiguous, where you can't make out how guilty he really is.

The most chilling scene of the film is where one of the soldiers said, "everyone was doing it we just got caught". A chilling film that is very different to the usual war documentary's where you see shaky cam of soldiers diving for cover as bullets fly over their head. It's also a film that asks you the question what would you do faced with a similar situation. A great documentary that shows the true brutality of war and what it does to the men that fight in it.

The Guest (I) (2014)

Don't believe the Hype

[2/10 · 15 March 2015]

This is a dreadful mess of a movie, the only thing preventing this film being rated a 1 is the actors, which by and large do their best with terrible material. If this is suppose to be an 80's postmodern, scream hybrid, the director truly did create a monster, but not one I would want to see again. Its almost as if someone has vomited script ideas onto the floor. You get a terrible stench, a horrible mess and a strong urgency for someone to quickly put sand on it and clean that mess up.

Its a wild mess it can't make its mind up want kind of film it wants to be, so it jumps from one style to the other and you end up with a Joseph coat of a film. There is no sense to this film, no plot, no ideas and in the end you just wonder, what happened there? Ranks by a long margin my worst film of 2015 so far, it will take some beating.

Point and Shoot (2014)

Unique

[8/10 · 22 February 2015]

An incredible film that manages to capture mental illness, narcissism and the Arab Spring from the inside. The film starts off with an interesting concept with Matthew Vandyke who feels he's lead a sheltered life and needs to become a man. So he buys a motorbike and travels alone to the most dangerous places in the world.

During this journey we see him film first hand his mental illness which at times is painful to watch. Then the film takes an unexpected turn and we are given new and colorful characters as Mathew embarks on his mission to join the fight in Libya with his new found Libyan friends.

Impossible to label the director keeps the film focused and it's an unforgettable journey into a man's mental illness manifesting itself in the backdrop of the Arab uprising. Totally unique, compelling and brilliant!

Fury (2014)

Walking dead with Nazi Zombies

[6/10 · 28 November 2014]

The film has plenty of action and should be good watch for WWII buffs But it's the way the action was directed that let the film down. It seems the director never watched Saving Private Ryan, but had watched every episode of the walking dead. The film violence has cartoon like carnage about it, much more in line with a zombie film than a realistic war film. I felt like I was watching the walking dead.

Due to this zombie violence there's just no sense of dread and the director never found the soul of the film, I found I never really cared what was going to happen to the characters.

But the zombie violence was good enough to have kept me entertained, not a very good "horrors of war film", but a good Nazi Zombie film. ( even through there are no Zombies).

Jug Face (2013)

Jug Face , Junk Script, great idea

[4/10 · 12 October 2014]

There is a lot to commend in this film, we don't start with a young married couple with children moving into a very expensive house they got half price. All the protagonists, already know the "horror" and the story starts in a unique place compared to the last hundred horror films I've seen.

In fact due to its start and its premises I so much wanted this film to be good. But unfortunately that's all this film has to offer. The plot is weaker than a drop of whiskey in jam jar. The destination the same place a dead end road arrives at. Its as if the director and the script writers didn't really understand how good an idea they had.

The cast do a great job of making real people without stereotyping, but they are ultimately let down by a very weak script in the third part of the film.

I found the film ultimately boring and just didn't go anyway , just repeating itself a great idea just not used. This had a false start but its going in the right direction, lets hope the next generation of horror films go for braver and more original material, just like jug face.

Divergent (2014)

Detergent but still stinks

[1/10 · 27 September 2014]

Never since John Wayne played Genghis Khan have we seen a miscasting of the lead actor as bad as this. Shailene Woodley could just about make a believable Liberian, but she is biblically miscast in this role. The film comes across as a bad TV movie but overlong and is no doubt trying to cash in on hunger games.

The plot is dreadful and has more holes that the albert hall, and those silly guns make NERF guns seem lethal.

Also Why or why in all bad SF films do characters wear these one piece baby suits with a large belt. Surely in the future they will have more to base their fashion on than Star trek generations!

