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Reviews
Eragon (2006)
The movie strips the book of anything that made the book charming
My husband had seen this movie without me and he called it "Mediocre at best." Having seen it for myself, I am inclined to agree.
I read the book - it had some interesting and creative elements in it that made it quite charming. I enjoyed a lot of the backstory. But in the process of turning the story into a movie, they had to sacrifice a lot. A LOT. In fact, as I was watching this movie, I thought to myself, "This is a lot like Star Wars, except with dragons." It has all the same elements: A young boy from the middle of nowhere finds his destiny and after the death of his uncle joins an old man on a noble quest to save the princess and join the rebels so they can dethrone the evil emperor. Furthermore, the old man was once a member or an order of supernatural knights and trains the young boy to carry on the glorious tradition thereof, at least until the old man dies, which spurs the young boy to vengeance. They both have lightsabers, too! Zar'Roc in the movie does that cool flame thing. PHhoosh! I thought the special effects were OK. I liked the dragon. They made the CGI version look a lot like the image on the cover of the first book. It was cool to watch her fly around and roar at people on the big screen. I think that was my only favorite part. All-in-all, I think I"ll just buy the DVD of Star Wars instead. It's the same thing, really.
Space Cowboys (2000)
Pretty good, but not a Keeper - Spoilers
Overall, I'd say this is a pretty good movie, but there are some things about it that I think could have been done better in the script and in the execution.
First of all, there's this weird hip-hop type music right in the middle of the movie, which is totally incongruous to the rest of the film. I was watching it on my couch and all of a sudden, "where did THAT come from?" The music is not played anywhere else in the film. It's jarring and distracting from the storyline. Plus I hated music of that particular genre. The music for the closing scene is out of character with the rest of the movie as well, but for different reasons. It's kind of bright and snappy when it probably shouldn't be.
Then there's the whole conspiracy theory. There are questions in the film, "How did this guidance system get into a Russian satellite?" And the annoying boss and the Russian general are always talking in whispers like they have something to hide. So you're waiting for this huge revelation: The bad guy is a traitor to his country! He's been sneaking intelligence into Russia for years! And when they find him out, he's going to suffer! HAHA! But no, that's not what happens. It's almost as if the filmmakers wimped out at the last minute and so they put this anticlimactic nonsense about the KGB stealing the plans from someone's files and then the bad guy gets glory, laud, and honor at the end of the movie because of the successful mission.
And finally, the last scene I didn't like at all. One of the astronauts, played by Tommy Lee Jones, saves the world by blasting himself and some nuclear missiles to the moon. Just before the end credits, they zoom in on his space-suited body lying motionless as he stares back at the earth. I found it rather creepy, like that one episode of star trek where they found some astronaut's mummy in the bowels of a weird alien-constructed hotel. And all this is going on with happy music in the background. It was at this point in the movie that I realized I probably wasn't going to watch it again.
It had some good points, too. I like the idea of a bunch of old guys who are still "with it": The baptist preacher with tattoos and the little Hawaiian hula dancer on his dashboard, the womanizer who is forever flirting with everyone, and of course the eye exam scene. The guys run off the letters on the chart in 15 seconds. "I may be blind," one of them says, "But my memory is as good as ever." It was a good touch.
I found the movie exciting while I was watching it because I didn't know what was going to happen next. I enjoyed myself - I laughed, I cried, etc. But those few moments that I mentioned above tainted it, like tarnish on otherwise flawless silver cutlery. And for those reasons, I don't think I'll give this one a second viewing.
Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)
Pure Fiction - spoiler (kind of)
I have to admit, I loved the dance scenes. Talk about eye candy! Very very very cool. The hairstyles were a bit off, though. If you've seen actual pictures of Geisha hairdos, they're nothing like the film versions, so minus a point or two for historical accuracy.
