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Reviews
Drive Me Crazy (1999)
"Entourage" Prequel
This movie isn't so bad if you think about it as a prequel to the award-winning HBO show "Entourage". Adrien Grenier plays almost exactly the same character, a kid named Chase. Oddly enough, his character in "Entourage" is named Vincent Chase. Just pretend through the movie that everyone is calling Vincent by his last name. This film also fits into the "Entourage" mythos. For one, Vincent has once claimed that he never broke up with a girl. This fits here: he is dumped twice. Also, it echoes Vincent's love of sex in strange places, like closets and bathtubs: he has sex in a treehouse in this movie. It also foreshadows Vincent's tragic fall into drug and alcohol abuse, as Chase gets high, and drunk repeatedly though the film. Finally, Chase and Vincent chase seem to share the same ideology: "Tell everyone to go f*** themselves". Unfortunately, Drama, Turtle, and Eric don't make an appearance, but I think this should be considered canon.
Sleepy Hollow High (2000)
Hilarious Duology
I do consider this film, and its sister "The Adventures of the Young Van Helsing", to be among the worst ever made. Why the high score then? This really is a movie that's so bad, it's good. I've studied both of these movies to understand how a bad film works, and have even used them in College classes as demonstrations. The plot of this movie is so paper thin that it's a wonder George Lucas didn't help write it. That's what's so great about it though. It's a movie that by conventional means you should hate, but you end up loving. I actually searched long and hard for this film, just like "Young Van Helsing". So, in conclusion, good/bad job to whoever directed these films.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
"I Have a Bad Feeling About This"
I finally got my hands on the novelization the day before the movie opened. I had been preparing my self for the new Indy for about a year. I had watched "Raiders" and "Last Crusade" again and again. I even bought a second hand copy of "Temple of Doom", which my very conservative parents had not allowed me to see as a child. I played "Emperor's Tomb", read about Indy's life, bought "The Young Indiana Jones", and even created my own sequel, "Indiana Jones and the Hunt for Excaliber". My sister read the book aloud to me on a car trip. She read for about five hours, and my hopes began to sink. I loved the beginning (same with the movie), and we both thrilled when Spalko began to talk about a box: could it be the ark? Then we found out it was not. Instead, it was a mummy, OF AN ALIEN! What the Bleep! Are you serious? It went downhill from there. I was really disappointed when I found out that Lucas was using the stupid idea of "El Dorado". Hasn't that been done a hundred times (much better might I add) before? Shia Le- well I'm not even going to try to spell his name. Shia was great as Mutt, and was perhaps one of the only decent new characters. Besides him though, this movie was a shambles, and did I mention there were Aliens! WHY? Why? WHY? The thing that really makes me mad, is George Lucas. Where does that old *bleep* get off destroying my favorite childhood movies! First it was the appalling new Star Wars trilogy, and now Indiana Jones! George, I know your life goal is to have a character in each movie you direct say "I have a bad feeling about this", but it's not the fan's dreams. And you know, that's kind of the whole point here. George Lucas, you haven't betrayed Shiva, you've betrayed the fans!
La jetée (1962)
What is the point here?
To be honest, I don't get the point. Is this movie a torture device? It's easy to sit around, and lie, and say that the movie is a masterpiece, when it simply is not. For one thing, it's not even a movie. It's like an infernal slideshow. Weird pictures flit in and out in no particular pattern. I don't know why the heck they couldn't have filmed it. It was only 28 minutes (22 too long in my opinion).
Then we get to the story. It makes very limited sense. Essentially, there's this guy in the future, and through a process that is never explained he time-travels. When he goes into the past, we get a moldy love story, which doesn't make sense, because there is no way the characters could have believably met. She thinks he's a ghost for Pete's sake. Then there's the future. Can anyone say deus ex machina? Somehow the people in the future have a device that can power cities, and can be held by a single man. At the end of the film they return and ask the main character to join them in the future. They couldn't have done this, because by sending their technology to the past they would have irrevocably changed the future, thereby destroying themselves. The main character decides to be sent back into the past so he can be with his love. Why did he do this? He knew Armageddon would be rolling around in just fifteen years, and then he would be captured, and go through the whole mess all together again. You know, mess is a good word, and it is what this movie definitely is. There is no way to save it, and we can only hope that in our own future, people will destroy all copies of it.
Bloody Dawn: The Lawrence Massacre (2007)
The Real Lawrence Massacre: When a good effort falls short
I went to the premiere of this film with high hopes. I'm an immigrant to the shores of sunny Kansas, and I thought it might be fun to learn about this great state.
The film started out all right, sans a few technical glitches, but soon descended into buffoonery. People around me started to titter, and then to laugh, as the clownish raiders descended upon Lawrence. The worst bit of this took place at a farm. There was an old man standing outside, and his wife very calmly says, "Otis, you have to hide!" You think? They're burning down the whole freaking' town, and this is all you can think to say? The interviews were interesting, but the live action bits, while masterfully shot, felt like a fourth grade class acting out parts from "Deadwood". I've heard rumors about a re-edit, which this film desperately needs. Good idea, but an awful presentation.