Transcendence (I) (2014)

Does not transcend style of substance

[5/10 · 13 July 2014]

At the start of transcendence I was becoming worried that this was turning into a "lawnmower man" remake. However the film quickly takes a different an interesting turn. But the plot becomes bogged down in the metaphysical and soon leaves the confines of real science fiction.

In the end we get nothing more than overlong episode of outer limits and a poor one at that.

Although some of the concepts are interesting the plot starts to become bumpy until we run totally off road, losing direction and it falls in a ditch that it can never climbs out of. It also quickly throws away it's best assets, its actors. Johnny Depp is criminally wasted in this film as well as Rebecca Hall. Morgan plays the scenes as if he is hosting "through the worm hole" wide eyed and mouth opened.

The biggest issue I have with this film is that once again we have non science people making a science film. They don't seem to realize that the type of people most interesting in a film like this are scientist and engineers who will quickly loose interest when it throws away its science to make the plot move faster.

A brave film badly executed with a criminal waste of acting talent. I would suggest transcending this film if your thinking of buying or renting it.

Sabotage (2014)

Sabotaged by the Studio

[5/10 · 13 July 2014]

This is a desperately dark and despairing film and is definitely NOT a date movie. Its gore, its lack of morality and animalistic depravity combined with a butchered cut of the film make it a total mess to watch.

It becomes clear after watching about 15 minutes that this edit was hacked together by a studio exec with sharper fingers that Freddie Kruger. The director most likely was tied up kicking and screaming in the cutting room cupboard while this dreadful edit was put together and shipped out before he could stop it.

I don't know if the directors edit would have made for a better film but at least we would have had a chance to see a film where scenes actually made sense.

Arnold gives his best ever but least marketable performance, gone is the human special effect and instead a vulnerable man withered by aging. However whether an audience wants to see this when there actors out there who can do this so much better is another question. Arnold strength was his strength, no actor could act his hulking body. Now that time has taken that away from him, is there still a market for him, his three films so far are rudely shouting NO...

The People Under the Stairs (1991)

Craven at his Zenith!

[9/10 · 3 November 2013]

The greatest achievement that Wes Craven made with this film was to make a story over a thousand years old fresh and original. This is Wes Craven at his best, taking a classic fairy tale format and bringing it into the modern age. Before thinking this is just a horror film, the idea of a witch fattening up children with candy to eat their raw flesh, is pretty horrific, yet Hansel and Grete is told to millions of children every year. Wes Craven plays with the dark horror behind every fairy tale, and instead of using an old brush, spray paints a new horrific fairy tale, with every classic element you could wish for with a modern spin. For me this is Wes Craven's best film, bold, outrages, truly original and unlikely ever to be made again. A wonderfully modern fairytale!!

The Sweeney (2012)

Another rip off

[2/10 · 1 November 2013]

After watching this move it felt like Ray Winstone was teleported from the 1970's to modern times, a kind of reverse Life on Mars. The Sweeny (the original) was hard hitting and reflected its times, but here the director thinks the audience will be happy if the police just beat up and shoot criminals and break the law.

The plot is so laughable and with so many holes the films comes across more as a fantasy film than anything remotely realistic. Everything is ripped off from other films, there's a gun battle that taken directly from Heat. Then basically every seen with Ray Winstone seems like a scene from life on Mars, its just patch work of films sewn together. Not worth watching.

This Is the End (2013)

Love it or hate it - There is no half way when it comes to the end

[8/10 · 21 September 2013]

I normally don't like this kind of screwball LA fraternity humor and after the first 15 mins I was about to walk out. But when the end starts to come, I was surprised by the humor, the shocks and the originality. It's not like any other film I've seen, full of pop culture, gore, disgusting humor with a freshness that just kept me watching. I won't give too much away but where by design or accident the film also has a strong message and this gave the film the backbone to keep me interested to the end.. A really surprising fresh, effects laden toilet humor film that brings with it by accident a deep metaphysical message. But most of all it makes fun of it all and that what makes it great!!