But the thing that really makes me hate this film (and subtracts several million points) is that everyone treats it as if it was a documentary, when in reality this story is pure fiction. What this film needs is a disclaimer, "The guy who wrote the book that this movie is based on had a cup of tea with a real geisha and then made a bunch of stuff up." I would go so far as to call it slander. Geisha are not prostitutes as they claim in the movie and in the book. There are prostitutes in Japan, and sometimes those prostitutes do get their virginity auctioned off, but those people are not affiliated with the Geisha. I say, if you want to learn about the life of a Geisha, check out Mineko Iwasaki's autobiography, "Geisha: A Life" and stay away from this drivel.
The 10th Kingdom (2000)
Silly, a little awkward, but so great!
We checked out the VHS version from the library. I spent the first half hour or so walking in and out of the room in which my sister was watching it, but I soon found myself captivated.
Some of the acting is a little bit forced, I think. I like the visual look of the trolls - like inner city punks - but I'm sure someone will see it as a purposeful affront towards African-Americans. The plot is very complex - I guess it has to be, as it is a miniseries and all.
I really liked Scott Cohen as Wolf. I thought he was very charming in a kind of rascally sort of way. He'd make a very good pet. It's really sweet how devoted he is to Virginia, the main character. I was very uncomfortable, however, with the scene that implies the romantic liaison between Wolf and Virginia. He says, "I think given the multiple savings of your life I deserve it," or something like that. Probably one of the most unromantic lines ever. And chauvinist, too.
They make fun of all the classic fairy tales - Snow White in particular. And there's also Bo Peep, Cinderella (she's 200 years old) and all sorts of other fairy-tale silliness.
If you're not doing anything on a Saturday morning and have seven hours to spare, check out the movie! You'll enjoy it.
The Scarecrow (2000)
AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!
I would have more fun having fifty leeches drain my life away through my face. And I'm not just saying that. Can you say "Anachronism?" Because that is basically what this is. A very long anachronism. This thing takes place in the 1800s, right? Then what in the ruddy heck is swing dance and ballet doing there??? DISCO?!?!It's just too agonizing to watch. And of course even the poor and destitute of the town are perfect company dancers. I wouldn't think this kind of drivel would even SELL any more - how the heck did they get the money to make this?
It is one of those movies that is so horrifically bad it's hilarious. I was watching it with my siblings and when the bad guy said menacingly, "GET THE FEATHER!!!!!" I burst out laughing, even when my little brother, bless him, turned to me with pain in his eyes and said, "That's not funny..."
But in its defense, at least they are making an honest effort to make clean entertainment for children. Too bad they didn't do a better job.
Ayneh (1997)
In the best tradition of Iranian film
I really like Iranian movies because they tend to be a lot deeper and thought provoking than your typical Hollywood action/entertainment type films. This one is like that. Warning: spoilers.
It follows a girl's journey home from school. Her mother did not pick her up as planned. Scared and alone, you follow her one-woman struggle against the world in her quest to get home. Your heart really goes out to her as she cries that she doesn't know what bus to take, when suddenly she bursts out "I CAN"T TAKE IT ANY MORE!" Then she rips off her hijab and her fake cast and shouts at the director and cameramen that she hates them and wants to go home. So then the filmmakers follow her to her real home, as she walks and takes a taxi to her family dwelling, as she is completely unaware that they are on her trail.
The point of this movie is that film and real life are often interchangeable. The first part of the film was fantasy, about a girl trying to get home. The realistic part of the film is still about a girl trying to get home. It's brilliant! It does have the feel that the director started making one movie and ended up with something completely different, but the end result is pure genius. Maybe that really is what happened, or maybe they engineered the whole thing to begin with.
In any case, I really liked this movie. 4/5 stars.
Smultronstället (1957)
Deserves a remake
This film isn't half bad. I think they tried to do a lot with surrealistic stuff but just didn't have the technology to do it well. It deals with a lot of really deep, mature issues, like abortion and the feelings of futility that come with old age, as well as the nature of love.
I would love to see this film remade in color using some more modern cinematography, especially in some of his death-dream sequences, in particular the one where his childhood sweetheart (and cousin, incidentally) holds up a mirror to his face and tells him that life is futile. I'd definitely go see it.
I highly recommend this film. It's a good one.
Krull (1983)
One of the weirdest movies I've ever seen.
Yikes. I don't even know where to begin.
First of all, it's like Star-Wars and Excalibur vs. Dune. Bad combination. Ergo the magnificent's little speil is hilarious ("Short in stature, tall in power, narrow in focus, and wide in vision") because of the little hand motions that go with it.
The kiss in the beginning between the two romantic leads cracked me up. She says something about warriors not making good husbands and asks what he thinks. He doesn't answer, but leans in slowly to kiss her creating the illusion that he's a kind and gentle man, then suddenly lunges in for the kill. RAWR! Already he's using sex to solve his arguments!
Then there's his magical boomerang "Golden Starfish of Justice" weapon.
I have seen lots of weird movies in my life. This makes the top ten.
Young Einstein (1988)
90 minutes of Silliness
Others have condemned this film as codswallop. If you're one for historical fact, you shouldn't watch it. That doesn't make it a bad film, however. It's one of those films that just to be silly. Albert Einstein is a Tasmanian apple farmer who surfs, E=mc2 is pronounced "Emck" and is used to put the bubbles in beer, and the chef at the mental assylum puts live kittens in a pie (Don't worry, Albert saves them). It's a good movie for watching during a pajama party. The director may be Yahoo Serious, but this movie is anything but.
The Light Princess (1978)
Interesting use of animation and Live action
It's very British film in that the story is moved along by dialogue more than action. Because of this the viewer must pay close attention to what people are saying, which is difficult because it's not very exciting dialogue to listen to. They combine animation and live action in an interesting way, with human characters and animated backgrounds, props, and animals. It has a very interesting effect. I'd say it's worth watching once, just because the animation style is so unique (if you're interested in that sort of thing).
The Return of the King (1980)
definately worth watching
I first saw this movie when I was about four, and it has influenced the way I have felt about Tolkien for years and years and years. Yes, it has flaws - huge gaping flaws. Some of the plot lines aren't at all what they are in the book, and you jump into the end of the story and have absolutely no idea what went on before. It features the phial of Galadriel, for example, but doesn't mention who Galadriel is or how he got the phial in the first place.
But when you're four years old, what does that matter? For me, at least, it was a nice little introduction into Tolkien's epic trilogy. For parents out there, I won't lie to you - there are scary parts. I don't really remember being freaked out about it, though. Some kids might. Little boys will love it because of all the battle scenes, and little girls will love it because of Eowyn.
The scene with Eowyn and the ringwraith is very well done, in my opinion. Not completely like it was in the book, but very well done just the same. It shows us women that you can be beautiful and feminine and still kick some major butt.
Also the scene in which Sam is tempted by the ring is extremely dramatic. I'm glad that Sean Astin's performance more closely resembles this Sam rather than the 1978 Ralph Bakshi Sam. Sam is a loyal trustworthy friend who won't let people push him around without a fight, and not a gay lover.
So with all this in mind, I'd say that this movie is good for all ages. Adults who are fans of the book should see it, even if just for the sake of seeing it. I think it's more appropriate for children, though,to get them acquainted with Tolkien's work.
The Lord of the Rings (1978)
Worst movie I've ever seen.
I'd like to apologise in advance to those who revere this movie. I, for one, hated it. The movie is a JOKE. I have read the books every year since I was ten. The animation was horrible - only rotoscoping, and poorly rotoscoped at that. Eowyn looks fat, and like she's forty. Galadriel acts like a silly school girl. RAINBOWS shoot out of Nenya, for goodness sake. The movie is only a list of highlights in Tolkien's plot, and there's nothing really there to hold it together. And what I hate most, everyone makes these huge overdramatic sweeping gestures. I could go on and on, but they only let me have 1000 words here.