Redemption (I) (2013)

Not what you might expect

[4/10 · 19 August 2013]

They say you should never mix your drinks, if you suddenly switch from beer to shots in an evening, then you're in for a brutal morning. The same thing can be said for latest Jason Statham film.He plays an ex – Special Forces solider, but if you expecting gun ho action, then this is where the films switches to drinking meths. Instead of all out action the films paints a hopeless landscape. Also it's hard to like Jason character that comes across as a violet murderous and delusional antihero with very few redeeming features.

It doesn't help that the direction is poor, the final quarter is rushed and wasted and doesn't fit in with the bleak pace of the first quarter. Having said all this it's still an interesting change of direction for Statham.

The film doesn't hit its moral tale as well it was aiming too, instead leaving us with a mismatch of pace and action coupled with the director handling the darker aspects of the film like a bull in a china shop. But there is some outstanding acting which just about makes up for the shortfalls.

Olympus Has Fallen (2013)

Olympus Has Failed!

[2/10 · 16 August 2013]

Olympus has fallen is basically a poor remake of die-hard with a wooden wrinkle fashion model as the star, with villains that came out of Dr No. My advice if you want to do something more exciting than watch this film, go to the hardware store buy some paint, brush it on a wall and watch it dry. You'll be watching something far more exciting and original than Olympus. The open sequences do offer some hope with some slick battle scenes but then it settles for drudgery. It's not helped by the fact that Gerard Butler acts like a drunken scots guy trying to do a Robert de Niro accent. He has about as much charisma as a squashed cockroach and makes you understand just how good Bruce Willis was in the original guy in a building with lots of nasty foreigners. Aaron Eckhart as the president is as about believable as William Shanter's wig and his relationship with Gerard is just plain stupid and a clear rip off of independence day (and it didn't work then). The only thing to look forward to is the end credits and the knowledge you just wasted almost two hours of your life, that you will never get back!! Do the paint drying thing, you'll enjoy it more!! Trust me!

Europa Report (2013)

Not even close to Moon - Boring with no plot

[3/10 · 28 July 2013]

This films seems to be selling itself as the next Moon, its not even a half moon. Moon was a deeply originally well executed, with a killer plot. The plot in Europa report is boring, unoriginal and copies a lot from other films, the Abyss included. The fact the director takes the film out of chronological order only adds to the boredom and confusion. The actors appear to be actors pretending to be astronauts, none of them come across as believable. The only plus is the director tries to create real space footage, and this does give some believability, until you see the giant gray bin lined space suits. Not bad effort for a low budget film, but its lacks an original plot.

The Last Stand (2013)

I can't stand it!

[5/10 · 12 May 2013]

There are two things wrong with this film, firstly it has the look and feel of a TV Movie and secondly Arnold doesn't play Arnold. Arnold has had an extreme life an extreme body and his films are at their best when they focus on the extreme, be it fighting aliens, going into God Mode and killing thousands of bad guys. Arnold was a human special effect.

But as the Motorhead songs says "you have to realize the body dies" Arnold was aging well until this film came along and he appears as a tired old man in this film. But the fact is a young or old Arnold this film would still suck. Badly directed, badly acted by Arnold playing an aged immigrant with a kind heart, but who can be mean too when pushed. But Arnold has never had that kind of range to play two emotions in one film.

So basically you end up with a mess, the worse part being the A-Team, style sequence. But I still think even an aged Arnold with the right director and concept could make a great film. Here's hoping for the next one but made like Arnold, Huge, offensive, mind-blowing and extreme!

Flight (I) (2012)

A terrible film that sends a dangerous message

[1/10 · 10 March 2013]

The film seems to be in as much denial as a raging alcoholic and its clearly trying to preach that drinking is bad. Yet the opening scene we have the Denzel Washington performing a flight maneuver the red baron would be proud of. The praise for his piloting skills comes up in the film as regular as an internet pop-up. Just so we never forget how good a pilot he is, even if drunk!

But now here's the money shot he's a junkie and an alcoholic and he was higher than Ozzy Osbourne when saving the plane from crashing to the ground. But the message of the film is, drinking is bad, oh yes, drugs are worse because if you taking them while in control of a vehicle you might exhibited piloting skills Luke and Anakin Skywalker would be proud of.

This is kind of strange message because I thought the reason drinking and taking drugs was made illegal while flying and driving is that it impairs your judgment and you are more likely to cause a crash. But in this film universe seems to be the other way round.

Anyhow Denzel's character is bad for doing this, and the guilt for saving all those lives while higher than a space cadet is too much and he confesses. He then goes to jail but it's a Hollywood Jail where in fact he is happy now, since he confessed.

What should have happen in the film is that his drinking and drugs caused the crashed and killed passengers. This is real life and the brutal reality of people in responsibility of vehicles or planes while intoxicated. But I guess this is not Hollywood enough.

Did nobody in the film think it was weird logic? There's a terrible plane crash people die while a pilot is high on vodka and cocaine, yet the cause of the crash is 100% mechanical failure and it's the great piloting skill that prevents further death?

This film sends a dangerous message, because it sends the message the only think Denzel's character did wrong was get caught. That his piloting skills were in no way impacted during the crash, this is a very bad message to send to young people. A very bad film.

The Possession (I) (2012)

Disney does the Exorcist

[3/10 · 31 December 2012]

Despite a good cast and a strong performance form the leading man, this is the 0% alcohol version of the exorcist.If you want to see a Exorcist film go and see the exorcist, if you have already seen it, see it again, it will be more entertaining than seeing this.

Despite the director showing he is a deft hand at suspense, he ruins it with some strange editing and some truly laughable exorcism scenes, that really seem if they were out of a comedy sketch.

One wonders when someone will come up a with a horror film that does not have Zombies vampires or exorcisms.

Surely there must me some original horror ideas out there and with this director and cast a good film might have been pulled off, if only they had a fresh idea.

I think we exorcised all the demons in the world now, Hollywood needs to come up with another way to try an scare us..

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012)

As mad as a vampire hatter

[6/10 · 26 November 2012]

Films can't get more high concept, and its about as serious as Gandhi the zombie Slayer or Nelson Mandela the werewolf catcher. But as bad as this film is, its saving grace is that the whole cast, including the director go at this film as if it was a bio-pic.

The plot is ropy the characters are as three dimensional as a sheet of A4 paper, and the action scenes done a thousand times before. However the fact that this film hitches its plot on real events and the sheer guts of the cast to keep a straight face gives this film a strange charm. There is much to dislike but as a rainy Sunday afternoon film there is enough meat to entertain.

Pusher (I) (2012)

Push this film away.

[4/10 · 3 November 2012]

Pusher is a flat film, leaving you waiting for a climax that never happens. The films gives you a chocolate box assortment of every character in every drug related film you can think of. You have the loose cannon side kick, the stripper girl friend, the pathetic junkie and of course the drug dealer heavies. The only person that manages to escape two dimensions is Zlatko Buric the main bad guy who gives a standout performance as the smiling psychotic Milo.

For all its style and flashing lights and camera tricky, lies a poorly executed film and I found myself just waiting for it to be over not caring who lives or dies. For it attempts to be modern it's also quite a dated film and seems more like something from the early 1990's. Avoid this film and just buy the amazing orbital sound track. I'm just happy this film was made so that orbital made another album. Bad film! Great Music!!

The Expendables 2 (2012)

A Very good bad film

[7/10 · 28 October 2012]

The acting is more wooden than a tree house, the plot as believable as the fake moon landing theory and the action more over the top than the peak of Everest. Yet where else will you see the muscles from Brussels, the Terminator, Rambo, Chuck Norris and someone who wants to die hard.

For those who loved eighties action films this is a 1985 cake transported in a time machine right into the 2012 and thrown directly into your face.

By modern standards this film is bad, way bad, and during the action scenes you can almost the see the bad guys being re-spawned as truck load upon truck load get wiped out by Rocky and his side kicks. In today's post 9-11 such mindless violence might be considered insensitive. But throw in any call of duty game and you'll see it's just fulfilling a need that has moved from films to computer games and now with the Expendables 2 is right back on our screens.

Here's hoping the third film will be just as bad as the first two!